Diane Lightson Quotes in Nothing But Trouble (1991)

Bobo: [the three are playing cards] If I win, I get... another bowl of cereal!

L'il Debbull: If I win, I get... Diane!

Diane Lightson: [cutesy] No, Lil' Debbull

Diane Lightson: Let's just be quiet and let him do his little thing and we'll be on our way.

J.P.: Oh, I will let you be on your way, and when you go...

[bellows]

J.P.: THE CAT'S EYES'LL SPIN! NOW, LISTEN!

Chris Thorne: Ok, we'll listen!

J.P.: [calm again] Hey, hey, ha! Ho ha! Heh heh heh heh! Hoola, Hoola, Hoola! The Boola Boola Boola! Look who's got the front seats to the Mexican hat dance now! Just like a bunch of spiders in a birthday cake!

Chris Thorne: Alvin, I was just thinking you've got enough vintage steel around here to make a few thousand Toyotas. Ever think of selling the whole place to the Japanese?

J.P.: There you go. Does the Pope wear a hat? Was Sergeant York's mother an angel? And will a banker grope for money?

Chris Thorne: I'm not a banker, I'm a financial publisher.

J.P.: Well, all I know is in '17 after they shipped me off to fight, some New York financier rolled in here one day and hog-glowsered and tub-wankled my grandfather into mining out the whole town in exchange for shares in something called the United Coke Company. Do you know what those stock certificates are worth today?

[shouts]

J.P.: JUST ABOUT THE FINEST OUTHOUSE WALLPAPER YOU'VE EVER SEEN! We were forced to become what you drove through today; a burnt out coal field and the biggest icebox graveyard this side of the Ohio foundry belt! And that's why I *never* let a banker go!

Fausto: So your grandpa made a lousy deal, is that our problem?

Diane Lightson: Judge, that's a very tragic, tragic story.

J.P.: I believe it is.

Renalda: You should do a book.

Chris Thorne: [after Chris insults the Reeve and falling in a chamber of squeaky toys, Diane punches him; shocked] What was that for?

Diane Lightson: [furious] How could you be so insensitive?

Chris Thorne: What do you mean? What are you talking about?

Renalda: Fausto, you better do something about this!

Fausto: Niña, you're pulling on my coat, now cool it!

Diane Lightson: I had us out of here! Then you had to go and open your big mouth!

[pulls toy out of her shirt]

Chris Thorne: *You* had us out of here? We would've been here another two hours listening to the history of the Valkenburger farm or wherever the hell we are!

Diane Lightson: I knew that I couldn't depend on you!

Chris Thorne: Listen, I don't need this! I was just trying to get us to Atlantic City... for YOU!

Diane Lightson: [sarcastic] Oh, is that right?

Chris Thorne: Yeah!

Fausto: [to Chris] You're no longer our financial advisor! You're fired!

Diane Lightson, Chris Thorne: [to Fausto] SHUT UP!

J.P.: [at the dinner table, a meat grinder makes a whining noise like a dog] How do you like your dog?

Diane Lightson: They're serving dog?

J.P.: Oh, no, no, no ,*hot* dogs, *hot* dogs. Dutch country, prized Hereford winners.

Diane Lightson: [relieved] Oh! Hot dogs!

Diane Lightson: How long have you been divorced?

Chris Thorne: Four years.

Diane Lightson: Do you still love her.

Chris Thorne: Nah, been over her for... weeks.

Diane Lightson: [passing "No Cussing" sign] Oh, and no cussing.

Chris Thorne: Oh, shit.

Diane Lightson: [to Chris] I didn't mean what I said when I told you to save yourself. Get your ass back down here and SAVE ME!

Diane Lightson: [about the judge] Does he treat all traffic violators this graciously?

Dennis: Only ones he takes a special interest in, like bankers.