DQ Quotes in Shoot 'Em Up (2007)

[DQ has just had a quickie with a passing john to raise some quick cash]

DQ: To buy something for the baby.

Mr. Smith: Something for the baby?

[back in the pawnshop, she wraps Baby Oliver in a bulletproof vest]

DQ: A bulletproof vest is better than a crib.

Mr. Smith: I hate to think what you'd do to get him into the right school.

DQ: Who are you?

Mr. Smith: I'm a British nanny, and I'm dangerous.

DQ: You are the angriest man in the world!

Mr. Smith: If I remember right, you used to like it like that.

Mr. Smith: I move my finger one inch to use my turn signal. Why are these assholes so lazy they can't move their finger one fucking measly inch to drive more safely? You wanna know why?

DQ: Not particularly.

Mr. Smith: Because these rich bastards have to be callous and inconsiderate in the first place to make all that money, so when they get on the road, they can't help themselves. They've gotta be callous and inconsiderate drivers too. It's in their nature.

Mr. Smith: You want to know the difference between this luxury car and a porcupine?

DQ: I give up.

Mr. Smith: With the car, the prick's on the inside.

DQ: Why don't you take the baby to the police?

Mr. Smith: I can't go to the police.

DQ: Why not?

Mr. Smith: I'm the Unabomber.

DQ: They caught the Unabomber.

Mr. Smith: That's what they think.

DQ: Are you hungry?

Mr. Smith: Hey. Do you notice that?

DQ: Notice what?

Mr. Smith: Look.

[flicks channels on TV]

Mr. Smith: Lame-ass politician rants about gun control, he cries.

[flicks again]

Mr. Smith: Switch to this channel with this heavy metal music... he shuts up. That's so weird.

DQ: [DQ is breastfeeding another man] Wait your turn, Smith, there's plenty to go around.

Mr. Smith: Not for me, thanks. I'm lactose intolerant.

Mr. Smith: [after coming across a room full of semen samples] Watch where you step. The ice cream is melting.

DQ: What?

Mr. Smith: I thought donor sperm was your department.