Dina Byrnes Quotes in Meet the Parents (2000)
Dina Byrnes Quotes:
Dina Byrnes: I had no idea you could milk a cat!
Greg Focker: Oh, you can milk just about anything with nipples.
Jack Byrnes: [He reacts] I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me?
Jack Byrnes: "My Mother", by Jack Byrnes. You gave me life / You gave me milk / You gave me courage / Your name was Angela / The angel from Heaven / But you were also an angel of God / And He needed you, too / Selfishly I tried to keep you here / While the cancer ate away your organs, / Like an unstoppable rebel force / But I couldn't save you / and I shall see your face nevermore, nevermore, nevermore / Until we meet in heaven.
Pam Byrnes: Dad, that's beautiful.
Dina Byrnes: It always gets me.
Greg Focker: That's amazing, so much love, and also so much information.
Jack Byrnes: Oh, geez. I just thought of something.
Dina Byrnes: What?
Jack Byrnes: Pam's middle name.
Dina Byrnes: Martha... Oh, no.
Jack Byrnes, Dina Byrnes: Pamela Martha Focker.
Dina Byrnes: Now Greg, you have a very unique last name. Um, we were curious, how do you pronounce it?
Greg Focker: Oh, just like it's spelled. F-O-C-K-E-R.
Dina Byrnes: F-Focker.
Jack Byrnes: Hmm, Focker. Hmm.
Greg Focker: Hey Jack, why don't you tell 'em about your little phone call in Thai.
Dina Byrnes: Jack can't talk Thai.
Greg Focker: Oh no, Dina, Jack can talk Thai. Jack talked Thai real well.
Jack Byrnes: So what if he took the MCATs? He's still not good enough for Pam.
Dina Byrnes: Who is, Jack? Nobody has ever been good enough for your Pam. I mean, do you realize that you never even warmed up to Kevin until she broke up with him? Maybe it's time you think about what Pam wants.
Dina Byrnes: Looks like we've got another wedding to plan.
Jack Byrnes: Yep. Just got to do one more thing.
Dina Byrnes: What's that?
Jack Byrnes: Meet his parents.
Dina Byrnes: Jack...
Jack Byrnes: Honey, relax. I'm sure they're wonderful, fascinating people.
Dina Byrnes: Good night, Jack.
Jack Byrnes: I mean, they'd have to be, right? To name their son Gaylord Focker?
Dina Byrnes: I just feel sorry the poor boy never had a home-cooked meal. What kind of family doesn't have time to sit down for dinner?
Jack Byrnes: Fugitives.
Jack Byrnes: I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.
Greg Focker: It was Barry Poppins.
Jack Byrnes: What kind of sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?
Roz Focker: Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.
Jack Byrnes: It was your idea?
Roz Focker: Yes.
Jack Byrnes: What is wrong with you people?
Bernie Focker: You people?
Dina Byrnes: I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.
Jack Byrnes: Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?
Greg Focker: Jack. he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?
Jack Byrnes: He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his devlopment.
Roz Focker: The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.
Greg Focker: Mom.
Jack Byrnes: What are you saying?
Roz Focker: I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here and and I've got news for you, Jack, prodigies don't eat there own boogers.
Jack Byrnes: And I've got news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.
Pam Byrnes: Okay, Dad. That's my fiance.
Jack Byrnes: I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.
Roz Focker: Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.
Jack Byrnes: The Little Jack in me?
[Greg is getting extremely frusrated]
Roz Focker: Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed? My guess is no.
Jack Byrnes: Will you spare my the drugstore pyschology.
Greg Focker: [everyone starts arguing] Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP, okay?
[everyone is quiet]
Greg Focker: Jack, I am not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone for a second, I came back, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.
Dina Byrnes: Sweetheart, do we really have to hurry like this?
Jack Byrnes: Oh, yes. We have to pull a little covert operation here. The bandleader says we've got approximately 23 minutes until it's time to cut the cake.
Roz Focker: How's your sex life?
Dina Byrnes: I can't tell you that!
Roz Focker: I'm a professional. Dina, I'm a sex therapist specializing in senior sexuality.
Dina Byrnes: I knew those weren't yoga mats!
Roz Focker: No.
Dina Byrnes: Well, we're not twenty five... anymore.
Roz Focker: But you're not dead either! Lots of couples our age lack intimacy...
Dina Byrnes: I didn't say we weren't intimate, there are special occasions. Anniversaries and... well, on our anniversary.
Roz Focker: Oy, neesh geete!
Dina Byrnes: What?
Roz Focker: Not good!
Jack Byrnes: You knew she was pregnant?
Dina Byrnes: We all did, Jack.
Pam Byrnes: Daddy, I was going to tell you after the wedding, I swear.
Jack Byrnes: This is the reason I created the circle of trust so we could discuss these things.
Pam Byrnes: But the circle isn't going to work if you don't trust anyone that's in it, Dad.
Roz Focker: Tell me, what's going on with that man of yours?
Dina Byrnes: Well, Jack's always been a little wound up. His job is very stressful.
Roz Focker: Being a florist is stressful?
Dina Byrnes: There's more to it than people think.
Dina Byrnes: Bernie, this frittata is wonderful, what's in it?
Bernie Focker: Well, a lot of the taste comes from this old skillet. I've never washed it.
Roz Focker: Nah, I'm bored. Come on, Dina. You want a Spritzer?
Dina Byrnes: What? Oh, a Spritzer. Sounds yummy.
Dina Byrnes: Muskrat
Dina Byrnes: [after Bernie has destroyed Jack's toilet to save Moses] Jack, he was just trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it had been Jinx who fell in the toilet?
Jack Byrnes: [matter-of-factly] Mr. Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to have done in a submergion.
Dina Byrnes: Oh, Jack, isn't it wonderful? The kids are *finally* getting married?
Jack Byrnes: [about Little Jack] Wait a second; I think he spoke!
[pushes Dina aside]
Jack Byrnes: Little Jack! Were you about to speak?
[Little Jack passes gas]
Jack Byrnes: It's nothing, just a little flatulence. What were you saying, Dina?
Dina Byrnes: It's a custom designed, climate-controlled motor coach.
Jack Byrnes: Jack calls it the Highlight of our Twilight.
Greg Focker: And do you talk yet, Mr. Munchkinhead?
[makes baby noises at Little Jack]
Jack Byrnes: Greg, Greg, Greg. Don't infantilize him. Talk to him like an adult.
Dina Byrnes: Muskrat.
Jack Byrnes: Huh?
Dina Byrnes: Muskrat, Jack.
Jack Byrnes: Oh right.
Jack Byrnes: Just try to understand, he's a little person. His communication skills aren't verbal yet, but he understands.
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