Diane Szalinski Quotes in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids (1989)

[Wayne shows Diane the shrunken couch]

Diane Szalinski: [excited] Are you saying... it works? The machine works?

[Wayne nods]

Diane Szalinski: Do the kids know?

Wayne Szalinski: Well, yeah, the kids know.

Diane Szalinski: That's great!

Wayne Szalinski: No, it's not that great.

Diane Szalinski: Why?

Wayne Szalinski: I shrunk the kids.

Diane Szalinski: ...What?

Wayne Szalinski: And the Thompson kids too. They're about this big, they're in the backyard.

Diane Szalinski: *What*?

Wayne Szalinski: I threw them out with the trash.

[just as Diane grabs hold of Wayne, the doorbell rings. Wayne opens the door to two police officers]

Wayne Szalinski: Yes?

Female Cop: Did uh, you report two missing children?

Wayne Szalinski: Oh, there must be some mistake. Our children are in the backyard. Right, honey?

[Diane faints]

Wayne Szalinski: Don't worry about them, they've got the Thompson kids with them. They'll be fine.

Diane Szalinski: That's another thing I'm worried about: Amy. In the dark. With Little Russ Thompson.

Wayne Szalinski: Get some rest.

Diane Szalinski: They'd better behave themselves.

[after Wayne and Diane stop Tommy with the lawnmower]

Tommy Pervis: [innocently] Nick said I could cut it, I swear!

Wayne Szalinski: When did you see Nick?

Diane Szalinski: Did you see him this morning?

Tommy Pervis: No, it was yesterday. Really, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so late.

Diane Szalinski: [calmly] It's okay, sweetie. It's okay. Why don't you back through our house, it's safer.

Tommy Pervis: [concerned] 'Safer'?

[Tommy stares at Wayne and Diane looking through the cut grass for the kids]

Tommy Pervis: [to himself] I thought MY folks were weird.

[Wayne shows the Thompsons the shrunken furniture]

Mae Thompson: Why didn't you tell us earlier?

Diane Szalinski: Well, up until now, the machine just... blew things up.

Mae Thompson: Are you saying that that machine...?

Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Blew up my kids?

Diane Szalinski, Wayne Szalinski: No, no!

Wayne Szalinski: No, if the machine had blown up the kids, there'd be pieces of them everywhere...

Diane Szalinski: Wayne!

Wayne Szalinski: Sorry, but I'm positive about this. The machine shrunk our kids.

Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: You're the one who needs a shrink, Szalinski. You are a nut case. And I'll tell you something: I have got an air hammer in my attic, and if you did do something to my kids, there's gonna be pieces of you *all over the NEIGHBORHOOD*! Come on, Mae!

[he storms out of the house, dragging Mae after him]

Wayne Szalinski: I think that went well.

Diane Szalinski: I think we should have them over more often.

Tommy Pervis: [after mowing the lawn] Nick said I could cut it...

Wayne Szalinski: When did you see Nick?

Diane Szalinski: Did you see him this morning?

Tommy Pervis: No, it was yesterday. But really, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to be so late!

Diane Szalinski: It's okay, sweetie. It's alright, go home, go on through the house, it's safer.

Tommy Pervis: "Safer"?

[sees Diane and Wayne looking for the kids in the grass]

Tommy Pervis: And I thought my folks were weird.

Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: What do you take me for? A complete idiot?

[Wayne and Diane look at each other]

Mae Thompson: How did this happen?

Russell 'Russ' Thompson, Sr.: Hang on, Mae. I'll handle this. How did this happen?

Wayne Szalinski: Well, the machine analyzes an object's molecular structure; then through laser inversion, it takes all the...

Diane Szalinski: Wayne... I think the Thompsons need to see the couch.

Diane Szalinski: I called the police...

[sees Wayne with headlamps on his head]

Diane Szalinski: ... what's on your head?

Wayne Szalinski: I... was looking for the kids.

Diane Szalinski: Where? In a coal mine?

Wayne Szalinski: They're in the back yard.