Drew Latham Quotes in Surviving Christmas (2004)

Drew Latham: Please! Please, let me stay here!

Tom Valco: No!

Drew Latham: I'll pay you.

Tom Valco: My family's not for sale, pal.

Drew Latham: I'll pay you $250,000!

Tom Valco: Welcome home, son.

Tom Valco: I think your mom's starting to like your grandfather hitting on her.

Drew Latham: There's a sentence you don't often hear on Christmas Eve.

Drew Latham: Hey, Dad.

Christine Valco: He's talking to you, genius.

Tom Valco: Yeah, Drew?

Drew Latham: Would you do me a kindness? Put this hat on. My dad always used to wear a Santa hat when we went Christmas tree shopping.

Tom Valco: [laughs] In public?

Drew Latham: Yeah.

Tom Valco: Yeah, that would be no. And in private, that would be no, too.

Drew Latham: Please wear the hat.

Tom Valco: No. I'm not wearing the hat.

Drew Latham: Tom, you gotta wear the hat.

Tom Valco: I'm not wearing the hat.

Drew Latham: Wear the hat, Tom.

Tom Valco: I'm not wearing the hat. Now get it away from me before I shove it up your ass!

Drew Latham: Tom, are you familiar with the phrase "breach of contract"?

Tom Valco: Give me the hat!

Drew Latham: Hey, Alicia! Want to go toboganning with me?

Alicia Valco: Oh, I'm sorry Drew. Have I been sending you mixed signals?

Drew Latham: [laughs] You know, I just thought instead of maybe laying around the house all day, you might actually wanna have some fun.

Alicia Valco: No thanks.

Drew Latham: Oh, I see. You're afraid of fun. You don't like having fun!

Alicia Valco: Of course I like fun. Everybody likes fun... it's fun!

Drew Latham: So then, why won't you go with me?

Alicia Valco: Because it'll be with you.

Drew Latham: It's fun just to buy shit sometimes!

[first lines]

Drew Latham: Folks, my firm's done a tremendous amount of marketing research and we've discovered two critical things, one; most Americans feel that Christmas is a time for family. Two; most Americans feel that in order to stand being around their family, for even one or two days, they need to swill as much alcohol as humanly possible.

Drew Latham: Wow, I can't believe it. This is amazing. This is exactly how I remember it.

Brian Valco: You mean, you're saying it was always a shithole?

Drew Latham: Did you hear that? That stair squeaked. You know what we used to call that squeaky stair? The squeaky stair!

Drew Latham: Mom, you wanna stick with Doo-Dah?

Christine Valco: Why me?

Drew Latham: He's your father.

Doo-Dah: How come you never call?

Drew Latham: You do know that's a bra you're putting in Brian's drawer, right?

Christine Valco: Yeah, that's your brother. He's 15, he likes to experiment. We still love him though.