DJ Quotes in Doomsday (2008)

DJ: Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, the head chef, the big cheese. The sunshine of your lives, it's Sooooooool!

[first lines]

DJ: It's shaping up to be a beautiful day here in the city of angels, where Republican presidential candidate, Patricia Lonsdale makes a quick, and somewhat less serious campaign stop to dedicate the opening of a new recreation center for disadvantaged youth in the Venice area. This marks the governor's first trip to California since winning...

British DJ: Due to an increased threat-level, the governor's visit will be marked by heighten security. Lonsdale's controversial plan to clamp down on poor security on the importation of illegal goods has sparked heated debate, even among her own supporters. Detractors have called her stance reckless and warn of potentially dire consequences, should she be elected. Lonsdale has counted that America needs a strong leader who is willing to make tough decisions. Job Downs on the BBC, reporting in Venice, California.

DJ: You know, when I heard I was gonna be your partner? I guess this sounds stupid but I was excited. You know I thought I'd really get to learn something, about the job, the street, everything. But I already know how to drink.

John Shepard: Yeah.

DJ: So far this isn't what I expected.

John Shepard: Life is full of little disappointments.

[first lines]

DJ: [narration] It's like this... We live in claustrophobia; the land of steel and concrete, trapped by dark waters. There is no escape, nor do we want it. We've come to thrive on it and each other. You can't get the adrenaline pumpin' without the terror, good people... I love this town.

DJ: Oh my god!

Chowder: What?

DJ: You're a dork!

DJ: We haven't left this room once! Not even to go to the bathroom.

[Points to 2L bottle filled with something]

DJ: Don't drink that!

Zee: Oh gross! Whatever disease you guys have I'm sure its got letters and that they make pills for it!

DJ: Zee, it's true! There's something evil going on across the street!

Zee: [Sarcastically] That's excellent, I'm really happy for you.

Chowder: [pretending to talk to his father] Well, Dad, why don't you kiss my hairy butt?

[turns around]

Chowder: Hey, DJ, you got any beer?

[noticing Jenny]

Chowder: Well, hello there...

DJ: [to Jenny] This is... Chowder...

Chowder: Charles, to the ladies...

Jenny: [interrupting] Um, Jenny Bennett. Two-term class president at Westbrook Prep.

DJ: That's a tough school to get into.

Chowder: Yeah, I got in but decided not to go.

Jenny: It's a girl's school.

Chowder: [nervous pause] ... Which is why I didn't...

[another nervous pause]

Chowder: ... You know there's a... there's a great taco stand near there...

DJ: I've just... murdered a guy!

Chowder: Naw... when it's an accident, it's called manslaughter.

Zee: What is your problem?

DJ: Uh... puberty! Yeah, I'm having lots and lots of puberty.

DJ: I kissed a girl! I kissed a girl on the lips!

DJ: Questions?

Chowder: Yes, umm, are you nuts? I don't wanna steal drugs from my Father, I don't wanna go inside a monster, and I don't wanna die!

Jenny: I say its worth a shot.

Chowder: Yes I agree. Let's do it.

DJ: [running back to the house] Don't look back!

Chowder: Aah! I looked back!

Jenny: Is this pee? Because if it is, that's really gross!

Chowder: DJ?... You pee in bottles?

DJ: What are you talking about? That one's your pee.

DJ: Can I ask you something?

Zee: Sure you can cantelope. We are going to have so much fun I have tons of activities...

DJ: [rolls eyes] It's okay. They're gone

Zee: They are? They're gone?

[takes off her pink sweater and reveals she is wearing a black punk t shirt, unties her hair]

Skull: [Playing arcade machine] You're gonna die! You're gonna die!

Skull: [kills someone in game] Aw, did you see that? I just chopped off your head again! Your head's rolling. You can't even see it 'cuz your eyes are on your head!

DJ: [interupts] Sir?

Skull: [looks at DJ] What? I'm busy playing a video game without even looking at the screen.

DJ: Chowder, your ball just landed on Nebbercracker's lawn. It doesn't exist anymore...

DJ: [to Mr. Nebbercracker] I'm sorry about your house - your wife... your... house-wife.

Zee: Who called you?

DJ: Nebbercracker. Ps, he died today.

Chowder: We're dead. You've killed us, and we're dead!

DJ: Shh! I don't think the house knows that we're in here. I bet it thinks we're still in the car.

Jenny: Listen.

[rumbling sound]

Jenny: Sounds like it's sleeping.

DJ: The only way that we're gonna get out of here alive, is if we find the heart, and put out the fire.

Chowder: Maybe we should examine our other options?

DJ: Sure. Other option: we wait here and do nothing until it wakes up and eats us.

Chowder: Find the heart, put out the fire. Got it.

Chowder: It's time for an in your face disgrace!

[basketball ricochets off the hoop and hits Chowder in the face]

DJ: Are you okay?

Chowder: My nose is in my brain!

DJ: Let me see - Oh my God!

Chowder: What?

DJ: You're a dork.

DJ: It's her! The house is her!

Boost: Hey, yo, DJ!

DJ: What up?

Boost: We've got ourselves a nodder.

DJ: [as Howard tries to break into the radio station; he calls the cops] Yeah, I've got a mad man in my studio and...

[Howard breaks the glass door and charges inside]

DJ: HELP ME!

Howard Langston: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen!

DJ: What?

Howard Langston: See, I couldn't get through on the phone. Did I win?

[Howard hugs the DJ]

DJ: No, it's not that simple!

DJ: No! Wait, wait!

[Myron comes into the radio room]

Howard Langston: You're too late! I already got the the right answer! I won! Ha ha! Yeah!

Myron Larabee: I don't need the right answer to win! I got this!

[Myron pulls out a package]

Howard Langston: Now what's that?

Myron Larabee: This, Mr. Track Star, is a homemade explosive device!

Howard Langston: A bomb?

Myron Larabee: Yes, in layman's terms, a bomb! So back up!

Howard Langston: You built a bomb?

Myron Larabee: No, I didn't build a bomb! Don't you read the news? Hundreds of these things come through the mail every day! I just kept one in case I ever needed it! So give me the doll, or I'll blow up everybody in this place!

Howard Langston: Are you out of your mind? Put this thing away!

DJ: [as Howard tries to break into the radio station; he calls the cops] Yeah, I've got a mad man in my studio and...

[Howard breaks the glass door and charges inside]

DJ: HELP ME!

Caller: [the objective is to correctly name all 8 of Santa's reindeer] Um, Randy, Germaine, uh, Tito...

DJ: Nope, not even close. Sorry. But perhaps this song will put us all in the mood to get this thing right.

DJ: Excuse me, gentlemen, are you two under the impression that I have a Turbo Man doll here in the studio?

Howard Langston: Yes.

Myron Larabee: That's what you said on the radio.

DJ: Oh, no.

Myron Larabee: Yes it is.

DJ: No, no, no! What I actually said was whoever *won* would *get* a doll E-VENTUALLY. See...

[chuckles]

DJ: What we have here... is a gift certificate.

Howard Langston, Myron Larabee: A gift certificate?

DJ: Right.

Myron Larabee: Did you call me buddy?

Howard Langston: Yeah.

Myron Larabee: [shouting] I am not your buddy! I tried to be your team mate, I wanted to be your friend, but noooooooooo, you had other other plans for Myron Larabee!

Howard Langston: No, I had no plans.

Myron Larabee: You were no different then the rest of those civilians, those common, letter writers who make fun of my knee socks and my safari hat. in the summer!

[the DJ is whimpering]

Myron Larabee: Are you laughing at me?

DJ: Huh? Oh, no! Lord no! Not at all!

Myron Larabee: Mr. Ponytail Man, I know you, I know your kind. You're the kind that puts the trash can in front of the mailbox so I have to get out of my jeep, don't you?

DJ: No, not true! I recycle!

Howard Langston: Shut up!

Myron Larabee: That's right shut up!

DJ: [as a narrator] And, of course, my stepbrother Scott, who's very smart, but currently on the outs with the family, because he's become a conservative Republican, which has caused my stepfather to have a stroke since we're all liberal Democrats.

DJ: That's Frieda, our maid. Personally I think she was Hitler's maid at Berchtesgaden.

DJ: [as a narrator] If Dad's a liberal Democrat, then you'd have to say Mom is the one thing more extreme. She's a guilty liberal Democrat.

Charles Ferry: A lot of times a guy'll come up behind ya and... Swish! You get your blade out quick, you stick it in him, or you're dead.

DJ: Have you stuck a lot of other inmates, Mr. Ferry?

Charles Ferry: Enough.

DJ: [as a narrator] And wouldn't you know it, as soon as his brain started functioning properly, Scott resigned from the Young Conservative Republican Club and started espousing left-wing, Democratic, liberal philosophy.

DJ: There are only two ways to live life: Tolerate things the way they are... Or, take responsibility to change them.

DJ: With one leg in the past and one in the future... it's no wonder we're pissing on the present.

Sonia: [Angry] DJ, just stop it yaar! Shut up and get out!

DJ: See... now you're looking like a complete freedom fighter!

Karan: Dj, yeh toh bahaut khoon behe rahi hai yaar. - Dj, there's a lot of blood!

DJ: Koi nahin,kaake. Woh ragoon mein daudte daudte thak gaya tha. Azad hona chahta hai. - It's nothing. It just got tired of running in my veins. It wants to be free.

Sue: Ask them once again.

[if Aslam, DJ, Siddharth will act in my film]

Sue: Please.

Sonia: So you won't rest until then, will you?

[Sue nods]

Sonia: Ok. But nobody will come.

DJ: [From the background] They will come. I will bring them. DJ da Promise!

Aslam: [Reading Sue's hand] ... You're admirer will come in a black T-shirt and say...

DJ: [in the background wearing a black T-shirt] ...

[singing]

DJ: Sue kar mere mann ko kiya tune kya ishara.

DJ: [practicing his lines] Bismil's message. Lucknow train

[Sees Chotu]

DJ: [still practising] Hey, kid. Listen, did you get Bismil's message?

Chotu (Waiter): [confused] What?

DJ: No? Then listen. We will rob the train which is going towards Lucknow 8 days later. There will be a lot of money. British Money. Will you rob it?

Chotu (Waiter): [still confused] No.

DJ: No? But we will buy weapons with that money. What will we buy?

Chotu (Waiter): [still confused] Weapons?

DJ: Exactly. Go, kid. You go now.

DJ: [thinking Sue doesn't speak hindi] Arre vadi soni hai yaar!

[Turning to Sue]

DJ: I mean it's very cold yaar!.

DJ: Hey, you seen Christine?

Andy: I thought she went outside to practice her lines. Didn't you know that?

DJ: I knew that. Everyone thinks that DJ doesn't know shit! DJ knows shit! I know where Christine is. She's with that grip Nikolai again!

[Andy and Tina walk off and approach the Toddster]

Andy: Hey Todd, are you gonna be ready in five?

Toddster: I would be ready now if the fact that our fearless leader, our "brilliant" director, didn't blow out my sound system with his ultra-real 44 Magnum blast in that last scene.

Tina - Script Girl: So, how long then?

Toddster: Long enough for you to suck the Todd rod, and for you to be gurgilling with the Todd wadd!

Andy: [grabs Toddster's crotch] That's enough!

Toddster: What the fuck, dude! I'll put up with the awful cheese sandwiches for lunch. I'll put up with the crew on this set that fucking sucks! But I draw the line at ball crunching! I quit! I fucking quit! The Toddster is out of here and I'm taking my sound equipment with me. Sayonadra suckers!

DJ: You know, this is show *business*, Baby. No business, no show!

DJ: I'd like to take that and lay it down with like a hip-hop beat like boom-tish boom-tish know what I mean?

Charlotte: No.

Kelly: What's the religion, here, Christian?

DJ: Buddhism.

April: Hi.

DJ: What's up? What's wrong?

April: Nothing.

DJ: Hey you know, if you wanna talk, I'm here.

April: Thanks.

DJ: All right.

April: [notices DJ jacket] Congratulations. Why didn't you tell me you pledged?

DJ: Maybe I wanted to surprise you.

April: As if I didn't already know. What?

DJ: I like your earrings. They're nice. They're new, right?

April: Yeah. You noticed them?

DJ: I notice everything about you.

April: Oh yeah?

DJ: Yeah

April: So, what's my favorite color?

DJ: Well... You always wear green eye shadow. Your favorite ring has green in it. And I'm gonna bet your car is green. Right?

April: We should probably get started.

DJ: I done already schooled you once homeboy, how many lesson you wanna learn?

Grant: Oh so you think you funny nigga?

DJ: No... but she clearly does.

April: What? No, Grant let's just go.

DJ: Gamma who? One word: Bitches.

Duron: It's not just about you. It's about us, we're a team.

DJ: Well then this team' bout to double up on their asses!

Rich Brown: All right. There are only a select few things of mine that are absolutely off limits ai'ight; my toothbrush, my toothpaste, my shaving cream,and my condoms.Magnums, of course. You know about the gold packs? other than that playboy anything else of mine you're welcome to; Rich Brown?

DJ: DJ

Rich Brown: Nice to meet you sir