Dr. Leo Marvin Quotes in What About Bob? (1991)

Dr. Leo Marvin: I want some peace and quiet!

Bob Wiley: Well, I'll be quiet.

Siggy: I'll be peace!

[Bob and Siggy burst into giggles]

Dr. Leo Marvin: You think he's gone? He's not gone. That's the whole point! He's never gone!

[Leo opens the door; there's Bob]

Bob Wiley: Is this some radical new therapy?

Dr. Leo Marvin: YOU SEE?

Bob Wiley: You ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting profanity?

Dr. Leo Marvin: It's exceptionally rare.

Bob Wiley: Shit-eating son-of-a-bitch! Bastard, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead, BITCH!

Dr. Leo Marvin: Why exactly are you doing this?

Bob Wiley: If I fake it, then I don't have it.

Dr. Leo Marvin: Are you married?

Bob Wiley: I'm divorced.

Dr. Leo Marvin: Would you like to talk about that?

Bob Wiley: There are two types of people in this world: Those who like Neil Diamond, and those who don't. My ex-wife loves him.

Dr. Leo Marvin: [pause] I see. So, what you're saying is that even though you are an almost-paralyzed, multiphobic personality who is in a constant state of panic, your wife did not leave you, you left her because she... liked Neil Diamond?

[Leo has a rifle pointed at Bob]

Bob Wiley: What are we doing?

Dr. Leo Marvin: Death Therapy, Bob. It's a guaranteed cure.

[Leo is strapping a bomb to Bob]

Dr. Leo Marvin: This is black powder, Bob. One teaspoon of this stuff can blow up a tree stump. There we go!

Bob Wiley: And, how much is this?

Dr. Leo Marvin: Twenty pounds worth.

Dr. Leo Marvin: Why are you always wearing black? What is it with you and this death fixation?

Siggy: Maybe I'm in mourning for my lost childhood.

Dr. Leo Marvin: You understand, don't you? There's no other solution. You won't go away.

Bob Wiley: I will.

Dr. Leo Marvin: No, you won't. You're just *saying* you will! But then, after I don't kill you, you'll show up again. And you'll do something else to make everyone in my life think you are wonderful and I'm a schmuck. But I'm not a schmuck, Bob, and I'm not going to let you breeze into town and take my family away from me, just because you're crazy enough to be *fun*.

Bob Wiley: Isn't this a breakthrough, that I'm a sailor? I sail? I sail now?

Dr. Leo Marvin: Keep sailing, Bob!

Bob Wiley: Well, I get dizzy spells, nausea, cold sweats, hot sweats, fever blisters, difficulty breathing, difficulty swallowing, blurred vision, involuntary trembling, dead hands, numb lips, fingernail sensitivity, pelvic discomfort.

Dr. Leo Marvin: So the real question is, what is the crisis Bob? What is it you're truly afraid of?

Bob Wiley: What if my heart stops beating? What if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find it, and... my bladder explodes?

[Leo is splattered with mud by a passing car]

Dr. Leo Marvin: Oh, damn... Son-of-a-bitch-and-BOB!

Bob Wiley: Goodbye, rat-dick suck-nut!

Siggy: [upstairs] Bye, dog-pissing-barf!

Dr. Leo Marvin: [screams from the bottom of the stairs] Sigmund!

Bob Wiley: Later, testicle-head bosom-beaver!

[looks out the window]

Bob Wiley: Good Morning America's here!

Dr. Leo Marvin: [Hangs up phone] That patient, the one who called before, he committed suicide.

Fay Marvin: Oh, Leo, how horrible.

Dr. Leo Marvin: Oh well, let's not let it spoil our vacation.

Dr. Leo Marvin: On Wednesday we'll eat Gil... on Thursday we'll eat Bob! Ha ha ha, no no no, that's going too far.

Dr. Catherine Tomsky: If you want to be rid of him, just tell him you won't treat him anymore.

Dr. Leo Marvin: Catherine, that's easy for you to say. The man is, is like, like human Krazy Glue!

Dr. Catherine Tomsky: You should never have let him sleep in your pajamas, Leo.

Dr. Leo Marvin: I can't believe that I'm hearing this!

Dr. Catherine Tomsky: Relax, Leo.

Dr. Leo Marvin: I'm relaxed!

Dr. Catherine Tomsky: Take a vacation.

Dr. Leo Marvin: I'M ON VACATION!

Dr. Catherine Tomsky: Maybe you should check in here for a few days. Get a handle on things!

Bob Wiley: [riding in Leo's car, speaking as Leo drives] It was an interesting morning, fruitful. But it lacked the intensity that you and I generate together, the sparks that we get one-on-one. We just gotta figure out a way to work around your schedule. Could we work afternoons? Two to four? Three to five? Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday?

Dr. Leo Marvin: AHHHHHH!

[slams the brakes, gets out of the car, walks around, and opens Bob's door]

Bob Wiley: Are you saying you'd rather work mornings?

Dr. Leo Marvin: [nearly incomprehensible] GET OUTTA THE CAR!

Dr. Leo Marvin: You do understand, Bob, don't you? There's no other solution. You won't go away.

Bob Wiley: Oh, yes I will.

[Last Lines]

Minister: Bob Wiley, would you have Lily Marvin to be your beloved wedded wife, to cherish and love till death do you part?

Bob Wiley: I do.

Minister: Lily Marvin, would you have Bob Wiley to be your beloved wedded husband, to cherish and love till death do you part?

Lily Marvin: [smiling] I do.

[Bob heaves a sigh of relief. Bob and Lily smile at one another]

Minister: If anyone wishes to express why these two shouldn't join together in matrimony... speak now, or forever hold your peace.

[the catatonic Leo jiggles his head and makes throaty sounds. No one notices, even Bob, who is looking around]

Minister: Then, By the power invested in me and the state of New York. I pronounce you, man and wife.

Dr. Leo Marvin: [suddenly stands up and shouts] NO!

Siggy: [excitedly shouts] Dad's back!

Anna Marvin: Daddy!

Lily Marvin: Leo!

Lily Marvin: [rushing over] Leo!

[the family surrounds the recovered Leo as everyone applauds]