Dr. Allison Reed Quotes in Evolution (2001)

[Harry has just had an alien removed rectally]

Dr. Allison Reed: It's over, it's over. You did great! Do you need anything? Can we get you anything?

Harry Block: Ice cream... I'd like an ice cream please.

Dr. Allison Reed: Okay, what flavor?

Harry Block: It doesn't matter. It's for my ass.

Dr. Allison Reed: There's something I feel I should tell you, but I don't know exactly how.

Ira Kane: Well, just say it. We're adults and we're all about to die a very horrible death soon anyway, so?

Dr. Allison Reed: I would've rocked your world.

Ira Kane: You already have.

[an alien bug is crawling inside Block's leg]

Dr. Allison Reed: What are you gonna do?

Dr. Paulson: We might have to amputate.

Harry Block: Whoa, Doc! Don't take the leg! Ira, don't let them take my leg.

Ira Kane: Isn't there anything else you can do? He thinks he's an athlete.

Nurse Tate: Doctor, look!

Dr. Paulson: It's headed for his testicles.

Harry Block: Take it! Take it! Take the leg!

Dr. Allison Reed: Your Honor, if the Court would allow me to depose Dr. Kane?

Ira Kane: Depose *me*?

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: Oh, we think your past is very relevant, Doctor Kane. These issues speak directly to his competence as a scientist.

Ira Kane: Dr. Kane, you were a top-level researcher at USAMRIID from '94 to '97, were you not?

Dr. Allison Reed: Yes, that's correct.

Ira Kane: And you were summarily dismissed in the summer of 1997. Any idea why?

Ira Kane: My services were no longer required?

Ira Kane: Uh-huh. So, in your opinion, your firing had nothing to do with an experimental anthrax vaccine that you developed and administered to nearly 140,000 U.S. soldiers in May of that year?

Dr. Allison Reed: [leans in and whispers, smiling] I see where you're going with this.

[louder]

Dr. Allison Reed: It may have been a factor, you'd have to ask the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Ira Kane: I'll make a note to do that. But for now, can you tell me what happened to the soldiers who were inoculated with your vaccine?

Ira Kane: Well, uh, none of them got anthrax, if that's what you're asking.

Dr. Allison Reed: What did they get?

Ira Kane: Um, well, as with any new vaccine, there were certain side effects associated with it.

Dr. Allison Reed: Could you be more specific?

Ira Kane: Well, it was a wide range of things, it's very technical, I'd hate to waste the court's time getting into it right now.

Dr. Allison Reed: Humor me.

Ira Kane: Some debilitating stomach cramps... severe diarrhea... memory loss.

Dr. Allison Reed: Yes? Go on. Any more symptoms?

[Harry is looking mortified and shocked at the defense table]

Ira Kane: Partial facial paralysis, temporary blindness, drooling, bleeding gums, erectile dysfunction, uncontrollable flatulence. I think that's it.

Dr. Allison Reed: One more question. Do you happen to remember what the soldiers called this illness, Doctor Kane?

Ira Kane: Yeah. They called it "The Kane Madness."

Ira Kane: You wouldn't understand.

Dr. Allison Reed: No, how could I? I'm just a humorless ice maiden in desperate need of a good humping.

Ira Kane: Oh... you heard that, huh?

Dr. Allison Reed: Loud and clear.

[the Governor and science teams watch while an alien primate smashes the command site's video monitor cameras]

Carla: They just took out 6 and 7.

Lt. Cryer: All the monitors are down!

Governor Lewis: Well, that can't be good!

[a rumbling is heard]

Ira Kane: That's the elevator.

Col. Flemming: We have no personnel down there.

Dr. Allison Reed: They've breached the airlock.

Governor Lewis: [incredulously] What, the fuzzy no-nosed chimp?

Dr. Allison Reed: At this rate, they will take over Glen Canyon in three days. In a week, the rest of Arizona. Within two months, the United States will officially belong to them. And we are extinct.

Governor Lewis: Oh, you gotta be shittin' me!

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: We evacuate, make it safe, and then we burn the alien menace right the hell out of there.

Dr. Allison Reed: With what?

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: With napalm. Lots and lots of napalm.

Ira Kane: Napalm? Why don't you just nuke 'em while you're at it?

Col. Flemming: [with an eager grin] What about nukes?

[Woodman starts thinking about it]

Governor Lewis: Pull your horns in there, boys! Nobody's dropping an H-bomb on my state!

[after having Ira and Harry thrown out of the base]

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: Don't you have work to do?

Dr. Allison Reed: You are such an asshole!

[She storms off]

Col. Flemming: You know, when a woman expresses anger, it's often because she...

Brigadier Gen. Russell Woodman: Shut up.

[Kane and Block have sneaked into the Army Compound]

Harry Block: Ooh. Your girlfriend, eleven-o'clock.

[Allison drops her files, as Kane turns to look]

Dr. Allison Reed: Oh, darn it.

Ira Kane: That woman is a menace.

[the alien creature turns around to reveal what looks like spherical buttocks]

Harry Block: [grinning] Ira, look at that backside! Theater in the round. That's the kind of trunk space you want in a late-model car. Who does that remind you of?

Ira Kane: I've no idea what you're talking about.

Harry Block: She's been throwing it at you enough.

Ira Kane: [incredulously] Dr. Reed?

Harry Block: Bull's-eye.

[Cut to the Ops Room]

Lt. Cryer: Excuse me, Dr. Reed, did you authorize a walk-through?

Dr. Allison Reed: No. Why?

Lt. Cryer: Um, you should probably take a look at something. Here.

[On the computer screen, they see and hear Block teasing:]

Harry Block: That's the kind of rump you want to roast! The kind of muffin you'd like to butter!

Ira Kane: That is, that is a nice image. And I appreciate your assumption that there is an actual sexual human being underneath all Dr. Reed's deep-seated neuroses, but I don't think so.

Harry Block: What?

Ira Kane: Yeah. I think she is a humorless ice queen.