Diego Quotes in Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs (2009)

Buck: Mammals, we have ourselves a crime scene. Tuff of fur. Half-eaten carcass. Hunk of... aaugh! No! Broccoli!

[almost throws up]

Buck: Here's what I think happened: dinosaur attacks Sid, Sid fights back with broccoli, leaving dinosaur... a vegetable!

Diego: Are you nuts? Sid's not violent. Or coordinated.

Manny: Yeah, and where's the dinosaur?

Buck: All right, good point. Theory two: Sid's eating broccoli, dinosaur eats Sid, dinosaur steps on broccoli, leaving broccoli... a vegetable!

Diego: [to Manny, about possibly staying] This is my kind of place.

Buck: [Pick up a rock like it's a cellphone] Hello? No... No I can't really talk right now... Going to retrive a dead sloth. No, I know. They're following ME! Yeah, and they think I'M crazy! O-Okay... We're going into the Chasm of Death, I'm going to lose you. Yeah. O-Okay.

[quietly]

Buck: I... I love you too. Goodbye... Goodbye!

[throws the rock aside]

Buck: Let's get a move on, shall we?

Manny: [to Diego] That'll be YOU in three weeks.

Manny: [looking at Eddie & Crash singing] Are you crazy?

Diego: [lets go of his breath, in a squeaky voice] Its not poison!

[surprised by his voice, he laughs hysterically with Eddie & Crash]

Crash: [in a squeaky voice] That is Sooo Disturbing!

Buck: [from the other side] Stop laughing! All of you!

Crash: [in a squeaky voice, mimicking Bucks accent] Stop Laughing all of you!

[All laugh hysterically]

Manny: [in a squeaky voice, mimicking Bucks accent] Whats rule number 1?

[All laugh hysterically]

Ellie: They are just laughing, what's so bad about that?

Buck: They died laughing!

[points down the chasm at laughing skeletons of dinosaurs]

Ellie: [gasps] Stop laughing!

Manny: [in a squeaky voice] You know whats funny though? We are trying to save Sid, and now we are all gonna die!

[all laugh hysterically]

Eddie: [in a squeaky voice] And i don't even like Sid!

Crash: [in a squeaky voice] Who does? He's an idiot!

[All laugh hysterically]

Diego: [in a squeaky voice] Thats for getting me into this mess! Its the most fun i've had in years!

Manny: [in a squeaky voice] Thank YOU, for deserting the herd, that was totally SUPER!

[moment of silence and then they all laugh hysterically]

Manny: [All notice Buck above the cage trying to release it free and holding his breath, Manny begins to tickle him with his trunk] Coo chee Coo chee Coo!

Buck: [In a normal voice] Stop That!

[gasps]

Buck: Don't you see?

[in a squeaky voice]

Buck: We are all gonna die!

[All look at him and begin laughing hysterically including Buck]

Ellie: [on the other side] I gotta do everything huh?

[Ellie releases the rope and sets the cage loose]

Eddie: [in a squeaky voice] Sometimes, i wet my bed!

Crash: [in a squeaky voice] Thats alright, sometimes I wet your bed!

[All Laugh hysterically]

Manny: [the cage reaches the other side and everyone apart from Buck tumbles out breathing for air while laughing. In a normal voice] Uhhh, I'm not sure how much of that you could hear...?

Manny: Oh i heard all of it

Eddie: [to crash] You wet my bed?

Crash: That was just gas talk dude.

Sid: [about Peaches] Oh it's a boy!

Diego: That's it's tail

Sid: It's a girl!

Manny: Well uh, We better get moving!

Diego: Aren't We forgetting something?

Buck: [Buck is sliding down the vine through the tocix fumes, in a squeaky voice] Here Rudy, Rudy, Rudy! HaHaHaHa Oh im so lonely!

Ellie: [Has a sudden contraction] Oohh! Manny! Pineapples!

Manny: Pineapples?

Ellie: Mangoes? Pomegranates? Grapefruits!

Diego: She's ordering a fruit salad!

Ellie: Oh come on, think... think! Peaches!

Manny: Peaches?

[realizes the code]

Manny: Peaches! The baby's coming! What are we gonna do?

Crash: You are super weasel!

Eddie: Ultra weasel!

Diego: Diesel weasel!

Ellie: Manny! Pineapples!

Buck: Pineapples?

Manny: She gets cravings.

Ellie: Pomegrantes? Grapefruits! Nectarines?

Diego: She's ordering a fruit cocktail.

Ellie: Come on, think! Peaches!

Manny: Peaches? Peaches! The baby! What, what now?

Diego: This? Not good.

Manny: [Freaking out] The baby's coming!

[to Crash and Eddie]

Manny: Did you guys hear that? Cause sometimes I imagine it in my head, but...

Crash: Can you try to hold it in?

Ellie: Can somebody slap him for me?

Eddie: [Slaps Crash] Done and done.

Manny: Just sit tight. We're coming!

Diego: Whoo! My paws are burning, baby! They're burning! I gotta tip-toe. Tippy-toe. Tippy-toe.

Ellie: Excuse me, twinkle toes! Giving birth here.

Diego: Oh, right, sorry. You okay?

Ellie: Am I okay? Do you know anything about childbirth?

Diego: Not really. But Manny's coming.

Ellie: Diego, I'm scared. Can I hold your paw?

Diego: Yeah, of course.

[Groans as Ellie takes paw and squeezes hard]

Diego: Just go with the pain.

[Ellie screams]

Diego: It's just a contraction.

Ellie: No!

[Points to dinosaur and screams]

Diego: Don't worry about a thing. You're doing fine.

[Sees dinosaur]

Diego: It's going great. Excuse me.

[Bonks dinosaur on head, dinosaur grabs Diego's leg and pulls him over ledge]

Diego: Just keep breathing!

Ellie: Diego!

Diego: [Pops back up holding two dinosaurs] Just breathe! That's the important thing.

[Conks dinosaurs' heads together, and jumped by another]

Diego: Oh!

Ellie: You can do it! Push! Push!

[Diego pants and lays on back as though giving birth]

Diego: I can't do it!

Ellie: Just one more big push!

Diego: You have no idea what I'm going through!

[Ellie looks at him]

Diego: Okay, forget I said that. Let's do this together.

[Pushes log holding back two dinosaurs over ledge]

Diego: [Coaching Ellie in breathing] Oh, getting dizzy. Manny!

[Helps Manny up]

Diego: Come on, buddy I think we're getting close.

[Baby cries]

Buck: It smells like a buzzard's butt fell off and was sprayed on by skunks.

Diego: That's Sid.

Diego: [trapped in man-eating plant with Manny] I feel... tingly.

Manny: Don't say that when you're pressed up against me!

Diego: Not that kind of tingly!

Manny: I can feel it too!

Manny: Guys don't talk to guys about guy problems. They just... punch each other on the shoulder.

Ellie: That's stupid!

Manny: To a girl. To a guy that's like six months therapy! Fine.

[walks over to Diego, punches him in shoulder]

Diego: Ouch. What was that for?

Manny: [pause] I don't know.

Diego: Look, who are we kidding, Manny, I'm-I'm-I'm not a kitty-cat, I'm a sabre. I'm not really built for chaperoning play-dates.

Diego: [to Manny] For the record, I blame you for this!

Diego: [laughing under the effects of the toxic fumes in the Chasm of Death] Thanks for getting me into this mess. It's the most fun I've had in years.

Manny: Thank *you* for deserting the herd. That was totally super!

[Both break out laughing]

Sid: Maybe we could rapidly evolve into water creatures.

Diego: That's genius, Sid.

Sid: Call me Squid.

Manfred: Uh, Diego, retract the claws, please.

Diego: Oh... right... sorry.

[lets go]

Sid: You know, if I didn't know you better Diego, I'd think you were afraid of the water.

Sid: [Diego grabs Sid's neck and chokes him]

Sid: OK, Good thing I know you better.

[last lines]

Sid: Manny, who do you like better, me or Diego?

Manfred: Diego. It's not even close.

Diego: Heh, told you.

Ellie: Manny, you can't choose between your kids.

Manfred: He's not my kid. He's not even my dog. If I had a dog, and that dog had a kid, and the dog's kid had a pet, that would be Sid.

Sid: Can I have a dog, Manny?

Manfred: No.

Sid: Ellie, can I have a dog?

Ellie: Of course, you can, sweetie.

Manfred: Ellie, we have to be consistent with them.

Sid: You did it, buddy, you kicked water's butt!

Diego: Nothing to it. Most animals can swim as babies, you know.

Sid: Yeah but not tigers. I left that part out.

Diego: If anyone asks, there were fifty of 'em... And, uh... They were rattlesnakes.

Manfred: And so, in the end, the little burro reached his mommy, and they lived happily ever after.

[Children cheer]

Diego: Good job.

Beaver Boy: Question. Why does the burro go home? Why doesn't he stay with the rabbits?

Manfred: Because... because he wanted to be with his family.

Diego's Bird Girl: I think he should go with the girl burro. That's a better love story.

Manfred: Okay. Well, when you tell your burro story, that's what he'll do.

Elk Boy: Burro is a demeaning name. Technically it's called a wild ass.

Manfred: Fine. The wild ass boy went home to his wild ass mother.

[Children laugh]

Manfred: See, that's why I called it a burro!

Diego: Big mistake, you miscreants!

Eddie: Miscreants?

[starts laughing along with Crash]

Sid: Uh, Diego, they are possums.

Diego: [Crash and Eddie are playing on the ice] Can't you see is thin enough without you two wearing it down?

Sid: Ah, Diego! Come on, the ice may be thin, but it's strong enough to hold a 10 ton mammoth and a nine ton possum.

Manfred: Hey. Who said you kids could torture the sloth?

Diego: Manny, don't squash their creativity.

Sid: Hey, Manny, Diego, my bad mammal-jammals. Want to give the sloth a hand?

Diego: [to the water] I am NOT your prey. I am NOT your prey. I am NOT... YOUR... PREY.

[jumps in]

Sid: [the group has just escaped from Cretaceous and Maelstrom, the two sea reptiles] What in the animal kingdom was "that"?

Diego: I don't know. But from now on, land safe, water... not safe.

Manfred: [looking for Ellie] Have you seen a mammoth?

Shovelmouth Male: No, sorry.

Manfred: Have you seen a mammoth?

Freaky Female: No, no I haven't.

Diego: Possum, about eleven foot tall?

Aardvark Mom: Uh-uh.

Sid: Manny, look on the bright side; you have us!

Diego: Not your most persuasive argument, Sid.

Eddie: [Sid has said something that Eddie didn't like] I'd rather be roadkill!

Diego: "That" can be arranged.

Female Mini Sloth: Fire King avert flood. Join us, O great and noble flaming one.

Diego: Whoa, not so fast there! Okay? You make a quality offer, but Fire King has a prior commitment. His herd needs him. He is the gooey, sticky... stuff that holds us together. He made this herd, and we'd be nothing without him.

Sid: You mean it? Ohh!

[Hugs Diego]

Diego: Sid! Sid! I'm... That doesn't mean "want to touch."

Sid: You guys won't believe what happened to me just now!

Diego: I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you were "sleepwalking".

Sid: Oh, no. I was kidnapped by a tribe of mini sloths.

Diego: That was going to be my second guess.

Sid: [explaining the meaning of fear] Jealously, mostly. But the point is that fear is natural.

Diego: [approaches Sid and glares at him] Fear is for prey.

Sid: Then what means the water has made you its prey.

Sid: Look, I opened my camp! "Campo del Sid". It means Camp of Sid.

Diego: Congratulations. You're now an idiot in "two" languages.

Sid: Shh! Not in front of the K-I-D-Z. These little guys love me. Right, Billy?

Glypto Boy Billy: Don't make me eat you.

Sid: Ah, they kid. That's why they're called "kids"!

Sid: Hey, Manny. I've heard you're going extinct!

[eats some blueberries and licks his claws]

Diego: Hey. If you ever master hygiene, try working on sensitiviy.

Manfred: [to Sid] I'm not going extinct!

Aardvark Dad: [to his children] Kids, look. The "last" mammoth.

Aardvark Kids: [suprised] Woah!

Aardvark Dad: Now you probably won't see another one of "those" again! See?

Sid: I'm gonna be the first one to jump off the Eviscerator, and then you guys are gonna have to start showing me some respect.

Manfred: You jump off this, the only respect you're gonna get is respect for the dead.

Diego: Come on, Manny. He's not that stupid.

[Sid prepares to jump]

Diego: But I've been wrong before.

Agueda: So you force us to return. Now, your soldiers are going Priest. How will you hold us?

Leon Alastray: Well, Agueda. I hope you will all stay because... Because you all CHOOSE to stay.

Diego: When your protectors are gone, we will KILL you for this!

Leon Alastray: Diego, you will kill no one. You are a coward like all the rest.

Antonito: Why don't you call for help? Your soldiers can still hear you.

Leon Alastray: I call for no help. YOU are the weaklings always crying for help. For years, you hide behind Teclo and his... And his 17 vaqueros. You run to the hills and you hide like ANIMALS!

[thumps chest defiantly]

Leon Alastray: I fight my OWN battles!

[throws open church doors to reveal the horde of guns & ammo]

Diego: eh soccer man, want to keep on playin soccer ?

Manny: [from trailer] Hey, look, shooting stars!

Sid: Ooh, quick, make a wish! You gotta make a wish!

[One of the meteors catapults him on top of a tree]

Manny: Wow, my wish came true.

Sid: I'm okay!

[flames from the meteor burnt him]

Diego: Mine too.

Granny: I hate llamas. They spit and smell bad.

Diego: So do you.

Crash, Eddie: So do we!

[They high five]

Crash: [from trailer] Where are we?

Brooke: Here he is. The master of meditation. The supreme sovereign. The Shangri Llama!

[Shangri Llama spits into a bowl which a Geotopia Aardvark holds]

Diego: This is the guy who's gonna save us?

Shangri Llama: Yes, but first... downward dog!

[Manny, Sid, and Diego do the downward dog pose]

Shangri Llama: Caterpillar!

[Diego tries to do the caterpillar pose]

Shangri Llama: Funky chicken, bouncing Betty, mashed potato!

Sid: [doing the mashed potato bounce] Hey, this is kind of easy.

[he gets tied up with Granny]

Sid: Could you help me, please? My nose is dangerously close to my butt.

Panicked Start: [Walking up to Diego and Shira with her aardvark friend] Um, excuse me. Is it true you saved the world from an asteroid?

Diego: Uhh

[Looks at Shira and smiles]

Shira: That's a very scary story. You think you can handle it?

Panicked Start: Yeah... How scary?

Diego: Well we were.

[the Aardvark runs under Diego's arm and the Start sits in front of Shira]

Diego: It was almost midnight and we were up against volcanoes, Dino birds, and the end of the world.

Shira: Oh! and Zombies don't forget about the Zombies.

[Looks at Diego]

Shira: You know we'd be great parents.

Diego: So I turned to Bigfoot and I say "Listen big guy."

Sid: [Speaking into a twig like it were a phone] I can't find the bride. Why can't I find the bride?

Diego: Because you're speaking into a twig.

Party Molehog: [Also speaking into a twig] Mom, I can't talk right now. I'm at a wedding.

Diego: [Watching some kids playing while eating some berries] I keep picturing our own kid in there, he'd be the best one.

Shira: I think you meant "she".

Diego: He

Shira: Either way Diego we've been over this kids are afraid of us.

Diego: Yeah but why?

Panicked Start: [a young start and aardvark see Diego and Shira and mistake the grape juice on their mouths for blood] Are they gonna eat us?

Shira: Hi kids.

Panicked Start: Ahhh!

[both run away]

Shira: I even smiled this time.

Sid: For a second there, I actually thought you were gonna eat me.

Diego: I don't eat junk food.

Sid: [about the baby] I bet he's hungry.

Manny: How 'bout some milk?

Sid: Ooh, I'd love some!

Diego: Not you. The baby.

Sid: Well, I ain't exactly lactating right now, pal.

Diego: You're a little low on the food chain to be mouthing off, aren't you...

Manny: [in a shout that echoes] ENOUGH!

Diego: "Us"? You two are a bit of an odd couple.

Manfred: There is no "us"!

Diego: I see. Couldn't have one of your own, so you decided to adopt.

Diego: Whoo, yeah! Who's up for round two?

[pause; embarrassed]

Diego: Um, t-t-tell the kid to be more careful.

Diego: [playing peek-a-boo] Where's the baby?... There he is!

[the baby's only reaction is blinking; it is so startled it's quieted]

Diego: Where's the baby?... there he is!

Manny: [the baby begins crying again] Stop it, you're scaring him!

Diego: The baby? Please. I was just returning it to its herd.

Sid: Oh, yeah. Nice try, Bucktooth.

Diego: You calling me a liar?

Sid: I didn't say that.

Diego: You were thinking it.

Sid: [whispering, to Manny] I don't like this cat. He reads minds.

Diego: Is its nose dry?

Sid: That means there's something wrong with it.

Diego: Someone should lick it, just in case.

Sid: [after Diego snuffs out the fire on his tail] Thank you. From now on, I'm gonna call you "Diego..."

Diego: Lord of Touch Me and You're Dead.

Diego: I've eaten things that didn't complain this much.

Sid: My feet are sweating.

Diego: Do we need a news flash every time your body does something?

Manfred: He's doing it for attention, just ignore him.

Dodo: Prepare for the Ice Age.

Sid: Ice Age?

Diego: I've heard of these crackpots.

Manfred: Hey, buddy, want a lift?

Diego: No, thanks. I'm saving what little dignity I've got left.

Sid: You're hanging out with us now, pal. Dignity has nothing to do with it.

Diego: Save your breath, Sid. You know humans can't talk.

Manfred: Here's your little bundle of joy. We're returning it to the humans.

Sid: Awww, the big bad tigey-wigey gets left behind. Poor Tigey-Wigey.

Manfred: Sid, Tigey-Wigey's gonna lead the way.

Sid: Uh, Manny, can I-can I-can I talk to you for a second?

Manfred: [passing] No. The sooner we get to Glacier Pass, the sooner I get rid of Mr. Stinky Droolface. And the baby, too.

Diego: You won't always have Jumbo around to protect you. And when that day comes, I suggest you watch your back... 'cause I'll be chewing on it.

Manfred: Hey, über-tracker. Up front where I can see you.

Sid: ...Help me.

[Sid is drawing a sloth with chalk]

Diego: What are you doing?

Sid: I'm putting sloths on the map.

Manfred: Why don't you make him more realistic and draw him lying down?

Diego: And make him rounder.

[Manfred draws a pot-belly on Sid's drawing]

Diego: Perfect.

Sid: Ha, ha. I forgot how to laugh.

Manny: AAAH.

Diego: AAAH.

Sid: AAAH.

Roshan: WHEE.

Sid: [catching up to Manfred and Diego, he sits down on the top of a geyser] Hey, thanks for waiting.

Diego, Manfred: Three, two, one...

[the geyser erupts, and sends Sid shooting up into the sky]

Manfred: Sure is faithful.

[Sid lands with his head in the geyser]

[last lines]

Sid: You know? This whole ice age thing is getting old. You know what I could go for? A global warming.

Diego: Keep dreaming.

Sid: No really...

Diego: Why did you do that? You could've died trying to save me.

Manfred: That's what you do in a herd: you look out for each other.

Diego: Well... thanks.

Diego: I'm... sorry I set you guys up.

Sid: Ah, you know me, I'm too lazy to hold a grudge.

Diego: Maybe we shouldn't do this.

Sid: Why not?

Diego: ...Because if we save him he'll grow up to be a hunter. And who do you think he'll hunt?

Sid: Maybe because we saved him, he won't hunt us.

Diego: Yeah, and maybe he'll grow fur, and a long, skinny neck and call you Mama.

Manfred: Sid, the tiger found a shortcut.

[Sid looks up at the mountain they will have to climb]

Sid: No thanks, I choose life.

Diego: [glaring at him where he stands so Sid almost runs into him when turning] Then I suggest you take the shortcut.

Sid: Are you threatening me?

Diego: [in a shout that echoes] *MOVE*, SLOTH!

Sid: [showing the baby cave paintings] Look, the tigers are just playing tag with the antelope...

[pause]

Sid: With their teeth.

Diego: Come on Sid, let's play tag. You're it.

Diego: You don't know much about tracking, do you?

Sid: Hey, I'm a sloth. I see a tree, eat a leaf, that's my tracking.

Diego: At the bottom of Half Peak... there's an ambush, waiting for you.

Sid: What?

Manfred: What do you mean ambush?

[Beat]

Manfred: You set us up.

Diego: It was my job. I was supposed to get the baby, but then...

Manfred: You brought us home - for dinner!

Sid: That's it. You're out of the herd!

Soto: Just you look at the cute little baby, Diego. Isn't it nice that he'll be joining us for breakfast?

Diego: It wouldn't be breakfast without him.

Soto: Especially after his daddy wiped out half our pack. And wears our skin to keep warm. An eye for an eye, don't you think?

Diego: We'll teach that human what happens when he messes with sabers.

Soto: Alert the troops. We attack at dawn. And Diego: bring me the baby, alive. If I'm going to enjoy my revenge, I want it to be fresh.

[Manfred just grabbed the baby]

Diego: Um, that pink thing is mine.

Diego: Hello, ladies.

Oscar: Hey, look who finally decided to show up.

Soto: Diego. I was beginning to worry about you.

Diego: No need to worry. In about two minutes you'll be satisfying your taste for revenge.

Soto: Very nice.

Soto: What are you doing?

Diego: Leave the mammoth alone.

Soto: Fine. I'll take you down first.

[Morning arrives, Manny wakes up and feels for the baby in his trunk, only to discover that the Baby is gone. He stomps over to the sleeping Diego who wakes up with a start]

Manny: WHERE'S THE BABY?

Diego: You lost it?

[They look at each and notice Sid is not there]

Manny, Diego: [shouts] SID!

[Scene shows Sid with the baby in a jacuzzi like mud hot spring; using the baby as a 'chick magnet' to attract two female sloths]

Rachel: Oh, he's lovely. Positively adorable!

Jennifer: [baby-talking to the baby] Hello Pumpkin. Hello, little bunny baby...

Rachel: [to Sid] Where did you find it?

Sid: Ah, poor kid was all alone in the wild. Sabers were cornering him, So I just snatched it!

Rachel: Oh, so brave of you!

Sid: Yeah, well... He needed me...

[wistfully]

Sid: And I wished I had one of my own, too...

Jennifer: [excited] REALLY?

[she calms herself down]

Jennifer: I'm... I'm attracted that quality in a male.

Sid: [unaware that the baby is sinking into the mud hot spring] Who wouldn't be?

Rachel: [gushing] You caring for a baby...

Sid: [notices that Roshan the baby is gone and pulls the muddy baby up] Yeah, well... You know...

[the baby playfully throws mud on Sid's face; they both laugh]

Sid: [as he grabs something to wipe the mud off his face] Cute kid, huh? So, as I was saying ladies... uh...

[wipes the 'something' on his face, which is Manny's trunk; he realizes and gasps]

Sid: Oh, hey! Hey... Manny!

Manny: [taking the giggling baby away] What's the matter with you?

Diego: I'm working here, you waste of fur.

Diego: You want to maul something, don't you, Zeke?

Zeke: [whining anxiously] I wanna maul.

Diego: Then what are you waiting for?

[Rumbling is heard]

Manfred: [to Diego] Tell me that was your stomach.

Diego: Shh.

Sid: I'm sure it's just thunder. From, under... ground?

Diego: Well, I've a message for Soto. Tell him, I'm bringing the baby. And tell him I'm bringing... a mammoth.

Zeke: A *mammoth*?

Lenny: Mammoths never travel alone.

Diego: Well, this one does. And I'm leading him to Half Peak.

Diego: [after riding the ice slide chasing after Moeritherium] Wow! Hoo! Yeah! Who's up for round 2?

Diego: [examining the ground] You didn't miss them by much. It's still green, they headed north two hours ago.

Sid: [mimicking with sticks in his mouth] It's still green, they headed north two hours ago.

Diego: I don't know whats wrong with me: I can't eat, can't sleep; I think I'm coming down with something.

Manny: [chuckles] I know what you've got: the "L" word.

Sid: Yeah, leprosy!

Manny: No, Sid, no. It's four letters, starts with "L", ends with "E".

Sid: Ah, lice!

Manny: No. Diego, my friend, is in love.

Sid: My mother once told me that bad news is just good news in disguise.

Diego: Was this before she abandoned you?

Sid: Yes it was.

Granny: [Jumps in ocean] Thanks for drawing my bath, Sidney.

Sid: Granny, grab my paw.

Granny: No way. This is my first bath in decades.

[Oil is seen around her and fish begin to pop up dead around her]

Diego: There's your proof.

Sid: Quick! Somebody do something!

[Manny throws Sid in]

Sid: I got you, Granny.

Granny: Get off of me!

Sid: Ow, ow, ow, ow! Granny!

[Gets her back in the ice berg]

Granny: [to Manny and Diego] What are you peeping toms all looking at?

[They turn around disturbed]

Granny: A lady can't take a bath in peace? Eyballing me like a rump roast.

Diego: What's the life expectancy for a female sloth?

Manny: She'll outlive us all, you know that, right? Yeah, the spifeful ones live the longest.

Shira: You're pretty soft for a saber.

Diego: Excuse me? I happen to be a remorseless assassin.

Sid: Oh, Diego-poo! Hey, I made you another coral necklace. He keeps losing them. Hee-hee!

Shira: Two sloths, a mammoth and a sabertooth? You sound like the start of a bad joke.

Diego: And we, saved you, so that makes you the punchline, Kitty.

Shira: Don't, call me Kitty.

Diego: Okay, I won't, Kitty.

Granny: If they kiss I'm gonna puke!

Diego: [to Shira, who he tries to offer water to] Easy, kitty: water... you need it.

Shira: [coldly] I don't need anything from you.

Diego: Fine, die of thirst, that'll really show me.

Shira: Wait. I'll take it.

[coldly]

Shira: Thank you.

Diego: You know, you have a way of saying "thank you" that makes it sound like drop dead.

Shira: It's a gift.

Sid: Mom, Dad, do you have Granny's teeth? She can't find them.

Granny: [Tries eating apple then tries to give to Sid] Hey! Can you chew this thing for me?

Sid: Ew, Guys? Where is everyone?

Diego: I'll handle this. Sid? Uh, your family was wiped out by an asteroid. Sorry.

Sid: What?

Manny: What Diego is trying to say is, they left. They only wanted to find you so you could take care of Granny.

Sid: Oh, come on, what kind of sick family would ditch their own Granny on someone? That's just crazy. That's just... That's just... my family.

Diego: At least you still have Granny. Right, buddy?

Sid: Yeah, Granny. Granny? Granny?

Ellie: Wow. For an old girl, she moves fast.

Diego: [Roars] Yeah, you don't scare me mother nature! There's nothing you can throw at me that I can't handle.

[Hears whooping]

Diego: Huh?

[Gets hit by log being driven by sloths]

Eunice: I think we're almost there!

Milton: We'd better be! I just lost the steering!

Granny: Has anyone seen Precious? It's her feeding time.

Marshall: Mom! Granny's talking about her dead pet again.

Uncle Fungus: Hey, paws up, everybody!

Marshall: Paws down, Uncle, please! That is nasty.

Uncle Fungus: Whoo-hoo!

Eunice: Be careful, Milton, you're gonna hurt somebody!

[Diego tries to reach safety]

Eunice: Aah! Bad kitty!

Marshall: Rock!

Granny: [Diego flies into Granny] Whoo!

Diego: [When log has finally stopped] That was fun. Now, who should I eat first?

Sid: Granny?

Diego: Granny?

Manny: Granny?

Sid: Come out, come out wherever you are!

Manny: Come on, Granny.

Sid: Here, Granny, Granny. I have prunes for you! Just the way you like them!

[Spit them out of his mouth]

Diego: Ugh.

Manny: Aw! I don't wanna see that.

Manny: Just keep your eyes on the horizon!

Diego: I cant find the Horizon!

Manny: Just keep your eye on the horizon!

Diego: I can't find the horizon!

Diego: Who just saw some titties?

[Mark, Largeman and Sam raise their hands tentatively]

Diego: Ok. Now everybody calm the fuck down!

Diego: Does it come with balloons?

Mark: What am I, a birthday clown? NO! It doesn't come with balloons. Suck it off the tap!

Diego: Hello? Who is this?

[last lines]

[in Spanish, quoting English subtitles]

Ray X: That's what we've got re-edited.

Mateo Blanco: Do you think it's worth carrying on, or is it crazy?

Diego: What? I pissed myself laughing. I'm dying to see what happens.

Judit García: It's wonderful, Mateo!

Diego: It's hilarious. You have to re-release it.

Mateo Blanco: No, what matters is to finish it. Films have to be finished, even if you do it blindly.

Diego: When you were waiting at the roundabout, for a car to pass on your left, Lena and you kissed.

Mateo Blanco: We kissed? I don't remember that.

Diego: It's a normal kiss, the kind couples give each other out of habit.

Mateo Blanco: The last kiss.

Diego: Yes. Lena didn't die in your arms, like you'd dreamed, but the last sensation she took from this world was your mouth.

Romy: You got lots of horses?

Diego: Somebody told me once, you shouldn't have more horses than you have asses, and I only have one ass. But, no, I don't have any horses.

Diego: You've gotta get rid of it, rabbit.

Romy: I'm not afraid to have this child.

Diego: Actually, yeah, let's keep it. It might be nice. Have a little baby with an eyeball in the middle of his forehead. Maybe a baby born with no arms. Maybe he'll be born with leukemia, a nice little cancer his dad gave him. Someone he's never ever gonna meet!

Diego: The weirdest love stories are always the best.

Diego: [presenting a bouquet] You can't get real flowers anymore. So the florist in Markale started making paper ones.

Diego: Are you ready?

Aska: Yes. Ready to live.

Diego: Life speaks through light.

Doctor: I'm afraid that your eggs are incompatible with life. Your sterility factor is rated at 97%. We consider that total sterility.

Diego: What about the 3%.

Doctor: Miracles. Miracles do happen. This is Italy after all.

Armando: Diego, You're a photographer?

Diego: Yeah. Yeah I'm a photographer.

Armando: Eh... you work in weddings, advertising?

Diego: Puddles, mostly.

Diego: [to Gemma] You're a mother now. A temple. And I'm a monk who kneels before you.

Diego: [on phone] Hey. How are you? Are you OK? What do you need?

Gojco: [on the other end] A case of Brunello di Montalcino.

[laughs]

Gemma: Gojco, senti, how are you? How is Sebina?

Gojco: Ah, Sebina is fine. She is always jumping all over the place.

Gemma: Listen, put her on a plane, send her to us.

Gojco: No, no, relax. There is no war here. No one will ever touch Sarajevo.

Gojco: How can anyone be afraid of an ass like him?

Diego: It's the assholes you have to be afraid of.

Diego: The chickens are all dead.

Lucía: You don't seem very surprised...

Diego: Oh, no... How could the poor girl be a ghost? So pretty and with such sad eyes...

Lucía: Have you seen her?

Diego: Yes... haven't you, ma'am?

Lucía: How could I? She's dead!

Diego: We were waiting for you.