Dooley Quotes in K-9 (1989)

Lyman: Dooley, what is it about me that makes you so passionate?

Dooley: Well, it's not your looks, Lyman. I guess it's your job.

Lyman: And knowing your methods of law enforcement, I don't suppose that you have a search warrant?

Dooley: Dog ate it. You can hang around his tail for an hour.

Dooley: Alright, let's get one thing straight: The woman is mine! Now we're both members of the animal kingdom. You know that and I know that. And we both know that this thing is really primal. So if you think you're such a badass you just try that one more time and you're gonna end up in a pet cemetary! You remember the movie Old Yeller? You remember when they shot him in the end? I didn't cry! Now come on!

[Dooley meets Jerry Lee]

Brannigan: There he is, the best nose on the force. He could stick that snout in the wind right now and lead you to a stash in the middle of Tijuana.

Dooley: Listen, I gotta be up front with you. I got a real bad feeling about this dog.

Brannigan: Hey, tough shit. That's all I got. Not I want you to take care.

Dooley: Don't worry about the dog.

Brannigan: It's not the dog I'm worried about.

[Jerry Lee has just single handedly taken out an entire bar of thugs who where roughing up Dooley]

Dooley: I want you to know that I'm the officer in charge here, Michael Dooley not Jerry Lee.

Jerry Lee: [looks at Dooley]

Dooley: Don't you ever...

Dooley: [pause] *ever* pull anything like that again, without talking to me first

Jerry Lee: [puts his head down]

Dooley: You lost it in there you know that, you lost control, we could be killed

[pause]

Dooley: I needed you back here.

Jerry Lee: [slowly lifts his head and looks at Dooley]

Dooley: What if they ran out?

[pause]

Dooley: You could've got them here.

Dooley: You understand.

Jerry Lee: [looks down]

Tracy: Do you know you have an animal growing out of your pants?

Dooley: Thanks, hon. I also have a dog here.

[Helicopter pilots are shooting up Dooley's car]

Dooley: Well, it's not the Eyewitness News Team.

[Flames erupt underneath Dooley's car]

Dooley: I think someone's mad at me.

[Dooley's car explodes]

Dooley: DEFINITELY someone is mad at me.

Brannigan: You think you got problems? I gotta to take my wife and kids on vacation. I've got a plane to catch in 3 hours.

Dooley: Plane? You said plane?

Brannigan: But I ain't gonna catch the plane because I gotta wait here for the SWAT team.

Dooley: Can I have the dog if I get you on the plane? You're airborne, you're airborne!

Brannigan: I'll tell you what, you get me on the plane and you can marry the goddamn dog!

Dooley: You got it!

Brannigan: Goddamn lunatic!

Dooley: [Dooley resolves a hostage situation by driving into it with his new car] Narcotics?

Dooley: Come on, this is gonna be great, a fireball? How often do we get a call like that?

Knox: Do me a favor, OK? Act like a cop and stop caring.

[Number 17 has jumped out of Dave's ear and fallen into a cup of coffee after Number 2 takes over Dave and goes crazy]

Dooley: Are you...with Dave?

No. 17: No, no, no, I come free with a vente latte!

Police Sergeant: Knox, Dooley, got a report on some kind of fireball or something like that over on Liberty Island. Check it out.

Dooley: A fireball? Ho, we'll get right on it.

Knox: Sarg, can't you get somebody else to handle it? Come on, we just pulled an all-nighter.

Police Sergeant: [sarcastically] Aw, I'm so sorry, Mr. Knox. Tell you what, lie down in my office and I'll come by with your blankie and you can get yourself a nice nap.

Santa Claus: You have folks saying that Santa Claus only rewards the good little boys and girls.

Anya Claus: Isn't that how it should be?

Santa Claus: All right. Dooley, make up a list of who is naughty and nice.

Dooley: Yes, sir.

Santa Claus: And be careful. I'll be checking it twice.

Anya Claus: [Dooley is reading Twas The Night Before Christmas] What is it?

Santa Claus: It's a poem. A poem about me. They say it's a big hit.

Dooley: He had a broad face, and a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly.

Santa Claus: What was that? That last part.

Dooley: [reading with hesitation] He had a broad face.

Santa Claus: Yes. Go on.

Dooley: [continues reading with hesitation] And a little round belly that shook when he laughed like a bowl full of...

Santa Claus: Jelly.

Dooley: It's... just a poem.

Santa Claus: [upset] Is that how they think I look?

Anya Claus: [struggling not to laugh] Well... The cookies.

Patch: It's the cookies.

[the other elves snicker]