Dina Byrnes Quotes in Meet the Parents (2000)


Dina Byrnes Quotes:

  • Dina Byrnes: I had no idea you could milk a cat!

    Greg Focker: Oh, you can milk just about anything with nipples.

    Jack Byrnes: [He reacts] I have nipples, Greg, could you milk me?

  • [Jack's Poem]

    Jack Byrnes: "My Mother", by Jack Byrnes. You gave me life / You gave me milk / You gave me courage / Your name was Angela / The angel from Heaven / But you were also an angel of God / And He needed you, too / Selfishly I tried to keep you here / While the cancer ate away your organs, / Like an unstoppable rebel force / But I couldn't save you / and I shall see your face nevermore, nevermore, nevermore / Until we meet in heaven.

    Pam Byrnes: Dad, that's beautiful.

    Dina Byrnes: It always gets me.

    Greg Focker: That's amazing, so much love, and also so much information.

  • Jack Byrnes: Oh, geez. I just thought of something.

    Dina Byrnes: What?

    Jack Byrnes: Pam's middle name.

    Dina Byrnes: Martha... Oh, no.

    Jack ByrnesDina Byrnes: Pamela Martha Focker.

  • Dina Byrnes: Now Greg, you have a very unique last name. Um, we were curious, how do you pronounce it?

    Greg Focker: Oh, just like it's spelled. F-O-C-K-E-R.

    Dina Byrnes: F-Focker.

    Jack Byrnes: Hmm, Focker. Hmm.

  • Greg Focker: Hey Jack, why don't you tell 'em about your little phone call in Thai.

    Dina Byrnes: Jack can't talk Thai.

    Greg Focker: Oh no, Dina, Jack can talk Thai. Jack talked Thai real well.

  • Jack Byrnes: So what if he took the MCATs? He's still not good enough for Pam.

    Dina Byrnes: Who is, Jack? Nobody has ever been good enough for your Pam. I mean, do you realize that you never even warmed up to Kevin until she broke up with him? Maybe it's time you think about what Pam wants.

  • Dina Byrnes: Looks like we've got another wedding to plan.

    Jack Byrnes: Yep. Just got to do one more thing.

    Dina Byrnes: What's that?

    Jack Byrnes: Meet his parents.

    Dina Byrnes: Jack...

    Jack Byrnes: Honey, relax. I'm sure they're wonderful, fascinating people.

    Dina Byrnes: Good night, Jack.

    Jack Byrnes: I mean, they'd have to be, right? To name their son Gaylord Focker?

  • Dina Byrnes: I just feel sorry the poor boy never had a home-cooked meal. What kind of family doesn't have time to sit down for dinner?

    Jack Byrnes: Fugitives.

  • Jack Byrnes: I don't care if they did call you Larry Poppins. You are completely unfit to handle a child.

    Greg Focker: It was Barry Poppins.

    Jack Byrnes: What kind of sick cocktail were you going to make my grandson?

    Roz Focker: Jack, the baby's teething. I told Greg to give him some rum to ease the pain.

    Jack Byrnes: It was your idea?

    Roz Focker: Yes.

    Jack Byrnes: What is wrong with you people?

    Bernie Focker: You people?

    Dina Byrnes: I used to rub bourbon on Denny's gums.

    Jack Byrnes: Yeah! Look what happened to him. Greg, you couldn't follow a simple set of instructions?

    Greg Focker: Jack. he was screaming. So I went in and I gave him a little attention. Okay?

    Jack Byrnes: He's learning to self-soothe. These setbacks are disastrous for his devlopment.

    Roz Focker: The child is adorable, but you're not raising Little Buddha over here.

    Greg Focker: Mom.

    Jack Byrnes: What are you saying?

    Roz Focker: I'm saying that I have seen that kid eat at least 15 boogers since he's been here and and I've got news for you, Jack, prodigies don't eat there own boogers.

    Jack Byrnes: And I've got news for you. Prodigies don't come in 10th place every time either.

    Pam Byrnes: Okay, Dad. That's my fiance.

    Jack Byrnes: I'm sorry. It's just that I've never seen people celebrate mediocrity the way you do.

    Roz Focker: Because we love our son? We hug our son? Let's get down to it. The truth is, you're so concerned about that Little Jack, but I think that it's the Little Jack in you that is crying out for a hug.

    Jack Byrnes: The Little Jack in me?

    [Greg is getting extremely frusrated]

    Roz Focker: Jack, you have issues. I'm trying to understand why you run around with a rubber boob strapped to your chest. I mean, were you ever breastfed? My guess is no.

    Jack Byrnes: Will you spare my the drugstore pyschology.

    Greg Focker: [everyone starts arguing] Everybody! All right. Everybody just... Everybody just STOP, okay?

    [everyone is quiet]

    Greg Focker: Jack, I am not going to make any excuses. Yes, Little Jack wouldn't stop crying so I gave him some hugs and I let him watch TV. I went to answer the phone, I was gone for a second, I came back, he let himself out of the playpen, he put on Scarface, and he glued his hands to the rum bottle. Okay? That's it.

  • Dina Byrnes: Sweetheart, do we really have to hurry like this?

    Jack Byrnes: Oh, yes. We have to pull a little covert operation here. The bandleader says we've got approximately 23 minutes until it's time to cut the cake.

  • Roz Focker: How's your sex life?

    Dina Byrnes: I can't tell you that!

    Roz Focker: I'm a professional. Dina, I'm a sex therapist specializing in senior sexuality.

    Dina Byrnes: I knew those weren't yoga mats!

    Roz Focker: No.

    Dina Byrnes: Well, we're not twenty five... anymore.

    Roz Focker: But you're not dead either! Lots of couples our age lack intimacy...

    Dina Byrnes: I didn't say we weren't intimate, there are special occasions. Anniversaries and... well, on our anniversary.

    Roz Focker: Oy, neesh geete!

    Dina Byrnes: What?

    Roz Focker: Not good!

  • Jack Byrnes: You knew she was pregnant?

    Dina Byrnes: We all did, Jack.

    Pam Byrnes: Daddy, I was going to tell you after the wedding, I swear.

    Jack Byrnes: This is the reason I created the circle of trust so we could discuss these things.

    Pam Byrnes: But the circle isn't going to work if you don't trust anyone that's in it, Dad.

  • Roz Focker: Tell me, what's going on with that man of yours?

    Dina Byrnes: Well, Jack's always been a little wound up. His job is very stressful.

    Roz Focker: Being a florist is stressful?

    Dina Byrnes: There's more to it than people think.

  • Dina Byrnes: Bernie, this frittata is wonderful, what's in it?

    Bernie Focker: Well, a lot of the taste comes from this old skillet. I've never washed it.

  • Roz Focker: Nah, I'm bored. Come on, Dina. You want a Spritzer?

    Dina Byrnes: What? Oh, a Spritzer. Sounds yummy.

  • Dina Byrnes: Muskrat

  • Dina Byrnes: [after Bernie has destroyed Jack's toilet to save Moses] Jack, he was just trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it had been Jinx who fell in the toilet?

    Jack Byrnes: [matter-of-factly] Mr. Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to have done in a submergion.

  • Dina Byrnes: Oh, Jack, isn't it wonderful? The kids are *finally* getting married?

    Jack Byrnes: [about Little Jack] Wait a second; I think he spoke!

    [pushes Dina aside]

    Jack Byrnes: Little Jack! Were you about to speak?

    [Little Jack passes gas]

    Jack Byrnes: It's nothing, just a little flatulence. What were you saying, Dina?

  • Dina Byrnes: It's a custom designed, climate-controlled motor coach.

    Jack Byrnes: Jack calls it the Highlight of our Twilight.

  • Greg Focker: And do you talk yet, Mr. Munchkinhead?

    [makes baby noises at Little Jack]

    Jack Byrnes: Greg, Greg, Greg. Don't infantilize him. Talk to him like an adult.

    Dina Byrnes: Muskrat.

    Jack Byrnes: Huh?

    Dina Byrnes: Muskrat, Jack.

    Jack Byrnes: Oh right.

    [to Greg]

    Jack Byrnes: Just try to understand, he's a little person. His communication skills aren't verbal yet, but he understands.

Browse more character quotes from Meet the Parents (2000)