Dianne Quotes in Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Liz: Shaun?

Shaun: Yeah?

Liz: You see what I'm saying?

Shaun: Yep, totally.

Liz: I know he's your best friend, but you do live with him.

Shaun: I know.

Liz: It's not that I don't like Ed.

[Liz looks over at Ed who is playing an arcade game]

Liz: Ed, it's not that I don't like you.

Ed: It's all right.

Liz: It would just be nice if we could...

Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Fuck!

Liz: ...spend a bit more time together...

Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Bollocks!

Liz: ...just the two of us.

Ed: [talking to the arcade machine] Cock it!

Liz: It's just with Ed here, it's no wonder I always bring my flat-mates out and then that only exacerbates things.

Shaun: What do you mean?

Liz: Well you guys hardly get on, do you?

Shaun: No, what does "exacerbate" mean?

Liz: It means um, to make things worse.

Shaun: Right. Well I mean, it's not that I don't like David and Di.

[Shaun looks over at David and Di at the table next to them]

Shaun: Guys, it's not that I don't like you.

David, Dianne: [together] It's all right.

Shaun: And it's not that I don't want to spend time with you cause I do. It's just... Ed doesn't have too many friends.

Ed: Can I get... any of you cunts... a drink?

[describing the zombies]

Dianne: Just look at the face: it's vacant, with a hint of sadness. Like a drunk who's lost a bet.

Dianne: I don't think he'd leave us, Davs.

David: Wouldn't he? Lizzy, how can you put your faith in a man you spectacularly binned for being unreliable? A man whose idea of a romantic nightspot and an impenetrable fortress are the same thing? It's... This is a pub! We are in a pub! What are we going to do now?

Ed: We could get a round in.

David: You still haven't met his mum?

Shaun: Not yet!

Dianne: Don't you get on with your mum, Shaun?

Shaun: It's not that I don't get on with her...

David: Are you ashamed by your mum, Shaun?

Shaun: No! I love my mum!

Ed: I love his mum too.

Shaun: Ed!

Ed: [singing] She's like butter!

Shaun: Ed!

Ed: [Directing Shaun on where to shoot] There!

Shaun: Where?

Ed: Three o'clock!

Dianne: Oh! Over there again. Quarter to twelve.

Shaun: What?

David: Eleven forty-five!

Shaun: Keep it simple!

Ed: Top left!

Dianne: SHAUN!

[Dianne throws a dart and misses]

Shaun: NO!

[Dianne throws another dart and hits the zombie]

Shaun: YES, yes, in the head!

[Dianne throws a third dart and hits Shaun in the head on accident]

Shaun: AHHHHHHHHH!

David: What are we going to eat?

Dianne: Toasties!

Ed: There's a Breville out back.

David: Great. Saved by nibbles.

Dianne: Daffs is always taking me to see these listed buildings, and I'm always dragging him to the theatre.

Shaun: All right, I've got a car outside, but it's going to be a bit cramped, so has anyone got transport?

Dianne: Yes, yes!

Shaun: Great, where?

Dianne: Oh? No, well I passed my test.

Shaun: Well, I mean, it's not that I don't like David and Di, you know.

[to David and Diane]

Shaun: Guys, it's not that I don't like you.

Dianne: [shrugs] It's all right.

Shaun: [turns to Liz] And I do want to spend time with you.

[pause]

Shaun: It's just Ed doesn't have too many friends...

Liz, Declan: [as each survivor passes by their parallel counterpart] Hi.

David, Mark: [formally] Hello.

Dianne, Maggie: [friendly] Hi!

Barbara, Yvonne's Mum: [politely] Hello.

Ed, Cousin Tom: [too involved with their cell phones, briefly glancing at each other, muttering] Hello.

Dianne: Do you still see the sparks in me?

Henry: [after a pause] Do you?

Dianne: How do you really know that you're spouse is cheating anyway? I mean really?

Sheila: If you think he's cheating, then he's cheating.

Dianne: Wait a second, just because you suspect, that doesn't mean it's truth... it just doesn't.

Angela: I disagree with that. Dianne, every time I caught Marcus cheating, I knew it before I found out. I know because I know how to listen to that voice on the inside of me, that tells me when a man is cheating.

Dianne: mmhmm, that voice...

Sheila: Yeah, but you smoked so much weed in college, baby, you might not want to listen to that voice in *your* head, It's probably *still* high.

[laughs]

Sheila: ... Seriously, if you're always in a chemically induced state, you might want to reconsider everything that you're doing... and thinking too.

Angela: What is this, an intervention? That has absolutely nothing to do with it. I know how to tell. If your man, if he goes to work all day long and then comes home, smellin' like a fresh bar of soap, somethings up. I ain't got time to be sittin' around all day guessin'.

Sheila: Relationships are supposed to be about... trust.

Angela: Now, I'm an old school fool. I'm checkin' his bank statements, I'm checkin' his credit card statements, I'm checkin' his time card at work and I'm comparin' it to the hours that he said he was workin' and it better match the money that he has comin' home. I'm checkin' his cell phone bill, I'm checkin' the numbers that he was callin' on his cell phone bill, I'm checkin' his mileage in the car. His job is 10.5 miles, the kid's school is 2.1 miles. I check the mileage when he goes to Terry and Dianne's house. That is 6.7 miles... and when any of those miles come back 2.2 or 5.6 or 7.9 or 10.7... if he comes back and I see 4.8th and a half of a mile, that means he came from Keisha house, he road to the store to get come breath spray...

Sheila: Do you check his pulse when he walks through the door?

Angela: His resting heart rate is 42 beats a minute. If Marcus comes home to the house and he claim he was at work all day, if that resting heartbeat is 58 beats a minute, he been *cheatin*!

Dianne: I'm not doin' all that. That's a full time job.

Sheila: Exactly!

Angela: The bottom line, is that I *have* to check him. All that time I spent, trainin' that man on how to be right for me, you think that I'm really gonna let some other woman take *all* that on the job training?

Dianne: What is he, a man or a puppy? cause...

Angela: He ain't either one. That's why, I got his cell phone right here and I'm waitin' for it to ring.

Dianne: I keep a pair of shoes in my desk, and now *one* of them is missing.

Dianne: I knew the mother, she was mad. I knew the grandmother, she was madder. It's genetics I reckon. That's the only thing I can come up with. You just can't get clean water from a dirty tank.