Dr. Egon Spengler Quotes in Ghostbusters (1984)

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.

Mayor: What do you mean, "biblical"?

Dr. Raymond Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath of God type stuff.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling!

Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes...

Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

Mayor: All right, all right! I get the point!

Dr. Egon Spengler: There's something very important I forgot to tell you.

Dr. Peter Venkman: What?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Don't cross the streams.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Why?

Dr. Egon Spengler: It would be bad.

Dr. Peter Venkman: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Total protonic reversal.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Right. That's bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [as the Ghostbusters approach Gozer] Grab your stick!

[the Ghostbusters draw their handsets]

Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: HOLDIN'!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Heat 'em up!

[they arm their packs]

Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: SMOKIN'!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Make 'em hard!

[they rack their handsets]

Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: READY!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown... THROW IT!

[Egon is running tests on Louis, who has been possessed by Vinz Clortho and is now the Keymaster]

Dr. Egon Spengler: Vinz, you said before you were waiting for a sign. What sign are you waiting for?

Louis: Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

Gozer: The Choice is made!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Whoa! Ho! Ho! Whoa-oa!

Gozer: The Traveller has come!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Nobody choosed anything!

[turns to Egon]

Dr. Peter Venkman: Did you choose anything?

Dr. Egon Spengler: No.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Winston] Did YOU?

Winston Zeddemore: My mind is totally blank.

Dr. Peter Venkman: I didn't choose anything...

[long pause, Peter, Egon and Winston all look at Ray]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: I couldn't help it. It just popped in there.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [angrily] What? WHAT "just popped in there?"

Dr. Raymond Stantz: I... I... I tried to think...

Dr. Egon Spengler: LOOK!

[they all look over one side of the roof]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: No! It CAN'T be!

Dr. Peter Venkman: What is it?

Dr. Raymond Stantz: It CAN'T be!

Dr. Peter Venkman: What did you DO, Ray?

Winston Zeddemore: Oh, shit!

[they all see a giant cubic white head topped with a sailor hat, Peter looks at Ray]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [somberly] It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the particle flow through the gate.

Dr. Peter Venkman: How?

Dr. Egon Spengler: [hesitates] We'll cross the streams.

Dr. Peter Venkman: 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Cross the streams...

Dr. Peter Venkman: You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, who paid us in advance, before she became a dog...

Dr. Egon Spengler: Not necessarily. There's definitely a VERY SLIM chance we'll survive.

[pause while they consider this]

Dr. Peter Venkman: [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I'm excited to be a part of it! LET'S DO IT!

Winston Zeddemore: [all get up to get ready] This job is definitely not worth $11,500 a year.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon... what've you got left?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Sorry, Venkman, I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: You know, it just occurred to me that we really haven't had a successful test of this equipment.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I blame myself.

Dr. Peter Venkman: So do I.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Well, no sense in worrying about it now.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Why worry? Each one of us is carrying an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on his back.

Janine Melnitz: You're very handy, I can tell. I bet you like to read a lot, too.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Print is dead.

Janine Melnitz: Oh, that's very fascinating to me. I read a lot myself. Some people think I'm too intellectual but I think it's a fabulous way to spend your spare time. I also play raquetball. Do you have any hobbies?

Dr. Egon Spengler: I collect spores, molds, and fungus.

Walter Peck: Hold it! I want this man arrested! Captain, these men are in criminal violation of the Environmental Protection Act! And this explosion is a direct result of it!

Dr. Egon Spengler: YOUR MOTHER!

Dr. Egon Spengler: Oh good, you're here!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah, what have you got?

Dr. Egon Spengler: This is big, Peter, this is very big. There is definitely something here.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Egon, this reminds me of the time you tried to drill a hole through your head. Remember that?

Dr. Egon Spengler: That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I'm worried, Ray. It's getting crowded in there and all my data points to something big on the horizon.

Winston Zeddemore: What do you mean, big?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Well, let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning's sample, it would be a Twinkie... thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.

[In a TV commercial]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Are you troubled by strange noises in the middle of the night?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?

Dr. Peter Venkman: Have you or your family ever seen a spook, spectre or ghost?

Dr. Raymond Stantz: If the answer is "yes," then don't wait another minute. Pick up the phone and call the professionals...

Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Dr. Peter Venkman: Ghostbusters.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Our courteous and efficient staff is on call 24 hours a day to serve all your supernatural elimination needs.

Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Dr. Peter Venkman: We're ready to believe you.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Are you okay?

Louis: Who are you guys?

Dr. Raymond Stantz: We're the Ghostbusters.

Louis: Who does your taxes?

Dr. Raymond Stantz: You know, Mr. Tully, you are a most fortunate individual.

Louis: I know!

Dr. Raymond Stantz: You have been a participant in the biggest interdimensional cross rip since the Tunguska blast of 1909!

Louis: Felt great.

Dr. Egon Spengler: We'd like to get a sample of your brain tissue.

Louis: Okay.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: The whole building is a huge, superconductive antenna that was designed and built expressly for the purpose of pulling in and concentrating spiritual turbulence. Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse... of Spook Central.

Dr. Peter Venkman: She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers... FOUR FEET above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws!

Dr. Egon Spengler: It's not the *girl*, Peter, it's the *building*.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [astounded] Talk about telekinetic activity, look at this mess!

Dr. Egon Spengler: Raymond, look at this.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Ectoplasmic residue.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Venkman, get a sample of this.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: It's the real thing.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Somebody blows their nose and wanna keep it?

Dr. Egon Spengler: I'd like to analyze it.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: There's more over here.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I'm getting stronger readings here.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Whoa, ah.

[Venkman tries to wipe the slime off of his hand]

Dr. Egon Spengler: This way.

[to Venkman]

Dr. Peter Venkman: Egon, what do you think?

Dr. Egon Spengler: [looking up and blinding Peter with his headlamp] She's telling the truth. At least, she thinks she is.

Dana Barrett: Well, of course I'm telling the truth! Who would make up a story like that?

Dr. Peter Venkman: [becoming suave] Some are people who just want attention. Others, just nutballs who come in off the street.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: You know what it could be? Past-life experience intruding on present time.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Could be race memory stored in the collective unconscious. I wouldn't rule out clairvoyance or telepathic contact either.

Dana Barrett: I'm sorry, I don't believe in any of those things.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, that's all right. I don't either.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: I think we'd better split up.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Good idea.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah... we can do more damage that way.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I feel like the floor of a taxi cab.

Dr. Peter Venkman: How's the grid holding up?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Not good.

Winston Zeddemore: Tell him about the Twinkie.

Dr. Peter Venkman: What about the Twinkie?

Dr. Raymond Stantz: It's a girl.

Dr. Egon Spengler: It's Gozer.

Winston Zeddemore: I thought Gozer was a man.

Dr. Egon Spengler: It's whatever it wants to be.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Well, whatever it is, it's gotta get by us.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Right!

[pause]

Dr. Peter Venkman: Go get her, Ray!

Winston Zeddemore: Hey, wait a minute. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Hold it! Now, are we actually gonna go before a federal judge, and tell him that some moldy Babylonian god is going to drop in on Central Park West, and start tearing up the city?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Sumerian, not Babylonian.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah. Big difference.

Winston Zeddemore: No offense, guys, but I've gotta get my own lawyer.

Janine Melnitz: Do you want some coffee, Mr. Tulley?

Louis: [to Egon] Do I?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Yes, have some.

Louis: [to Janine] Yes, have some.

[evaluating a site for their business]

Dr. Peter Venkman: What do you think, Egon?

Dr. Egon Spengler: I think this building should be condemned. There's serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it's completely inadequate for our power needs, and the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Hey. Does this pole still work?

[slides down a fireman's pole]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Wow. This place is great. When can we move in? You gotta try this pole. I'm gonna get my stuff. Hey. We should stay here. Tonight. Sleep here. You know, to try it out.

[Venkman looks at Spengler. Spengler slowly shakes his head. Venkman turns to the real estate agent]

Dr. Peter Venkman: I think we'll take it.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Venkman, shorten your stream! I don't want my face burned off!

Dr. Peter Venkman: He slimed me.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: That's great. Actual physical contact. Can you move?

Dr. Egon Spengler: [over walkie-talkie] Ray, Ray, come in please.

Dr. Peter Venkman: I feel so funky.

Janine Melnitz: You are so kind to take care of that man. You know, you're a real humanitarian.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I don't think he's human.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Nimble little minx, in't she?

Dr. Egon Spengler: We're gonna go full stream.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Aim for the flattop!

[Ghostbusters shoot at Gozer, but she disappears]

Dr. Peter Venkman: [uncertainly] Wasn't so hard.

[surveying a wrecked apartment building corridor having climbed over thirty flights of stairs with his proton pack]

Dr. Egon Spengler: [casually] Art Deco, very nice.

Dr. Egon Spengler: [about the storage facility] I'm worried, Ray. It's getting crowded in there, and all my recent data points to something big on the horizon.

Winston Zeddemore: What do you mean "big"?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Well...

[Egon takes a Twinkie]

Dr. Egon Spengler: ...let's say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. According to this morning's sample, it would be a twinkie... 35 feet long and weighing approximately 600 pounds.

[Ray coughs, in disbelief]

Winston Zeddemore: That's a big Twinkie.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: We could on the verge of a fourfold cross-reap. A P.K.E. surge of incredible, even dangerous proportions!

Dr. Peter Venkman: All right, this chick is TOAST. Okay; sticks?

Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: HOLDIN'!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Heat 'em up!

Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: SMOKIN'!

Dr. Peter Venkman: MAKE 'EM HARD!

Dr. Raymond Stantz, Dr. Egon Spengler, Winston Zeddemore: READY!

Dr. Peter Venkman: Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I have a radical idea. The door swings both ways, we could reverse the polarity flow through the gate.

Dr. Peter Venkman: How?

Dr. Egon Spengler: [hesitates] We'll cross the streams.

Dr. Peter Venkman: 'Scuse me Egon? You said crossing the streams was bad!

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Cross the streams...

Dr. Peter Venkman: You're gonna endanger us, you're gonna endanger our client - the nice lady, WHO PAID US IN ADVANCE, before she became a dog...

Dr. Egon Spengler: Not necessarily. There's definitely a VERY SLIM chance we'll survive.

[pause while they consider this]

Dr. Peter Venkman: [slaps Ray] I love this plan! I'm excited it could work! LET'S DO IT!

Janine Melnitz: [Coming in as Egon was running tests on Louis who is possessed by Vince Clorthow] Egon, I tried to stop them they say they have a warrant.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Excuse me, this is private property.

Walter Peck: [after observing the storage facility] Shut this off, shut these all off.

Dr. Egon Spengler: I'm warning you. Turning off these machines would be extremely hazardous.

Walter Peck: No, I'll tell "you" what's hazardous, you're facing Federal prosecution for about a half dozen environmental violations. Now either you shut off these machines, or we'll shut them off for you.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Try to understand, this a high voltage laser containment system. Simply turning it off would be like dropping a bomb on the city.

Walter Peck: Don't patronize me, I'm not grotesquely stupid, like the people you've bilked!

Dr. Peter Venkman: [arriving, to the officer] At ease officer, I'm Peter Venkman, I'm a partner in this facility and I'm going to cooperate in any way that I can.

Walter Peck: Forget it, Venkman. You had your chance to cooperate, but you though it would be more fun to insult me. Well, now it's my turn, wiseass.

Dr. Egon Spengler: He wants to shut down the protection grid, Peter.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Walter Peck] You shut that thing down, and "we" are not gonna be held responsible for whatever happens.

Walter Peck: Oh yes you will, I'll make sure you will.

Dr. Peter Venkman: No, we won't be.

Walter Peck: [to the electrician] Shut it off.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [to the electrician] Don't shut it off. I'm warning ya.

Con Edison Man: I, I never seen anything like this before. I'm not sure...

Walter Peck: [Interrupting] I'm not interested in your opinion, just shut it off.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [Gets in electrician's way] My friend, don't be a jerk.

Police Sergeant: [Gets in Peter's way] Step aside.

Walter Peck: If he does that again, you can shoot him.

Police Sergeant: You do 'your" job, pencilneck. Don't tell me how to do mine.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Thank you, officer.

Walter Peck: [aggravatingly shouting] Shut it off!

[the Ghostbusters exit the elevator. Dr. Egon Spengler charges his proton pack]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Come on.

[Chambermaid enters Hallway/corridor from Hotel Room]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [Ray and Egon shout and blast her cart with proton beams]

Dr. Peter Venkman: Whoa! Hold it!

Chambermaid: What the HELL are you doing?

Dr. Egon Spengler: Sorry.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Sorry.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: I'm Sorry.

Dr. Peter Venkman: We thought you were someone else. Successful test.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: I guess so. I think we'd better split up.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Good idea.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Yeah, we can do more damage that way.

[talking about Dana's building, while waiting in jail]

Dr. Egon Spengler: The architect's name was Evo Shandor. I found it in Tobin's Spirit Guide. He was also a doctor, performed a lot of unnecessary surgery. And then in 1920, he started a secret society...

Dr. Peter Venkman: Let me guess: Gozer worshippers.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Right.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Ray] No studying.

Dr. Egon Spengler: After the First World War, Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive.

[He pauses, glancing nervously around at the holding cell crowd]

Dr. Egon Spengler: And he wasn't alone, he had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals up on the roof. Bizarre rituals, intended to bring about the *end of the world*, and now it looks like it might actually happen.

[pause. Peter spins around to face another of the inmates, and starts singing]

Dr. Peter Venkman: So be good, for goodness' sake! Whoa, somebody's coming...

[at jail, the ghostbusters study the blueprints of the building where Dana lives]

Dr. Egon Spengler: The structure of this roof cap is exactly like the kind of telemetry tracker that NASA uses to identify dead pulsars in deep space.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Cold-riveted girders with cores of pure selenium.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [to a cellmate looking over the blueprints] Everybody getting this so far? So what? I guess they just don't make them like they used to.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: [impatiently] No!

[Ray slaps Peter on the forehead]

Dr. Raymond Stantz: Nobody ever made them like this! The architect was either a certified genius, or an authentic wacko.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Ray, for a moment, pretend that I don't know anything about metallurgy, engineering or physics, and just tell me what the hell is going on.

Dr. Raymond Stantz: You never studied. The whole building is a huge superconductive antenna that was designed and built for the purpose of pulling in and concentrating spiritual turbulence. Your girlfriend lives in the corner penthouse of spook central.

Dr. Peter Venkman: She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and sleeps above her covers. Four feet above her covers. She barks, she drools, she claws...

Dr. Egon Spengler: It's not the girl, Peter, it's the building. Something terrible is about to enter our world, and this building is obviously the door!

[pause]

Dr. Egon Spengler: The architect's name was lvo Shandor. I found it in Tobin's Spirit Guide. He was also a doctor. Performed a lot of unnecessary surgery. And then, in 1920, he started a secret society.

Dr. Peter Venkman: Let me guess. Gozer worshipers.

Dr. Egon Spengler: Right.

Dr. Peter Venkman: [to Ray] No studying...

Dr. Egon Spengler: After the First World War, Shandor decided that society was too sick to survive. He wasn't alone. He had close to a thousand followers when he died. They conducted rituals up on the roof, bizarre rituals intended to bring about the end of the world. And now it looks like it may actually happen!

[pause. Peter spins around to face another of the inmates, and starts singing]

Dr. Peter Venkman: So be good, for goodness sake! Whoa... somebody's coming!

Dr. Egon Spengler: I blame myself.