Doug the Head Quotes in Snatch (2000)

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Doug the Head Quotes:

  • Avi: You got a toothbrush? We're going to London. Do you hear that, Doug? I'm coming to London.

    [Avi arrives in London]

    Doug the Head: Avi!

    Avi: Shut up and sit down, you big, bald fuck. I don't like leaving my own country, Doug, and I especially don't like leaving it for anything less then warm sandy beaches, and cocktails with little straw hats.

    Doug the Head: We've got sandy beaches...

    Avi: So? Who the fuck wants to see 'em? I hope you appreciate the concern I have for my friend Franky, Doug. I'm gonna find him, and you're gonna help me find him, and we're gonna start at that fight.

  • [Doug sees four Jewish kids smoking]

    Doug the Head: What are you doing?

    Jewish Boy: [spits] It's a free country, ain't it?

    Doug the Head: Well it ain't a free shop, is it? So fuck off!

  • Doug the Head: Avi, I'm not telepathic.

    Cousin Avi: Well you're plenty fucking stupid, I'll give you that. Do you know why they call him Franky "Four Fingers" Doug? Because he makes stupid bets with dangerous people, and when he doesn't pay up, they give him the chop, Doug. And I'm not talking about his fucking fore-skin either.

  • Doug the Head: [examining Franky's diamonds] Ah, from Russia with love, eh?

    Franky Four Fingers: I have stones to sell, fat to chew, and many different men to see about many different dogs, so if I am not rushing you...

    Doug the Head: Slow down, Franky, my son. When in Rome.

    Franky Four Fingers: I am not in Rome, Doug. I am in a rush. I got to make the bookies.

    Doug the Head: Bookies? What are you betting on?

    Franky Four Fingers: Bomber Harris.

    Doug the Head: Ah. The unlicensed boxer, eh? Do you know something that I don't?

    Franky Four Fingers: Bubbe, I probably know a lot you don't.

  • [last lines]

    Turkish: [narrating] Tommy persuaded me to keep the dog. I eventually agreed, as long as he took it to a vet. I couldn't stand that squeaking any more. The vet found half an undigested shoe, a squeaky toy, and an 84-carat diamond lodged in its stomach. It's quite amazing what can happen in a week. Still didn't shut it up though. So what do you do? You go to see the man that knows about these sort of things.

    Turkish: So what do you think? Do you know anyone who'd be interested?

    Doug the Head: I might.

  • Alex Denovitz: What about Tony?

    [Cut back and forth between Doug's office and a younger Tony in Charlie's brothel]

    Alex Denovitz: You know, Bullet Tooth Tony.

    Avi: Who's Bullet Tooth...?

    Charlie: Tony!

    Bullet Tooth Tony: You silly fuck.

    Doug the Head: He's a liability.

    Alex Denovitz: He'll find you Moses and the burning bush, if you pay him to.

    Charlie: [draws a gun] You are gonna die, Tony!

    Alex Denovitz: He got shot six times, had the bullets molded into gold.

    [Charlie shoots Tony twice in the chest]

    Charlie: I shoot you, you go down!

    Susi Denovitz: He's got two in his teeth that Dad did for him. So he loves Dad.

    [Charlie shoots Tony three more times]

    Charlie: Why don't you fucking die!

    Susi Denovitz: He's the best chance you got of finding Franky.

    Avi: Six times?

    [Charlie shoots Tony in the mouth]

    Doug the Head: In one sitting.

    [Tony, blood dripping from his mouth, draws a saber]

    Bullet Tooth Tony: You're in trouble now!

  • Cousin Avi: Is there gambling involved?

    Doug the Head: It's a boxing match, Avi, a boxing match.

    Cousin Avi: Did he have a case with him?

    Doug the Head: Yes, he had a case.

    Cousin Avi: And this schmuck is gambling? You're talking about Franky "I've got a problem with gambling" fucking Four Fingers Doug.

  • Avi: [in Doug's office while trying to find Boris] Russians.

    [he chuckles]

    Avi: Russians. I should've known. Anti-Semite, slippery Cossack sluts. What do you know about this goyim?

    Bullet Tooth Tony: Ex-KGB cancer. He was a highly trained undercover agent. He'll be impossible to track down.

    Doug the Head: [the phone rings and Doug picks it up] Yeah.

    Susi Denovitz: Dad, there's a strange man down here who wants to sell us an 84-carat stone.

    Doug the Head: Where does he come from?

    Susi Denovitz: I don't know, it's hard to tell. He's got a thick Russian accent.

    [cut to a TV monitor as Boris stares suspiciously into the camera]

  • Avi: Tony, there is a man I'd like you to find.

    Bullet Tooth Tony: Well, that depends on all the elements in the equation. How many are there?

    Avi: Forty thousand.

    Bullet Tooth Tony: Where was he last seen?

    Doug the Head: At a bookie's.

    Bullet Tooth Tony: A bookie's... pass us the blower, Susi.

Browse more character quotes from Snatch (2000)

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