Dr. John Watson Quotes in Sherlock Holmes (2009)

Dr. John Watson: [Holmes points his violin bow at Watson] Get that out of my face.

Sherlock Holmes: It's not in your face, it's in my hand.

Dr. John Watson: Get what's in your hand out of my face.

Sherlock Holmes: You've never complained about my methods before.

Dr. John Watson: I'm not complaining.

Sherlock Holmes: You're not? What do you call this?

Dr. John Watson: I never complain! How am I complaining? When do I ever complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess, your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you steal my clothes?

Sherlock Holmes: Uh, we have a barter system...

Dr. John Watson: When have I ever complained about you setting fire to my rooms?

Sherlock Holmes: Our rooms...

Dr. John Watson: The rooms! Or, or, the fact that you experiment on my dog?

Sherlock Holmes: Our dog...

Dr. John Watson: The dog!

Sherlock Holmes: Gladstone is our dog!

Dr. John Watson: You've been in this room for two weeks, I insist you have to get out.

Sherlock Holmes: There is absolutely nothing of interest to me, out there, on Earth, at all.

Dr. John Watson: So you're free this evening?

Sherlock Holmes: Absolutely.

Dr. John Watson: Dinner?

Sherlock Holmes: Wonderful.

Dr. John Watson: The Royale?

Sherlock Holmes: My favorite.

Dr. John Watson: Mary's coming.

Sherlock Holmes: Not available.

Dr. John Watson: You're meeting her, Holmes!

Sherlock Holmes: Have you proposed yet?

Dr. John Watson: No, I haven't found the right ring.

Sherlock Holmes: Then it's not official.

Dr. John Watson: It's happening. Whether you like it or not, 8:30, the Royale. Wear a jacket!

Sherlock Holmes: *You* wear a jacket.

[Watson and Mary enter Baker Street to find Holmes hanging from a noose]

Dr. John Watson: Don't worry, dear. Suicide is not in his repertoire. He's far too fond of himself for that.

[pokes Holmes sharply]

Dr. John Watson: Holmes!

Sherlock Holmes: [wakes up] Oh, good afternoon. I was attempting to determine the means by which Blackwood survived his execution - clearing your good name, as it were - but it had a surprisingly soporific effect, and I found myself carried off into the arms of Morpheus like a caterpillar in a cocoon.

[to Mary]

Sherlock Holmes: Good afternoon, dear.

Dr. John Watson: Get on with it, Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, cleverly concealed in the hangman's knot was a hook... oh, my, I think my legs have fallen asleep. I should probably come down.

Mary Morstan: John, shouldn't we help him down?

Dr. John Watson: No, no, I hate to cut him off mid-stream. Carry on.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, the executioner attached it to a harness which allowed the weight to be distributed around the waist and the neck to remain intact. Oh, lord, I can't feel my cheeks. Might we continue this at ground level?

Dr. John Watson: How did you manage it, Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes: I managed it with braces, belts and a coat-hook. Please, Watson, my tongue is going, soon I'll be of no use to you at all.

Dr. John Watson: Worse things could happen.

Dr. John Watson: [to Holmes, about Irene] Why is the only woman you've cared about a world class criminal? Are you a masochist?

Dr. John Watson: What of Mary?

Palm Reader: M for Mary. For marriage. Oh, you will be married!

Dr. John Watson: [nodding his head slowly] Go on.

Palm Reader: [looking intensely at Watson's palm] Oh, I see pattern tablecloth and... Oh, china figurines and... Ugh! Lace doilies!

Sherlock Holmes: [pretending to be deep in thought] Mmm... Doilies!

Dr. John Watson: Lace... doilies? Holmes! Does your depravity know no bounds?

Sherlock Holmes: No!

Palm Reader: [continuing her prophecies about Mary] Oh, then she turns fat and, ugh, she has a beard and...

Sherlock Holmes: What of the warts?

Palm Reader: Ah, she's covered in warts!

Dr. John Watson: [interrupting the palm reader] Enough, enough!

Sherlock Holmes: Are they extensive?

Dr. John Watson: Please, enough!

Dr. John Watson: You really believe he was resurrected?

Sherlock Holmes: The question is not if but how. The game's afoot.

Dr. John Watson: "Follow your spirit..."

Dr. John Watson, Sherlock Holmes: "And upon this charge, cry, 'God for Harry, England and St. George!'"

Dr. John Watson: [as he's choking Dredger into unconsciousness] Relax. I'm a doctor.

[Holmes has been firing a gun into the wall]

Dr. John Watson: Permission to enter the armory?

Sherlock Holmes: Granted.

[He fires again]

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, I am in the process of inventing a device which muffles the sound of a gunshot.

[He yells in pain as Watson opens the curtains, letting sunlight into the room]

Dr. John Watson: It's not working.

[Holmes picks up a gadget from the midget's workshop and it turns out to be a taser, that sends Dredger flying across the room, crushing another thug who has Watson pinned]

Dr. John Watson: Holmes? What is that?

Sherlock Holmes: Je ne sais pas.

Sherlock Holmes: [after two henchmen call in Dredger, to Watson] Meat? Or potatoes?

Dr. John Watson: My ten minutes are up.

Mary Morstan: [Mary asks Holmes to make some deductions regarding herself] What can you tell about me?

Sherlock Holmes: You?

Dr. John Watson: I don't think that's...

Sherlock Holmes: I don't know if that's...

Dr. John Watson: Not at dinner.

Sherlock Holmes: Perhaps some other time.

Mary Morstan: I insist.

Sherlock Holmes: You insist?

Dr. John Watson: You remember we've discussed this.

Sherlock Holmes: [demanding] The lady insists.

[Mrs. Hudson starts to clear space for the tea tray]

Sherlock Holmes: Don't touch. Everything is in its proper place... as per usual, Nanny.

[on her way out, Mrs. Hudson notices the dog laying on the floor]

Mrs. Hudson: Oh, he's killed the dog. Again.

Dr. John Watson: [irritated] What have you done to Gladstone now?

Sherlock Holmes: I was simply testing a new anesthetic. He doesn't mind.

Lord Blackwood: Sherlock Holmes... and his loyal dog. Tell me, Doctor, as a medical man, have you enjoyed my work?

Dr. John Watson: Let me show you how much I've enjoyed it...

[He rushes at Blackwood, Holmes holds him back]

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, don't! Observe...

[Watson sees Blackwood's trap]

Dr. John Watson: How did you see that?

Sherlock Holmes: Because I was looking for it.

Dr. John Watson: No, not you, Mary and I. You are not...

Sherlock Holmes: What? Invited? Why would I be not invited to my own brother's country home, Watson? Now you are not making any sense!

Dr. John Watson: You are not human!

Sherlock Holmes: Whatever he was working on, he obviously succeeded.

Dr. John Watson: How do you know?

Sherlock Holmes: Otherwise, he'd still be alive.

Dr. John Watson: [Holmes is firing a gun in the house] Mrs Hudson.

Mrs. Hudson: I won't go in there by myself, not while he's got a gun in his hand!

Dr. John Watson: You don't have to go in there at all.

Mrs. Hudson: What will I do when you leave, doctor? He'll have the whole house down!

Dr. John Watson: He just needs another case, that's all.

[Holmes is spying on Blackwood's sacrifice. A henchman tries to sneak up on him, but Watson grabs him and puts him in a hold]

Dr. John Watson: I like the hat.

Sherlock Holmes: Thanks, I just picked it up.

Dr. John Watson: You remember your revolver?

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, knew I forgot something. Thought I left the stove on.

Dr. John Watson: You did.

Sherlock Holmes: I think that's quite enough. You are a doctor, after all.

[Watson feels the henchman's pulse and lets him fall to the floor]

Sherlock Holmes: Always nice to see you, Watson.

Dr. John Watson: Holmes! Does your depravity know no bounds?

Sherlock Holmes: [nonchalantly] No!

Sherlock Holmes: Where's the inspector?

Dr. John Watson: Getting his troops lined up.

Sherlock Holmes: That could be all day.

[Watson is sorting Holmes's un-read mail, in response to his demand for work]

Dr. John Watson: Lady Radford reports her emerald bracelet has gone missing.

Sherlock Holmes: [not looking up] Insurance swindle. Lord Radford likes fast women and slow ponies.

Dr. John Watson: [about Irene , to Holmes] She loves an entrance, your muse.

[Holmes and Watson are searching Riordan's house]

Sherlock Holmes: There's one odor I can't put my finger on. Is it candy floss, molasses...? Ah! Barley sugar.

[Watson turns around to see two goons enter, one holding a... ]

Dr. John Watson: ...Toffee apple.

Sherlock Holmes: Let me guess... Judging by your arsonist's tool kit, you're here to burn down the building and destroy all the evidence therein.

Thug: Just one minute, boys.

[calls]

Thug: Oh, Dredger!

[as Dredger enters, Holmes and Watson look up... and up]

Dredger: Il y a un problème?

Sherlock Holmes: Uh, hmm... Right. Where are the wagons?

Madam Simza Heron: The wagon is too slow. Can't you ride?

Dr. John Watson: It's not that he can't ride... How is it you put it, Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes: They're dangerous at both ends and... crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs?

[after Holmes throws Mary off the train, Watson turns around and sees his wife gone]

Sherlock Holmes: It had to be done. She's safe now! In my own defense, I timed it perfectly-!

[Watson lunges at him and starts throttling him]

Dr. John Watson: Did you kill my wife?

Sherlock Holmes: [muffled, tries to respond]

Dr. John Watson: DID-YOU-JUST-KILL-MY-NEW-WIFE?

Sherlock Holmes: [forces Watson's hand away] Of course not!

Dr. John Watson: What do you mean? How do you know that, when you just threw her off a train?

Sherlock Holmes: I told you, I timed it perfectly!

Dr. John Watson: What does that mean?

Sherlock Holmes: Calm down!

Dr. John Watson: Explain!

Sherlock Holmes: By the time I explained, we'd both be dead!

Dr. John Watson: [reading a note from Holmes] Come at once if convenient.

[flips the note over to back side]

Dr. John Watson: If inconvenient, come all the same.

Dr. John Watson: [performing CPR] I know you can hear me, you selfish bastard!

Sherlock Holmes: Madam, this is a glorious hedgehog goulash. I can't remember ever having had better.

Dr. John Watson: Do tell me, when was the last time you had a hedgehog goulash?

Sherlock Holmes: I told you, Watson, I can't remember.

Dr. John Watson: [whispered] Perhaps you've repressed it.

Sherlock Holmes: [chuckles] That's where we differ. Unlike you, I repress nothing.

Dr. John Watson: Perfectly normal.

Sherlock Holmes: How dare you be rude to this women who has invited us into her tent, offered us her hedgehog?

Dr. John Watson: Says the man who throws women from trains.

Sherlock Holmes: [after they finish a short waltz] Who taught you to dance like that?

Dr. John Watson: [with a smile of reminiscence] You did.

Dr. John Watson: [as he watches Sherlock drinking embalming fluid] You're drinking embalming fluid?

Sherlock Holmes: [exhales] Yes. Care for a drop?

Dr. John Watson: You do seem...

Sherlock Holmes: Excited?

Dr. John Watson: Manic.

Sherlock Holmes: I am.

Dr. John Watson: Verging on...

Sherlock Holmes: Ecstatic?

Dr. John Watson: Psychotic.

Dr. John Watson: [pause] I should've brought you a sedative.

Dr. John Watson: How did you know I would find you?

Sherlock Holmes: You didn't find me. You collapsed a building on me.

Mary Watson: I miss him too, in my own way.

Dr. John Watson: He would have wanted us to go to Brighton.

Mary Watson: He would have wanted to come with us.

Sherlock Holmes: Did you call me a selfish bastard?

Dr. John Watson: Probably.

Dr. John Watson: Oh, how I've missed you, Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: Have you? Why? I've barely noticed your absence.

Sherlock Holmes: [lights pipe]

Dr. John Watson: What are we doing down here?

Sherlock Holmes: *We* are waiting. *I* am smoking.

[when Holmes has sedated Gladstone yet again]

Dr. John Watson: How many times are you going to kill my dog?

[from trailer]

Dr. John Watson: [seeing Holmes's drag outfit] What?

Sherlock Holmes: I agree it's not my best disguise.

Dr. John Watson: He's after us, because of you!

Sherlock Holmes: Don't be so petulant about it.

[first lines]

Dr. John Watson: [voice-over] The year was 1891. Storm clouds were brewing over Europe. France and Germany were at each other's throats, the result of a series of bombings. Some said it was the Nationalists. Others, the anarchists. But as usual, my friend Sherlock Holmes, had a different theory entirely.

Dr. John Watson: I'm on my honeymoon!

[Watson kicks Holmes on the bum]

Dr. John Watson: Why did you lead them here! Why did you involve us?

Sherlock Holmes: They're not here for me they are here for you! Fortunately... so am I.

[last lines]

Dr. John Watson: [upon receiving the oxygen mask as an indication that Holmes may be alive] Mary? Who delivered this parcel?

Mary Watson: [offscreen] The postman.

Dr. John Watson: [as he leaves the room] The usual chap or... did he look peculiar?

[from trailer]

Sherlock Holmes: [looks at Watson's gun] Get that out of my face.

Dr. John Watson: It's not in your face; it's in my hand.

Sherlock Holmes: Get what's in your hand out of my face!

Dr. John Watson: [Sherlock holds out his hand towards Watson] I thought you'd never ask.

[Watson and Holmes start to dance together]

Mrs. Hudson: Doctor, you must get him to a sanatorium. He's been on a diet of coffee, tobacco, and coca leaves. He never sleeps. I hear multiple voices as if he's rehearsing for a play...

Dr. John Watson: Leave him to me.

Sherlock Holmes: [appears next to her] Don't you have a goat that needs worming?

[goat lows]

Mrs. Hudson: Oh, how kind of you to remind me. So much to look forward to. What would I do without you?

Dr. John Watson: [Teading Holmes' note aloud] Come at once if convenient.

[Turning the note over]

Dr. John Watson: If inconvenient, come all the same.

[from trailer]

Dr. John Watson: I see your web of conspiracy has expanded.

Dr. John Watson: Holmes, how did you know I would find you?

Sherlock Holmes: You didn't find me, you collapsed a building on me.

Dr. John Watson: Someone should have sent for us before this, Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: Someone has. The woman who sent me that instrument case.

Dr. John Watson: Oh, but then why doesn't she come out into the open?

Sherlock Holmes: Being a woman, she uses a women's art. She intrigues us to White Chapel.

Dr. John Watson: But how on Earth did you get out of it, Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes: You know my methods, Watson, I am well known to be indestructable.

Sherlock Holmes: Would you stand up?

Dr. John Watson: Whatever for?

Sherlock Holmes: It is an old maxim of mine that when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth, and therefore, you are sitting on my pipe.

Dr. John Watson: Holmes, there was an identical murder of a woman in Whitechapel just three days ago.

Sherlock Holmes: Aha, a second murder!

Dr. John Watson: Mm.-hmmm

Sherlock Holmes: Now, that is interesting.

Dr. John Watson: Why?

Sherlock Holmes: Because it is the second murder.

Sherlock Holmes: From your clothes I would deduce - you're going to a wedding.

Dr. John Watson: [laughs heartily] At last I've got you. For once in your life you're wromg.

Sherlock Holmes: Wrong?

Dr. John Watson: I'm not going to a wedding! I'm coming from one!

Dr. John Watson: [Watson again enjoys a hearty laugh]

Sherlock Holmes: [sardonically] Give them my congratulations or perhaps condolences.

Dr. John Watson: Rubbish! We all come to it, my dear fellow.

Dr. John Watson: [he laughs again] We all come to it. Goodbye.

Sherlock Holmes: [alone, ironically and sadly, after Watson has left] Not all, my dear Watson... not all.

Dr. John Watson: Oh, Holmes, you're marvelous!

Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary.

Dr. John Watson: [to Kathleen] A summons from you comes before even a summons from Sherlock Holmes.