Dudley Dursley Quotes in Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (2001)


Dudley Dursley Quotes:

  • Dudley Dursley: [on Dudley's birthday] How many are there?

    Uncle Vernon: 36, counted them myself.

    Dudley Dursley: 36! But last year, last year I had 37!

    Uncle Vernon: Yes, yes, but some of them are quite a bit bigger than last year.

    Dudley Dursley: I don't care how big they are!

  • Dudley Dursley: Daddy's gone mad hasn't he?

  • Harry: [writing HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY on the sand-like floor of the boat he and the Dursley's are in] Make a wish, Harry.

    [looks at Dudley's watch, it is now his birthday, and blows on the dusty, sand-like floor, when someone is trying to break in, which wakes Dudley up]

    Uncle Vernon: [come's into Dudley and Harry's room with a rifle and Aunt Petunia] Who's there?

    [the door breaks open, and everyone screams in terror]

    Hagrid: Sorry about that.

    [puts door back on]

    Uncle Vernon: I demand that you leave at once! You are breaking an entry!

    Hagrid: [walks over to Vernon] Dry up, Dursley, you great prune!

    [bends the rifle's end up and Vernon shoots and walks over to Dudley]

    Hagrid: Boy, I hasn't seen yeh since you was a baby, Harry, but you're a little bit longer that I expected, especially right in the middle.

    Dudley Dursley: I-I'm not Harry.

    Harry: [walks over to Hagrid] I am.

    Hagrid: Well, of course you are. Got somethin' for yeh, 'fraid I may have sat on it at some point, but I imagine it'll taste just the same.

    [gives Harry a box]

    Hagrid: Painted it myself, words and all.

    [Dudley looks jealous]

    Harry: [opens the box, to reveal a cake that says HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY on it] Thank you.

    Hagrid: It's not every day your young man turns eleven, eh?

  • Dudley Dursley: [about presents] How many are there?

    Uncle Vernon: 36, counted them myself.

  • Uncle Vernon: And Dudley, you will be?

    Dudley Dursley: I'll be waiting to open the door.

    Uncle Vernon: Excellent. And you?

    Harry: I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending that I don't exist.

  • Harry: But I haven't had any messages, from any of my friends. Not one, all summer.

    Dudley Dursley: Who'd want to be friends with you?

  • Harry: [about Hedwig rattling in cage] But she's bored! If I could only let her out for an hour or two...

    Uncle Vernon: [chuckles] So you can send secret messages to your freaky little friends, no sir.

    Harry: I haven't gotten any messages... from any of my friends. Not one.

    Dudley Dursley: Who'd want to be friends with you?

    [nudges Harry out of way]

    Uncle Vernon: I wish you'd be a little more grateful. We've raised you since you were a baby. We've given you the food at our table, you even have Dudley's second bedroom, clearly out of the goodness of our hands.

    Aunt Petunia Dursley: [as Dudley tries to steal some cake] Not now, Popkins! It's for when the Msons are on.

    Uncle Vernon: Which should be any minute!

    [gestures everyone towards him]

    Uncle Vernon: Now, let's go over our schedule once again, shall we? Petunia, when the Masons arrive, you will be-?

    Aunt Petunia Dursley: In the lounge, waiting to welcome them graciously to our home!

    Uncle Vernon: Good. And Dudley, you will be-?

    Dudley Dursley: [in an accent] I'll be waiting to open the door.

    Uncle Vernon: Excellent!

    [he, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley walk toward Harry]

    Uncle Vernon: And you?

    Harry: I'll be in my bedroom. Making no noise and pretending I don't exist.

    Uncle Vernon: Too right you are. This could well be the biggest day of my career. And you will not mess it up.

  • Harry Potter: Hey Big D. Beat up another 10 year old?

    Dudley Dursley: This one deserved it.

    Harry Potter: Five against one. That's very brave.

    Dudley Dursley: Well you're one to talk, moaning in your sleep every night. At least I'm not afraid of my pillow. "Don't kill Cedric!" Who's Cedric, your boyfriend?

  • [deleted scene; the dursleys are departing their home]

    Vernon Dursley: This isn't just goodbye, boy, is it? This is farewell.

    Dudley Dursley: I don't understand. Isn't he coming with us?

    Vernon Dursley: Who?

    Dudley Dursley: Harry.

    Vernon Dursley: Absolutely not.

    Dudley Dursley: Why?

    Vernon Dursley: Why?


    Vernon Dursley: Because he doesn't want to. Do you, boy?

    Harry Potter: Absolutely not, no. Besides, I'm just a waste of space. Isn't that right, Vernon?

    Vernon Dursley: Come on Dudley. We're off.

    [Dudley shakes Harry's hand]

    Dudley Dursley: I don't think you're a waste of space.

    Harry Potter: Thanks.

    [Dudley goes back to the car with his parents]

    Harry Potter: [Smiles at Dudley] See you, Big D.

  • Vernon Dursley: Come on Dudley, hurry up!

    Dudley Dursley: I still don't understand why we have to leave.

    Vernon Dursley: Because, it's not safe for us here anymore.

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