Doc Quotes in Baby Driver (2017)

Doc: [Referring to Baby] That's my baby.

Bats: Fuck your baby.

Bats: This one, they say that listens to the music all the time?

Griff: I mean, is he retarded?

Doc: 'Retarded', meaning slow? Was he slow?

Griff: No.

Doc: He had an accident when he was a kid. Still has a hum in the drum. Plays music to drown it out. And that's what makes him the best.

Baby: One more job and I'm done.

Doc: "One more job" and we're straight. Now I don't think I need to give you the speech about what would happen if you say no, how I could break your legs and kill everyone you love because you already know that, don't you?

Baby: Yeah.

Alice: You're still armed.

Doc: Yes, I am.

Alice: Claire would be so disappointed.

Doc: In a few minutes, Claire will be dead, along with everybody you know.

Claire Redfield: That's sweet.

Doc: Sorry. My love.

Doc: Do you enjoy pain?

Dalton: Pain don't hurt.

Doc: Most of my patients would disagree with you.

Doc: Do you always carry your medical record around with you?

Dalton: Saves time.

Doc: Your file says you've got a degree from NYU. What in?

Dalton: Philosophy.

Doc: Any particular discipline?

Dalton: No. Not really. Man's search for faith. That sort of shit.

Doc: Come up with any answers?

Dalton: Not too many.

Doc: How's a guy like you end up a bouncer?

Dalton: Just lucky I guess.

Doc: Is this the part where you tell me what a great guy your friend is?

Wade Garrett: Not hardly. This is the part where I tell you I want you for myself.

Doc: [laughs]

Dalton: Oh, yo. Whatever he's saying, you can be fairly sure it's a lie.

Wade Garrett: [giving Dalton a look and her a longer look] Don't bet on it.

Doc: You know, for that line of work I thought you'd be bigger.

Dalton: Gee, I've never heard that before.

Dalton: I better take you home. I keep talking, you're gonna go on thinking I'm a nice guy.

Doc: I know you're not a nice guy.

Doc: What the hell is wrong with you, Brad? Have you lost your mind?

Brad Wesley: [on Dalton] He's a drifter, you know. To see you wind up with someone like that, it's a shame.

Doc: This has nothing to do with him.

Brad Wesley: Well, you get him out of here, Elizabeth. 'cause if you don't, he's going down. And I'm not gonna lose a second's sleep about it.

Toll Road: Heard you killed more people than the plague!

Doc: How 'bout that.

Gunnar Jensen: Why do they call you 'Doctor Death'?

Doc: Used to be a medic. But that was a long time ago.

Toll Road: So why'd you get locked away?

Doc: Tax evasion.

Lee Christmas: So you like knives, huh?

Doc: I'm the knife before Christmas.

[repeated line]

Doc: Jing-a-lang, jang-a-lang...

Doc: You know, I'd love to party with you boys, but I don't have my shit.

Doc: [Barney hands Doc his set of knives] That's my shit!

Doc: [sees Ceasar's gun] What the hell is that?

Lee Christmas: [Christmas and Doc throw knives at a dartboard, both hitting the bullseye] Not bad...

Doc: [Doc's knife falls off] Oooooh... Best two out of three?

Doc: [looks at the young Expendables] Ama-teur.

Toll Road: Amateur assholes...

Mars: [pissed] Who're you calling asshole, grandpa?

Toll Road: [confronts him] Grandpa's about to crush your windpipe.

Barney Ross: Great to have you back.

Doc: No better place to be.

[from trailer]

Doc: Lots to digest.

Yen Sun: I am unclean. That is not for a young man.

Doc: Yen, I used to ride with the dirty underwear gang out of Liberty, Missouri.

[last lines]

Doc: Advices from Lincoln report that Jose Chavez Y Chavez moved to California where he changed his name and took work on a fruit ranch. Josiah 'Doc' Scurlock is reported to have left the West for the East, taking with him a celestial bride, her mother and fourteen brothers and sisters. Susan McSween went on to see both her husband's and John Tunstall's dreams to fruition, by becoming one of most prominent cattlewomen of all time. Governor Axtel was forced to resign by President Rutherford B. Hayes and both the Murphy-Dolan faction and the Santa Fe Ring collapsed. William H. Bonney, also known as 'Billy the Kid' continued to ride, never leaving New Mexico. He was caught in Fort Sumner by Sheriff Pat Garret and killed. Sources report that he was unarmed, and shot in the dark. He was buried with Charley Bowdre at Old Fort Sumner. Advices report that sometime later, an unidentified person snuck into the graveyard and chiseled an inscription. The epitaph read only one word... 'Pals'.

Yen Sun: You look like trouble.

Doc: Trouble? I'm a poet, with flowers of all things.

Yen Sun: And a gun... it's a big gun.

Doc: It's a big town. Come on Yin, all I want is a chance.

[When the cavalry arrives]

Doc: Billy, we're good, but this is getting ridiculous.

William H. Bonney: I like these odds...

Yen Sun: I know what you've come to do. You've come to lay with me and cut me into tiny pieces. You're the bandit that eats children and old people.

Doc: I eat meat and potatoes.

William H. Bonney: I could've killed ya Dick. I could've killed ya. But I don't wanna kill ya I wanna eat.

Richard Brewer: When we finish this meal you little rodent, we're gonna go out in the yard and see who has the right to run this group of regulators.

Doc: Richard, would you be so kind as to pass the gravy please?

William H. Bonney: [after shooting the Texan in the bar who was boasting that he would kill Billy the Kid] How many does that make Doc? 25?

Doc: Five.

William H. Bonney: We'll call it ten.

Richard Brewer: We've got a warrant for you, old man.

Buckshot Roberts: I ain't got no business with that war no more, peckerhead son of a bitch. I'm on my own. I've come to pick up the 150 dollars Sheriff Brady has put out for the kid. The rest of you are only worth about 110, but I'll take it.

Doc: What a sweet disposition.

Buckshot Roberts: All right, let's dance.

[the "Regulators" are surrounded by 20-30 men in Alex McSween's house]

Doc: Billy, what are we gonna do now?

William H. Bonney: We're gonna show these guys they've finally met their match.

Yen Sun: They'll chase after us.

Doc: I'm used to that.

Charley Bowdre: It's John Kinney, It's John Kinney, It's John Kinney

Doc: Thank you very much Charlie!

Doc: [as he gets shot in the hand] Oh SHIT!

Doc: You know what they say: People in glass houses sink sh-sh-ships.

Rocco: Doc, I gotta buy you, like, a proverb book or something. This mix'n'match shit's gotta go.

Doc: What?

Connor: A penny saved is worth two in the bush, isn't it?

Murphy: And don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen.

Doc: Why don't you make like a tree, and get the fuck outta here?

Doc: He left me his c-c-c... He left me his c-c-c... Oh, he fucking gave me this. Fuck! Ass!

Jennifer Parker: Dr. Brown, I brought this note back from the future and - now it's erased.

Doc: Of course it's erased!

Jennifer Parker: But what does that mean?

Doc: It means your future hasn't been written yet. No one's has. Your future is whatever you make it. So make it a good one, both of you.

Marty McFly: [Marty wraps his arm around Jennifer] We will, Doc.

[Doc and Marty are about to hijack the train]

Doc: Reach!

Engineer: Is this a holdup?

Doc: It's a science experiment! Stop the train just before you hit the switch track up ahead!

[last lines]

Marty McFly: Hey, Doc! Where you goin' now? Back to the future?

Doc: Nope. Already been there.

[Doc and Marty load the DeLorean onto the train tracks]

Doc: Marty, I've made a decision. I'm not going with you tomorrow. I'm staying here.

Marty McFly: What are you talkin' about, Doc?

Doc: There's no point in denying it. I'm in love with Clara.

Marty McFly: Oh, man. Doc, we don't belong here! Neither one of us! You know, it could still be you that gets shot tomorrow!

[shows Doc the photo of the blank tombstone]

Marty McFly: This tombstone could still be in your future!

Doc: Marty, the future isn't written. It can be changed. You know that. Anyone can make their future whatever they want it to be. I can't let this one little photograph determine my entire destiny. I have to live my life according to what I believe is right in my heart.

Marty McFly: Doc, you're a scientist.

[points to Doc's heart]

Marty McFly: So you tell me: What's the right thing to do?

Marty McFly: [points to his own forehead] Up here?

Doc: [sighs and looks again at the photograph] You're right, Marty.

[they release the DeLorean onto the tracks]

Marty McFly: Wow, that worked great.

Doc: I've at least gotta tell her goodbye.

Marty McFly: C'mon, Doc. I mean, think about it. What are you gonna say to her? "I gotta go back to the future"? I mean, she's not gonna understand that, Doc. Hell, I'm in it with you and even I don't understand it.

[pause]

Marty McFly: Doc. Listen, maybe we could - I don't know. Maybe we could just take Clara with us.

Doc: To the future?

[shakes his head]

Doc: As you reminded me, Marty, I'm a scientist, so I must be scientific about this. I cautioned you about disrupting the continuum for your own personal benefit. Therefore, I must do no less. We shall proceed as planned, and as soon as we return to 1985, we'll destroy this infernal machine. Traveling through time has become much too painful.

Doc: Marty, you're going to have to do something about those clothes. You walk around town dressed like that, you're liable to get shot.

Marty McFly: Or hanged.

Doc: What idiot dressed you in that outfit?

Marty McFly: You did.

Doc: And in the future, we don't need horses. We have motorized carriages called automobiles.

Saloon Old Timer #3: If everybody's got one of these auto-whatsits, does anybody walk or run anymore?

Doc: Of course we run. But for recreation. For fun.

Saloon Old Timer #3: Run for fun? What the hell kind of fun is that?

Doc: Clara was one in a million. One in a billion. One in a googolplex!

Doc: [consulting a map of the train line] This spur runs off the main line three miles down to Clayton Ravine. There's a long stretch of track that will still exist in 1985. This is where we'll push the DeLorean with the locomotive. Funny, this map calls Clayton Ravine "Shonash Ravine"... that must be an old Indian name for it. It's perfect, a nice long run that goes clear across the bridge over the ravine, you know, over near that Hilldale housing development.

Marty McFly: Right, Doc, but according to this map, there is no bridge.

[cut to Marty and Doc standing at the end of the track overlooking the ravine]

Marty McFly: Well, Doc, we can scratch that idea. I mean, we can't wait around a year and a half for this thing to get finished.

Doc: Marty, it's perfect, you're just not thinking fourth-dimensionally!

Marty McFly: [sotto voice] Right, right. I have a real problem with that.

Doc: Don't you see? The bridge *will* exist in 1985. It's safe and still in use. Therefore, as long as we get the DeLorean up to 88 miles per hour before we hit the edge of the ravine, we'll instantaneously arrive at a point in time where the bridge is completed. We'll have track under us and coast safely across the ravine!

Marty McFly: What about the locomotive?

Doc: It'll be a spectacular wreck. Too bad no one will be around to see it.

Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: You owe me money, blacksmith.

Doc: How do ya figure?

Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: My horse threw a shoe. And seein' as you was the one that done the shoein', I say that makes you responsible.

Doc: Well, since you never paid me for the job, I say that makes us even!

Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: Wrong! See I was *on* my horse when it threw the shoe and I got throwed *off*! And *that* caused me to bust a perfectly good bottle of fine Kentucky red-eye. So, the way I figure it, blacksmith, you owe me five dollars for the whiskey and $75 for the horse.

Marty McFly: [hoarsely] That's the $80.

Doc: Look! If your horse threw a shoe, bring him back and I'll reshoe him!

Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: I done shot that horse!

Doc: Well, that's your problem, Tannen!

Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: Wrong! That's yours. So, from now on, you better be lookin' behind you when you walk. 'Cause one day you're gonna get a bullet in your back.

[Buford and his gang gallop away on their horses]

[Marty and Doc finally say each other's phrases the opposite way]

Marty McFly: Great Scott!

Doc: I know, this is heavy.

Marty McFly: Bartender says that's the strongest stuff they got.

[Doc begins to pour alcohol into the DeLorean's gas cap]

Doc: Try it, Marty.

[Marty is trying to start the engine in the DeLorean. The engine begins to sorely start as he keeps turning the keys to work the engine]

Doc: Give it more gas...

[the DeLorean sounds as if its about to start until the fuel-injection manifold blows apart from the car with a lot smog as the car dies; Doc picks it up]

Doc: Damn! It blew the fuel injection manifold. Strong stuff alright, it'll take me a month to rebuild it.

Marty McFly: A month? Doc, you're gonna get shot on Monday!

Doc: I know, I know...! Wait, I've got it! we can simply roll it down a steep hill... no, no, we'd never find a smooth enough surface. Unless... of course, ice! We'll wait until winter, when the lake freezes over we'll...

Marty McFly: Winter? Doc! Monday, it's three days away!

Doc: Okay, okay, let's think this through logically... we know that it won't run under its own power and we know we can't pull it, but if we could find a way to push it up to 88 miles per hour...

[a whistle blows in the distance and Doc looks out the window at the arriving train]

Doc: That's it!

Clara Clayton: Emmett, do you think we'll ever be able to travel to the moon like we travel across the country on trains?

Doc: Definitely, although not for another eighty-four years and not on trains. We'll have space vehicles, capsules to sail off in rockets, devices that create giant explosions, explosions that are so powerful that they...

Clara Clayton: [finishes Doc's sentence] "They break the pull of the earth's gravity and send their projectile through outer space."

[Doc stares at her in shock. Clara laughs]

Clara Clayton: Emmett, I read that book too. You're quoting Jules Verne, "From the Earth to the Moon".

Doc: You've read Jules Verne?

Clara Clayton: I *adore* Jules Verne.

Doc: So do I. "20,000 Leagues Under the Sea", my absolute favorite. The first time I read that when I was a little boy I wanted to meet Captain Nemo and...

Clara Clayton: [laughs] Don't tease, Emmett. You couldn't have read that when you were a little boy, it was only first published ten years ago.

Doc: Oh, yes, well... I meant it made me *feel* like a boy. I never met a woman who liked Jules Verne before.

Clara Clayton: I never ever met a man like *you* before.

[Doc and Clara kiss as a shooting star falls from the sky]

Doc: You're just not thinking fourth dimensionally!

Marty McFly: Right, right. I have a real problem with that.

Doc: [reading a letter his future self wrote] I never knew I could write anything so touching.

Marty McFly: I know, Doc, it's beautiful.

Marty McFly: [running into the Saloon] Doc. What are you doin'?

Doc: I've lost her, Marty. There's nothing left for me here.

Marty McFly: Yeah, that's why you gotta come back with me.

Doc: Where?

Marty McFly: Back to the future.

Doc: [Nods his head] Right. Let's get going.

[puts down his glass of whiskey]

Marty McFly: [muffled] Great.

Doc: Gentlemen, excuse me. But, my friend and I have to catch a train.

Saloon Old-Timer #1: Cheers to ya, blacksmith.

Saloon Old Timer #3: And to the future.

Saloon Old-Timer #2: Amen.

Doc: [picks up his glass of whiskey] Amen.

Bartender: Emmett, no!

[Doc throws back the whiskey and turns and passes out, tipping over a table in the process]

[Marty and Doc meet for the first time in 1885, just as Doc has saved Marty from being hung to death]

Marty McFly: [weakly] Doc?

Doc: [boldly] Marty? I gave you explicit instructions not to come here, but to go directly back to 1985.

Marty McFly: [weakly] I know, Doc. But I had to come.

Doc: Well, it's good to see you, Marty.

[the two hug and then walk off and Doc adds]

Doc: Marty, you're going to have to do something about those clothes. You walk around town dressed like that, you're liable to get shot.

Marty McFly: [gesturing a rope around his neck, weakly] Or hanged.

Doc: What idiot dressed you in that outfit?

Marty McFly: [smiles weakly] You did.

Doc: [while introducing his two sons to Marty] These are our boys; Jules, and Verne.

Doc: Marty, you can't go losing your judgment every time someone calls you a name. That's exactly what causes you to get into that accident in the future.

[Marty teases Doc about his and Clara's reaction to each other]

Doc: Well, she did have quite a shock. After all, Miss Clayton almost ended up at the bottom of Clayton Ravine...

[realizing]

Doc: Clayton Ravine...

Marty McFly: Holy shit, Doc! Clayton Ravine was named after a teacher. They say she fell in there a hundred years ago.

Doc: A hundred years ago? That's this year!

Marty McFly: Every kid in school knows that story 'cause we all have teachers we'd like to see fall into that ravine.

Doc: Marty, why are you wearing that gun? You're not considering going up against Tannen tomorrow?

Marty McFly: Doc, tomorrow morning, I'm going back to the future with you. But if Buford Tannen comes looking for trouble, I'm gonna be ready for him. You heard what that son of a bitch called me last night.

Doc: Marty, you can't go losing your judgment every time someone calls you a name. That's exactly what causes you to get into that accident in the future.

Marty McFly: What? What about my future?

Doc: I can't tell you. It might make things worse.

Marty McFly: Wait a minute, Doc. What is wrong with my future?

Doc: Marty, we all have to make decisions that affect the course of our lives. You've gotta do what you've gotta do. And I've gotta do what I've gotta do.

[Marty and Doc are asking how fast the train could go]

Marty McFly: Do you think it's possible to get it up to... 90?

Engineer: Ha! 90? Tarnation, son, who'd ever need to be in such a hurry?

Doc: Well, it's just a little bet he and I have, that's all. Theoretically speaking, could it be done?

Engineer: Well, I suppose if you had a straight stretch of track with a level grade, and you weren't haulin' no cars behind you, and if you can get the fire hot enough, and I'm talkin' about hotter than the blazes of hell and damnation itself... then yes, it might be possible to get her up that fast.

Doc: [upon seeing the "Howdy Doody Show" on TV] Howdy Doody time?

Bartender: Emmett! What can I get you? The usual?

Doc: No, Chester, I'm gonna need something a lot stronger than that tonight.

Bartender: Sarsaparilla?

Doc: Whiskey, Chester.

Bartender: Whiskey? Emmett, are you sure? You remember what happened to you on the 4th of July?

Doc: Whiskey.

Bartender: [gets out a whiskey bottle and a shot glass, and pours it] Okay, I ain't your papa. I just don't want to see you do the wrong thing.

Doc: [into the walkie-talkie from inside the cab of the train] Each detonation will be accompanied by a sudden burst of acceleration. Hopefully, we'll hit 88 mph, before the needle gets much past 2,000.

Marty McFly: [into the walkie-talkie] Why, what-what happens after it hits 2,000?

Doc: [into the walkie-talkie] The whole boiler explodes.

Marty McFly: Perfect!

[Clara has pulled the train's whistle, causing Doc to look back towards the cab]

Clara Clayton: [Waves] Emmett!

Doc: Clara!

Clara Clayton: I love you!

Marty McFly: [Into walkie talkie] Doc! Doc, what's happening?

Doc: [Into walkie talkie] It's Clara, she's on the train!

Marty McFly: [to himself] Clara? Perfect.

Doc: [Into walkie talkie] She's in the cab; I'm gonna go back for her!

Marty McFly: [Into walkie talkie] The windmill! Doc! The windwill, we're goin' past fifty, you'll never make it!

Doc: [Into walkie talkie] Then we'll have to take her back with us, but keep calling out the speed!

Doc: Clara! Climb out here to me!

Clara Clayton: I don't know if i can!

Doc: You can do it; just don't look down!

[Clara looks down at the churning wheels and starts leaning out]

Doc: That's it!

[Clara climbs over the cab and steps her high-heeled boots onto the train's thin, precarious ledge]

Marty McFly: [Into walkie talkie] 60 miles an hour, Doc!

Doc: Great Scott, Clara!

[Doc has altered history by saving Clara from falling into what would have been Clayton Ravine]

Marty McFly: Look, Doc, what's the worst that can happen, huh? So they don't name the ravine after her. Let's just get the DeLorean ready and get the hell out of here.

Doc: I wish I'd never invented that infernal time machine. It's caused nothing but disaster.

Doc: [after Doc wakes up from being passed out drunk from one shot of whiskey] The thing I really miss here is Tylenol.

[repeated line]

Doc: Great Scott!

[in a library in 1955]

Doc: [reading a short biography about Buford Tannen] "Buford Tannen was a notorious gunman, whose short temper and a tendency to drool, earned him the nickname 'Mad Dog.' He was quick on the trigger and bragged that he'd killed 12 men, not including Indians or Chinamen."

Marty McFly: Does it mention me? Am I one of the 12?

Doc: [Puts up his finger] Just a minute. "However, this can not be substantiated since precise records were not kept after Tannen shot a newspaper editor who printed an unfavorable story about him in 1884." That's why we can't find anything.

Marty McFly: [Brings over a set of books] Look. "William McFly and family." Your relatives?

Marty McFly: My great-grandfather's name was William.

[Points to William]

Doc: That's him, good looking guy.

Marty McFly: Maybe it was just a mistake, Doc. Maybe that grave wasn't yours. There could've been another Emmett Brown back in 1885.

Doc: No.

Marty McFly: Did you have relatives here back then?

Doc: The Browns didn't come to Hill Valley until 1908. Then, they were the Von Brauns. My father changed our name during the first World War.

Marty McFly: [discovers a picture of Doc] Doc, look.

Doc: Great Scott. It's me! Then, it *is* true. All of it. It is me who goes back there and gets shot.

Marty McFly: It's not gonna happen, Doc. After you fix the time circuits and put new tires on the DeLorean, I'm gonna go back to 1885 and I'm bringing you home.

Doc: Marty, I gave you explicit instructions not to come here but to go directly back to 1985.

Marty McFly: I know, Doc. But I had to come.

Doc: But it's good to see ya, Marty.

[Doc is scornful about the idea of falling in love]

Marty McFly: Aw, come on, Doc, it's not science! When it happens, it just hits you. It's like lightning!

Doc: [shudders] Marty, please don't say that!

Doc: Just imagine what would happen to you if the healing stopped functioning!

Holly: I like dark hair

[whispers into Logan's ear]

Holly: Tell him to give you dark hair.

Doc: All set! Did you have anything special in mind?

Logan: Oh, I don't care just...

Holly: Dark hair.

Logan: Oh yes! Holly would like dark hair.

Doc: [Shaking hands] This is a real privilege Sandman!

Logan: For me too. I, I thought you'd be older. I mean, I was expecting a Red.

Doc: [Smiling, holds up hand to reveal life clock] I am.

Logan: Your own work?

Doc: Yes, I did it myself.

Doc: Well Sandman, what will it be? Face job or full body job?

Logan: Just the face.

Doc: Fine, Holly will get you ready. You're in expert hands Sandman

[looks at Holly]

Doc: believe me.

Doc: [referring to Meacham's grave] Wait. Aren't we gonna say some words over him?

Woodrow Dolarhyde: Only one who knows what to say is in the ground. Ain't it enough we took the time to put him there?

Doc: It's my fault she got took. I never should have taken her to that town.

Meacham: No, no, no. Not your fault. You'll get her back. You're setting things right. Just got to have faith. That's all.

Doc: Faith. Yeah. God's been real swell to me. I don't mean no disrespect, preacher, but either he ain't up there or he don't like me very much.

Meacham: Surely you don't expect the Lord to do everything for you, do you, Doc? You got to earn His presence. Then you got to recognize it and then you have to act on it.

Doc: I don't know much about boats, but I'd say that one's upside down.

[Doc and Jake standing over Meachum's grave to say something about him]

Doc: [gestures to Jake]

Jake Lonergan: You go ahead.

Doc: Uh... Lord... If there is such a thing as a soul, this man had a good one. Please protect it. Made me feel better. World was a better place for having him. Dust to dust, amen. How was that?

Jake Lonergan: Good words.

[while showing the captain a plaster cast of a monster foot print]

Doc: Anywhere in the galaxy this is a nightmare.

Doc: Not this time, ya little shit.

Connor MacManus: We'll see, old man... Would somebody please come over here and...

Doc: FUCK!

Connor MacManus: ...me up the...

Doc: Ass!

Doc: [being introduced to Romeo] They call me... FUCK... ASS!

Romeo: [hesitates for a moment] How ya doin, fuck ass, I'm Romeo.

[the gang learns that Charlotte the elephant is pregnant]

Cledus Snow: Well, I suppose we'd better keep our eyes open.

Doc: For what?

Cledus Snow: [laughing] For the biggest goldang stork you ever seen!

'Bandit': [finding out Charlotte's pregnant] Who did it?

Cledus Snow: Don't look at me.

Doc: Probably another elephant.

'Bandit': I know that, when did it happen?

Doc: Long time ago.

Doc: Sure, take her in the truck, make the baby go bada-bing, bada-boom, but I'll tell you this, I'm not going to be responsible.

[walks off muttering Italian]

Cledus Snow: [to the Bandit] Don't you understand English? He says you can't be shaking Charlotte around in that truck, she's gonna have a baby!

'Bandit': We're talking about $400,000, do you understand that? This is our last chance! $400,000!

Cledus Snow: I understand $400,000 and I would like to get my share of $400,000, but I ain't gonna kill an elephant to get it.

[the doctor is giving Charlotte a throat exam]

Doc: Open wide. Say "ah".

[Charlotte swallows his flashlight]

Doc: Oh boy. What? My ring! I need a tongue depressor about this big!

[Holds his index fingers a foot apart]

Doc: When you give birth to a 200 pound elephant, you no wanna go for a ride, you wanna go WHOOP!

Doc: Are you a doctor?

Doc: Not yet but I'm working on it, I got my green card, my license pendin.

Doc: [about his patient] Swamp fever.

[everybody steps back]

Doc: Don't worry, it's no catching, in Italy we no have.

'Bandit': [trying to get back on the road after Charlotte gives birth] She's as strong as an ox.

Doc: She IS strong as an ox, NOW she has to get strong as an elephant.

Sgt. Frantz: Who is it?

Doc: How the hell do I know? He's got no goddamn head.

Doc: Surely, you people must be aware... that the brothers are here because they cannot afford an ed-u-cation.

Pvt. Joe Beletsky: So what am I doing? Sitting in some fuckin' country club sipping on seven-n-sevens and eating a steak? Take a look around, Doc. I see all kinds of white faces here.

Doc: [clears throat] Okay. The war started for you... when you farted, and said "good morning Vietnam!" See, now I was born into this shit.

Pvt. Joe Beletsky: And they yanked that gold fuckin' spoon outta MY mouth and sent me over here to see how you low-class eleven-boos live. Is that it?

Doc: [approaches Beletsky as if to fight, but extends his hand and smiles] Brother blood!

Doc: Brush your teeth in a rapid, vertical motion. That's up and down for all you rebels.

Doc: We've been up on that hill ten times, and they still don't think we're serious.

Doc: Okay. The war started for you when you farted... and said "Good mornin', Vietnam".

Doc: [referring to Irwin] You call a three star general, "Man?" What are you going to call him next? "Dude?"

Doc: You were supposed to make a deal with him, not fuck his brains out!

Carol: The deal wasn't good enough!

Doc: Then you should have walked away.

Doc: Mona, you're a brick!

Doc: Before we go... let us remember our code. Let us strive every moment of our lives to make ourselves better and better to the best of our ability so that all may profit by it. Let us think of the right and lend our assistance to all who may need it, with no regard for anything but justice. Let us take what comes with a smile, without loss of courage. Let us be considerate of our country, our fellow citizens, and our associates in everything we say and do. Let us do right to all - and wrong no man.

Doc: Do a Barney Oldfield, Long Tom.

Doc: Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads.

Doc: The time-traveling is just too dangerous. Better that I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe: women!

Marty McFly: Where are we? When are we?

Doc: We're descending toward Hill Valley, California, at 4:29 pm, on Wednesday, October 21st, 2015.

Marty McFly: 2015? You mean we're in the future?

Jennifer: Future? Marty, what do you mean? How can we be in the future?

Marty McFly: Uh, Jennifer, um, I don't know how to tell you this, but I... you're in a time machine.

Jennifer: And this is the year '2015'?

Doc: October 21st, 2015.

[Doc and Marty in the time machine are about to depart from the Alternate 1985]

Doc: Time circuits on.

Marty McFly: What do you mean "Time Circuits on"? Doc, we're not goin' back now!

Doc: Yep.

Marty McFly: Doc, What about Jennifer? What about Einstein? We can't just leave 'em here.

Doc: Don't worry, Marty. Assuming we succeed in our mission, this alternate 1985 will be changed back into the real 1985, instantaneously transforming around Jennifer and Einie. Jennifer and Einie will be fine, and they will have absolutely no memory of this horrible place.

Marty McFly: Doc... what if we don't succeed?

Doc: We *must* succeed.

Marty McFly: [arriving in 1955] Oh, this is heavy, Doc. I mean, it's like I was just here yesterday.

Doc: You were here yesterday, Marty.

Marty McFly: That's right, Doc. November 12, 1955.

Doc: Unbelievable, that old Biff could have chosen that particular date. It could mean that that point in time inherently contains some sort of cosmic significance. Almost as if it were the temporal junction point for the entire space-time continuum. On the other hand, it could just be an amazing coincidence.

Doc: They're taking her home, to your future home! We'll arrive shortly thereafter, get her out of there and go back to 1985.

Marty McFly: You mean, I'm gonna see where I live? I'm gonna see myself as an old man?

Doc: No, no, no Marty, that could result in a-

[gasps]

Doc: Great Scott! Jennifer could conceivably encounter her future self! The consequences of that could be disastrous!

Marty McFly: Doc, what do you mean?

Doc: I foresee two possibilities. One, coming face to face with herself 30 years older would put her into shock and she'd simply pass out. Or two, the encounter could create a time paradox, the results of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that's a worse case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.

Marty McFly: Well, that's a relief.

Marty McFly: I don't get it, Doc. I mean, how can all this be happening? It's like we're in Hell or something.

Doc: No, it's Hill Valley. Although I can't imagine Hell being much worse!

[Flying above Biff in 1955]

Marty McFly: There he is, Doc! Let's land on him, we'll cripple his car.

Doc: Marty, he's in a '46 Ford, we're in a DeLorean. He'd rip through us like we were tin foil.

Marty McFly: [Reading the newspaper from 2015] "Within two hours of his arrest, Martin McFly Jr. was tried, convicted and sentenced to fifteen years in the state penitentiary."? Within two hours?

Doc: The justice system works swiftly in the future now that they've abolished all lawyers.

Marty McFly: [on walkie-talkie to Doc] Doc! Biff's guys chased me into the gym and their gonna jump... me!

Doc: [on walkie talkie to Marty] Then get outta there!

Marty McFly: [on walkie-talkie] No, Doc. Not *me*, the *other* me, the one that's up on stage playing "Johnny B. Goode."!

Doc: [on walkie-talkie] Great Scott! Your other self will miss the lighening bolt, you won't get back to the future and we'll have a major paradox!

Doc: Don't talk to anyone, don't touch anything, don't do anything, don't interact with anyone, and try not to look at anything.

Marty McFly: The almanac. Son of a bitch stole my idea! He must have been listening when I- It's my fault! The whole thing is my fault. If I hadn't bought that damn book, none of this would have ever happened.

Doc: Well, that's all in the past.

Marty McFly: You mean the future.

Doc: Whatever! It demonstrates precisely how time travel can be mis-used, and why the time machine must be destroyed, after we straighten all of this out.

Marty McFly: Nice shot Doc! You're not gonna believe this, we gotta go back to 1955.

Doc: I don't believe it!

Doc: Marty! What in the name of Sir Isaac H. Newton happened here?

Doc: Oh, and Marty, be careful around that Griff character. He's got a few short circuits in his bionic implants.

[Marty and Doc have just arrived back in 1955]

Doc: Sometime today, old Biff will show up to give young Biff the Almanac. Above all, you must not interfere with that event. We must let Old Biff believe he succeeded, so that he'll leave 1955 and bring the DeLorean back to the future.

Marty McFly: Right.

Doc: Once Old Biff is gone, grab the Almanac anyway that you can. Remember, both of our futures depend on this.

Marty McFly: You don't have to remind me of that, Doc.

Doc: I went to a rejuvenation clinic and got a whole natural overhaul. They took out some wrinkles, did hair repair, changed the blood, added a good 30 to 40 years to my life. They also replaced my spleen and colon. What do you think?

[repeated line]

Doc: Great Scott!

Marty McFly: Tell me about my future. I know I make it big, but do I become, like, a rich rock star?

Doc: Please Marty. No one should know too much about their destiny.

Marty McFly: The future. Unbelievable. I gotta check this out, Doc.

Doc: All in good time Marty, we're on a right schedule here.

Marty McFly: Tell me about my future. I know I make it big, but do I become like a rich rock star or something?

Doc: Please, Marty, nobody should know too much about their own destiny.

Marty McFly: Right, right. But I am rich, right?

Doc: Don't talk to anyone, don't touch anything, don't do anything, don't interact with anyone, and try not to look at anything.

Marty McFly: I don't get it, I thought you said this has something to do with my kids.

Wild Joe: I don't get it. How could Balto hope to find Steele and his team? They were off the trail.

Jenna: Well... he's tracking them.

Morse: That mutt? Tracking a championship team in a blizzard?

[laughs; a couple others join in]

Jenna: [Steele comes in] Balto?

Jenna: Steele!

Wild Joe: You're back!

Morse: We'd given you up!

Doc: Where are the others?

Steele: [bows his head] One by one they fell. Frozen, barely alive. I pulled four onto the sled and three more on my back. I walked and I walked, but it was too late. They were...

[the other dogs gasp]

Doc: What about the medicine?

Steele: I went on, dragging the medicine alone. Suddenly that wolfdog appeared. Balto demanded I let *him* take the medicine.

[turns to Jenna]

Steele: You know he just wanted so much to be a hero in your eyes.

[turns towrd the other dogs]

Steele: He grabbed the crate, but he couldn't handle it. He didn't see the patch of ice... and the cliff.

[pulls out Jenna's bandanna]

Steele: He didn't have a chance.

[shakes his head, clucking softly]

Jenna: [gasps] My bandanna!

Steele: [gets closer to Jenna] He made me promise to take care of you, Jenna.

Jenna: You're lying.

[louder]

Jenna: Steele's lying. Balto's alive. And he's coming home.

[runs out the door]

Steele: [closes his eyes and nods yes] She... just needs a little time.

Steele: I swam and I swam. It was freezing cold. And finally, I said 'Steele, you just have to gnaw your way to the surface', so I

[hears Balto's howl]

Steele: what?

Doc: It's Balto, with the medicine!

[runs outside; the other dogs except Steele walk out the door]

Steele: Okay, okay. I can explain. See, you guys weren't there, so you don't... wait... guys, wait just a second... please?

Doc: [after listening to the telegraph office dog barking] It's terrible, my friends, just terrible. Steele and his team are lost.

Sled dog #1: When?

Sled dog #2: What happened?

Sled dog #3: What do you mean, lost?

Doc: They've missed their second checkpoint. They're off the trail.

[the other dogs lower their heads, saddened by the news]

Wild Joe: Can't they send another team?

Doc: It's too dangerous.

Chester: But... what about the little ones?

Doc: The medicine won't be here in time. We're going to lose them.

Balto: [silently; looking into the building] Rosy.

Doc: [as he treats her would] Most people don't like to look.

Sarah: I'm looking because I don't want to.

Harvey: What smells so bad?

'Doc': Smells? Ain't nothin' smells bad around here. Oh, you means de fish. But they ain't got no smell. Dems nice clean salt fish.

'Doc': You sure is a tonic to yourself.

Doc: Austin!

Little kid: He left with some guys.

Doc: Left? Or was taken away?

Little kid: There was three of them.

Doc: There are always three of them. I gotta go.

Little kid: I'm coming with you.

Doc: This is not for children!

Little kid: I'm not a child, I'm a dwarf, I'm 30 years old!

Doc: Children always say the same.

Grumpy: Ask her who she is, and what she's a-doin' here!

Doc: Ah, yes. Now what are you, and who are you doin' here?

Doc: Why, the whole place is clean.

Grumpy: There's dirty work afoot.

Doc: Step up to the tub, 'tain't no disgrace / Just pull up your sleeves and get 'em in place / Then scoop up the water and rub it on your face / And go "Bl-bl-bl, bl-bl-bl, bl-bl-bl!"

Snow White: [to the Seven Dwarfs] If you let me stay, I'll keep house for you. I'll wash and sew and sweep and cook.

Dwarfs: Cook?

Doc: Uh, can you make dapple lumplings? Er, lumple dapplings?

Grumpy, Sleepy: Apple dumplings.

Doc: Yes, crapple dumpkins.

Snow White: Yes, and plum pudding and gooseberry pie.

Dwarfs: Gooseberry pie? Hooray! She stays!

Doc: Shh! Not so loud. You'll wake her up.

Grumpy: Ah, let her wake up! She don't belong here nohow!

Doc: The, uh, Princess will sleep in our beds upstairs.

Snow White: But, where will you sleep?

Doc: Oh, we'll be quite comfortable down here, in, uh, in, uh.

Grumpy: In a pig's eye!

Doc: In a pig's eye. Sty. No! No! I mean we'll be comfortable, won't we, men?

Grumpy: [the animals are trying to get their attention] They ain't acting this way for nothing!

Sleepy: [Yawning] Maybe the old Queen's, uh, got Snow White.

Dwarfs: [In shock] The Queen! Snow White!

Grumpy: The Queen will kill her! We, we gotta save her!

Doc: Yes! Yes! We, we gotta save her!

Sneezy: She'll kill her!

Happy: What'll we do?

Doc: Yeah, yes, wha-what'll we do?

Grumpy: [Takes charge] Come on!

[leaps onto the back of the nearest deer and rides off]

Snow White: Once there was a princess.

Doc: Was this princess you?

Snow White: And she fell in love.

Sneezy: Was it hard to do?

Snow White: It was very easy/anyone could see/that the Prince was charming/the only one for me.

Doc: Was he strong and handsome?

Sneezy: Was he big and tall?

Snow White: There's nobody like him/anywhere at all.

Bashful: Did he say he loved ya?

Happy: Did he steal a kiss?

Snow White: [sung] He was so romantic/I could not resist.

Doc: [as Dopey hesitantly sneaks up to their room where Snow White is sleeping] Don't be afraid. We're right behind you.

Dwarfs: [chorusing] Yes, we're right behind you.

Craig Patrick: Hey, Doc, let me ask you a question.

Doc: Well, of course.

Craig Patrick: You've worked with Herb for a long time, right?

Doc: I've known Herb for quite some time.

Craig Patrick: So let me ask you, does he always treat his players like this?

Doc: No... no, this I have never seen. No - but Craig, Herb has a reason for everything he does.

Craig Patrick: Well, he's gonna end up with 20 players who hate his guts.

Doc: Well, maybe if they hate him they won't have time to hate each other.

Doc: Ah, so much hate and fear.

Craig Patrick: What?

Doc: Between the Soviets and the West. All these nuclear weapons pointed at each other. It's bound to end up in disaster.

Craig Patrick: Aw come on, Doc, they'll work it out. They don't have any other choice right?

Doc: I hope so, but it just seems to me like some people just never get along.

Craig Patrick: Like hockey players from Boston and Minnesota.

Doc: Our own private Cold War.

Doc: [sadly] But, painting's all I have!

Prison Guard: Your painting privileges have been removed.

Doc: Why?

Prison Guard: I don't know.

Doc: Paterson, you still don't got a cell phone?

Paterson: Uh, no. No, I don't want one. It would be a leash.

Doc: What about the better half, she got one?

Paterson: She's got one, yeah. And the laptop, and an iPad...

Doc: She doesn't want you to get one?

Paterson: No. She's okay about it. She understands me really well.

Doc: [mutters] A lucky guy.

Everett: You love somebody, more than anything in the whole damn world. You... worship her. You don't wanna be *alive* without her, and... she says she doesn't want you. You're just... dirt.

Doc: Damn brother! You should be an actor.

Everett: [nods] I am... an actor.

[Paterson turns his head away and tries not to laugh]

Doc: I'm getting my ass kicked today.

Paterson: Who you playing?

Doc: Myself.

Paterson: Is there anything we can do?

Doc: Nah, I always say don't try to change things or you'll make them even worse.

Doc: Lou Costello has got to be the most famous person from Paterson.

Paterson: Yeah, probably. Yeah, I mean, he... he's got that statue, and he's got his own park.

Doc: Hey, I mean Alexander Hamilton has a statue, others got statues, but not they own park! Hell, even Fetty Wop don't have no park!

[both laugh]

Doc: Now listen to me and listen to me good! When your wife, on her honeymoon, asks you to cock her, you cock her good, God damn it!

Eddie Cantrow: This is my dad.

Lila: Oh, hi Dad.

Doc: Nice to meet you, Lila.

Lila: How do you know my name?

Doc: Okay, cat's out of the bag. My son found your panties on the sidewalk and we've been talking about you all week. Eddie, give her back her undies.

Doc: So, what's new Eddie? Anything exciting?

Eddie Cantrow: Ah, yeah, we just got those new Nike Sasquatch drivers in the store, so that's been kind of cool.

Doc: Let me rephrase the question. You been crushin' any pussy?

Doc: Come on, kid, let's get out of here. Bitches be crazy, you know that.

Eddie Cantrow: [about Lila] She doesn't have a great sense of humor.

Doc: Are you out of your mind? Funny's a male gene, you idiot. Haven't you ever noticed whenever you see a really funny girl, she's a little mannish? Think about it. Lily Tomlin, Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O'Donnell...

Mac: Oh, I got a thing for Ellen DeGeneres though. I do, I have to admit it. I think she's great, I think she's hot. Great ass. Check it out.

Doc: Remember, this is the Bible Belt. These people have guns.

Doc: You're getting ready to kill somebody.

Tracy: *Defend* myself.

Doc: It's your mind he'll go for. Your fear.

Maggie Burroughs: [looks at a poster] This is new.

Doc: You like it? These are ancient dream demons. Supposedly they roam the dreams of the living till they find the most evil, twisted human imaginable. Then they give him the power to cross the line and turn our nightmares into reality.

Freddy Krueger: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but nothing will ever kill me. Well, let's see now. First, they tried burning me.

[slices off thumb]

Freddy Krueger: Then they tried burying me.

[slices off index finger]

Freddy Krueger: But this... this is my favorite.

Freddy Krueger: [gives a finger gesture] They even tried holy water!

Freddy Krueger: [slices off middle finger, drops hand out of frame and holds it up again with all fingers intact] But I just keep on tickin'... because they promised me that.

Doc: They?

Freddy Krueger: The dream people. The ones that gave me this job. In dreams... I am forever! Too bad you're not.

Doc: Now he's gonna try and trick you just like he tricked Tracy. He'll try and use your eyes to fool you. You'll use these.

[shows her 3D glasses]

Maggie Burroughs: Get the hell outta here.

Doc: You want to live? These mean nothing here, but in a dream, they can be anything you want. He got inside your head. You get inside of his.

Maggie Burroughs: That's my job, isn't it?

Tracy: Be careful. He's good at finding out what hurts the most.

Doc: Exactly.

Tracy: That's why you gotta take me with you.

Maggie Burroughs: I can't. It's gotta be me and him. All right, Doc. Put me in.

Maggie Burroughs: They caught one of your star pupils beating up on one of our kids again.

Doc: Tracy?

Maggie Burroughs: Thought you said you were making progress.

Doc: I only get twenty three minutes a week with these kids. With that kind of attention,

[grins]

Doc: be lucky she didn't kill him.

Maggie Burroughs: [laughs] That's a good attitude for a therapist!

Tracy: No one remembers John or Carlos. It's like they never existed. I've been hearing strange shit. Like some of the kids are dreaming about Carlos. And they don't even remember him.

Doc: I remember him.

Tracy: Why?

Doc: Because I can control my dreams. I'm not fooled by this thing you saw.

Maggie Burroughs: Freddy.

Doc: Whatever he is, he's fucking with the line between dreams and reality. He didn't just kill Carlos and the others. He erased them.

Tracy: [as they're looking through all the confiscated weapons for the final fight with Freddy, Tracy pulls out a big knife] Whoa! Look at this knife!

Doc: Hey, put that away.

Maggie Burroughs: That's too small.

[she pulls out a big club with spikes on the end of it]

Tracy: Guess so.

Val: So, what'll it be. Chew gum, or kick ass.

Doc: I'm all outta gum.

Doc: You can't open a car with a coat hanger any more, Val.

Val: Says who?

Doc: Says the people who make cars.

Doc: [as Val is urging them to steal the car] This car belongs to the Jargoniew brothers. I happen to know that.

Val: A-and that's supposed to mean something to me?

Doc: Nobody messes with these guys! They are the type of guys that take your kidneys out and not even sell them!

Doc: [stealing a gangster's car] This is not a good idea, Val.

Val: Yeah, well, my life is full of not good ideas.

Doc: My friend is looking for a "party".

Wendy: Yeah? What kind of party?

Val: Bar Mitzvah.

Hirsch: Give me the key.

Doc: There's no key.

Hirsch: Give me the key.

Doc: It's new. It's a button. Push the button.

Val: Push the button.

Doc: It's computers.

Hirsch: Man, this is like the future.

Doc: [These lines are read like a well-polished mantra familiar to all of them] What time is it?

Hirsch: I don't know. What time is it?

Val: It's time to kick ass or chew gum, and guess what?

Doc: I'm all out of gum!

[They ritually stomp their feet]

Val: [Just coming out of prison] You look like shit!

Doc: You look worse!

Val: Your place looks like where I just came from except it's worse.

Doc: So, it's not to your liking. Sorry.

Val: Not to my liking is the understatement of all time.

Doc: Exit, stage left.

Val: This is the worst apartment I've ever seen.

Doc: Hey, it's not much, but it's mine.

Doc: I can't do what I said I would do. Mercy is a one-saying, mercy...

Claphands: Finish this!

[Watching the monk practice karate]

Doc: Apparently he killed 23 men with his bare hands.

Danny Meehan: Maybe I should take up karate.

Doc: That was before he took up karate.

Doc: Come on where's your manners Danny what would your old mum say?

Danny Meehan: [smiles] Fuck me!

Doc: Wish I met her.

Doc: Look at me. Sweet old man, huh? Bit bumbly, fill of jail-block wisdom. Cornerstone of the jail, put him with the foundations, right? Right. I didn't get to be the oldest con for breaking windows. Villains spend their lives shitting themselves that other criminals are going to see to them. So they get their retaliation in first, and twice as nasty. A bloke was coming after me, so I, uh... I went around to his digs and lobbed a grenade through the window. Left o'er after the war, you know, army surplus? I didn't know, but he had his little baby, and his girl, in there with him. The house went up like a firecracker. No one came out. He'd barricaded the door with furniture in case I came around. By the time I got in, the screaming had stopped. Thirteen months old... learning to walk, apparently. Nothing I can do is ever going to make up for that, is it?

Doc: Skip, can I talk to you?

Gus Cantrell: Sure, whats up Doc?

Gus Cantrell: Hey Rube.

Rube Baker: Hey Skip.

Gus Cantrell: Say Rube, I was wondering, do you have any hidden skills?

Rube Baker: Hidden skills?

Gus Cantrell: Yeah, like if my car wasn't running right, would you be able to take the carburetor apart and fix it?

Rube Baker: No. I don't know anything about carburetors.

Gus Cantrell: How about if I bought some lumber, would you be able to build me a coffee table?

Rube Baker: I don't think so.

Gus Cantrell: So your skills have primarily lend themselves to baseball. Can we say that?

Rube Baker: Yeah, we can say that.

Gus Cantrell: If another routine ground ball lands 15 rows in the grandstands, I'm sending your ass home. So I suggest you make your throws. Or, I suggest you invest in some how-to books and find a fallback profession, understood.

Rube Baker: Yeah.

[Rube leaves the dugout, and comes back in, and leaves again]

Rube Baker: Mitt.

Doc: I thought you were going to give him the gentle speech.

Gus Cantrell: That was it.

Doc: Perplexed? Carlton Windgate, pitcher. Everybody calls me Doc.

Gus Cantrell: Gus Cantrell, manage. Everybody calls me Gus.

Doc: Nice to meet you. So do you have a question about the lineup?

Gus Cantrell: Well, there seems to be a mistake. You have Juan Lopez playing second and Juan Lopez playing short.

Doc: Oh, that's no mistake. Juan?

Juan Lopez #1: Hola, Coach.

Juan Lopez #2: Buenos dias.

Gus Cantrell: Brothers?

Doc: Twins. Confounding, isn't it?

Gus Cantrell: Confounding seems to be the word of the day. Listen, from now on you'll be Juan 1.

Juan Lopez #1: Si.

Gus Cantrell: And you'll be Juan 2.

Juan Lopez #2: Sounds good, coach.

Doc: By numbering them, you're identifying them and squelching their self esteem.

Gus Cantrell: I don't mean to be rude Doc, but how would you like to be Juan 3?

Doc: Skip, I talked to Rube, and I've discovered that Rube's entire throwing problem comes from a rather abrasive Little League Coach.

Gus Cantrell: Rube can't throw for shit because of some jerk-off Little League coach?

Doc: In layman's terms, yes.

Doc: You, uh, you want me to go with the off-speed stuff?

Gus Cantrell: You got anything else?

Doc: Nope.

Gus Cantrell: I'd say we go with the off-speed stuff, then.

Doc: Do you have nicoise?

Diner Cook: I told you. We have ranch, Italian, and chunky bleu cheese, which is 50 cents extra.

Doc: Do you have any balsamic vinegar?

Diner Cook: I got ranch, Italian, chunky bleu cheese.

Doc: How about a gun so I can shoot myself in the head?

LaSueur: [the crew goes wild when liberty is announced] What the hell is happening?

Doc: Metamorphosis! Vegetables are turning into men!

Doc: [Saying a mock prayer as Ens. Pulver goes ashore, hopefully to bring back some bottles of scotch] Oh, Bacchus, God of Alcohol, coordinate Frank Pulver and glue him together for one day, please.

Captain Morton: I don't want a crew of whining sissies with table manners. I want MEN!

Doc: You've GOT men! That's your problem! If we were in combat it would be different. These men left their homes to FIGHT, but they never got into the war! They're in limbo, Captain, trapped between heaven and hell on a floating 10-cent store!

Captain Morton: You "college" officers make me PUKE!

Doc: [Ens. Pulver has been telling Doc about scaring the captain off the ship] "Scare the captain off this ship"! Don't dream. Don't dream!

Ens. Frank Pulver: Stop talking like somebody's father! What about you? You don't even dream!

Doc: Touché, Frank. I'm a vegetable. Eggplants don't dream, do they?

Doc: [mimicking a child's voice] And what did you do in the Great War, daddy?

Doc: [normal voice] I sat on a ship, paralyzed, and watched men rot.

Doc: I'm kaput. But you've got a potential. A destructive nature. And what do you do with it? Shoot flies with a piece of lead foil!

Ens. Frank Pulver: A naval officer has to be an expert at ballistics.

Doc: The only thing we have in common is that we're both wrong for each other.

Narrator: [voice over] After an hour or so, Doc was tired of driving. Something more was needed to combat his restlessness, with an element of danger maybe. Because he could find no one to get into a fight with, he did the next best thing.

Waitress: What'll it be.

Doc: A beer milkshake.

Mack: Doc, I got something important to talk to you about.

Doc: How much do you need Mack?

Mack: Two bucks.

Doc: [handing over some money] There. Take it out of that.

Mack: Just like that? What about my story?

Doc: What story?

Mack: Well, I had this story about why I needed two bucks, but you didn't give me a chance to do it.

Doc: You don't need a story Mack.

Mack: Well the hell I don't. I mean, you know I worked all night on the damn thing. Now Hazel cried when I tried it on him. You see, I got this aunt is Salinas. She lost both husbands in the flood...

Doc: I didn't know you had an aunt is Salinas, Mack.

Mack: [angrily] I don't have an aunt in Salinas, for Chrissakes. That's the goddamned story.

Doc: I was plannin on a much worse time than this... but you really screwed that up.

Rusty Wells: Where is she? Where's Valerie? Is she all right?

Wilbur: Yeah, she's all right but we woun't be as soon as Big Frank gets wind of this.

Rusty Wells: I'm not worried about Big Frank. I gotta find her and explain.

Doc: What have you got to explain?

Andy: Wait a minute. How come all of a sudden you're so worried about her?

[Rusty sheepishly looks at them as they all quickly figure out that he and Valerie are now romanticaly involved]

Wilbur: No... it can't be.

Doc: You mean you and her... him and her...?

Andy: The King is dead!

Doc: What happened?

[as they walk into the Kit Kat Club after the fight]

Andy: Mice?

'Wolf Call' O'Brien: Hey, Rusty! How'd you get out?

Andy: What out? He's trying to get in!

'Wolf Call' O'Brien: [to Rusty] You mean you want to be in jail?

Wilbur: It's to see a girl.

Doc: But he can't get in. It's impossible.

'Wolf Call' O'Brien: Interesting problem. Very interesting. A jail-break going the other way.

Sam: I never did get to know exactly what she'd done that was so wrong.

Judge Burke: Old Ben was a friend of mine Sam, and she killed him.

Doc: It was his own fault. He was ninety-two. I warned him not to marry her!

Doc: Why do you kids live like there's a war on?

Lieutenant Schrank: Do you mind?

Doc: I have no mind. I am the village idiot.

Tony: You heard - it's gonna be a fair fight!

Doc: And that's going to cure something?

Tony: From here on in, everythin's gonna be all right! I got a feelin'!

Doc: What have you been taking tonight?

Tony: A trip to the moon! And I'll tell ya a secret. It ain't a man that's up there, Doc. It's a girl, lady. Buenas noches, Senor.

Doc: Buenas noches? So that's why you made it a fair fight...

Tony: I'm gonna see her tomorrow an' I can't wait!

Doc: Tony... things aren't tough enough?

Tony: Tough? Doc, I'm in love!

Doc: And you're not frightened?

Tony: Should I be?

Doc: [after a pause] No. I'm frightened enough for the both of us.

Riff: We gotta stand up to them Doc; it's important.

Doc: Fighting over a little piece of street is so important?

Action: To us it is!

Doc: To hoodlums it is!

Action: Who're you callin' a hoodlum?

Doc: War councils...

Action: Don't start, Doc.

Doc: ...Rumbles...

Action: D'you hear me, Doc?

Doc: Why, when I was your age...

Action: When *you* was my age? When my old man was my age, when my brother was my age... You was never my age, none of ya! And the sooner you creeps get hip to that, the sooner you'll dig us!

Doc: I'll dig you an early grave, that's what I'll dig.

Tony: You know what Maria and me are gonna do out in the country? We're gonna have kids, lots of 'em, and name them all after you-even the girls. That way when you come and visit...

Doc: [slaps him] Wake up! Is this the only way to get to you? Fight like all you kids do?

Doc: When do you kids stop? You make this world lousy!

Action: We didn't make it, Doc.

Doc: [frustrated] Why do you kill?

Tony: [picks up the scattered money] I told you how it happened, Maria understands, I thought you did too.

Doc: I'll dig you an early grave, that's what I'll dig.

A-Rab: [snaps his fingers] Dig, dig, dig...

Doc: [noticing Babe's homework] What's this, more bullshit for your thesis?

Babe: Those are some interviews about Dad. I'd like you to read them.

Doc: [dispassionately] Not interested.

Babe: Why not? I just want you to read them.

Doc: You're never gonna face it, are you? The old man is dead; he was a drunk, he killed himself.

Babe: Yeah, Doc, but he didn't start to drink until after the hearings.

Doc: You gotta be kidding me?

Babe: No, I got it from his friends.

Doc: Where were those people when you needed them?

Babe: They're were afraid like everybody else.

Doc: You think he wanted you to be throwing your life away on this shit?

Babe: I don't think I'm throwing it away!

Doc: You are! Nothing you write is gonna change what happened?

Babe: Why can't you give me the courtesy to read them?

Doc: [shouting] It's over! Forget it!

Babe: [quietly] Maybe for you.

Janeway: Szell's brother's been killed in Manhattan. An accident with an oil truck.

Doc: Oh, boy. Any changes?

Janeway: Only everything.

Doc: They're getting all the couriers.

Doc: [In a fancy restaurant] How could you forget to wear a tie?

Babe: I didn't forget it. Who wears a tie when they eat lunch?

Doc: [to Elsa] Well, at least his fly is buttoned!

Christian Szell: Well... can I trust you?

Doc: You never could. You only had to.

Christian Szell: We're talking about my safety.

Doc: May I be candid?

Christian Szell: Yes.

Doc: I couldn't give a fuck about you...

[he gets stabbed by Szell]

Doc: This is bad, man. I got bad vibes here.

Doc: To have a brain is not a sin, but to have a brain and not use it, that is a sin.

Doc: The brain, Peekay, has two functions: It is the best reference library ever, which is a good thing to have. But also from it comes original thought. In school you will get all filled up with the facts. Out here, your brain will learn where to look, how to look, and how to think. Any question you ever have, the answer you will find in Nature - if you know where to look, and how to ask. And then you will have for yourself all the brains that have ever been.

Doc: You know, my donkey, Beethoven, once told me a remedy of curing sadness in little boys. Would you like to try it?

[P.K nods]

Doc: Okay, stand up, on this brick wall, stand on one leg, good, now close your eyes, say three times "absoloodle".

P.K. Age 7: Absoloodle, absoloodle, absoloodle.

Doc: Feel better?

[P.K shakes his head]

Doc: No? I guess it proves one thing then.

P.K. Age 7: What's that?

Doc: Never take advice from a donkey.

Doc: Any question you ever have, the answer you will find in nature.

Doc: [after hearing several of the townsfolk openly disparage George in the Bar] Why do ya have to tear him down? What are ya so afraid of? What have you got to lose? He wasn't selling anything! He didn't want anything from anybody! He wanted nothing from nobody! Nothing! And you people have to tear him down so you can sleep better tonight! So ya can prove that the world is flat and ya can sleep better tonite! Am I right? Am I right?... I'm right... The Hell with all of ya. The Hell with everyone of ya.

[storms out of the Bar]

Doc: Let's see, uh... George... George... there's a tumor in your brain, that's spread out like a hand, threads of it, you know, everywhere. But instead of dysfunction - now here's the mystery, George. Instead of destroying brain function, so far it's been stimulating it. We can't understand that. You have more area of active brain use than anybody ever tested - ever - because of those tentacles. I mean, we've seen tumors like this before, it's called astrocytoma. And it explains, uh, the dizziness, and... the illusion of light. But the way it's in there, waking up areas of the brain, it's a... big mystery. So...

George Malley: And it's killing me.

Banes: [speaking about George's transformation] He never really changed at all. Isn't that right Doc? I mean he never really got any smarter. Doc?

Doc: Banes... how's your lady love?

Banes: We... um... we broke up.

Doc: Really? That's too bad, yeah. Now George has a love at his side and she is sticking with him. You know why? Because he bought her chairs. That's pretty smart to me. You ever buy Lisa's chairs?'

Banes: Doc's real drunk tonight.

Doc: [George has just made a pen move across the table] Th-that's telekinesis!

George Malley: Yeah... is that O.K?

Doc: [Doc sits on the side of George's hospital bed looking sorrowful] "God damn it. Somethin' happened about 25 years ago when you broke your leg and I set it, George. I don't know what to call it, but uh, somehow you got into my heart more than most. And f... and for a man who's never been a father, I sure feel like I'm losing a son. Yeah. Georgie. Yeah."

Doc: Every woman has her chair, something she needs to put herself into, Banes. You ever figure out what Lisa's chairs were and buy 'em?

[pause]

Doc: Nope. But, you're right about one thing, George never changed.

Doc: George, how did you manage to get your pressure to come down?

George Malley: Oh... I found my pace. Simple thing really. Hard to explain.

Ens. 'Snake' Gardner: [tasting liquid from a tureen] Holy smokes, Cookie, you call that soup?

'Squarehead' Larsen SC 2c: No, sir. That's dishwater.

Ens. 'Snake' Gardner: [stunned, places the ladle back in the pot] Well, uh... right, carry on.

[exits]

'Doc': Yes, sir.

'Squarehead' Larsen SC 2c: Ensigns!

Doc: It's so funny that people smile when they... are not happy sometimes. Like, I just smiled so big, but I'm not... happy. I'm just embarrassed and kind of, like, don't wanna tell you what I'm thinking.

Doc: Is this pretty typical, dinner time at 4 a.m.?

Go: Oh, yeah, for sure.

Doc: There's no way you could eat like this every night.

Go: Yeah, why not?

Doc: I gain give pounds just by looking at food this late.

Go: We've gotta eat to live...

Doc: Yes, says the Adonis as he ingests 2000 calories at 4 a.m.

Doc: You're shirtless for a living. I'm shirtless for showering and doctors' appointments.

Go: Wait a minute. You're a virgin?

Doc: I mean, no. I've had tons of oral sex, especially in high school, and especially in my senior year of high school. I mean, unless you are counting fingers, 'cause I have topped and bottomed digitally with varying degrees of success.

[both laugh]

Go: Oh, my god.

Doc: It's not funny.

Go: You're fuckin' adorable.

Doc: No, I'm just scared.

Go: Scared of what?

Doc: Uhm... disease, pain, nudity, commitment, poop...

Doc: [reading an Internet response] "Go-go, shmo-go, stripper-dripper, as long as you post a video of you fucking said corn-filled ass, who CARES what you call him. Better yet, invite me along and I'll slam my grandpa sausage into both your bums." Really? Your "grandpa" sausage?

Go: I've always wanted my own personal Andy Warhol.

Doc: You mean the soup can guy?

Go: [suddenly dubious] How old are you?

Doc: All dressed up and a whole world of places to go.

Doc: Do you like it when it's hot outside?

Go: Yeah, it's whatever. It's a good excuse not to wear any underwear, right?

Doc: [checking out Go's paintings] This you here?

Go: That's a self-portrait, yeah.

Doc: You don't really look like that, though.

Go: If you take LSD, I'll look like that.

Go: I'm a huge Elvis fan.

Doc: [gazing at his Elvis bedcover] So you sleep with him every night.

Go: My friend was telling me about, um, it's like class systems for, like, different kinds of gays, like Gold Star gays. If you've had sex with a girl, that means you're not a Gold Star gay. That means you're a Bronze gay.

Doc: What's YOUR medal?

Go: I'm not saying.

Doc: Really?

Go: Yeah.

Doc: Do you have a favorite part of your body? Did I already ask you that?

Go: I said my brain; you said I can't say that.

Doc: Oh, right. You can't. Do you want to change your answer?

[Go laughs]

Doc: Is there a way that you prefer your body hair?

Go: Well, I guess it's really not up to me, 'cause I'm not the one with the cash and the fantasy.

Go: You know, you really need to get laid more.

Doc: I know.

[laughs]

Go: If for nothing else then for the cause.

Doc: Yeah? What's "the cause?"

Go: Well... every time we fuck it's, like, a political statement. You know? And the mere act of us penetrating each other is, like, an exercise in freedom. And, I don't know about you, but I like to exercise my freedom as much as possible.

Doc: I didn't know you were so patriotic.

Go: The American flag on the door didn't give it away?

Doc: My obsession has grown... into longing. It's like I wanna take care of him. I don't want him to make a living from the dollars of gropers anymore. I don't want him to seem as an object by anyone but me. I just want to rip that hat off his head so the world can see his eyes and not his ass. I'm really confused.

Doc: I don't WANT to be different. I don't wanna be... unique. I just wanna be... like everybody else.

Go: As soon as you stick your thick prick up someone's butt, you lose that luxury.

Doc: I like 'em plump and juicy and dumb!

'Doc': Did you ever go to school, stupid?

'Wishy': Yeah and I came out the same way.

'Wishy': If I'm the one that gets killed, get twenty-five beautiful girls to walk around me.

'Doc': Why?

'Wishy': If I don't get up, then you know i'm dead.

'Wishy': I want to be like the Rangers when I die. I want to die with my boots on.

'Doc': Why?

'Wishy': I got holes in my socks.

Doc: Take this, it will make you feel better.

Phroso 'Dead-Legs': Break that glass! I might drink out of it... by mistake!

Phroso 'Dead-Legs': I'm particular who I eat with. Feed her on the floor!

Doc: I'm down pretty low, but not so far that I'll stand for this.

Phroso 'Dead-Legs': Yair? Well, you'll stand for anything *I* say.

Maizie: Say, Mister! Don't get in trouble on account of me.

Doc: I'll eat with her. I'm particular about who I eat with, too.

Doc: You're only a kid. You've still got a chance to be anything you want.

Maizie: So have you... if you'll get hold of yourself. You're not old.

Doc: Not old? From all I've seen and done, I'm as old as Santa Claus.

Babe: He's dead! That means the girl goes with him!

Doc: If she she's going, Dead-Legs will go first!

Tiny: Dead-Legs is crazy to keep stealin' that bloke's ivory! He'll get nailed... sure!

Doc: We're the ones who are crazy! We'll get nailed... not him!

Doc: Dead-Legs, we've robbed that trader of plenty. Let's beat it before he gets us.

Phroso 'Dead-Legs': No. I'm even goin' to send him word where to find the man who's robbin' him.

[Doc starts to speak in protest]

Phroso 'Dead-Legs': I said *No!* He made me this thing that crawls... now I'm ready to bite!

Tiny: Yair, bite! I'll bet that's what the cannibals did to Babe!

Doc: Babe's all right! I sent him to Zanzibar! He's bringin' back a little sweetheart... for Doc! A blonde one!

Bumbu: King Lunkaboola... he... come!

Doc: Dead-Legs, if you keep bringin' those black-birds here for your daft shows... they'll tumble to our game!

Phroso 'Dead-Legs': Forget it, Doc! Get my box of tricks!

Doc: We'll end up being a mess of chops for those cannibals!

Phroso 'Dead-Legs': Chops... nothin'! I'm goin' to be king of the whole pack!

Doc: You're a puzzle, Dead-Legs. One minute you're a fiend and the next... you're almost human.

Phroso 'Dead-Legs': You ain't here to understand me, Doc. You're here 'cause I need you to keep me crawlin'.

Doc: At that, I guess it's healthier to be with you than against you.

Maizie: Why let him feed you with that stuff? You look as if you used to be somebody.

Doc: Let's not talk about that. Just seeing you has made me do enough thinking.

Maizie: Funny world. You tryin' to forget who you are... and me tryin' to find out who I am.

Doc: [to King Lunkaboola] Fire! Only... thing... great... Evil Spirit... fears! White master... greater... than... all... Evil Spirits! He... fears... nothing!

[Dead-Legs waves a stick of fire and pretends to swallow it]

Doc: Hide that mask! If those cannibals find out you're the voodoo we'll land in the stew-pot!

Doc: We couldn't get her across the compound! Their eyes are glued on her!

Doc: She's a woman. How hard can it be?

Doc: She's a women, how hard can it be?

Doc: I heard the voice in my head.

Doc: Co-operation and graduation, that's our motto around here.

Doc: Joe, have you ever heard the story of the five blind men who came upon an elephant? One felt the legs and said "Ah! Elephants are very much like a tree." The next felt the trunk and said "An elephant is much like a snake." The third man felt the tusks and said "An elephant is very much like a spear." You know where I'm trying to get at?

Doc: So are you going to do yourself a favour and sign the loyalty oath?

Joe: No.

Doc: I 'm a man of science Joe, and all this revolutionary mumbo-jumbo; I was hired to employ the scientific method. My job right now is to uncover the root of this conspiracy based on the evidence.

Joe: You have evidence?

Doc: No, that's how I know there's a conspiracy.

Joe: What?

Doc: If there wasn't a conspiracy there would be evidence, that's how effective the conspiracy is.

Doc: [pacing high above] A stale piece of bread is better than nothing.

Re-education Camp Prisoners: [repeating in unison] A stale piece of bread is better than nothing.

Doc: And nothing is better than a big juicey steak.

Re-education Camp Prisoners: And nothing is better than a big juicey steak.

Doc: Therefore a stale piece of bread is better than a big juicy steak.

Re-education Camp Prisoners: Therefore a stale piece of bread is better than a big juicy steak.