Dortmunder Quotes in The Hot Rock (1972)

Warden: [as he is being released from prison] No matter what institution I'm in, sooner or later I got you inside it. You couldn't, um, really go straight?

Dortmunder: [after a thoughtful pause and an exhale] My heart wouldn't be in it, Frank.

Abe Greenberg: I am sometime so astute, it's remarkable. There are some things people will not do.

Dortmunder: But there's things that get done that you can't do yourself. There's things that happen that you can make happen! Am I right, Chicken?

Dr. Amusa: I won't pay a penny more than $25,000 a man.

Dortmunder: I didn't ask for any more.

Dr. Amusa: It comes to a total of exactly $100,000. Four men. If you need five, you'll each take less.

Kelp: What if we can do it with three?

Dr. Amusa: That will still be $25,000. I wouldn't want to encourage greed.

Kelp: There's no greed around here, Doctor. We're all men of goodwill.

Dr. Amusa: If I weren't a man of goodwill, I might think that some of us lied about the prison records of others of us. As it is, I know it was only an oversight.

[Persuading Murch against thinking about double-crossing Amusa]

Kelp: Uh, one little problem is that Amusa knows who me and Dortmunder are. And since this stone is this big symbolic thing, I'm not all that anxious to have an entire African nation after my ass, if you don't mind. Blowguns and poison arrows, no thanks.

Dortmunder: I think they're a little more modern now, Andrew.

Kelp: Is that supposed to make me feel better, tommy guns and airplanes?

Dortmunder: Afghanistan Banana Stand.

Dortmunder: It's good, and it's bad. There's a guaranteed return, and that's good. But the guarantor is Amusa, and Amusa's a rookie, and that's bad. But it's an easily transportable object, and that's good. Only it's in a rotten position in the museum, 30 steps to the quickest exit, and that's bad. And the glass over the stone, that's bad too, because that's glass with metal mixed in it, bulletproof, shatterproof. But the locks don't look impossible, 3, maybe 5 tumblers. But there's no alarm system, and that's the worst, because that means no one's going to get lazy watching, knowing the alarm will pick up their mistakes. Which means the whole thing has got to be a diversion job, and that's good and that's bad, because if the diversion's too big, it'll draw pedestrians, and if the diversion's not big enough, it won't draw that watchman.

Kelp: Dortmunder, I don't know where the hell you are, or what the hell you're saying. Just tell me, will you plan the job?

Dortmunder: [pauses, then smiles] It's what I do.

Dortmunder: Not me. I've got no choice. I'm not superstitious. And I don't believe in jinxes, but that stone's jinxed me and it won't let go. I've been damned near bitten, shot at, peed on and robbed. And worse is gonna happen before it's done. So I'm takin' my stand. I'm going all the way. Either I get it, or it gets me.

Kelp: [Inquiring about his prison term] So how was it this time?

Dortmunder: Not bad. I learned plumbing.

Dortmunder: I was thinking of using Saul Neisser for lock man.

Kelp: Saul's in jail now. They got him for letting a lion loose.

Mugger: Gee, that's a nice watch. I'd really like that watch.

Dortmunder: Keep goin' to church and maybe God'll reward you.