DS Andy Wainwright Quotes in Hot Fuzz (2007)

DS Andy Wainwright: You do know there are more guns in the country than there are in the city.

DS Andy Cartwright: Everyone and their mums is packin' round here!

Nicholas Angel: Like who?

DS Andy Wainwright: Farmers.

Nicholas Angel: Who else?

DS Andy Cartwright: Farmers' mums.

[at the scene of Leslie Tiller's death]

Sergeant Tony Fisher: Hang about, hang about... you're saying this wasn't an accident?

[Angel grimaces and drops money into the swear box]

Nicholas Angel: Leslie Tiller was FUCKING murdered!

DS Andy Cartwright: Just like Tim Messenger?

Nicholas Angel: Yes!

DS Andy Wainwright: George Merchant?

Nicholas Angel: Yes!

DS Andy Cartwright: And Eve Draper?

Nicholas Angel: Yes!

DS Andy Wainwright: Martin Blower?

Nicholas Angel: No, actually.

DS Andy Cartwright: Really?

Nicholas Angel: [shouts] 'COURSE HE FUCKING WAS!

[Danny drops a coin into the swear box]

Nicholas Angel: Thank you, Danny!

[Andy takes a swig of beer, leaving a "moustache" of froth on his moustache]

Nicholas Angel: You've got a moustache.

DS Andy Wainwright: ...I know.

DS Andy Wainwright: It's all right, Andy! It's just bolognaise!

Nicholas Angel: What's the situation?

DS Andy Wainwright: Two blokes and a fuck-load of cutlery!

DS Andy Wainwright: Angel! Don't go being a twat, now.

Nicholas Angel: I wouldn't give you the satisfaction!

[Doris knocks down a female shop assistant with a yellow "Slippery floor" sign]

DS Andy Wainwright: Nice one, Doris.

PC Doris Thatcher: Nothing like a bit of girl on girl!

Nicholas Angel: In the meantime, why don't you check out a few of Martin Blower's clients?

DS Andy Wainwright: Martin Blower represents damn near most of the village. Do you want us to go through the whole phone book?

DS Andy Cartwright: Yeah, we'll put a call in to Aaron A. Aaronson, shall we?

Nicholas Angel: Please, don't be childish. At least consider interviewing the widow. Martin Blower was clearly having an affair with Eve Draper.

DS Andy Wainwright: Ohh, and how did you establish that?

Danny Butterman: [pounds table] 'Cause we sat through three hours of so-called acting last night, and the kiss was the only convincing moment in it.

DS Andy Wainwright: All right, pipe down, biggun'.

DS Andy Cartwright: Here, what else you got, Crockett and Tubby?

Nicholas Angel: Skid marks.

DS Andy Wainwright: Now who's being childish?

Nicholas Angel: There were no skid marks at the scene! Doesn't it seem a little strange that Martin Blower would lose control of his car and not think to apply the brakes?

DS Andy Wainwright: What are you thinking? Foul play? Maybe...

[to Danny and Nicholas]

DS Andy Wainwright: We're just hoping to talk to the last people to see Mr Merchant alive. Namely a Sergeant Knickerless Ass-wipe and Cuntstable Fanny Batterbum.

Danny Butterman: [smiling] Hey, that's us!

Simon Skinner: I'm afraid my nickname of 'Sissy' is a revelation only to yourself. My teenage years studying ballet are well known.

DS Andy Wainwright: Yeah, Sissy Skinner. What a gaylord!

Simon Skinner: Thank you, Andrew.

Nicholas Angel: [investigating Tim Messenger's murder] Did you find anything?

DS Andy Wainwright: Yeah, I looked at my watch, and I found out that it's way past time to stop working and that I should be at the pub!