Dr. Gonzo Quotes in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998)

Dr. Gonzo: Let's give the boy a lift.

Raoul Duke: What? No. We can't stop here. This is bat country.

[first lines]

Raoul Duke: [narrating] We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like:

Raoul Duke: I feel a bit lightheaded. Maybe you should drive.

Raoul Duke: [narrating] Suddenly, there was a terrible roar all around us, and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, and a voice was screaming:

Raoul Duke: Holy Jesus. What are these goddamn animals?

[swatting the air]

Raoul Duke: Huh! Huh! Huh! Fucking pigs.

Dr. Gonzo: Did you say something?

Raoul Duke: Hm? Never mind. It's your turn to drive.

Raoul Duke: [narrating] No point in mentioning these bats, I thought. Poor bastard will see them soon enough.

Dr. Gonzo: As your attorney, I advise you to take a hit out of the little brown bottle in my shaving kit. You won't need much, just a tiny taste.

Raoul Duke: Oh god... did you eat all this acid?

Dr. Gonzo: That's right. MUSIC!

Raoul Duke: I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid, wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife.

Dr. Gonzo: Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead.

Raoul Duke: Look, there's two women fucking a polar bear!

Dr. Gonzo: Don't tell me these things. Not now man.

Raoul Duke: Well? What are your plans?

Dr. Gonzo: Plans?

Raoul Duke: The child in the bedroom.

Dr. Gonzo: Oh, Lucy. I met her on the plane. Yeah, she's a religious freak. I gave her a cap before I realized... Jesus, she's never even had a drink before.

Raoul Duke: Well... it'll probably work out. We can keep her loaded and peddle her ass at the drug convention. Yeah. She's perfect for this gig. These cops will go fifty bucks a head to beat her into submission and then gang-fuck her. We can set her up in one of these back street motels, hang pictures of Jesus all over the room, then turn these fucking pigs loose on her. Hell, she's strong, man. She'll hold her own.

Dr. Gonzo: Jesus Christ. I knew you were sick but I never expected to hear you actually say that kind of stuff, you filthy bastard.

Raoul Duke: Straight economics, man. This girl is a godsend. Shit, she can make us a grand a day.

Dr. Gonzo: That's ugly, man. Stop talking like that.

Raoul Duke: I figure she can do about four at a time. If we keep her full of acid that's more like two grand a day. Maybe three.

Dr. Gonzo: Hold on, man. What if I just jump you and beat the dog shit out of you? Would that make you feel better? You filthy bastard.

Raoul Duke: All right, listen to me. In a few hours, she'll probably be sane enough to work herself into some kind of towering Jesus-based rage at the hazy recollection of being seduced by some kind of cruel Samoan who fed her liquor and LSD, dragged her to a Vegas hotel room and then savagely penetrated every orifice in her little body with his throbbing, uncircumcised member.

Dr. Gonzo: That's so ugly, man!

Raoul Duke: Fuck. Truth hurts.

Dr. Gonzo: That's... argh! Argh! That's argh! Argh! That's argh!

Raoul Duke: Argh!

Dr. Gonzo: I wanted to help her, man.

Raoul Duke: Well, you'll go straight to the gas chamber for this one. And even if you manage to beat that, they'll still send you back to Nevada for rape and consensual sodomy. She's got to go.

Dr. Gonzo: Shit. It doesn't pay to try to help someone these days.

Raoul Duke: There's a uh, big machine in the sky, some kind of, I dunno, electric snake, coming straight at us.

Dr. Gonzo: Shoot it.

Raoul Duke: Not yet, I want to study its habits.

Dr. Gonzo: I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I'm getting the Fear.

Dr. Gonzo: Sounds like big trouble. You're going to need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over. As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special music. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of L.A. for at least 48 hours. Blows my weekend.

Raoul Duke: Why?

Dr. Gonzo: Because naturally I'm going to have to go with you. And we're going to have to arm ourselves... to the teeth!

Raoul Duke: Well why not? Shit if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right! This is the American Dream in action. We'd be fools not to ride this strange torpedo all the way to the end!

Dr. Gonzo: [spills the cocaine] Jesus! You see what God just did to us, man?

Raoul Duke: God didn't do that, you did it. You're a fucking narcotics agent, I knew it! That was our cocaine, you fucking pig swine whore...

Dr. Gonzo: You'd better be careful. There's plenty of vultures out here, they'll pick your bones clean before morning.

Raoul Duke: You fucking whore.

Dr. Gonzo: Heh heh heh.

Dr. Gonzo: When it comes to that fantastic note where the... rabbit bites its own head off, I want you to - throw - that - fuckin - radio - into the tub - with me.

Raoul Duke: Fuck, man. You've gone completely sideways! That'll blast you right through the wall. You'll be stone dead in ten seconds. Fuck, they'll make me explain things. Shit.

Dr. Gonzo: [reaching for his knife] Bullshit!

Raoul Duke: [wielding a shower curtain pole] Don't fuck with me now, man. I am Ahab.

[Gonzo rises out of the tub with his knife]

Raoul Duke: Alright, you weird fucker! Sit down! Back in the tub! Back in the tub! I'll plunge this into your fucking throat, man.

Dr. Gonzo: Don't make me use this, man.

Raoul Duke: Alright, man. It's probably the only solution. Let me make sure I've got this all lined up. You want me to, uh, throw this into the tub when the white rabbit peaks? Is that it?

Dr. Gonzo: Ugh, I was beginning to think I was gonna have to go outside and get one of the goddamn maids to do it.

Raoul Duke: No, man. I'll do it. Shit, what are friends for?

Raoul Duke: [now playing white rabbit] Are you ready? Close your eyes. Yeah... good boy.

Dr. Gonzo: [suddenly flailing around] White rabbit! White rabbit!

Raoul Duke: Why, goddammit? You're wasting my time!

Dr. Gonzo: Higher, man! Higher! Ugh! Higher!

[Duke turns up the volume]

Raoul Duke: Okay, close those peepers. Ten...

Dr. Gonzo: Waughhhhh!

Raoul Duke: Nine! Hundred-and-eleven! Fifty-two! Three!

[Duke throws a grapefruit and Gonzo's head and runs out of the bathroom]

Dr. Gonzo: [offscreen] UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Dr. Gonzo: Hey honkies. You folks wanna buy some heroin? Goddamnit, I'm serious. All I'm trying to sell you is some pure fucking smack! This is the real stuff! You won't get hooked. I just got back from Vietnam. Ahahaha... scag! Pbbbbbbb... I wanna sell you some pure fucking smack... pure... fuck...

Man in Car: Goddammit you bastards! Pull over! I'll kill you I'll kill you! Pull over, come on!

Dr. Gonzo: It's okay. He's just admiring the shape of your skull.

Wine Colored Tuxedo: I said there are no seats left sir, at any price.

Dr. Gonzo: Fuck seats! We're friends of Debbie's. I used to romp with her.

Dr. Gonzo: Hello? Hi Lucy, God bless. Yeah it's me. What? I dont know, I taught that bastard a lesson he'll never forget. What? No, not dead. But he won't be bothering anybody for a while. Yeah, I left him out there. I stomped him. I pulled all his teeth out.

Raoul Duke: [Narrating] I remember thinking 'Jesus, what a terrible thing to lay on someone with a head full of acid'.

Dr. Gonzo: But we have a problem. That bastard cashed a bad cheque downstairs and gave you as a reference. They'll be looking for both of you. Yeah I know. You can't judge a book by it's cover... some people are just basically rotten. Well the last thing in the world you want to do is call this hotel again. They'll trace the call and put you straight behind bars. Yeah I'm moving to the tropicana right away... when I get a room I'll let you know which one it is... I gotta get off. They probably have this phone tapped baby... Yeah I know it's horrible but it's all over now.

[stomps foot]

Dr. Gonzo: Oh my God... there's someone at the door. There's someone at the door!

[yelling and knocking things over]

Dr. Gonzo: Ahh! Ahh! I'm innocent! It was Duke! It was Duke!

[inaudible noises]

Dr. Gonzo: Ahh! Ahh! Don't put that thing on me! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! aaah... aah... ah...

[hangs up]

Dr. Gonzo: Well, that's the last we should be hearing from Lucy man. She's probably stuffing herself down the incinerator about now. You know what we need? We need some opium.

Raoul Duke: [Narrating] I remember slumping on the bed. His performance had given me a bad jolt. For a moment I thought his mind had snapped, that he actually believed he was being attacked by invisible enemies. But the room was quiet again...

Dr. Gonzo: Cows are gonna kill me. Bisexuals are gonna kill me. Let's get out of here. Where's the elevator?

Raoul Duke: No! Fuck! Don't go near the elevator, man, that's just what they want us to do. Trap us in a steel box, take us down to the basement. Come here. Don't run, man. They'd like any excuse to shoot us.

Dr. Gonzo: Let's find a nice seafood restaurant and eat some red salmon, I feel a powerful lust for red salmon.

[cuts to him vomiting]

Dr. Gonzo: God damn mescaline. Why the fuck can't they make it a little less pure?

Raoul Duke: [referring to the knife Acosta is holding] Jesus God Almighty man, where'd you get that big fucker?

Dr. Gonzo: Room Service sent it up, I needed something to cut the limes, man.

Raoul Duke: Limes? What limes?

Dr. Gonzo: They didnt have any, they don't grow in the desert.

Hitchhiker: Hot damn. I never rode in a convertible before.

Raoul Duke: Is that right? Well... I guess you're about ready, then, aren't you?

Dr. Gonzo: We're your friends. We're not like the others, man, really.

Raoul Duke: No more of that talk or I'll put the fucking leeches on you, understand?

Dr. Gonzo: Heh heh heh...

Raoul Duke: [as the Hitchhiker stares at them nervously] Get in.

Dr. Gonzo: I have to go.

Raoul Duke: Go?

Dr. Gonzo: Yes. Leave the country.

Raoul Duke: Calm down. You'll be straight in a few hours. Just sit down, sit the fuck down.

Dr. Gonzo: Don't fuck around, man. This is serious. One more hour in this town and I'll kill somebody!

Dr. Gonzo: We won't make the nut unless we have unlimited credit.

Raoul Duke: Jesus Christ, we will, man. You Samoans are all the same. You have no faith in the essential decency of the white man's culture.

Dr. Gonzo: Okay, Lucy, its time to go meet Barbara.

Raoul Duke: [voiceover] I felt like a Nazi but it had to be done.

Dr. Gonzo: This is it. Lacerda. Room 208.

Raoul Duke: [eyes askance] Huh? Lacerda?

Dr. Gonzo: Yeah, man. Lacerda...

Raoul Duke: [narrating] I couldn't remember. The name rang a bell but I couldn't concentrate. Terrible things were happening all around me.

Raoul Duke: Maybe you could just, uhh, shove me into the pool.

Dr. Gonzo: If I put you in the pool right now you'll sink like a god damn stone. You took too much man, you took too much, too much. Don't try and fight it. You'll get brain bubbles, strokes, aneurisms. You'll just wither up and die.

L. Ron Bumquist: The most efficient way for us to do this is for each one of us to try and attempt to imagine what it is like inside of the possessed mind.

[holds up a joint]

L. Ron Bumquist: For example a dope fiend refers to the reefer butt as a "roach". Because, it resembles a cockroach.

Dr. Gonzo: What the fuck are these people talking about? You gotta be crazy on acid to think a joint looks like a goddamn cockroach.

L. Ron Bumquist: You will notice that I have distinguished four, four distinct states of being in the cannabis for marijuana society. They are "cool", "groovy", "hip" and "square". Seldom, if ever, does one aspire to be "square".

Dr. Gonzo: What a fucking nightmare.

L. Ron Bumquist: If he figures out what is "happening", then he can rise one notch and become "hip", and then if he can convince himself to approve of what is "happening", then he becomes "groovy".

[ominously]

L. Ron Bumquist: Groovy! And then after that he can actually raise himself to the rank of "cool". He can become one of those... "cool guys".

Cop in Back: Dr. Bumquist, do you think the anthropologist Margaret Mead's strange behavior of late could be explained by a private marijuana addiction?

Raoul Duke: Good question!

L. Ron Bumquist: I'm not really sure I can answer that. But what I can tell you sir is if Margaret Mead, at her age, smoked grass... she'd have one hell of a trip!

[laughs hysterically; the seated DA's follow suit]

Dr. Gonzo: Fuckin' A the man has a major credit card... we just got through saying that, do you realize who the fuck your talking to?

Raoul Duke: That's right man. Don't take any guff from these fucking swine.

Dr. Gonzo: You drive. You drive. I think there's something wrong with me.

Dr. Gonzo: Lucy is an artist. Lucy paints portraits of Barbara Streisand.

Dr. Gonzo: As your attorney, I advise you to drive at top speed, it'll be a god damn miracle if we can get there before you turn into a wild animal.

Raoul Duke: [waving a flyswatter behind Gonzo's head] Pig fucker, pig fucker, pig fucker, pig fucker, pig fucker, pig fucker, pig fucker!

Dr. Gonzo: [oblivious] Are you ready for that? Checking into a Vegas hotel under a phony name with intent to commit capital fraud and a head full of acid? I sure hope so.

[at the District Attourney's convention]

Dr. Gonzo: I saw these bastards in Easy Rider, but I didn't believe they were real. Not like this, man, not hundreds of them.

Raoul Duke: They're actually pretty nice people once you get to know them.

Dr. Gonzo: Know them? I know these people in my goddamn blood.

Raoul Duke: Don't say that word around here. You'll get them excited.

Dr. Gonzo: [holding a key] Where did this one come from?

Raoul Duke: That's Lacerda's.

Dr. Gonzo: Yeah, yeah. I thought we might need it.

[falls over]

Raoul Duke: What for?

Dr. Gonzo: What for? So we can go up there and blast him out of bed with the fire hose, man!

Raoul Duke: [hallucinating being attacked by lizards] Jesus God almighty, look at that bunch over there man! They've spotted us!

Dr. Gonzo: That's the press table, man.

Dr. Gonzo: [trying to escape the rotating bar] When's the thing going to stop?

Raoul Duke: Stop?

Dr. Gonzo: Stop it!

Raoul Duke: It's not ever going to stop, man!

Raoul Duke: Well, they've nailed me goddamnit. I'm trapped in some stinking desert crossroads called Baker. I don't have much time man, the fuckers are closing in! They'll hunt me down like a fucking beast!

Dr. Gonzo: Whoa, getting a little paranoid?

Raoul Duke: [yelling] I need a fucking lawyer immediately!

Dr. Gonzo: What are you doing in Baker, didn't you get my telegram?

Raoul Duke: What telegram you worthless bastard? I'll cripple your ass for this.

Dr. Gonzo: You brainless scumbag, you're supposed in Vegas covering the National District Attorney's Conference, I rented a suite at the Flamingo. Everything has been arranged. Now, what are you doing out in the middle of the desert?

Raoul Duke: Nothing. Never mind, it was all a big joke. Actually, I'm poolside at the Flamingo right now, talking though a portable phone some dwarf brought out from the casino. I have total credit here. DON'T come anywhere near this place, you bastard. Foreigners aren't welcome.

Dr. Gonzo: [to a Bazooko's Circus waitress] Did they pay you to screw that bear?

Dr. Gonzo: The truth.

Raoul Duke: Truth?

Dr. Gonzo: We're going to Vegas... to croak a scag baron named Savage Henry.

Raoul Duke: It's true.

Dr. Gonzo: Why, because I've known him for years, but he ripped us off.

Raoul Duke: And you know what that means...

Dr. Gonzo: And you know what that means. Savage Henry has cashed his check.

Raoul Duke: Cashed his check.

Dr. Gonzo: And we're gonna rip his lungs out. And eat them.

Raoul Duke: We should get some of that.

Dr. Gonzo: Some of what?

Raoul Duke: Extract of pineal. Just eat a big handful and see what happens.

Dr. Gonzo: Shit, that's a good idea. One whiff of that stuff will turn you into something out of a goddamn medical encyclopedia...

[Duke tripping sees Gonzo turn into Satan]

Raoul Duke: Beautiful fucking tits, man!

Dr. Gonzo: Your head will swell up like a watermelon... you'll gain about a hundred pounds in two hours...

Raoul Duke: Great!

Dr. Gonzo: Grow claws... bleeding warts...

Raoul Duke: Yes!

Dr. Gonzo: And then you notice about six huge hairy tits swelling up on your back.

Raoul Duke: Fantastic!

Dr. Gonzo: You'll go blind... your body will turn to wax... they'll have to put you in a wheelbarrow... and when you scream for help, you'll sound like a raccoon.

[returns to normal]

Dr. Gonzo: Man, I'll try just about anything, but I'd never in hell touch a pineal gland.

Dr. Gonzo: Here's your half of the sunshine acid. EAT IT.

Dr. Gonzo: You took too much, man. You took too much.

Dr. Gonzo: [throwing objects at Duke] HOLY SHIT!

Raoul Duke: [grabs megaphone and Mace can] Mace! Mace, man! You want this?

Dr. Gonzo: You'd do that, wouldn't you?

Raoul Duke: Well, why not?

Dr. Gonzo: You fucking bastard!

Raoul Duke: Hell, just a minute ago you were asking me to kill you. Now you wanna kill me. What I *should* do, goddamn it, is CALL THE FUCKING POLICE!

Dr. Gonzo: Boy, are you upset. There'd be no point, man, calling the cops.

Raoul Duke: There's no choice. I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid, wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife.

Dr. Gonzo: [gasps] Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to cut a little "Z" in your forehead.

[giggles]

Raoul Duke: Get back in the tub, eat some reds and try to calm down. Smoke some grass. Shoot some fucking smack. Shit, man, do whatever you gotta do, but please... I need some fucking rest, man. Please. Please. GET UP, YOU PIG FUCKER! UP! *UP!*

Dr. Gonzo: Well, I, uh... yeah. You need to get to work. Goddamn, what a bummer.

Raoul Duke: You scurvy shyster bastard! I'm a Doctor of Journalism, man.

[herds Dr. Gonzo toward the bathroom]

Raoul Duke: Go on.

Dr. Gonzo: Don't let me keep you up.

Raoul Duke: Now...

Dr. Gonzo: Don't let me keep you up.

[grabs blankets from bed]

Raoul Duke: [sounds megaphone siren repeatedly, backing Dr. Gonzo inside] Get in there and clean your shorts! Clean your shorts, goddamn it, like a big boy! Go on!

[kicks bathroom door shut]

Dr. Gonzo: We know what you're up to man.

Alice the Maid: I don't know anything about no dope!

Dr. Gonzo: Come on lady, don't try and tell us you've never heard of the Grange Gorman.

Raoul Duke: But our trip was different. It was to be a classic affirmation of everything right and true in the national character. A gross physical salute to the fantastic possibilities of life in this country. But only for those with true grit.

[to hitchhiker]

Raoul Duke: And we are chock full of that, man.

Dr. Gonzo: Damn right!

Dr. Gonzo: Can we make it? I wanna leave fast.

Raoul Duke: Okay, let's pay this bill, get up very slowly... I think it's gonna be a long walk.

Dr. Gonzo: Let me tell you, he was lying to us! I could see it in his eyes.

Raoul Duke: Eyes?

Dr. Gonzo: He got a hold of my woman, man!

Raoul Duke: You mean that blonde groupie with the film crew? Shit. Think he sodomized her?

[chuckles]

Dr. Gonzo: That's right, laugh about it.

Raoul Duke: He's gluing her eyes shut right now, man.

Dr. Gonzo: You goddamn honkies are all the same... goddamn honkies are all the same!

Dr. Gonzo: Those bastards have changed the lock on this mother...

Raoul Duke: Already?

Raoul Duke: Don't take any guff from these swine. If you have any trouble, remember, you can always send a telegram to the Right People.

Dr. Gonzo: Yeah, Explaining my Position. Some asshole wrote a poem about that once. Probably good advice if you have shit for brains.

Dr. Gonzo: As your attorney, I advise you to buy a motorcycle. How else can we cover a thing like this righteously?

Raoul Duke: We'll just have to drum it up on our own. Pure Gonzo journalism!

Dr. Gonzo: Music, man. Put that tape on.

Raoul Duke: What tape?

Dr. Gonzo: Jefferson Airplane, "White Rabbit". I need a rising sound.

Raoul Duke: You're doomed. I'm leaving here in two hours and then they're going to come up here and beat the mortal shit out of you with big saps. Right there in that fucking tub.

Dr. Gonzo: [Splashes and screams]

Raoul Duke: Alright, I'll do it. But do me one last favor, will you. Can you give me two hours? That's all I ask man, just two hours to sleep before tomorrow. I suspect it's going to be a very difficult day.