Donna Newman Quotes in Click (2006)

Donna Newman: Will you still love me in the morning?

Michael Newman: Forever and ever, babe

Ted: Benjamin, what do I have in my hand?

Trudy: A quarter.

Ted: Now, Grandma doesn't let me eat ice cream because of my diabetes.

Trudy: True.

Ted: But she says nothing about a tasty quarter.

[bites off half of it]

Ted: Alright, please, very quickly, count to 3, it tastes terrible. One...

Ted, Trudy, Ben at 7-Years-Old, Donna Newman: Two, three.

[Ted spits the quarter back into one piece]

Trudy: Ahh!

Ben at 7-Years-Old: Are you shitting me?

Trudy: First he's eating like his father and now you're talking like him?

Donna Newman: Ben!

Trudy: Don't you EVER say that again!

Ben at 7-Years-Old: Sorry, Grandma.

Samantha Newman - Age 5: HOW did you do that, Grandpa?

Ted: A good magician NEVER reveals his secrets, your daddy's been wanting to know how I did it since he was your age.

Donna Newman: [scene after the dog humps toy duck] I have to sew the duck's head back on... and fix his butthole.

Donna Newman: Honey, you were so great.

Michael Newman: Whoa, what are you, half a dolphin or something? That was incredible.

Ben at 7-Years-Old: You just got here, Dad. I saw you.

Michael Newman: What do you mean I just got here? Why are you saying that? I saw you. You jumped in there, you swam here.

Samantha Newman - Age 5: Then what stroke was he doing, Dad?

Michael Newman: He was doing the "shut-up".

[Samantha laughs]

Donna Newman: That's not bad for your third liposuction. One more tummy tuck should take care of it.

[flaps loose skin]

Michael Newman: Oh, it looks like a tongue... licking.

Morty: [Michael frantically dials Morty's number to resolve conflicts he's had with the remote. Morty's silhouette his shown in Micael's ktchen as he finishes dialing the last number. He speaks loudly] Yes?

Michael Newman: [Michael yelps and jumps backwards onto the kitchen table. He shatters it and quickly tries to get to his feet as the little dog upstairs begins to bark] You scared the...!

[Pulls himslef up]

Donna Newman: [From upstairs] Honey, what's going on down there?

Michael Newman: It's alright! I, uh...

[Hangs up phone]

Michael Newman: It was a mouse! I killed it! It's dead! But...

[Analyzes the broken mess]

Michael Newman: It broke the table first.

[Turns to Morty with a shaken voice]

Michael Newman: How'd you get in here?

Morty: I had a feeling you wanted to see me.

Michael Newman: I'm freakin' out. This thing - this thing - it's broken. It-it's just - it's fast forwarding on its own now.

Morty: It's not a malfunction it's a feature. It's using it's memory to execute your preferences.

Michael Newman: It *remember's* stuff about me? What do you mean?

Morty: It's an advance piece of equipment like TiVo.

[Smiles]

Morty: You could call it MeVo.

Michael Newman: I fast forwarded through sex one time. I don't wanna skip it forever; I like sex. I-um-i-it-it feels good.

Morty: Correct me if I'm wrong, but you fast forwarded through an entire *year*. That's a lot of sex. Put it all together, it's like... thirty minute's worth for you.

Michael Newman: Oh, no, no. So what? Everything I fast forwarded it-it's just gonna do it on its own now?

Morty: Pretty much. No more showering. No more traffic. No more arguing. No more sickness.

Michael Newman: This is bad. This is bad. Here, you take it back.

[Hands Morty the remote and walks off]

Michael Newman: I'm deactivating my service. I quit, I quit, I quit.

Morty: [Holding the remote] No, come on.

Michael Newman: No, no, no. Thanks for everything, alright? But I -

[Looks at his right hand and he has the remote. He looks at Morty who has a rather confident grin on his face. Michael looks around the kitchen, throughs the remote in the can and backs up. Only now he realizes that the remote is now held in his opposite hand. Turns to Morty stunned]

Michael Newman: You... this is not...

[Michael drops the remote on the floor and stomps repeatedly ontop of it, shattering it on impact]

Morty: Come on, don't be mean.

[the remote is now distroyed under Michael's feets. He confidently waves his hand around. Unkowingly to him, the remote is sitting ontop of his head]

Morty: Nice hat.

[Michael then takes the remote and tosses it outside]

Morty: Whoa! Is this a *stick-up*, or are you just happy?

[the remote is in Michael's crotch part of his jeans]

Michael Newman: Oh, yeah? I'll take my clothes off. Then what's - ?

Morty: I wouldn't do that if I were you. There's only one place left for it to pop up.

[after kissing Michael, watching Sundance hump the duck]

Donna Newman: I know it's deviant... but it's kinda turning me on.

[kisses Michael again]

Michael Newman: [trying to explain why he never talks to her] I'm on autopilot!

Donna Newman: [mocking him] 'I'm on autopilot', more like auto-zombie!

Michael Newman: [looking at several remotes on the table] Which of these turns on the TV?

[clicks one, the ceiling fan comes on, clicks the garage door opener]

Donna Newman: Honey, I think you just opened the garage.

Michael Newman: Just planning ahead.

Trudy: [Ben's eating a large dish of ice cream] Benjamin, slow down, it's not a race.

[to Donna]

Trudy: It's his second one in five minutes, he's like a machine, he just keeps eating, he can't still be hungry.

Donna Newman: He's not, he's just doing whatever Michael does. It's driving him nuts.

Trudy: What Michael's been doing lately is very unhealthy, he's going to kill himself!

Michael Newman: [after rewinding to his first kiss with Donna] Linger by the Cranberries was the song playing during our first kiss, and you looked so hot in that pink sweater.

Donna Newman: Michael! You remember what I was wearing?

Michael Newman: Yeah, I remember what Janine was wearing, she scared the shit out of me then!