Dr. Ben Sobel Quotes in Analyze This (1999)

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Dr. Ben Sobel Quotes:

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: You don't hear the word "no" a lot, do you?

    Boss Paul Vitti: Well, I hear it all the time, only it's more like "no, please, no!"

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: What happened with your wife last night?

    Boss Paul Vitti: I wasn't with my wife, I was with my girlfriend.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Are you having marriage problems?

    Boss Paul Vitti: No.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Then why do you have a girlfriend?

    Boss Paul Vitti: What, are you gonna start moralizing on me?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: No, I'm not, I'm just trying to understand, why do you have a girlfriend?

    Boss Paul Vitti: I do things with her I can't do with my wife.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Why can't you do them with your wife?

    Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, that's the mouth she kisses my kids goodnight with! What are you, crazy?

  • Boss Paul Vitti: Whoever did that thing to you-know-who, that good friend of mine, they're trying to do that to me now, and I'm having a lot of feelings about that. And I'm... and I'm trying to get some... some...

    Dr. Ben Sobel: [whispering] "Closure"

    Boss Paul Vitti: ...closure on that, ya know?

    Primo: What kind of feelings?

    Boss Paul Vitti: I'm... I'm very angry, I'm feeling very angry about that. I'm... I'm really... uh... I'm enraged, I'm feeling very, very mad about that.

    Primo: So why are you telling me?

    Boss Paul Vitti: Why am I telling you? Like you don't know nothing about it, huh? You don't know... what?

    Primo: I don't know what your talking about.

    Boss Paul Vitti: Okay, whatever, whatever. I'm just trying to...

    Dr. Ben Sobel: [Whispering] "Tell you about my feelings..."

    Boss Paul Vitti: ...tell you about my feelings and that, uh...

    Dr. Ben Sobel: [Whispering] "I'm angry..."

    Boss Paul Vitti: ...I'm angry and... and that anger is a...

    Dr. Ben Sobel: [Whispering] "Blocked wish...?"

    Boss Paul Vitti: ...a blocked wish. And I'm looking forward to seeing you... next week at that thing, and then I can... unblock that angered wish... and then hopefully... hopefully you make one more move on me you motherfucker I'll fuckin' cut your fuckin' balls off I'll shove them up your fuckin' ass, I'll fuckin' bury you, I'll put fuckin' ice picks in your eyes, I'll chop your fuckin' eyeballs, I'll send them to your fuckin' family so they can eat 'em for dessert. You understand me?

    Primo: Hey Paul...

    Boss Paul Vitti: What?

    Primo: Fuck you.

    Boss Paul Vitti: You motherfucker!

    Primo: [to Moony] You get a dictionary and find out what this "closure" is. If that's what he's going to hit us with, I want to know what it is

    Boss Paul Vitti: [to Dr. Sobel] Yeah. How was that?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: It was going great until the... cutting off of the balls and shoving it up his ass.

  • [Ben rushes up to Paul's room after Jelly throws a hit man off the balcony onto the wedding party]

    Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, people get depressed, they jump. But that ain't my fault.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, so you're telling me it was suicide?

    Boss Paul Vitti: I don't know, he probably left a note. Jelly, did they find that note?

    Jelly: [taking out a pen] Uh no, but they will in a minute.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, and let me guess what it says? "Life is bullshit, I can't fucking take it no more! Signed, the Dead Guy."

    Jelly: Hey, that's good, Doc.

  • Boss Paul Vitti: I couldn't get it up last night.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: You mean sexually?

    Boss Paul Vitti: No, I mean for the big game against Michigan State. Of course sexually! What the fuck's the matter with you?

  • Boss Paul Vitti: You're turning me down?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: When I got into family therapy, this was not the "family" I had in mind.

    Boss Paul Vitti: You, with your schmucky little office in your schmucky little home, you're turning *me* down? For what, so you can go back and listen to housewives piss and moan about how nobody fucks 'em right anymore?

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: Let me get this straight: you flew all the way down to Miami and kidnapped me from my hotel room in the middle of the night just because you couldn't get an erection?

    Boss Paul Vitti: Don't that prove I'm motivated?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: You know, you can take a pill for that.

    Boss Paul Vitti: Nah, you start with the pills, the next thing you know you're putting in hydraulics. A hard-on should be achieved legitimately or it shouldn't be achieved at all.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Hmm, I think Mark Twain said that, didn't he?

  • [Preparing to kill him]

    Jelly: Sorry, Doc. Nothing personal.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Don't kid yourself, Jelly, it doesn't get more personal.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: What is my goal here, to make you a happy, well-adjusted gangster?

  • [afterreceiving a lavish gift from Vitti]

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Call the Vatican. See if something is missing.

  • [Impersonating a gangster]

    Dr. Ben Sobel: My name is Ben Sobel... -lioni. Ben Sobellioni. I'm also known as, uh, Benny the Groin, Sammy the Schnazz, Elmer the Fudd, Tubby the Tuba, and once as Miss Phyllis Levine.

  • [when two hit men attack Paul and Ben in a junkyard, Ben grabs Paul's gun and blindly shoots back - he straightens up and sees two dead men]

    Dr. Ben Sobel: J-Jelly? Did I do that?

    Jelly: No, Doc. That one's mine. You got the '72 Chevy, and the Amana side-by-side refrigerator-freezer.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: You know what I do when I'm angry? I hit a pillow. Just hit the pillow, see how you feel.

    [Vitti pulls out a gun and shoots a pillow]

    Boss Paul Vitti: There's your fuckin' pillow.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Feel better?

    Boss Paul Vitti: Yeah, I do.

  • Caroline: [complaining about her ex-boyfriend] What do you think I should do?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, what I think you should do... is stop whining about this pathetic loser.

    [Sobel stands up]

    Dr. Ben Sobel: You are a tragedy queen! "Oh, Steve doesn't like me!" "Steve doesn't respect me!" Oh, who gives a shit? GET A FUCKIN' LIFE!

    Caroline: Dr Sobel?

    [Sobel, back in his chair, snaps out of a daze]

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: That's it! Over! I'm no longer your doctor!

    Boss Paul Vitti: What? 'Cause of this?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Because of this little DOUBLE HOMICIDE? YES!

  • Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, I got news for you, you little two-bit prick, son-of-a-bitch, rat-bastard you did nothing for me! Whatever you did the other day didn't take! I'm still fucked up! You did fucking NOTHING for me!

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Hey, what do you expect? I saw you for five minutes! I can't work miracles, Mr. Viti! And let me tell you something, I do not appreciate it when someone sneaks into my hotel room and kidnaps me in the middle of the night. I have a life, Mr. Viti, I have a family, and I have a serious practice, and I don't have time for your BULLSHIT!... That got away from me at the end there.

  • Boss Paul Vitti: You know me?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Yes.

    Boss Paul Vitti: No you don't.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Okay.

    Boss Paul Vitti: You see my picture in the paper?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Yes.

    Boss Paul Vitti: No you didn't.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: I don't even get the paper.

  • Boss Paul Vitti: I can feel the juices rushing back to my balls as we speak.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, that's something I never thought I'd hear another man say to me.

  • [Paul is anxious about his impotence]

    Dr. Ben Sobel: I have to say, not being able to perform three or four times...

    Boss Paul Vitti: Eight times.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: ...eight times, is not catastrophic.

    Boss Paul Vitti: Well, maybe not to you, look at you. But if I can't get it up, that makes me less of a man, and I can't have that. In my world I deal with animals, Doctor. They may seem dumb to an educated guy like you, but make no mistake, Doctor, animals are very cunning, and they sense weakness.

  • Primo: Everybody knows there's been this thing between me and Paul Vitti for a long time.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Which thing are you talking about? The first thing or the second thing?

    Primo: What second thing? I only know one thing.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Hey, how can we bring up the first thing if we're not gonna talk about the second thing. Did you talk to the guy?

    Primo: What guy?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: The guy with the thing!

    Primo: What thing? What the fuck are you talking about?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: How should I know? You brought it up.

  • Michael Sobel: Hey dad. "I go fag, you die!"

    Dr. Ben Sobel: That's it! I am sealing the vent in your room. You cannot listen to my sessions.

    Michael Sobel: It's so cool. Was that really Paul Vitti?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, I didn't ask to see his mafia decoder ring, but yes, that was Paul Vitti. You can't tell anyone about this.

    Michael Sobel: Should I take it off the internet?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Michael!

    Michael Sobel: Just kidding.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: Doc, if you gotta talk, try to be vague. Can you do that?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: I'm a psychiatrist. Believe me, I can be vague.

  • Boss Paul Vitti: I wasn't really gonna whack you.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Paul...

    Boss Paul Vitti: Okay, I was gonna whack you. But I was real conflicted about it.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: They threw me in the shark tank, Paul! The shark tank!

    Boss Paul Vitti: Hey, they were trying to make a point.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: What, that you're a scary guy? Believe me, I get it.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: I am redefining weird on an hourly basis.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: You broke my heart, Jelly, you broke my heart.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: This is impossible. This is you: "Doc, I'm in pain, you gotta help me." "Okay, Paul, I'll help you." "Fuck you! Nobody helps Paul Viti!"

  • FBI Agent Steadman: Dr. Sobel, Mam. I'm Agent Steadman, Agent Ricci, Agent Provano, Federal Bureau Of Investigation, OCD.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?

    FBI Agent Ricci: Organized Crime Division. We need to talk.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: But the black milk dream is also about your father.

    Boss Paul Vitti: Nah, I don't buy that. In the dream, I'm bringing the baby the black milk.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: But let's just say that you are the baby. Freud believed you're everyone in your dreams.

    Boss Paul Vitti: Ah fuck Freud. After what you just told me, you know, I'm afraid to call my own mother on the phone!

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: Dad, you're not coming to my wedding?

    Dr. Isaac Sobel: We wanna be there, but I've got three book signings next weekend. I can't piss off these big bookstores! If I cancel, they stick me down on the bottom shelves. That's the way they are.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: I know, that's the word on the street. Barnes is okay, but that Noble is a vindictive prick.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: [to Patient/wife] "Here's what I think you should do, Elaine. I would do whatever he says. If he wants you to talk, talk. I would get on all fours and bark like a dog. I would do whatever it takes. Smoke some joints! Drink some wine! Whatever it is, to get off on each other and be happy. I mean, come on, look at the two of you! Where are you running? This is the time to be happy! Life is just too short! Too FUCKING short!"

    Elaine Felton: [Patient/wife, turning to look at husband and smiling at each other] "OK."

    Dr. Ben Sobel: [to both husband and wife] "See you Thursday."

  • Boss Paul Vitti: So, did you take care of that thing I asked you about?

    Carlo Mangano: It's all right to talk business in front of your friend?

    Boss Paul Vitti: It's okay.

    Carlo Mangano: I took care of it.

    Boss Paul Vitti: How about the other thing?

    Carlo Mangano: I got to wait for the first thing to come through, before I can move on the second thing.

    Boss Paul Vitti: That guy give you a problem or...?

    Carlo Mangano: The guy on the first thing?

    Boss Paul Vitti: Yeah.

    Carlo Mangano: He's a lunatic.

    Boss Paul Vitti: What did he say?

    Carlo Mangano: The usual.

    Boss Paul Vitti: Did you tell him you weren't going for it?

    Carlo Mangano: What am I gonna do, Paul?

    Boss Paul Vitti: You gotta nip that shit right in the bud.

    Carlo Mangano: But if the first thing comes through, that'll fix everything.

    Boss Paul Vitti: Exactly. Including the second thing.

    Carlo Mangano: Absolutely.

    Boss Paul Vitti: Exactly.

    [Paul Vitti turns to Ben Sobel]

    Boss Paul Vitti: Don't repeat what you hear here. You hear?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: What? The first thing or the second thing?

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: Paul, you have to channel all this nice grief into a murderous rage.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: You know normally a patient wouldn't have a vat of Scotch during a session.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, you said you were fighting. You were rebelling against his authority. There may have been some unresolved Oedipal conflict.

    Boss Paul Vitti: English.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Oedipus was a Greek king who killed his father and married his mother.

    Boss Paul Vitti: Fuckin' Greeks.

  • Jelly: This is serious, Doc. If he doesn't make that meeting they'll kill him for sure.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Why can't someone else in the family go? How about Tommy the Tongue, or Louie the lip? What about you? You go.

    Jelly: That would be great except for one detail. I'm a fuckin' moron. I'm known for it. You have to go.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: [not watching the road] Does your mother ever talk about *anything* else or is it me 24 hours a day?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: [crashes] Oh, shit! This is your mother's fault. It's like voodoo. She knows where I am every second.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: I thought you were in prison?

    Jelly: It would appear not.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Well, well, how'd you get out?

    Jelly: I had a new trial. It turns out that the evidence in the first trial was, uh, you know, tainted.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh, I see.

    Jelly: Anyway, two of the witnesses decided not to testify, uh, and the third guy, well, he commited suicide.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh? How?

    Jelly: He stabbed himself in the back four times and threw himself off a bridge... very unfortunate

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: Lou the Wrench? Why the Wrench?

    Paul Vitti: He twisted some guy's head off.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: OFF?

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: I am grieving. It's a process.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: Ginko biloba. Helps my memory, and I forget what else.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: I thought you might appreciate a nice home-cooked meal after being in prison for so long.

    Paul Vitti: Yeah, that's what I've been jerking off to for the last 850 nights in a row, a fuckin' home-cooked meal. "Oh, tuna casserole!"

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: [at his father's funeral] It's not easy for me to speak about my father, cause in a sense, I'm talking about two people. One is the public Issac Sobel, the eminent psychotherapist and popular author, known to millions of readers around the world. The second is the private man, my father. Dad. And for those who knew him well, and for those who knew our family well. Well, I don't have to tell you: He was a psychotic mind fucking prick! An arrogant ego inflated son of a bitch! I wish you were alive so I could kill you.

    [shouts]

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Rot in hell!

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: [Ben Sobel asks Paul to describe a picture of a father walking in saying good night to his wife and son lying in bed] OK, Paul. I want you to take a look at this picture and tell me what is happening.

    Paul Vitti: This is a picture of a guy who is a nice hard-working fellow and comes home to find his wife is in bed with a midget who she has been fucking while he has been out of town.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: So she has been having intercourse?

    Paul Vitti: Yep. With a midget!

  • Agent Miller: Dr. Sobel, have you been receiving calls from mobster Paul Vitti?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Why would you say I received a call from Paul Vitti?

    Agent Miller: Because we record all his calls from Sing Sing.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Then yes, I did.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: [straining] I'm very attached to my balls.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: I was at a funeral.

    Paul Vitti: What's that got to do with someone trying to kill me in jail? You're my Doctor!

    Dr. Ben Sobel: My father died.

    Paul Vitti: So. With you it is always me, me, me, me, me, me. He's dead. So get over it.

  • [after Paul opens the bedroom door]

    Dr. Ben Sobel: I have a 17-year-old son.

    Paul Vitti: I'll ask her.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: We don't think it's necessary to wake the neighbors every time we have sex.

    Paul Vitti: If you're quiet, you could do it without even waking your wife.

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: The girl has got to go.

    Paul Vitti: You know, Doc, I think you might be jealous.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Oh and what exactly might I be jealous of?

    Paul Vitti: I don't know, I didn't hear nothin' comin' out of your room.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: We just don't think it's necessary to wake the neighbors every time we have sex!

    Paul Vitti: If you're quiet enough, you can do it without waking your wife.

  • Paul Vitti: [as they drive away from SingSing, Paul is acting psycotic, as soon as SingSing's out of view Paul acts normal] You fuckin' piece of shit! I call to say someone's trying to kill me and you fuckin' hang up on me?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: I knew it, I knew it! You lied!

    Paul Vitti: What was with you stickin' me with that fuckin' needle?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: You lied! You used me to get you out of prison!

    Paul Vitti: Took you long enough! I've been singing "West Side Story" songs for three fuckin' days, I'm half a fag already!

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: [Paul and Shiela are having sex in another room, Ben and Laura are lying awake listening. As Paul and Shiela quiet down, Paul glances at his watch] Forty minutes.

    Laura Sobel: How much longer are they going to go on?

    Dr. Ben Sobel: How much longer 'can' they go on? Another ten minutes, I'm going to either break it up or I'll call the Guiness Book of Records.

    [They continue lying there. As it gets loud again, they sit up. They can hear Shiela]

    Sheila: [Screaming] Oh God! Oh God! OH GOD!

    Laura Sobel: Oh, gimmie a break. She's faking!

    Dr. Ben Sobel: What?

    Laura Sobel: Nobody sounds like that!

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: [after falling down hard on gravel and in obvious pain] Oh... oh! What a day for my balls!

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: Paul, you know what you said about not flipping out?

    Paul Vitti: Yeah.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Sorry.

    [freaks out]

  • Dr. Ben Sobel: I know what you're doing Paul. You're just upset that I have custody of you, so you passive-aggressively arranged for me to look like a fool.

    Paul Vitti: Oh come on. You were great! You were great!

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Second take, I thought, was a little better than the first. Jelly wasn't giving me much, honestly. so I j... Screw you, Paul.

  • Mobster: [after he stops squeezing his testicles] No hard feelings.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: [Painfully] No... and probably never again.

  • [last lines]

    Paul Vitti: Hey, doc.

    [singing]

    Paul Vitti: There's a place for us.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: A time and place for us.

    Jelly: Hold my hand and we're halfway there.

    Dr. Ben SobelPaul VittiJelly: Hold my hand and I'll take you there. Somehow, someday, somewhere!

  • [Dr. Ben is being escorted into a room with LoPresti and gang after shopping. DeVol takes his groceries]

    Dr. Ben Sobel: Careful, the eggs are on the bottom...

    Eddie DeVol: Oh, yeah?

    [drops the bags and the eggs smash]

  • Paul Vitti: Hey doc, what is it with your folks? They tend to over react a little.

    Dr. Ben Sobel: I know, I don't get it either, I mean all you did was flash everyone in the dining room.

    Paul Vitti: Yeah, I know that. But wouldn't it do them good to get a bit of the old saussiche now and then?

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