Dr. John H. Watson Quotes in The Seven-Per-Cent Solution (1976)

[as Holmes' boat pulls away]

Dr. John H. Watson: But how will you live?

Sherlock Holmes: When my arm is better, you would do well to follow the concert career of a violinist... named Sigerson!

Dr. John H. Watson: But your readers - my readers - what will I tell them?

Sherlock Holmes: Anything you like! Tell them I was murdered by my mathematics tutor; they'll never believe you in any case!

Station Master: This is the Dresden local.

Dr. John H. Watson: [pulls pistol from his coat] It is now the Orient Express.

Train Engineer: This is the Dresden local.

Dr. John H. Watson: [pulls pistol from his coat] It is now the Orient Express.

[first lines]

Dr. John H. Watson: [Watson rings the doorbell of 221-B Baker Street] It was October the 24th, in the year 1891. that I heard for the first time in four months from my friend Sherlock Holmes. On this particular day, a telegram from his landlady, Mrs. Hudson, had been delivered to my surgery, imploring me to return to my former rooms without delay.

Mrs. Hudson: [Mrs. Hudson opens the front door] Oh, Dr. Watson, thank heavens you've come; I'm at my wit's end.

Dr. John H. Watson: Why, what has happened?

Mrs. Hudson: Since you left us these last few months, he's been very strange. He's barricaded himself up there, he won't take his food, he keeps the oddest of hours. I think he's taking...

Sherlock Holmes: [from his bedroom] Mrs. Hudson! I know there's someone down there with you! I heard the cab stop before the door!

Mrs. Hudson: He keeps babbling on about some...

Sherlock Holmes: [from his bedroom] Mrs. Hudson, if that gentleman answers to the name Moriarty, you may show him up, and I will deal with him!

Dr. John H. Watson: I better go to him.

Mrs. Hudson: [Watson goes up the staircase] Oh, be careful.

Dr. John H. Watson: Moriarty was a name I'd only known him to mutter... when in the thrall of one of his cocaine injections.

[Watson knocks at Sherlock's bedroom door]

Sherlock Holmes: [from within his bedroom] Is that you, Moriarty?

Dr. John H. Watson: It is I, Watson.

Sherlock Holmes: [in his bedroom] Watson?

Dr. John H. Watson: [Sherlock slightly opens his bedroom door a crack, unlocking it] You see it is I. Holmes, let me enter.

Sherlock Holmes: [he closes his door again] Not so fast! You may be Moriarty in disguse. Prove you're Watson.

Dr. John H. Watson: How on earth am I to do that?

Sherlock Holmes: Tell me where I keep my tobacco!

Dr. John H. Watson: Tobacco? Well, as a rule, it's in the toe of your Persian slipper. Holmes...

Sherlock Holmes: [Sherlock opens and unlocks the door] Very well, I'm satisfied.

[Watson enters Holmes's room]

Dr. John H. Watson: I have figured it all out.

Mary Morstan Watson: Of course you have.

[last lines]

Dr. John H. Watson: Things are looking up, Holmes. This little Island's still on the map.

Sherlock Holmes: Holmes: Yes. "This fortress built by nature for herself, this blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England."

Dr. John H. Watson: Woman? What woman?

Sherlock Holmes: She's blonde. Five foot six, full lipped and very affectionate.

Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, really?

Sheila Woodbury: You're a darling.

[kisses Sherlock Holmes on the cheek and walks away]

Dr. John H. Watson: Huh. Extraordinary sight.

Sherlock Holmes: Elementary my dear Watson, and very pleasant.

Dr. John H. Watson: Holmes! But the wireless said your plane crashed! No survivors!

Sherlock Holmes: It was shot down, Watson.

Dr. John H. Watson: I don't understand, Holmes. She seems too nice a girl. She sings charmingly.

Sherlock Holmes: My dear fellow, musical talent is hardly evidence of innocence. As a matter of fact, the late Professor Moriarity was a virtuoso on the bassoon.

[first lines]

Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, Stimson, thank you for keeping open so late to take care of us.

Stimson: Oh, that's quite all right, sir. Eh, this gun is an excellent selection, Mr. Holmes. You ought to get plenty of grouse.

Dr. John H. Watson: Grouse, silly little birds, not worth the trouble of eating after you shoot them.

Dr. John H. Watson: Try some of this curry. It's excellent.

Sherlock Holmes: [ignoring him and speaking to the waiter] Steak and kidney pudding, please.

Major Duncan-Bleek: Of course, the Bengal curry doesn't compare with that of Madras. It's the quality of the mutton that makes the difference, don't you think?

Dr. John H. Watson: The, uh... the meat's unimportant. It's the spices that make the difference. Don't you agree with me Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes: [he hasn't been paying attention to the discussion] What?

Dr. John H. Watson: I say, we-we-we were discussing curry.

Sherlock Holmes: Oh, yes, curry! Horrible stuff!

Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, really? One man's meat is another man's poison.

[Sherlock watches from the train corridor as Prof. Kilbane throws Dr. Watson from his compartment]

Sherlock Holmes: Did you discover anything, Watson?

Dr. John H. Watson: Yes. He's a very suspicious character. He tried to put me off the scent.

Sherlock Holmes: From the little I heard, he seemed reasonably successful.

Lady Margaret Carstairs: [presenting her diamond] My husband gave it to me on our fifth wedding anniversary.

Sherlock Holmes: 423 carats, isn't it?

Lady Margaret Carstairs: The original diamond was over 700 carats.

Sherlock Holmes: Really?

Lady Margaret Carstairs: [to her son] Your father had it cut. Less ostentatious.

Dr. John H. Watson: Less ostentatious? It's as big as a duck's egg.

Dr. John H. Watson: My name's Watson - Dr. Watson.

Prof. William Kilbane: Oh? To what am I indebted for this intrusion?

[At Sherlock's suggestion, Watson interrogates a suspect on his own, but the suspect is suspicious of Watson's official standing and turns the inquiry around]

Prof. William Kilbane: Are you a policeman?

Dr. John H. Watson: No.

Prof. William Kilbane: Then, by what right, do you force your way into my compartment?

Dr. John H. Watson: Well, I...

Prof. William Kilbane: What are YOU doing on this train? Where are YOU going?

Dr. John H. Watson: I'm not going anywhere.

Sherlock Holmes: The Inspector's going to Scotland to fish for salmon!

Dr. John H. Watson: [to Lestrade] Oh really? The season doesn't start for another month, but you wouldn't know that, would you?

Inspector Lestrade: 'Oo says I'm gonna fish fer salmon?

Dr. John H. Watson: 'Oo? 'Im!

Dr. John H. Watson: I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't sleep very well.

Sherlock Holmes: You didn't sleep very well? You snored like a pig.

Sherlock Holmes: This is a most unique case. Instead of too few we have too many clues and too many suspects. The main pattern of the puzzle seems to be forming, but the pieces don't fit in.

Dr. John H. Watson: Well, it seems perfectly clear to me. One of these men is picking off the others one by one to get all their insurance money for himself. Why, it's obvious.

Sherlock Holmes: How do you account the orange pips?

Dr. John H. Watson: Well, this man has an accomplice who brings them.

Sherlock Holmes: What for? To warn his victim he's going to be murdered? No, Watson, it won't do, it won't do at all.

Dr. John H. Watson: I don't like the look of it Holmes, muddy waters, eh?

Sherlock Holmes: Too muddy... as if someone were constantly stirring them up.

Dr. John H. Watson: Why should they stir 'em up?

Sherlock Holmes: To confuse me. There's intelligence behind this business, Watson. Cold, calculating... ruthless intelligence.

Sherlock Holmes: How are you Lestrade?

Dr. John H. Watson: Here, here, what's going on here?

Sherlock Holmes: Someone just tried to kill Doctor Watson.

Dr. John H. Watson: Blimey, who?

Sherlock Holmes: When we find that out, Lestrade, we can all go home.

Dr. John H. Watson: Well, how... how does the, uh, the thing work?

Sherlock Holmes: Electricity. The high priest of false security.

Sherlock Holmes: This man pervades Europe like a plague, yet no one has heard of him. That's what puts him on the pinnacle in the records of crime.

Dr. John H. Watson: What's he do?

Sherlock Holmes: Everything and nothing. In his whole diabolical career, the police have never been able to pin anything on him. And yet, show me crime without motive, robbery without a clue, murder without a trace and I'll show you Giles Conover.

Dr. John H. Watson: But that's amazing, Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes: Two years ago, he disappeared from his usual haunts and I have every reason to believe that he... Oh, here it is... I've every reason to believe that he's back in England again. If I could free society of this sinister creature, I should feel that my own career had reached it's summit.

Dr. John H. Watson: Lestrade couldn't even see the stripes on a zebra.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, look sharp, will you? Go to that door to the alley, and do exactly as I tell you.

Dr. John H. Watson: Huh?

Sherlock Holmes: No, not "huh". Just do it.

Dr. John H. Watson: Amazing. And the Borgia Pearl's inside that?

Sherlock Holmes: If it isn't, I shall retire to Sussex and keep bees.

Dr. John H. Watson: [viewing the Borgia Pearl] Huh, can't be real.

Sherlock Holmes: Real as death, old fellow, with the blood of twenty men upon it down through the centuries.

[last lines]

Sherlock Holmes: Canada, the linchpin of the English speaking world, whose relations of friendly intimacy with the United States on the one hand and their unswerving fidelity to the British Commonwealth and the Motherland on the other. Canada, the link that joins together these great branches of the human family.

Dr. John H. Watson: Churchill say that?

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Watson, Churchill.

Sherlock Holmes: Sit down, old fellow. Judge Brisson has decided not to shoot us.

Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, very kind of him.

[last lines]

Sherlock Holmes: There's a new spirit abroad in the land. The old days of grab and greed are on their way out. We're beginning to think of what we *owe* the other fellow, not just what we're compelled to give him. The time is coming, Watson, when we shant't be able to fill our bellies in comfort while other folk go hungry, or sleep in warm beds while others shiver in the cold. And we shan't be able to kneel and thank God for blessing us before our shining altars while men anywhere are kneeling in either physical or spiritual subjection.

Dr. John H. Watson: You may be right, Holmes... I hope you are.

Sherlock Holmes: And, God willing, we'll live to see that day, Watson.

[Lestrade brings a suspect's shoe to compare to recovered footprints]

Insp. Lestrade: And that's Alfred Brunton's shoe.

Sherlock Holmes: Fits perfectly, Inspector.

Insp. Lestrade: Uh-huh.

Sherlock Holmes: But the fact that these prints were made by Brunton's shoes doesn't prove that Brunton's feet were in them.

Insp. Lestrade: Why not? Where should Brunton's feet be if not in his own shoes?

Dr. John H. Watson: Well, they're not in them now, are they?

Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, Hurlston. It's a grim old pile, very spooky.

Sherlock Holmes: Don't tell me that you met a ghost.

Dr. John H. Watson: Well, not so spooky as that. Ghosts don't stab people in the neck, do they? Or do they?

Sherlock Holmes: Not well-bred ghosts, Watson.

Dr. John H. Watson: Yes. We told you, you were taking an awful risk.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, we had to have a confession and these egomaniacs are always so much more chatty when they feel they have the upper hand.

Dr. John H. Watson: Simple reasoning; a child could do it.

Sherlock Holmes: Not your child, Watson.

Det. Insp. Atherly Jones: I want to know where the pearls are.

Dr. John H. Watson: Yes, where are they?

Mary Morstan: Small's taken them.

Dr. John H. Watson: Then they are at the bottom of the river where we can find them... so now you'll be so terribly rich, I can't even claim you as a friend, much less ask you...

Mary Morstan: What?

Sherlock Holmes: Sorry the jewels are so distasteful to you, Ms. Marston, but I have the pearls. I took them from Jonathan Small when we first came to grips. I didn't want them to get wet, so I'm afraid you'll have to have them back

Dr. John H. Watson: Amazing!

Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary.

[last lines]

Mary Morstan: Please... ask me.

Dr. John H. Watson: Will you, um...

Mary Morstan: Yes!

[they embrace]

Sherlock Holmes: Amazing!

Dr. John H. Watson: Elementary, my dear Holmes, elementary.

Dr. John H. Watson: You're not frightened?

Mary Morstan: Terribly! But rather thrilled, too.

Dr. John H. Watson: Well, now we know who did it. All we have to do is catch him.

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, that's all. Yes, well you go out and catch him, and I'll wait here 'til you come back

Dr. John H. Watson: Yes!

[Watson turns to leave, but suddenly comes to a stop]

Dr. John H. Watson: Er, but where'll I go?

Sherlock Holmes: Exactly. Let's leave jumping to conclusions to the professional detectives.

[last lines]

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, but this is a great country, Watson.

Dr. John H. Watson: It certainly is, my dear fellow.

Sherlock Holmes: Look, up there ahead, the Capitol, the very heart of this democracy.

Dr. John H. Watson: Democracy, the only hope for the future, hey, Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes: "It's not given to us to peer into the mysteries of the future... but, in the days to come, the British and American people will, for their own safety and for the good of all, will walk together in majesty, and in justice, and in peace."

Dr. John H. Watson: That's magnificent. I quite agree with you.

Sherlock Holmes: Not with me, with Mr. Winston Churchill. I was quoting from the speech he made not so long ago in that very building.

Sherlock Holmes: [Ahrens of the Home Office is explaining the situation about Pettibone having secretly taken a legal document to Washington] What form is this document in?

Mr. Ahrens: It was typed... on two sheets of legal paper.

Dr. John H. Watson: Two sheets? That's too bulky to swallow.

Sherlock Holmes: And dry, Watson, fearfully dry. Especially *legal* papers.

Sherlock Holmes: We've got it, Watson.

Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, have we?

Sherlock Holmes: Yes. Come along.

Dr. John H. Watson: Oh yes, well, it's clear as mud to me.

Sherlock Holmes: [on the pyjama suicides] Indubitably, these murders are the work of a well-organized gang and directing them is one of the most fiendishly clever minds in all Europe today.

Inspector Lestrade: Any notion who?

Sherlock Holmes: I suspect a woman. Do you have tobacco around this place, Watson?

Dr. John H. Watson: Yes, I've packed it. A woman? You amaze me, Holmes. Why a woman?

Sherlock Holmes: Because the method, whatever it is, is particularly subtle and cruel. Feline, not canine.

Inspector Lestrade: Poppy-cock. Canine, feline, quinine, when a bloke does himself in, that's suicide.

Sherlock Holmes: Unless the bloke is driven to suicide and then in that case it's murder.

Dr. John H. Watson: Driven? That *sounds* like a woman, doesn't it?

Sherlock Holmes: Definitely, a female Moriarty. Clever, ruthless... and above all, cautious.

Inspector Lestrade: Him and his meet me here and meet me there. Where the... Where is he anyhow?

Dr. John H. Watson: I'm blessed if I know. He said wait here by the shooting gallery and look inconspicuous.

Inspector Lestrade: Inconspicuous? Oh...

[Lestrade starts whistling and inspecting the ceiling]

Dr. John H. Watson: He said inconspicuous, Lestrade, not half-witted.

Sherlock Holmes: He's gone.

Dr. John H. Watson: Blast his eyes!

[last lines]

Sherlock Holmes: Yes, Watson, Miss Spedding deserves credit for picking the most logical spot in the world... to commit my murder.

Dr. John H. Watson: Oh, where is that?

Sherlock Holmes: In the middle of a crowd.

[last lines]

Dr. John H. Watson: An evil man, Holmes, but what a horrible death.

Sherlock Holmes: Better than he deserved.

Dr. John H. Watson: What are you thinking of?

Sherlock Holmes: I'm thinking of all the women who can come and go in safety in the streets of London tonight. Stars keep watch in their heavens, and in our own little way, we, too, old friend, are privileged to watch over our city.

Dr. John H. Watson: There ought to be a law against fat people keeping little dickey birds.

Sherlock Holmes: What a beautiful view, Watson. I'm quite enjoying it.

Dr. John H. Watson: No, you're not. Your hypnotized! You're under a spell. Stand still, don't move. Steady, Holmes, steady does it. Stand perfectly still where you are.

Sherlock Holmes: Nonsense, Watson.

Dr. John H. Watson: I, uh, you don't know what you're doing.

Sherlock Holmes: Of course I know what I'm doing.

Dr. John H. Watson: You mean you're not hypnotized?

Sherlock Holmes: Certainly not!

Dr. John H. Watson: Then get off the wall, you idiot!

Dr. John H. Watson: Haven't used that bag since I brought little Amelia Whats-'er-name into the world. She grew up to be a very unattractive child. Huh, who wouldn't with a name like Amelia.

Sherlock Holmes: Watson, what are you doing?

Dr. John H. Watson: I'm trying to corner the last pea on my plate.

Dr. John H. Watson: [Holmes squashes the pea] You squashed my pea.

Sherlock Holmes: Well, now you've got it cornered.

Dr. John H. Watson: Yes but squashing a fellow's pea.

Sherlock Holmes: Just trying to help.

Dr. John H. Watson: I didn't want it squashed, I don't like it that way - I like it whole so that you can feel it pop when you bite down on it.

Sherlock Holmes: Sorry, I wasn't thinking.

Dr. John H. Watson: [Offended by the booing of the Prince of Wales by the theater gallery] It's a damn disgrace!

Sherlock Holmes: On the contrary. I prefer bad manners in the theater to active violence in the streets.

Sherlock Holmes: [Reacting to the tardiness of the Prince of Wales] I suppose since, after all, he's only the Prince of Wales, we should not expect the same degree of courtesy.

Dr. John H. Watson: And since you are the Prince of Detectives, Holmes, I don't think you should presume to criticize a man who one day will be King of England.

Sherlock Holmes: [amused] Well done, Watson! You have cut me to the quick. Hmm! Only the Prince of Detectives, you say? Then who, pray tell, is the King?

Dr. John H. Watson: Lestrade, of course.

[Holmes laughs]