Doug Harris Quotes in The Wedding Ringer (2015)

[from trailer]

Doug Harris: I want my real life to be as fun as the one I made up!

Jimmy: This is what you have to understand, Doug. Some people are just loners. It's that simple, man.

Doug Harris: Maybe I don't want to be. Maybe I just want someone to grab a beer with, to go on a cool guy trip with.

Jimmy: You've never been on a guy trip, Doug? Cabo, Cancun, spring break? You've never done anything like that?

Doug Harris: I never really had anyone to go with.

Jimmy: It doesn't mean that we're not going to have a good time, Doug.

Doug Harris: I said I got it. You're anybody's friend for a price, but nobody's when it counts.

[from trailer]

Jimmy: Meet your groomsmen!

[Doug looks at a bunch of strangers]

Doug Harris: These guys can not be my groomsmen. It looks like the entire cast of Goonies grew up and became rapists!

Hal Lane: And your first dance will be to what song?

Paige: To our song, "You Are So Beautiful". That's by Joe Cocker.

Hal Lane: [sarcastically] Thanks.

Paige: [glances at Doug, who looks dissatisfied] What?

Doug Harris: That's not our song. That's not our song.

Paige: Honey, of course it is! Babe, don't you remember? Your broken CD player repeated it over and over and over the first time we made love?

Hal Lane: Aww.

Paige: So amazing.

Doug Harris: That wasn't... that wasn't me. That was your ex, Steve. And I know that 'cause you've told me the story about five times.

[from trailer]

Jimmy: I'm assuming you made up a name for me?

Doug Harris: Bic Mitchum.

Jimmy: Do I wear a cape? "Hello, ladies, what's going on? My name is Bic." "I'm Bic Mitchum and I love candy!" "Bic Mitchum can have whatever he wants!"... I like it.

[later on]

Paige: Don't you think it's a little strange that your best man's name is... Bic Mitchum?

[from trailer]

Doug Harris: What exactly do you do?

Jimmy: I provide best man services for guys who lack in such areas.

Doug Harris: So, I'm not alone?

Jimmy: Alone? No! I run a very profitable business because of guys like you! How many weddings were in the US last year?

Doug Harris: 2.4 million!

Jimmy: That means 2.4 million grooms! You think each and everyone of them has someone as their best man?

[from trailer]

Jimmy: You can hide a fat ass in baggy pants, but you cannot hide a bad dancer!

Doug Harris: You ask how a girl like Gretchen could fall for me? I took her dancing!

[a dance off ensues]