Dixie Quotes in Lethal Weapon (1987)

Beat Cop: Had a jumper here last night, Dixie was walking by, saw the whole thing.

Roger Murtaugh: You got a statement from her, send her home.

Dixie: Oh, thanks, I'm beat. You know how it is...

Roger Murtaugh: Yeah, yeah, sure. All dressed up and no one to blow.

Dixie: You're hilarious. God, I don't believe this...

Dixie: Looks like a close race. It could even be neck and neck.

Slyvie or Sylvie: Complement her new collar before she gets whiplash.

Jenna: Is that a new collar, Dixie?

Dixie: What, this old thing? Nah. Do you think Steele will notice?

Jenna: The only way Steele notices anyone is if they're wearing a mirror.

Dixie: What's with you, Jenna? Steele's a genuine hero. But do you give him a sniff?

Slyvie or Sylvie: That's because Jenna is running with Balto.

[Dixie makes a noise of disbelief]

Slyvie or Sylvie: She was seen in the boiler room the other night with Balto. And they went in together and they left together. And I heard it all from a very reliable source, and don't bother to deny it.

Jenna: Well... then I won't.

Slyvie or Sylvie: [gasps] I'm speechless.

Dixie: [speaking suggestively, fidgeting with Steele's dog tag] *My* girl's away at *boarding* school.

Dixie: Congratulations and solicitations, Steele!

Dixie: Steele, you are positively dis... POSABLE!

Dixie: [watches Steele] Just look at him. He's going to save the entire town. He's positively mag... NESIUM!

Dixie: So, why don't you ask her out?

C.D. Bales: Sometimes I take a walk at night and I see couples walking, holding hands and I look at them and I think: "Why not me?" Then I catch my shadow on the wall...

Dixie: Want anything? A drink?

C.D. Bales: Yeah, but if I ask for another one, give it to me.

Dixie: What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?

C.D. Bales: Huh?

Dixie: It's a riddle. What can you sit on, sleep on, and brush your teeth with?

C.D. Bales: I don't know.

Dixie: A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.

C.D. Bales: What's the point?

Dixie: The point is that sometimes the answer is so obvious, you don't even realize it. It's as plain as the nose on your face. You should tell her!

C.D. Bales: Tell who, what?

Dixie: Tell Roxanne that you love her.

Dixie: Hey, what about your boyfriend? What was his name?

Roxanne Kowalski: Richard.

Dixie: When's he coming?

Roxanne Kowalski: He's not. He's not coming.

Dixie: What happened?

Roxanne Kowalski: We just ran out of gas. I guess I mistook sex for love.

Sandy: Oh, I did that once. It was great.

C.D. Bales: I've got a two o'clock, and a five o'clock, and the women are just lined up around the block, mostly because of the old saying.

Dixie: What old saying?

C.D. Bales: You know, about the size of a man's nose relating to the size of his...

Dixie: Of his what?

C.D. Bales: Oh, you know.

Dixie: Come on.

C.D. Bales: Hey, Sophie?

Sophie: [turns around at the next table] Yeah?

C.D. Bales: You know that old saying about a man's nose?

Sophie: Oh, you mean how a man's nose relates to the size of his...

[she stops as all the old ladies at the table gasp; they burst into excited chatter]

Sophie: Oh, my God...

C.D. Bales: I love doing that to them.

C.D. Bales: Here's your racket.

Dixie: Thanks. What's this stuff on it, Vitalis?

C.D. Bales: Oh no, it's blood.

[banging the counter]

C.D. Bales: Where's my tea?

Dixie: Bernie! You want to tell me about it?

C.D. Bales: You're too young.

Dixie: The thing you wanna avoid is outlasting everybody. Can you remember that?

Eddie: Just relax and follow my lead.

Dixie: Yeah. Right off a cliff.

Dixie: Mind if I smoke?

Eddie: I don't care if you burn.

Dixie: What a prince.

[On stage during a power outage]

Dixie: Well... alone in the dark with thousands of men. There is a God after all!

Dixie: [Appearing on stage late] So sorry.

[British accent]

Dixie: A little trouble over the channel you know, old pip.

Eddie: Really.

Dixie: Righto. We were halfway to Belgium when we ran out of... gas, I believe you call it.

Eddie: That's funny. You don't look like you'd ever run out of gas.

Dixie: Are you trying to get into my flak suit, honey?

Eddie: I'm just trying to debrief you. So a plane without any gas. What did you do?

Dixie: Do?

Eddie: Yeah. Do. You know to keep up morale and all that.

Dixie: Well... well... my co-pilot... lovely young boy but terrified, half out of his wits. You know, nervous. Terrified. I said to him, "This one's going to take a long... hard... pull." So I did! For two hours!

Eddie: Two hours alone with you? That boy deserves a purple heart.

Dixie: Well, it was purple, alright, but I don't think it was his heart!

[Performing a skit for a television show]

Dixie: You know, that son of ours is really something.

Eddie: Why? What happened?

Dixie: While I'm tucking him in bed last night, he suddenly says to me, "Mommy, is kissing dirty?"

Eddie: Yeah? What'd you tell him?

Dixie: I said to him, "Darling, sex between two people can be a beautiful thing."

Eddie: Oh, yeah.

Dixie: "But between four people... fantastic!"

Dixie: You're gonna kill him you fill his head full of this crap!

Eddie: Such as what?

Dixie: Such as "Don't study," "Everything comes easy," "Life's a big party."

Eddie: Oh, well, sounds good to me.

Dixie: Oh yeah? You got three daughters. Why don't you give them the benefit of your wisdom?

Eddie: Because my wisdom is for a son. I got a closet full of baseball cards...

Dixie: Don't break my heart!

Eddie: Alright. How long's it now been - eight years Michael's dead?

Dixie: You shut up!

Eddie: No. You let me talk. Now enough is enough here. That boy needs a father. He needs a man in his life - somebody he can talk to, somebody who can teach him, somebody who can show him.

Dixie: What? How to screw the chorus girls?

Eddie: Yeah, why not if he wants to... yeah, why not! That's life! Hey, I wish somebody was there to teach me how to kiss 'em, how to talk to 'em - how to jack off!

Dixie: What did you say?

Eddie: That's right, lady! Who's gonna tell him it's alright - that his thing won't fall off - his mother? Why don't you put a dress on him and forget about it?

Dixie: I would, but then you'd probably make a pass at him!

[to the soldiers in Vietnam]

Dixie: Shut the fuck up. It's Christmastime. I'm gonna sing you a little song.

Dixie: America the land of the fee.

Eddie: What? we're short... oh time. Two minutes time. Well, Dixie do you have any ideas of what we can do in two minutes?

Dixie: Not unless your part rabbit.

Eddie: You know...for an old broad, you're still pretty sexy.

Dixie: How would you know?

Eddie: Well, I think I'm getting excited.

Dixie: Let me know when you're sure.

Eddie: Hey, Dixie, they gave me a big suite upstairs.

Dixie: Really?

Eddie: Oh yeah. And I got a big king-size bed.

Dixie: You wanna lie down, Eddie?

Eddie: Is that an offer?

Dixie: It's a recommendation.

Eddie: Look at this. I'm 91 years old. 50 years I've been waiting for this chance. Dixie, please let's go upstairs.

Dixie: What, to your room?

Eddie: Yeah.

Dixie: And then we get undressed?

Eddie: Yeah.

Dixie: And then we get into bed?

Eddie: Yeah.

Dixie: And then what?

Biff: What's the matter with comics?

Dixie: I went into show business when I was seven years old. Two days later the first comic I ever met stole my piggy bank in a railroad station in Portland. When I was 11 the comics were looking at my ankles. When I was 14 they were...just looking. When I was 20 I'd been stuck with enough lunch checks to pay for a three-story house. Naw, they're shiftless, dame-chasing, ambitionless...

Biff: Hey lady, you got your motor running.

Dixie: Don't get excited, you didn't get it started.

Biff: Ah, I get it, you're pulling this act to make me feel protective.

Dixie: Haven't you ever figured on anybody telling the truth?

Biff: Not burlesque dames, they're used to wriggling out of things.

Biff: Aren't you a teeny weeny bit glad to see me back?

Dixie: [pause] No.

Vera: If he came in here right now, he'd kill us both.

Dixie: Forget about him.

Vera: Who?

Vera: I was born looking 18.

Dixie: I can save you.

Vera: No, you can't.

Dixie: I'm surprised at you! Don't you feel anything for Mr. Flynn at all? He's dead!

Vera: I sing, tell a few jokes.

Dixie: Tell me a joke.

Vera: [laughs] Hello, sucker.

Dixie: What do they call you?

Sol Weinstein: Nobody calls me nothin'.

Dixie: Not even your mother?

Sol Weinstein: I didn't have a mother. They found me in a garbage pail.

Dixie: Hi, Martin.

Martin: Not tonight, Dixie! Definitely not tonight!

Dixie: Somebody's trying to kill me.

Detective Skinner: If they succeed, I'll come see you again.

Dixie: I am the walrus. God is just the middle man.

Detective Skinner: Special Agent Skinner. I'm a detective.

Dixie: You got some Oragel? This fucking cavity's going into my brain. Morphine, Motrin, Tylenol, anything? Come on, you call yourself a dentist?

Detective Skinner: Detective. Teeth, gums, gingivitis are out of my line.

Dixie: Since I wasn't officially in the band, you know how it goes, it ain't easy.

Detective Skinner: Yeah, sure. That's not exactly why I'm here. Israel Goldkiss was pushed from the roof. That makes you a suspect.

Dixie: Jesus bleeding Christ! Are you paying attention? I'm talking The Beatles, here. The Fab Four. John understood. That's why they had him killed, you know? Now they're trying to kill me, because they finally realised who's behind all those songs. But I ain't seen no royalties.

Detective Skinner: Yeah, that's tough. But either you cooperate, or I book you.

Dixie: I've been doing nothing but cooperate my whole fucking life. That's what it's all about to be in a band. I'm not saying they weren't creatively involved... but most of the time, they were off with that Maharishi. You know, India, whatever, you know. There I was, all alone in the studio with my brilliant ideas... Thank God I had George Martin. George... Oh, that album in particular, we grew together like this, me and George.

Dixie: Let's vote! There is two letters on each ballot, a Y and a N. A Y means why and and a N means why not.

Dixie: Well, it's all about believing, and if we believe in something, then that's real, isn't it? And if enough people believe in the same thing, then... that's reality.

Dixie: Where the hell have you been? I've been calling you pretty little policemen for months now.

Dixie: I called Liverpool, Interpol, even Paul.

Dixie: You think God sits around writing songs? I am The Walrus. God's just the middleman.

Dixie: Like never trust politicians or parking meters.