Donald Crease Quotes in Sneakers (1992)

[Martin has to walk across Cosmo's office at two inches per second to avoid triggering the motion sensors; outside, Werner arrives with Liz]

Donald Crease: [on radio] Martin? I think you'd better hurry.

Martin Bishop: [through his teeth] The one thing I *can't* do is hurry.

[during the team's surveillance of Dr. Janek, they hear his girlfriend passionately making out with him]

Carl: [instantly] Mr. Bishop, do you mind if I take a look?

Martin Bishop: Carl!

Donald Crease: [pushing Carl away] Grow up.

[taps Martin on the shoulder]

Donald Crease: [whispers] Let me see.

Mother: They've even got photos of the guy leaving the embassy, through the back service entrance. Hey, Crease, you on?

Donald Crease: Yeah, I'm on.

Mother: Were you still in C.I.A. in '72?

Donald Crease: Yeah, why?

Mother: Did you know the Deputy Director of Planning was down in Managua, Nicaragua the day before the earthquake?

Donald Crease: Now what are you saying, the C.I.A. caused the Managua earthquake?

Mother: Well, I can't prove it, but...

[Crease and Mother are being held at gunpoint by two guards]

Donald Crease: Did I ever tell you why I had to leave the CIA?

Mother: No...

Donald Crease: My temper.

[Behind the guards, Whistler throws the van into reverse. One of the guards spins around to look, and Crease grabs his shotgun and knocks out both guards]

Mother: Wow...

Donald Crease: Motherfuckers mess with me, I'll split your head!

Donald Crease: You guys'll be chalk outlines without me.

Donald Crease: There isn't a government on this planet that wouldn't kill us all for that thing.

[Mother walks into the room and triggers the motion sensor]

Donald Crease: This is what's in Cosmo's office. Best motion sensor on the market.

Mother: And watch this.

[he breathes in front of the sensor, and it goes off]

Donald Crease: Also responds to thermal differentials.

Martin Bishop: Does this have a happy ending?

Mother: Oh, yeah. We can wrap you in a full-body suit of neoprene, heat-resistant rubber. Or we can raise the temperature in Cosmo's office to 98.6 degrees - which is probably what we'll have to do, because the neoprene would suffocate you. Either way, you've got a top speed of two inches per second. Any faster than that...

[alarm beeps]

Mother: and, uh, big guys with guns. But you'll probably do fine.

Martin Bishop: Since when am I the one who's...

Mother: This is the same model answering machine that Janek used for the shell of his box, now that's what you'll be carrying across the room at two inches per second. I got that for you because I figured you'd just, you know, want to practice. Remember to go real slow!

Martin Bishop: Slow.

[looks at Crease]

Donald Crease: You get all the *fun* stuff...

[Mother (the conspiracy theorist) is reading a tabloid]

Mother: Cattle mutilations are up.

Donald Crease: Don't.

Mother: Sorry.

Martin Bishop: How's the audio?

Whistler: Good, Mother's pretty close.

Donald Crease: He's just wearing four safety belts this time.

Martin Bishop: What, no parachute?

[while infiltrating Janek's office, his girlfriend enters unexpectedly; Martin grabs her, and in the van the others hear muffled screams]

Donald Crease: Who the hell is that?

Mother: Battle stations!