Doris Quotes in Crocodile Dundee II (1988)

Doris: Tell me, Sue, what is Mick like in bed?

Sue: [cleverly brushing off the question] I dunno, he still sleeps on the floor.

Doris: I'd rather bite my tongue off and bleed to death!

Doris: Are you here to sell us tickets to the Policemen's Ball or something?

Logan: We're with the Border Patrol, ma'am. We don't have any balls.

Doris: You're a drunk and a degenerate.

[after watching a sound effects recording session for a cartoon train]

Doris: How did you like it?

Robert Benchley: Oh, fine, fine. Only after all, wouldn't it be a lot easier just to wreck a real train?

Doris: [Holding up a cel of Bambi in front of her] Like it?

Robert Benchley: I'd be all right if you could get that reindeer out of the way.

Doris: I'll see if I can scare up the background that goes with it.

Robert Benchley: Nothing wrong with the one I just saw.

Doris: [a man hands her a painting] Thanks. This is his background. He fits right on top of it, like this. There.

Robert Benchley: And very cunning, too. I'd like to take him home with me.

[Bambi suddenly comes to life and hides behind a rock in the background]

Robert Benchley: What do you know? He took me seriously.

Doris: One day we woke up, and

[my father]

Doris: was just gone... so that was interesting...

Harry Zimm: [as Doris is kissing him] Doris, I don't know how I feel about this.

Doris: [feels him up] You seem to feel fine about it.

Harry Zimm: I mean, morally, you know. Murray was a friend.

Doris: Murray's dead.

[begins kissing him again]

Harry Zimm: Does this mean that you're gonna reconsider our deal on "Mr. Lovejoy"?

Doris: No, but now that you mention it I did talk to a gorgeous young executive at Paramount the other day, who just happened to get his hands on the script.

Harry Zimm: What did he say?

Doris: He said that if Martin's interested, I can get half a million for it. Easy. Oh, don't worry, Harry. I'm still gonna give you 'till Friday.

Harry Zimm: How honorable of you.

Doris: Harry, you want me to go, just say so.

[opens the raincoat again]

Harry Zimm: [pulls her to him] Ahhh, what the fuck.

Doris: [looking at the room] My favorite color! Putty.

Harry Zimm: What do you want, Doris?

Doris: I miss Murray, Harry.

Harry Zimm: Yeah, I miss him, too. Hell of a good writer, you know. I should know, I discovered him. Made him what he was.

Doris: What he was, was a hack. He couldn't get a job writing for anybody but you. I'm being honest. He was a lousy writer, but he was a good husband. I just didn't know until it was too late.

Harry Zimm: Yeah, well, twenty/twenty hindsight and all that. You know what they say.

Doris: I hate being alone. The house is so quiet, so lonely. It needs a man's touch.

[opens her raincoat to show the lingerie she's wearing]

Harry Zimm: Nice necklace, Doris.

[after kissing Harry]

Doris: Well, aren't you gonna offer me whatever it is you taste like?

Harry Zimm: Wrap. It's a wrap. Come back tomorrow. Fuck!

Doris: Harry, what are you doing? You should have gone into overtime to get that shot. This is only the second day, and were already two weeks behind. And do me a favor, alright, Harry. Next time...

Doris: What can I tell you? I stopped by his office to see if he wanted to take me to Le Dome for dinner, when I see Harry and some other man lying on the floor.

[to the policemen]

Doris: Goodnight, Todd. Goodnight Lewis.

Chili Palmer: Oh, man. Oh, Jesus.

Karen Flores: Harry, my God.

Doris: [to Harry] Harry, my God.

Doris: He can't talk. He's full of Demorol.

Chili Palmer: What happened?

Doris: Well, according to Todd, Sergeant Randall, a man named Ronnie came by Harry's office to collect on a debt. He got rough and Harry shot him.

Doris: [on the phone] Hi, Karen, it's Doris. Listen doll, you might want to come by and visit Harry. He's in the Emergency Room.

Harry Zimm: [there is a knock on the door] Who is it?

Doris: Me.

Harry Zimm: Oh, fuck!

Doris: [behind the door] I heard that.

Harry Zimm: [opens the door] Hello Doris.

Doris: Harry Zimm. You look like a wet kiss.

Caroline: [after viewing the tuna art sketches] Well frankly, none of these would convince to buy your tuna

Phil: Come on, Ron. She doesn't know a tuna fish from a Cheerio!

Doris: Damned good thing we didn't take the Cheerio account!

[Table laughter]

Caroline: [Disgusted] Well... When was the last time any of YOU, were in a supermarket?

Doris: I'm unhappy.

George Valentin: So are millions of us.

Doris: Why won't you talk?

Doris: Will you please tell me what is this awful thing I did to you when you were a child!

Suzanne: Okay, you want to know? Do you?

Doris: I want to know! Tell me!

Suzanne: Okay, FINE! From the time I was 9 years old, you gave me sleeping pills!

Doris: That was over-the-counter medication, and I gave it to you because you couldn't sleep!

Suzanne: Mom! You don't give children sleeping pills when they can't sleep!

Doris: They were not sleeping pills! It was store-bought and it was perfectly SAFE! Now don't blame ME for your drug-taking! I do not blame my mother for my misfortunes or for my drinking!

Suzanne: Well, you don't acknowledge that you drink. How could you possibly blame your mother for something you don't even do? Remember my 17th birthday party when you lifted your skirt up in front of all those people, including that guy, Michael?

Doris: I did not lift my skirt, it TWIRLED UP! You only remember the bad stuff, don't you? What about the big band that I got to play at that party? Do you remember that? No! You only remembered that my skirt accidentally TWIRLED UP!

Suzanne: And you weren't wearing any underwear.

Doris: Well...

Doris: I was such an awful mother... what if you had a mother like Joan Crawford or Lana Turner?

Suzanne: These are the options? You, Joan or Lana?

Doris: Are you less mad at me now?

Suzanne: I am always less mad at you, Mom.

Doris: You know what they say. No pain, no gain.

Suzanne: Well, no wonder I'm so hefty.

Doris: Hefty? If you ask me I think you're too thin. Now my stomach, that's hefty.

Suzanne: I was kidding.

Doris: I don't get your generation's humor most of the time.

Suzanne: I don't have a generation.

Marty Wiener: Then I think you should get one.

Doris: What is wrong with your hair?

Suzanne: I dunno; it's all the rage in the rehab.

Doris: How was work today, dear?

Suzanne: They made me do a drug test.

Doris: I knew it. I knew you shouldn't do this film.

Suzanne: You knew I shouldn't do it because it's a bad film, not because they were going to make me do a drug test.

Doris: No, I knew it was wrong from the start, I had a dream that it wasn't right. I know you don't believe in my dreams, even the one that predicted your kidney stone. I had a dream the other night that I was drowning in the ocean...

Suzanne: I really wish I had a Percodan right now. Or two, maybe three.

Doris: ...a very heavy sequined gown pulling me under.

Suzanne: I'm going to kill myself.

Doris: Don't say that, dear, even in jest. You just got out of drug clinic. People might take it the wrong way.

Doris: I have some news.

Suzanne: What? You had a dream I lost some weight? Endorsed a line of clothing?

Doris: Don't be fresh, dear.

Suzanne: Mom, this is my roommate, Aretha.

Doris: Aretha, what an unusual name.

Aretha: Yes, I think my parents were expecting someone black.

[Suzanne laughs]

Doris: [confused] Are you black?

Aretha: Ummm, no. It was nice to meet you; Suzanne has told me so much about you. I think I'll just go weave a basket or something and let the two of you visit.

Doris: So, how long have you known Suzanne?

Jack: Oh, about a month. Seems like longer, though.

Doris: I know what you mean. I'm her mother and it seems longer.

Doris: Sing one of your old numbers from my act.

Doris: You feel sorry half the time for having a monster of a mother like me. Everything about you says 'look what you've done to me'.

Suzanne: [innocently] I never said you were a monster!

Doris: You don't say it, but you feel it. Somehow, you lay the entire blame for your drug-taking on me.

Suzanne: [annoyed] I do not! I DO not, mother. I took the drugs, nobody made me.

Doris: [darkly] Go ahead and say it: you think I'm an alcoholic.

Suzanne: Okay...I think you're an alcoholic.

Doris: Well, maybe I was an alcoholic when you were a teenager. But I had a nervous breakdown when my marriage failed and I lost all my money.

Suzanne: That's when I started taking drugs.

Doris: Well, I got over it! And now I just drink like an Irish person.

Bart: Excuse me, Suzanne, can I meet your mother?

Suzanne: Sure. Bart, this is my mom...

Bart: Oh, Miss Mann, I've loved you my whole life. Ever since I was seven, I wanted to be you.

Alan: Bart does you in his drag show.

Bart: Oh, this is my lover, Alan. Yes, I wear a costume exactly like the one you wore in "That Marvelous Mrs. Markham."

Doris: Oh, the one with the corset? That was so difficult to wear...

Suzanne: Mom?

Doris: Oh, I must go, sorry, boys. It was very nice to meet you.

[whispering to Suzanne]

Doris: Sorry, dear, but you know how much the queens love me.

Suzanne: Aw, shut up, Grandma.

Grandma: I beg your pardon?

Suzanne: I should think you would.

Grandma: You see there? Now if you washed her mouth out with soap when she was little, like I told you, maybe she'd have some respect now!

Suzanne: [talks over] I'm simply suggesting we all try to enjoy one each other without having to assign blame.

Grandma: Ooh, listen to Miss Snootybritches. "Assign blame," hee hee.

Suzanne: [pushes her towards the door] Come on!

Grandma: Just what do you think you're doing, young lady?

Suzanne: I'm moving you out to the waiting room.

Grandma: Well, there's no need to shove! I'm going! You know what you need? I good pop on the butt like I used to give your mother! I--

[Suzanne shuts the door on her]

Doris: If I thought I made you feel like that, I'd kill myself.

Suzanne: Don't say that, even in jest, Ma, particularly when you're in a hospital. People might take it the wrong way.

Suzanne: Ma, I'm middle-aged.

Doris: Dear, *I'm* middle-aged.

Suzanne: Really. And how many one hundred and twenty year old women do *you* know?

Doris: Fat Albert, wait! I finally figured out who you remind me of. You remind me of my grandfather.

Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey, that's a nice thing to say.

Doris: [Comes down the stairs] Hi, guys.

Dumb Donald: You look TIGHT!

Fat Albert: [Nudges Dumb Donald, whispers] What did you just say?

Dumb Donald: Oh, I learned it at the mall!

Fat Albert: Don't talk about Doris like that.

Rose Morgan: I just can't eat a greasy cheesburger in the middle of the day anymore. Doesn't it bloat you?

Doris: Bloat me? No, it doesn't bloat me! Actually I thought it went real well with the spare ribs I had for breakfast.

Fred Gailey: I must be a pretty good lawyer. I took a little old man and proved to the world that...

[looks off screen]

Doris: [sees a cane resting on the wall] Oh no, it can't be. It must have been left by the people who moved out.

Fred Gailey: Maybe... and maybe I didn't do such a good thing after all.

Doris: Would you please tell her that you're not really Santa Claus, that actually is no such person?

Kris Kringle: Well, I hate to disagree with you, but not only IS there such a person, but here I am to prove it.

Harry Block: Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

Doris: You have no values. Your whole life, it's nihilism, it's cynicism, it's sarcasm and your orgasm.

Harry Block: You know in France, I could run on that slogan and win.

Doris: It's tradition.

Harry Block: Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

Doris: [carping on Harry] He's betting everything on physics and pussy.

Harry Block: Cookie is the nanny.

Doris: The nanny! Where did you get her, from an agency or a massage parlor?

Harry Block: Oh jesus! She's a sweet kid, what are you picking on?

Doris: Ah, still with the sex pots, the tramps, the vilda chayes.

Harry Block: Ah, she's got a PhD, this girl.

Doris: Really? I don't know how she did on her written, but I'm sure she got an A plus on her oral exam.

Doris: You're a self-hating jew.

Harry Block: Hey, I may hate myself but not 'cause I'm jewish.

Bob Wallace: How do you do?

Doris: Mutual, I'm sure.

Doris: Well, I like that! Without so much as a "kiss my foot" or "have an apple."

Mr. Herring, General's Party Guest: How do you do?

Doris: Mutual, I'm sure.

Doris: [after Phil and Judy announce their engagement at the party] I sure wish it would happen to me.

Phil Davis: Yeah, I do, too.

George: I told you I was a married man with two children.

Doris: You're not?

George: I'm a married man with three children... I thought it would make me seem less married. All right, I didn't think it through, all right? There's been like a lead weight inside me all morning. I mean, denying little Debbie like that!

Doris: [after kissing George] Wanna fuck?

George: ...What?

Doris: You didn't understand the question?

Doris: [after nearly getting caught by the in-keeper] Oh, good, he didn't ask about the girdle.

George: What?

Doris: The girdle!

George: [looks down, notices her girdle poking out of his pocket] Oh, great! Now he probably thinks I'm a homo!

George: We'd been to a party and we had a few drinks. So we went to bed and we started making love. And nothing happened. I mean for me. I mean, I... I couldn't... well, you get the picture.

Doris: [nods]

George: I mean it was no big deal. I mean we laughed about it. And then about a half hour later, just as I was going to sleep, Helen turned to me and said, "It's funny. When I married a CPA, I always taught that it would be his eyes that would go first."

George: I can't remember the name of your favorite perfume; I've racked my brain and I can't remember it.

Doris: That's funny, it's My Sin.

George: Dorothy, in the first place I want you to know that what happened last night was the most beautiful, wonderful, crazy thing that's ever happened to me and I'll never forget it or you.

Doris: Doris.

George: What?

Doris: My name is Doris.

George: Your name is Doris?

Doris: Yes.

George: But, I've been calling you Dorothy all night.

Doris: I know.

George: When I touched you just now, I started to get excited. What kind of a pervert am I? Staring at a 200 pound pregnant woman, and I'm getting hot!

Doris: Well, I'll tell you something. That is about the nicest thing that anybody's said to me in months.

George: Doris, what the hell is the matter?

Doris: If memory serves me correctly, I just had a labor pain.

George: You can't have. It must be indigestion.

Doris: No, there's a difference. Indigestion doesn't make you eyes bug out.

George: Why do you have to look so *luminous*? I mean, it'd make things so much easier if you woke up with puffy eyes and blotchy skin like everyone else.

Doris: Guess God thought chubby thighs were enough.

Doris: Well, I just overheard him talking to some of the guys, and he said that his... his time in the army were the best years of his life.

George: What's wrong with that? Lot of guys feel that way about the service.

Doris: Harry was in the army for 4 years and 3 of them were spent in the Japanese prison camp!

Doris: George, how come you're wearing your robe and pajamas in the afternoon?

George: I'm rehearsing a Noël Coward play.

George: When It comes to life, I've got a brown thumb.

Doris: What do you mean?

George: I mean that nothing I ever do turns out right. Look, first time... first time I had sex I was 18 years old. We were in the back seat of a parked 1938 Dodge sedan. Right in the middle of it, we were rear-ended.

Doris: Oh, and you didn't have any insurance?

George: No. That's not exactly what I mean. I mean, look... take last night. Do you know what the radio was playing while we were making love? "If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Have Baked A Cake."

Doris: So?

George: So, that's gonna be our song.

Doris: Is it?

George: No. I mean, other people would have gotten "Be My Love" or "Some Enchanted Evening". Me, I get; "If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Have Baked A Cake."

Doris: You go around like an open nerve saying, "Oh, yes, I'm cheating... but look how guilty I feel! So, I must really be a nice guy." Then... then to top it all, you have the incredible arrogance of thinking you're the only person in the world with a conscience! That doesn't make you a nice guy, George! You know what that makes you? A horse's ass!

Doris: You know that's a sign of age, don't you?

George: What?

Doris: When you start worrying about the declining morality of the young.

George: You always could see through me, couldn't you?

Doris: But that's okay, because... I've always loved what I've seen.

Doris: See, I got pregnant when I was just 18. So I've never really had any time to just think. You know, I mean about... well, what I think about. Never mind. I don't know what I am trying to say. Some times I think I am crazy.

George: Why?

Doris: Well, OK, like take my life. Now, We live in a 2-bedroom duplex in downtown Oakland and we have a 1948 Studebaker, a blond three-piece dinette set, Motorola TV, we go bowling at least once a week, I mean, what more could anyone ask for?

Doris: You know, I can really talk to you. It's just amazing. I find myself saying things to you that I didn't even know I thought. I noticed that yesterday right after we met in the restaurant.

George: We had instant rapport. Did you notice that too?

Doris: No. But I know we really hit it off.

George: Did you know we've made love 113 times?

Doris: What?

George: I figured that out on my Bowmar calculator.

Doris: Do you have any pictures?

George: What?

Doris: Pictures of your kids.

George: Well, yeah, but I don't think this the the time or place...

Doris: Come on, come on. If you show me yours I will show you mine.

[last lines]

George: Okay, I'm back, goddamn it.

Doris: What about Connie?

George: Connie is 87 years old.

Doris: What?

George: Look, I wanted you to marry me and I figured if you thought somebody else wanted me, I'd stand a better chance. Okay, maybe I didn't think things through. I was desperate, okay? Look, I don't even wanna discuss it. I'm back, and I'm gonna keep coming back every year until our bones are too brittle to risk contact.

Doris: You know, that's a sign of age, don't you?

George: What is?

Doris: When you start worrying about the declining morality of the young.

Doris: Who gave you permission to read my panties?

Doris: [Heard off-screen in the soundtrack to CYCLE SLUTS] What are you doing? What's that for? What are you going to do with that? What's that THING? And what's that other thing? Where ya gonna put that? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hold it. You can't do that.

[Screams]

Doris: No, not with both of 'em. You can't, I tell ya. You can't. Can you? Oh, maybe you can. My God, you could!

Felix: I'm extremely sorry but I don't know the story to "The Sound Of Music".

Doris: Oh no, that's terrible.

Felix: You thought "The Sound Of Music" was terrible?

Doris: Four times I saw that terrible movie.

Felix: You must have really hated it.

Doris: I saw it with my friend Eleanor at the Loew's King now torn down. It was playing continuous, no intermission. Get it?

Felix: I don't think so.

Doris: Her bladder burst.

Doris: [to Felix through the door] Swear! Swear that you are just a little fruit all alone in the hall.

Doris: [Felix and Doris are stoned in the bathtub; sound of door closing] Was that a door?

Felix: That was a door.

Doris: Did someone come in?

Felix: Unless one of us went out.

Doris: [sound of someone calling out] That is a DEFINITE person.

Felix: Correct.

Doris: I may be a prostitute but I am NOT promiscuous!

Felix: Did you ever try reading a book?

Doris: A book! Oh yeah, yeah, I used to read Playboy all the time until I got mad at them.

Felix: Why?

Doris: Well, you know, I posed for these, eh, terrific, eh, playmate of the month thing, you know.

Felix: Yeah, what happened?

Doris: They sent them back.

Doris: Hey, Felix, do you want to fool around?

Felix: No, I do NOT want to fool around.

Doris: Okay. Do you want a drink of water?

Felix: They would give me money to write THEIR way. I want to write MY way!

Doris: Well, I guess they figure it's THEIR money.

Felix: Yes, I think that's the way they figure.

Felix: I don't write to make money.

Doris: But, you'd take it if they gave it to ya, wouldn't ya?

Felix: Yes. But, it would be inconsistent with my aesthetic responsibilities.

Doris: I understood "with" and "my".

Doris: This is a double bed.

Felix: I know.

Doris: I always feel so selfish sleeping alone in a double bed, when there are people in China sleeping on the ground.

Doris: What about last night?

Felix: What ABOUT last night?

Doris: When we made love. Wasn't that good for you?

Felix: You've got your terminology confused, Doris. That was not making love.

Doris: Well, whatever it was it beat the hell out of drying the dishes!

Felix: What we did was to get a fast thrill.

Doris: No. One time is a fast thrill. Six times is making love.

Doris: Hey, how come you and Miss Weyderhaus

[referring to Felix's pianist fiancee]

Doris: don't mess around?

Felix: I told you.

Doris: What? She's very fragile. She's fragile, right?

Felix: She's worried... she's worried about her hands. She doesn't want to hurt her hands.

Doris: She could wear boxing gloves.

Shaz: And she's very, very sorry.

Doris: I'm very, very sorry.

Shirley Moochmore: For what?

Shaz: For being a cunt.

[the others gasp]

Shaz: You are a cunt. You are the cuntiest cunt of all time. Admit your cunthood. It's an irrefutable fact, like gravity.

Shirley Moochmore: Oh please don't make her say that.

Shaz: Oh, all right, she's sorry for not being a very good sister.

Shirley Moochmore: I'm sorry too.

Doris: 'Honeymoon'? You ought to tell your brother what's supposed to happen on a honeymoon!

Consuela, Ramona: Ha ha ha ha!

Ralph Hollio: Mam! aw some congratulations sir.

Consuela: Alright!

Carl Solborg: The party starts here sure. Ha ha ha ha! Alright Rock uh good.

Consuela: Ummm!

Ralph Hollio: I Went to a party at the county jail.

Carl Solborg: Come on let's go.

Ralph Hollio: Were going to make it.

Carl Solborg: Were going to be casting off.

Ralph Hollio: Okay!

George: I think we bought us some trouble Solborg's first mate is the same guy I saw busted the airport the stories right there in the paper on top of that he Captain broke him out of jail.

Morgan Frye: So we go ourselves a convict drug felon on board ah wonderful.

George: Do you want I to go after him.

Sally Cantrell: You going to have a lot of trouble with Solborg, and who's going to sail your boat.

Morgan Frye: Now we just got to make sure that we're on the docks when are ship comes in.

Ralph Hollio: Woo wee! I looks really great huh! You know I have been watching that compass all night long, and I can't help but notice that were heading on a course straight west without changing where are we going anyway?

Carl Solborg: Sure were going to the states.

Ralph Hollio: What do you mean where going to the states, and how are we going there by the way of Japan.

Carl Solborg: Why don't you go below, and find some Scotch then pull all of the charts for course in Hawaii in three weeks to Kahana Bay.

Ralph Hollio: Kahana Bay!

Carl Solborg: Well Hawaii is the states you know.

Herb: Woah! Ha ha ha ha!

Doris: You got him Herb keep him steady, and can I get you anything, a tuna fish sandwich, I got tuna, bologna, and some nice lean corn beef.

Herb: Water, and no talk.

Doris: Right, Herb, right. Herb, Herb!

Herb: Shut Up Doris!

Doris: There some people there in a life boat out there, Herb there's some sitting in the middle of the ocean.

Herb: Ohhhh! Got dam it!

Doris: We got to help them Herb god know how long there just sitting there.

Herb: Got dam it, I am not going to lose this fish shut up. Ohhh!

Doris: Listen to me Herb.

Herb: Ohhh!

Doris: Ohhh! You lost it.

Herb: Dam it, dam it, okay Doris what to want me to say, got dam it.

Hijacker, Hijacker: Thank you!

Doris: Okay, give me your line relax.

Herb: What the hell's the matter with you people what are you doing.

Hijacker: We were out there for three days with no water, Jesus man, Jesus.

Herb: Got dam natives.

Doris: Okay! Here let me help you careful of the bags.

Herb: What the hell were you sailing around if you don't know what your doing?

Hijacker: What the hell do you expect on this here Hawaiian kid he's just a little kid.

Doris: What's going on, what is this?

Herb: You get off my boat you already lost me a beautiful Marlin, no overboard your going to pay for this, pay for this, got dam you, got dam you.

Secretary: Good morning sir, Mr. Gordon's waiting, and your coffee is going to ready in about five minutes.

Ray Hollister: You look beautiful today.

Secretary: Thanks!

Ray Hollister: Can you get your feet off my desk, and your butt out of my seat.

Agent Gordon: Do you want the bad news, the worst news, and the contasfee.

Ray Hollister: I want you out of the seat, let's go, and move.

Doris: Say, did he tell ya yet, he's really quittin' the racket?

Mileaway: No. I guess he's saving that for the blow off.

Doris: What are you squawking about?

Doris: I HATE Ralph Garci! I must remember this feeling and use it in my acting!

Doris: Whispering to her friend, Margaret in class and stealing glances at Mister.Saunders who Margaret has a crush on."I reckon those specs makes him look like Gregory.Peck.Don't you Marge?"

Margaret: Yeah, he does a bit, he looks real posh with them on.

Doris: [as Auntie Nelda pours some disgusting looking stew into Doris' bowl] Uh, aren't you having some?

Auntie Nelda: No dear, I'm on a water diet.

Lance: Well, I hope you're taking a vitamin supplement.

Auntie Nelda: I try to take care of myself. My son Hymie, he never took care of himself. He didn't weigh ninety pounds soaked in paving tar.

Lance: [reading from Otto's riddle] "It was he who had an eye,but could not see.It was he who served Bouillabaisse,when he was a she".

Doris: Bouillabaisse,it originated on the coast of France.

Lance: I know that.As you know,I'm a gourmet cook.

Doris: Yeah,it shows.

Lance: There is not an ounce of fat on my body! I'm on the metric system!

Doris: What makes you think Tom took the stage?

Tupper: Well, I sold him a one-way ticket to Phoenix.

Doris: Only one?

Tupper: He's not so important that he takes two tickets to haul him.