Diane Quotes in The Pope of Greenwich Village (1984)

Diane: When are you going to outgrow him, Charlie?

Charlie: Outgrow him? I dunno Diane, Maybe WASP's outgrow people. I'm Italian. We outgrow pants, not people.

Diane: Charlie? Charlie!

Charlie: What? What do you want? Huh, What? Say it. What. What? What do you want! SPEAK! What do you want!

Diane: I'm pregnant.

Charlie: Come over here. Come over here. Get over here! Come over here! Come here! Come over here right now! No wait... wait... don't come over here. don't come over here. Don't come over here.

Diane: I can't believe you don't remember your own wife!

Jake Rodgers: I'm married?... to a white woman?... Am i Lionel Richie?

Diane: Oh, Darling. If this is the end, then I'm glad that the last thing I see is you!

Butler: DIANE!

Dodge: I just can't spend the last month of my life getting to know someone. It's ridiculous.

Diane: You don't like Karen?

Dodge: I couldn't possibly give a shit. I am not gonna sit across from someone and hear all their stories, even if she was someone I could be interested in, because I just... I'm not sure that the month between my wife leaving me and the end of the world sounds like good timing. Do you?

Warren: [walks in drinking]

Diane: Please, Warren. Couldn't we just have a few sober moments tonight?

Warren: This is the last supper, Diane. You think Jesus was sober for his last supper? You think he turned water into lemonade?

Diane: There's one thing every little kid knows. Daddies mean fun; mommies mean business.

Diane: I don't understand any of this.

Wayne: Around every electrical operating device, there's a flux. Like an electromagnetic force field.

Clifford Sterling: That's what's causing the baby to grow.

Marshall Brooks: Would this electromagnetic... would it surround neon lights too?

Wayne: Yeah, why?

Marshall Brooks: Your kid. He's heading toward Las Vegas.

Diane, Wayne, Clifford Sterling: Uh-oh.

[Diane has grown to giant size and catches Charles Hendrickson in a helicopter menacing Adam with a tranquilizer gun]

Diane: [to Charles] BACK OFF!

Wayne: Mr. Sterling, sir, I can return my son back to normal!

Clifford Sterling: You can?

Dr. Charles Hendrickson: With what, Szalinski? Coca Cola bottles? Perhaps some chewing gum and twine?

Diane: Just who do you think you are talking to him like that?

Wayne: Diane, let me handle this. Who do you think you are talking to me like that?

Diane: Just who do you think you are talking to him like that?

Wayne: Diane, let me handle this. Who do you think you are talking to me like that?

Adam: I fix it!

Diane: Don't fix it, Adam, just put down Mommy's coffee table.

Diane: Why are you closing the shutters?

Wayne: So one of the neighbors doesn't look in, see a 7 foot baby, and call the National Enquirer.

Adam Szalinski: [hears the doorbell ringing] Doorbell!

Diane: Who's that?

Wayne: One of the neighbors.

Diane: [sarcastically] So far your plan has been working perfectly.

Diane: If marrying you tonight keeps you from going to Vietnam, then it's worth it

William: Christ, Diane! I caused a rift between you and your father

Diane: My father has a problem with you; not with me

Curt Henderson: Are you the Wolfman?

XERB Disc Jockey: No, man. I'm not the Wolfman. Wait a minute.

[puts in a tape]

Wolfman Recording: "Who is this on the Wolfman Telephone?".

Diane: "Diane".

Wolfman Recording: "How you doing, Diane?".

XERB Disc Jockey: That's the Wolfman.

Diane: [Willing is banging Diane hard doggy style behind a dumpster in an alleyway] Tell me how dirty this is?

Willie: It's a dumpster and an ally. It's pretty fucking dirty, I guess.

Diane: [yelling] Tell me it's fucking dirty!

Willie: Okay, it's fucking dirty!

Diane: You reek of whiskey. You know the rules and your flouting them.

Willie: Flouting? I never sucked jizz out of nobody's ass.

Diane: I believe that's felching.

Diane: I'm a good girl, but sometimes I need to be bad.

Willie: You outta your goddamn mind? I ain't dancing around with a bunch of candy canes and shit.

[slight pause]

Willie: Cuz I'm all about the birth of Christmas. You know, the wise guys kicked 'em out of the hotel. The ejaculate conception and then the drummer that didn't have shit to give 'em. And some perfume and the King Midas or one of them threatened to cut the kid in half, turn him into gold. But see uh, it's a heavy deal for me. Pretty damn heavy.

Diane: Are you talking about the true meaning of Christmas?

Willie: Exactly.

Diane: [picks up Tiffany] Oh Russ, have you ever seen anything so cute in your life! What an excellent idea for a wedding gift!

[picks up Chucky, disgusted]

Diane: Oh, well this one has a face only a mother could love.

Chucky: Hi, I'm Chucky, and I wouldn't talk if I were you! Hidy-ho. Hahaha.

Diane: Actually, I'd like to join you, but I have class tonight.

Thornton Melon: Oh. How 'bout tomorrow night?

Diane: I have class then, too.

Thornton Melon: I'll tell you what, then. Why don't you call me some time when you have no class?

Diane: [laughs] Alright. Maybe I will.

Diane: How would you characterize "The Great Gatsby"?

Thornton Melon: He was... uh... great!

[after Diane gives Thornton an 'F' for his report, which was actually written by Kurt Vonnegut]

Diane: Whoever *did* write this doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut!

[cut to Thornton's dorm suite]

Thornton Melon: [on the phone] ... and *another* thing, Vonnegut! I'm gonna stop payment on the cheque!

[Kurt tells him off]

Thornton Melon: Fuck me? Hey, Kurt, can you read lips, *fuck you*! Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum!

[hangs up]

Diane: Hello, Philip.

Dr. Phillip Barbay: What did he want?

Diane: Oh! What do ALL men want?

Dr. Phillip Barbay: [wryly] He wants you to dress up as Wonder Woman? Tie him up with a golden lariat and force him to tell the truth?

Diane: No, just dinner, Philip.

Diane: [laughs] Are you jealous of Thornton Melon?

Dr. Phillip Barbay: Certainly not.

Dr. Phillip Barbay: I've been doing a great deal of thinking lately. I've been thinking... about us.

Diane: And?

Dr. Phillip Barbay: And I think we should start thinking about forming a... well, um, a...

Diane: A merger?

Dr. Phillip Barbay: A merger! Exactly, exactly. A merger... a partnership. Seriously, Diane, we're both intelligent, well-educated adults. We should be together. Incorporated, if you will. Look at the balance sheet. We were made for one another.

Diane: [laughing] Oh, Philip, you darling. I don't want to be merged or incorporated. I want to have fun and be romanced and... be loved. So, let's not rush into anything. Let's just start by having fun, OK?

Diane: Don't you ever read?

Thornton Melon: Read. Who has time? I see the movie. I'm in and out in two hours.

Diane: Ever since the women's movement, most of the men I meet go out of their WAY to show you how SENSITIVE they are. Before, they were too macho, and now they're too... soft. You all want us to know you can CRY.

Thornton Melon: No, with women, I never cry. Never. I beg.

Diane: If we finish this bottle of wine, you won't have to beg.

Dr. Phillip Barbay: Diane!

Diane: [intoxicated] Oh, Philip!

Dr. Phillip Barbay: We were supposed to go to dinner.

Diane: I just had dinner!

Dr. Phillip Barbay: I don't believe this.

Diane: [laughs] Maybe it's a dream! Good night, Philip.

Thornton Melon: Look, I'm throwing a little party in our room tonight, and you'd better be there.

Diane: Oh, I'm sorry. I have a date with Philip tonight.

Thornton Melon: [groans] Bring him along! We may run outta ice.

Diane: [Thornton is buying books and treating everyone along the way... Diane looks on, impressed] Who is that?

Dr. Phillip Barbay: That... is Mr. Thornton Mellon. The world's oldest living freshman... and the walking epitome of the decline in modern education. The stupid clod thinks he can buy his way out of the gutter.

Diane: Oh, I think he was just having fun.

Dr. Phillip Barbay: Oh really? I can't wait to get him in my class. We'll see just how much fun he is then.

Diane: Oh, Phillip.

Diane: I want kids that love me as much as I hated my mother.

Les: So you got any New Year resolutions, Princess Di?

Diane: Yes.

Les: What are they?

Diane: To stop dating my dealer.

Les: Now why would you do that? With me you get the whole package: sex and drugs.

Diane: You're just an Easy-Bake Oven away from being a twelve-year-old girl.

Patricia: Mike, Where's Sheila?

Mike: I made her drive, we took the plane. I should've made her walk, y'all know she fat as hell.

Patricia: Mike, do you hear what you are saying?

Diane: [to Patricia and Angela] Did he just say he made her drive?

Angela: I'm still stuck on the fat as hell part.

Diane: Nobody ever got ahead by sitting on their behinds!

Diane: Morning sunshine, remember, these are the best days of your life so far.

[winks]

Diane: .

Jack Bartlett: Who would you be, Count Chocula or Trix Rabbit?

Diane: Uhhh Trix.

Jack Bartlett: Me too. God I love this lady!

Diane: If the O.J. trial taught us anything, it taught us that, in America, you can cut somebody's head off and still be innocent as long as you have enough money. Well Kansas your mom only shoot a guy.

Diane: You know, even the most beautiful flowers still grow from dirt. And we may be knee-deep in it right now, but we're gonna grow strong from this.

Diane: [from the trailer:] Is this going to take long? It's game night.

Hannah: Technically I don't think I'm a virgin anymore. This past summer at church camp I think I had my first orgasm.

Kansas: Any sentence that starts with church camp ain't leading to the big O.

Cleo Miller: That's not true Kansas. All those pictures of Jesus all sweaty and bare-chested on the cross always made me kinda hot.

Diane: I want to hear.

Hannah: Okay, so one night I want out horseback riding with the nuns - they went every night and we're trotting pretty hard you know. And suddenly I feel-i feel just super alive. You know.

Diane: Jack sold the car for some goddamn gift of the Maggi thing-

[looks at her pregnant belly]

Diane: OOps! Mommy's sorry, sweetpeas. Swearing's the surest way to - oh, shit! Mommy needs a getaway car!

Hank 'Terminator' Rogers: How many bullets do you need?

Diane: Bullets? No bullets! Oh my gosh, these are just to scare people. Kinda like a round-off, back handspring, whip back, double full. You never really use it - you just want the opposing squad to know you've got it.

Diane: Jack Bartlett. Jack Bartlett! Jack Bartlett. Is Jack Bartlett interested in me?

Cleo Miller: The baby's got two heads!

Lucy Whitman: It's twins!

Diane: I'm not just super fat!

[last lines]

Jude: Hey, the men are doing all the heavy lifting. Seems a little sexist to me. How about you, Zoe?

Zoe: It's not about equal division of labor. It's about an equitable and efficient allocation of resources.

Grace, Diane: Right on!

[laughter]

Diane: They hate me.

Grace: It's difficult for kids to accept that their parents are human.

Diane: When there's a death you get a funeral. It's horrible, but you get to wear a black dress, and people bring you food and...

Jude: I *do* like a good casserole now and again.

Diane: But when a marriage dies you get endless debt, paperwork, and just a life you don't even recognize.

Grace: Why does the past mean so much to you?

Diane: This coming from a woman who still thinks it's 1967.

Diane: You want me to just let go of 40 years of irresponsibility, embarrassment, and her total refusal to grow up?

Jude: Yes, exactly.

Diane: [incredulous] Like a balloon that'll just float away.

Jude: It's not a balloon, Diane. It's a sandbag you've got to drop for the balloon to get off the ground.

Diane: There's a naked man sitting next to my daughter eating cereal.

Zoe: It's okay, it's organic.

Diane: [looking at the chairs in Jude's workshop] Do people actually sit in those?

Jude: They do. You want to try it?

Diane: No.

Jude: Aw, come on, where's your spirit of adventure?

Diane: I think I exhausted it yesterday.

Jude: And here I was hoping you were just getting started.

[first lines]

Diane: Did you know I had to get three more bottles of wine today on account of Richard's new wife's aversion to California chardonnay?

Diane: In truth, there's no record of my being born at Woodstock.

Grace: I don't need a record. The truth is writ on my soul... among other places.

Diane: What do you recommend?

Cole: We've been moving a lot of lamb lately.

Zoe: Lamb... could you pick on a more defenseless animal?

Cole: [to Diane] Can I interest you in some veal?

Jude: You know, you're something of a legend around here. Your mom talks about you all the time.

Diane: Let me guess: "tightass lawyer who is in need of a soul transplant."

Jude: No, actually, she's fonder of the details - you used to collect leaves, you like the Beatles...

Diane: Everybody likes the Beatles.

Jude: That is true.

Grace: Speaking of fertility, you know what tonight is, don't you? Full moon!

Diane: Oh, no... no...

Grace: Why not? Zoe's real excited about it.

Diane: No, she has to take Jake on his date with Tara, she has to chaperon.

Grace: Diana, honey, don't be a cock block. He creates enough obstacles on his own.

Diane: Mom, could you please not say "cock block"?

Diane: I'm always going to be That Protestant Chick Who Never Killed Anybody!

Anthony Cortino: Diane, would you excuse us?

Diane: Oh, yeah, sure. If you need me, I'll be up on the bidet.

Diane: Ooh, Italian food!

[finding out that Charley lied about Gil being sick]

Diane: You miserable little faggot.

Charley: Oh, that's mature. Homophobe much?

Carla: Hi, cutie!

Adam: What? Are you talking to me?

Diane: Yeah, don't you think you're sexy?

Adam: Oh my god! All the time!

[as blindfolded campers stick their hands into boxes of various gross stuff]

T.C.: Gross! Slimy gopher guts!

Diane: Look out! Putrid wild elephant hearts!

Angela: Dead teenagers' brains!

Diane: Angela, what's really in there?

Angela: Dead teenagers' brains.

Diane: Y'know, I think your tits are getting bigger.

Various Girls: MINE?

Trish: Diane! You're a snob!

Diane: Hey, only the best people are, you know?

Trish: Look, what do you have against Valerie, anyway?

Diane: Nothing. She drinks too much milk.

Diane: [in the middle of telling a story] The woman gets up her courage and she throws her baby down, and the guy catches it. The crowd is going crazy, and the guy goes

[she imitates throwing something to the floor]

Diane: "TOUCHDOWN!"

Jackie: [reading Diane's horoscope] "Your power with the opposite sex will get you ahead."

Diane: Not too bad.

Jackie: Depends on whose head.

[Diane is talking on the phone with her boyfriend; the girls are downstairs listening on the other end]

Diane: I love it, too. You think I'm getting better?

[the girls break out in laughter and Diane hears]

Diane: I think our first amendment's been violated.

Trish: Not the word I would have chosen.

Jeff: Can't you take a joke?

Diane: Can't you get out of the third grade?

Diane: What went wrong?

Will Henry: I guess she just she stopped talking. And I enjoyed the silence too much.

Will Henry: I kissed Charlie.

Diane: Oh.

Will Henry: I'm sorry. You said, no bullshit.

Diane: Yeah, no, I meant like, don't fuck me if you still have feelings for your ex, but I appreciate your candor.

Will Henry: What happened with you and your ex?

Diane: Oh, it's not that interesting. He was just a fucking asshole.

Will Henry: I didn't mean to hurt you.

Diane: No, I know. You're a good guy.

Will Henry: Don't say that.

Diane: What do you want me to say?

Will Henry: I don't know. Shouldn't you get mad, slap me or something.

[Diane slaps Will in the face]

Will Henry: Ow... Ow...

Diane: You told me to do it.

Will Henry: But I said, "or something"

Diane: I didn't hear that part. You want some ice.

Will Henry: No. I'm gonna let it sting.

Will Henry: Do you know one of the first things I liked about you was?

Diane: What?

Will Henry: Your tits.

Diane: That's so nice. Please touch them.

Diane: Nice meeting you.

Will Henry: Yeah, thank you for the pork cutlets. Delicious.

Diane: Hmm... It was swordfish.

Diane: You asked my daughter to skip your class so that she could baby-sit your kids!

Will Henry: I'm sorry, I was in a desperate situation this morning.

Diane: But you didn't think to ask any of your male students for help?

Will Henry: Are you kidding? My male students are idiots.

Diane: Oh! So, the idiots get to go to class while the bright girl stays at home and takes care of your kids? What kind of message does that send to Kat? Or to your daughters, for that matter?

Diane: Did you have fun tonight honey?

Mini: What? My first night turning tricks? Could have been better.

Diane: That's nice.

Oscar: You didn't happen to tell anyone about what happened last night, did you?

Diane: Would it matter if I had? You're a grown up

[pauses to light cigarette]

Diane: or close enough.

Oscar: My wallet was stolen.

Diane: You were mugged?

Oscar: Well, sort of.

Diane: What do you mean, 'sort of'?

Oscar: She was very pleasant about it.

Diane: Oscar and I...

Oscar: Both speak French!

Diane: Oscar and I... are lovers.

Eve: What?

Oscar: What? Are you drunk?

Diane: I don't think Eve is happy. There's a void. Something's missing.

Oscar: What makes you say that?

Diane: It's a woman thing. I sense it. I feel it. Plus, last week she said there was a void and something was missing.

Diane: [Jurel has taken Diane to have an abortion] Listen, can I bum a cigarette?

Alex Jurel: Diane, look, I don't think...

Diane: [interrupting] Mr. Jurel, I just had an abortion. I think I'm old enough to smoke.

Rémy: We've been everything: separatists, supporters of independantists, sovereignists, sovereignity-associanists...

Pierre: At first, we were existentialists.

Dominique: We read Sartre and Camus.

Claude: Then Fanon, we became anti-colonialists.

Rémy: We read Marcuse and became Marxists.

Pierre: Marxist-Leninists.

Alessandro: Trotskyists.

Diane: Maoists.

Rémy: After Solzhenitsyn we changed, we became structuralists.

Pierre: Situationists.

Dominique: Feminists.

Claude: Deconstructionists.

Pierre: Is there an -ism we haven't worshipped?

Claude: Cretinism.

Jackie: Oh, my God, the basement! I forgot there's a window in there! Give me that poker!

Diane: Jackie, you're not going down there!

Duncan: Besides, they're tongs!

Craig Gamble: What's a rotten girl like you doing in a nice place like this?

Diane: Why don't we traipse on over to your place and talk about honey child.

Craig Gamble: Honey child, let's traipse.

Diane: Aren't you nice! I declare, there's somethin' about you that makes my little ole heart go flipity-flipity. It's amazin'.

Craig Gamble: And you're amazing. Mind if I sit down?

Diane: Reckon I'd swoon if you would... Mr. Armstrong.

Craig Gamble: No. No, my name is Gamble. Craig Gamble.

Diane: Aw, you're funnin' with me. I just know you're Todd Armstrong.

Craig Gamble: No, I tell you my name is Craig Gamble. I'm with Secret Intelligence Command. What's your name, beautiful?

Diane: Diane.

Craig Gamble: Something in your eye?

Diane: Mmm hmm. Little ol' you. Reckon I'm takin' care of you from now on, sweetie.

Craig Gamble: I've already got a mother.

Diane: Silly boy, not like a mother.

Craig Gamble: A sister?

Diane: Keep talkin'.

Craig Gamble: What else is there?

Diane: You've reached votin' age and you all don't know what else?

Craig Gamble: [Clears his throat] Well, well I...

Diane: How would you like to kiss me? I just adore being kissed. In fact, I'm just insatiable?

Craig Gamble: How would you like a drink?

Diane: But, who needs it?

Craig Gamble: Well, I thought maybe you'd want a drink because...

Diane: Come here, Tiger.

Diane: Thank heavens you came along, darling. I'm completely flat!

Todd Armstrong: [checks out her gold bikini] I wouldn't say that.

Diane: The tire, dear boy. The tire!

Diane: When people are nice to me, I'm nice to them, Todd Armstrong.

Todd Armstrong: Todd Armstrong? I...

Diane: Shhh. Don't break the spell.

[kiss]

Todd Armstrong: Mmm. Whoever you are, honey, I could, I could love you to pieces.

Diane: What took you so long. I knew that the moment I saw you.

Diane: Are you as happy as I am, lover?

Todd Armstrong: Am I! I am in orbit. Gimme.

Diane: I won't forget it again, doctor.

Dr. Goldfoot: No. I'm sure you won't, after you've been disciplined in the chair.

Diane: Oh!

Igor: Oh, no, doctor.

Dr. Goldfoot: Oh, yes.

Diane: Coffee, Tea or Loving?

Donald J. Penney, SIC man: What do you think?

[to Craig and Todd]

Donald J. Penney, SIC man: Fellas, the minute I saw this little Austrian cookie, it was love at first sight.

George: I know my own tailcoat!

Diane: Well, you didn't last night!

Diane: There must be some sensible solution to this problem.

Harry Turner: Well, of course there is. Two fellas, one girl. Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, you come to my house.

Chester Babcock: Yeah. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays, my house.

Diane: What about Sunday?

Chester Babcock: Everbody rests.

[while agent Diane mistakenly thinks she's made her secret contact with a microfilm photographer, Chester, thinking himself a chick magnet, simply believes he's caught the eye of a beautiful, romantic woman]

Diane: [whispers] Do you think we're being watched?

Chester Babcock: [noticing Harry staring at them from the bar] Definitely.

Diane: Oh, then we'll have to hurry.

Chester Babcock: Have we got time?

Diane: If you work fast.

Chester Babcock: I'll do my best.

Diane: Good. Now, I've got the room ready at the hotel.

Chester Babcock: Good.

Diane: I've made all the arrangements.

Chester Babcock: Fine.

Diane: The shades are all drawn.

Chester Babcock: Very sensible.

Diane: And we can lock the door from the inside.

Chester Babcock: Oh, good. I'd hate to get a crowd until I get the hang of it.

[Agent Diane continues to mistakenly think she's made her secret contact with a microfilm photographer while Chester, thinking himself a chick magnet, still believes he's caught the eye of a beautiful, romantic woman]

Diane: Are you sure you've done this sort of thing before?

Chester Babcock: [suffering from amnesia] Well, I MUST have. When do we start?

Diane: Right now.

Diane: [suddenly shouting] Darling, it's so wonderful to see you again.

[She slips him an envelop as she kisses him]

Diane: [whispering] You've got it.

Chester Babcock: [ego stroked and oblivious to the envelop] I know it.

Diane: Don't lose it.

Chester Babcock: Don't worry.

Diane: I'll see you at the hotel.

Chester Babcock: Pull the shades and lock the door.

Diane: One final thing.

Chester Babcock: Yes?

Diane: In case I'm late, you go ahead without me.

Diane: Are you sure you're not pulling my leg?

Harry Turner: Business first, fun and games later, mm?

Diane: Mr. Babcock, if you leave now, you'll be running out on your fellow man.

Chester Babcock: That still leaves my fellow women.

Diane: At least you can die like heroes.

Chester Babcock: Nah, but we're to old to die.

Diane: I could love you, body and soul.

Chester Babcock: They're available, in that order.

Diane: Trust me and you'll come to no harm.

Chester Babcock: Trust me and I make no promises.

Harry Turner: How do we get out of here?

Diane: The submarine. I can handle it.

Chester Babcock: I know. I read the script.

Diane: Someone should tell Babs to stop using that industrial strength hairspray!

Guy: Hey, you cute little greasemonkey, how would you like to tickle my carburetor?

Diane: Sorry, exhaustbreath, I don't work on compacts.

Frankie: I wanna know where that alphabet creep is.

Diane: I think I know somebody's who's jealous.

Frankie: Why would I be jealous of someone who's about to become recently deceased?

Diane: Hi Owen!

Owen: It's cool, I like this place.

Diane: Bye Owen.

Nick: How can I be sure you're okay?

Diane: I suppose I could fuck you.

Nick: That would work.

Diane: You won't fuck me and I always have to drive.

Bob: Hats. Okay? Hats. If I ever see a hat on a bed in this house, man, like you'll never see me again. I'm gone.

Diane: That makes two of us.

Nadine: Why a hat?

Bob: Because that's just the way it is, sweetie.

Diane: This just isn't like him. Bob's like a rabbit, in and out and no nonsense. That goes for a lot more than a hospital pharmacy.

Diane: Sometimes bad luck can be good luck.

Diane: Jesus, what kind of a dump is this? Where's the female, you might as well trot her out.

Bob: You don't ever change do you Diane?

Diane: Goddamn right I don't, why should I?

Diane: [Cussing out a driver] Where'd you get your goddamn license? Shit-head!

Diane: My name is Diane and I like to fuck.

Young Nerf: Which one of you, which one of you is gonna suck me off first?

[points at each one]

Young Nerf: You? You?

Diane: What you got? You got nothin'!

Young Antonio: [flashes them] How about that?

Jenny: [laughing] No, I like it! It's cute - I like it.

Eddie: [growls] Someone's gonna kill me man!

Diane: Who would try to kill you, Eddie?

Eddie: The fucking hangers!

Joe Donan: There's more to life than just passing the time, isn't there, Diane?

Diane: Maybe we're just both running around in circles, and just happen to touch. The sun and the moon do that. They call it an eclipse.

Diane: Someday you're going to want something nice and expensive that you can't afford on a detective's salary.

Joe Peters: Like what?

Diane: Like me.

Diane: You're a nice guy, Honest Joe, but you're not in the right league. I'm aiming for the World Series.

Diane: Mark.

[pause]

Diane: She's too young for you.

Diane: So, are you the woman in the video?

Veronika: My face is not seen.

Diane: Do you have any identifying marks? Tattoos on your buttocks?

Veronika: Certainly not.

Diane: On your perineum?

[pause]

Renton: [softly] It's the bit of skin between your vagina and your bumhole.

Veronika: That's disgusting.

Diane: So you're not vajazzled.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Excuse me, excuse me. I don't mean to harass you, but I was very impressed with the capable and stylish manner in which you dealt with that situation. And I was thinking to myself, now this girl's special.

Diane: Thanks.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: What's your name?

Diane: Diane.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: And where are you going, Diane?

Diane: I'm going home.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Well, where's that?

Diane: It's where I live.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Great.

Diane: What?

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Well, I'll come back with you if you like, but like, I'm not promising anything, you know.

Diane: Do you find that this approach usually works? Or let me guess, you've never tried it before. In fact, you don't normally approach girls - am I right? The truth is that you're a quiet sensitive type but, if I'm prepared to take a chance, I might just get to know the inner you: witty, adventurous, passionate, loving, loyal. Taxi! A little bit crazy, a little bit bad. But hey - don't us girls just love that?

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Eh?

Diane: Well, what's wrong boy - cat got your tongue?

Diane: You're not getting any younger, Mark. The world's changing. Music's changing. Even drugs are changing. You can't stay in here all day dreaming about heroin and Ziggy Pop.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: It's Iggy Pop.

Diane: Whatever. I mean, the guy's dead anyway.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Iggy Pop's not dead. He toured last year! Tommy went to see him.

Diane: The point is, you've got to find something new.

Diane: [Mark has spent the previous night having sex with Diane only to realize she was an underage schoolgirl] Well, what's the matter, Mark?

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: It's you that's what's wrong!

Diane: Well at least us hold hands.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: No, we're not holding hands!

Diane: No? But you seemed a lot more happy to do more last night. There's nothing wrong with it.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: Its illegal that's what's wrong with it! You know what they do to people like me in prison? They cut your balls off and flush them down the toilet.

Diane: Calm down; you're not going to prison.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: That's very easy for you to say Diane!

Diane: Can I see you again?

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [scoffs] Certainly not!

Diane: If you don't see me again, I'll tell the police.

Mark "Rent-boy" Renton: [turns around and stares at Diane blankly]

Diane: I'll see you around then.

Diane: Elena, be nice to him. We don't know what it's like to go to those places and come back. And anyway, be nice to him, because he is back.

Diane: The Richmonds are flooded, electricity's gone off. God is testing us and I for one am gonna be prepared. Where's the vodka?

Diane: It's hell gettin' older. Especially when you feel 21 inside. All the strengths that sustain you all through your life just vanish one by one. And you study your face in the mirror, and you... you notice something's missing. And then you realize it's your future.

Diane: Jesus! Look at my hands. Now really, I am too young for liver spots. Maybe I can merge them into a tan.

Diane: Oh God have you got my make-up kit? It's got my diaphram in it... isn't it silly? I still travel with it. It's my lucky charm, maybe I should donate it to the antique fair.

Diane: How do I look? Nobody say, 'Old and fat!'

Carol Anne: [burying the canary, Carol Anne says a prayer] Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

Dana: [sarcastically] Oh brother!

Diane: [to Dana] Stifle it.

Carol Anne: If I shall die before I wake...

Dana: [whispers to Diane] It did.

Carol Anne: ...I pray the Lord my soul to take.

Dana: Are you gonna do something about this?

Diane: About what?

Dana: Your new gray!

Diane: Oh! You don't like it. You don't think it's kinda PUNK!

Tangina: Help me tie this around my waist.

Diane: What do you think you're doing?

Tangina: I'm going in after her.

Diane: She won't come to you. Let me go.

Tangina: You've never done this before.

Diane: Neither have you.

[pause]

Tangina: You're right. You go.

Steve: You know Teague, he won't take "Go to Hell" for an answer.

Diane: What are you going to do?

Steve: I'm gonna give him directions.

Diane: Ahhh... this is probably going to be seem a little strange. We hear better on this channel. Don't ask me why. Well... ah... I guess I will call her. Carol Anne. Ah... it's mommy, sweetheart. Ah, we want to talk to you. Please answer me baby. Please answer me. Please talk to me, bunny.

Marty: Look at the dog.

Diane: Are you with us now? Can you... can you say hello to daddy?

Carol Anne: Hello, daddy.

Steve: Hello, sweet pea.

Diane: It's mommy, sweetheart.

Carol Anne: Hello, mommy.

Diane: Hello, baby. Can you see me? Can you see mommy?

Carol Anne: Mommy? Where are you? Where are you?

Diane: We're home, baby. We're home. Can you find me? Can you find a way to us, baby?

Carol Anne: Mommy, where are you? I can't find you. I can't. I'm afraid of the Light, mommy. I'm afraid of the Light.

Diane: She just moved through me. My God. I felt her. I can smell her. It's her. It's her. Smell my clothes. It's her. She's all over me. It's her. She's on me. It's her. I felt her. It's her. It is. It's... it is... it's my baby. It's my baby. She went through my soul.

Tangina: [offscreen upstairs] Why is this door locked, Mr. Freeling?

[Steve Freeling closes his eyes, clasps his hands, and appears to be concentrating for several seconds]

Diane: [quietly] Answer her, Steven!

Steve: [sotto voce] I *am*.

Tangina: [steps out to the top of the stairs] I am addressin' the living!

Steve: I'm sorry. Sorry. That's the room my son and daughter used to occupy.

Dr. Lesh: We believe it's the heart of the house.

Tangina: This house has many hearts.

[Tangina steps away from the stairtop. Diane approaches Steven]

Diane: [quietly] What is the matter?

Steve: [with laughter] "What's the matter"?

Steve: [he composes himself, whispers] I was trying to answer her with my mind and she couldn't hear me.

Steve: [to Dr. Lesh, whispering even softer] Now, I thought you said this Tangina Barrons was an *extraordinary*...

Tangina: I *am*!

Steve: ...clairvoy...

Tangina: [steps out again] I just don't like trick answers.

Diane: You were saying about poltergeists.

Dr. Lesh: Poltergeists are usually associated with an individual. Hauntings seem to be connected with an area. A house usually.

Marty: Poltergeist disturbances are of a fairly short duration. Perhaps a couple of months. Hauntings can go on for years.

Diane: Are you telling me that all of this could just suddenly end at any time?

Dr. Lesh: Yes, it could. Unless it's a haunting. But hauntings don't usually revolve around living people.

Diane: Then we don't have much time, Dr. Lesh, because my daughter is alive somewhere inside this house.

Tangina: You can't choose between life and death when we're dealing with what is in between. Now tell her before it's too late.

Diane: Run to the light, baby. Mommy is in the light.

Tangina: Tell her you're waiting for her.

Diane: Mommy's waiting for you in the light.

[under her breath to Tangina]

Diane: I hate you for that.

Diane: Sweetheart, last night, when you said "They're here'...

Carol Anne: Can I take my goldfish to school?

Diane: Sweetheart, do you remember last night when you woke up, and you said "They're here'?

Carol Anne: Uh huh.

Diane: Well, who did you mean?

Carol Anne: The TV People.

Robbie: She's stoned.

Dana: Oh yeah? What do you know about it?

Robbie: More than you. Ask Dad.

Diane: TV people?

Carol Anne: Uh-huh.

Diane: Do you see them?

Carol Anne: Uh-uh. Do you?

Diane: Uh-uh.

Steve: Tomorrow I'm going to call someone.

Diane: Like who? I looked in the Yellow Pages. "Furniture Movers" we've got; "Strange Phenomenon", there's no listing.

Diane: Carol Anne - listen to me. Do NOT go into the light. Stop where you are. Turn away from it. Don't even look at it.

Diane: [the canary has died] Oh... Oh shit, Tweety, couldn't you have waited until a school day?

Diane: God, *help me!*

Diane: Look, I'm the one who has had to live with this freaky thing all day. It's like another side of nature, that you and I aren't qualified to understand. When you overreact, it makes what happened much too important.

Steve: No one is going into the kitchen until I know what's happening.

Dana: I'll go check the kitchen!

Steve: NO! No, I'll do it! I'll check the kitchen, you check your room!

Steve: Carol Anne!

Dana: Carol Snne!

Diane: Carol Anne! Sweetheart!

Steve: DIANE!

Diane: Did you find her?

Steve: No, I looked everywhere! This is crazy!

Diane: OH MY! My God! She is in the swimming pool, the swimming pool, the swimming pool!

Dr. Lesh: Well, I'm off. Now these tapes, I am going to have to present them you know.

Steve: But please, not on "60 Minutes".

Diane: Or "That's Incredible."

Diane: Get away from my baby.

Diane: DON'T TOUCH MY BABY.

Diane: You bastard. She's just a baby. Help her. Help her. Can you hear what's happening? Help her.

Diane: We were wondering if you had experienced any... disturbances?

Ben Tuthill: What kind of disturbances?

Diane: Oh, you know... dishes or furniture, moving around by themselves.

Diane: Oh, Jesus. Don't do that, honey. You don't want to see mommy lying in a cigar box covered with licorice.

Diane: Mmmmm... smell that mimosa.

Steve: Well you better cut a bouquet and take it with you, because we're not staying.

Tangina: Tell her to go to the light!

Diane: NO!

Diane: How is it?

Pool Worker #1: Great, Mrs. Freeling!

Diane: Okay Bluto, give me my cup.

Pool Worker #1: You sure make good coffee!

Dana: Mom! I'm going to dinner with Janice and Brian.

Diane: Is your room all packed up?

Dana: Everything but the bed!

Steve: No. I'll do it. Let me go.

Diane: You can't go. You're the only one strong enough to hold the rope.

Steve: I'm outta here! See ya early.

Robbie: I'm outta here!

Diane: You I can handle.

Robbie: I got school!

Diane: Breakfast first.

Robbie: All right, I'll just flunk.

Diane: Jesus, don't do that. You wanna see your mommy lying in a cigar box covered in licorice?

Diane: The TV people?

Carol Anne: Up there.

Diane: Do you see them?

Carol Anne: Uh uh... do you?

Diane: Uh uh.

Carol Anne: Mommy didn't cook any dinner.

Diane: We'll go to Pizza Hut, all right?

Carol Anne: That burned!

Diane: Sorry, baby, floor needed more wax.

Diane: So you better get Brian to bring you home right after dinner because Dad wants us to stay at the Holiday Inn on I-74.

Dana: Oh, yeah. I remember that place.

Dr. Lesh: 1:08:14 Well, I'm off. I'm taking these back to the lab along with the tapes.I'm going to have to display these, you know.

Steve: Please, not on 60 Minutes.

Diane: Or That's Incredible.

Waiter: Good evening. Would anybody like a drink before you have dinner?

Alice: Yeah, how about a...!

Maggie: How about three more bottles of your best red wine this one's almost gone!

Alice: Maggie, I don't like red wine!

Maggie: Who said anything about YOU I ordered for myself!

Diane: Maggie, when did you start drinking?

Maggie: Look, just bring one bottle of everything and we'll sort it out later!

Waiter: Certainly. Would that be all?

Maggie: YES...!

Diane: I'm gonna kick your fucking ass bitch!

Maggie: Come on chicken, right now, come on!

Diane: You're a slut, man!

Carol Anne: So, after Alice fell down the hole, why'd she drink from that bottle?

Diane: Because it said, 'Drink me' on it.

Carol Anne: Oh. Were they gonna capture her... and take her someplace bad?

Diane: Yes, but Alice gets home alright, remember?

Carol Anne: Did she know why they wanted to hurt her?

Diane: I don't think so, honey.

Carol Anne: 'Cause I know.

Diane: You know what?

Carol Anne: Why they're here.

Diane: Why, baby? Why are they here?

Carol Anne: (near tears) 'Cause they don't know where else to go!

Taylor: [talking about Robbie] He wants to be a man.

Diane: Well, there are a lot of ways to be a man. I'm not sure wearing claw marks and warpaint is one of them.

Taylor: How would you know?

Diane: What?

Taylor: You're not a man, are you?

Diane: OK, I'm not a man. But you're not a mother. It is my job to do everything I can to make my children part of a normal world. A world of schools and friends and lovers and families of they're own someday.

Taylor: Well, that's good.

Diane: Right, I know. And I hope that they'll learn to forget all of this soon.

Taylor: You can't learn by forgetting.

Diane: Well, what would you have me do? I mean they're just children for God's sake.

Taylor: Children have fought wars. They have built nations. They are strong and have courage. Don't treat them any less than that because they're young.

[last lines]

Taylor: Your car.

Steve Freeling: Yeah, well its happy.

Taylor: Not yet.

Steve Freeling: How are we gonna make it happy?

Taylor: It wants to come home with me.

Steve Freeling: You asked it?

Taylor: Yes.

Steve Freeling: OK, its yours, take it.

Diane: We thank you.

Steve Freeling: It started right up.

Robbie Freeling: Dad, you gave our car away?

Steve Freeling: Yes.

Diane: But Steven, we have no... we need a ride home.

Steve Freeling: Taylor, whoa! That car needs me, Taylor.

Robbie Freeling: Dad, are we gonna have to move again?

Steve Freeling: I don't know Robbie. I'm gonna think about it.

Diane: Where could we go?

Carol Anne Freeling: Disneyland?

Robbie Freeling: Oh puke, don't be such an infant!

Diane: Shhh!

Carol Anne Freeling: Ok, what about Dunkin' Donuts?

Robbie Freeling: Shut up, jerko!

Diane: Steven, we are almost broke.

Steve Freeling: Okay, we're, we're broke, but we're not, we're not starving!

Diane: Okay. But I don't happen to like having to live off my mother, and I think that we deserve a house of our own again someday.

Steve Freeling: Aw, honey, geez... see, that's the difference between you and me, Diane, I am into downward mobility. I'm not settling for it, I'm *into* it, I - I like getting out there in the streets and meetin' those people; I like selling vacuums, I like carrying the pipes and the apparatus in my little demo case.

[snaps his fingers]

Steve Freeling: Let's get the kids up and we'll, we'll paint the car different colors, kind of day-glo, like we used to do when were kind of *freaky,* you know - the *Freaky Freelings,* on the road again! The family whose house disappeared! Watch them find it, Diane! I'm not gonna get upset about this but I'll tell you something, I'm writing them back, and when I sign that letter I'm signing *Mr. President!*

Diane: They denied our claim again.

Steve Freeling: What?

Diane: I told you we never should have said the house vanished into thin air.

Taylor: He's still here. He feels she belongs to him.

Diane: But why?

Taylor: I'm not sure, but he's used to getting what he wants.

Steve Freeling: Taylor, who is he? What is he?

Taylor: He's a man filled with the demon, lost in a dimension that surrounds our world. This entity believes that his world and ours are the same.

Diane: But why doesn't he know he's dead?

Taylor: Because he isn't.

Steve Freeling: But how can that be?

Taylor: Nothing really dies, like when a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. Death only transforms us into another state of being. This man was evil, and his soul remains evil, because he chooses not to see the light, and pass on to another state of consciousness.

Steve Freeling: How are we gonna beat this thing?

Taylor: Until we learn how to defeat him, we do not let him win.

Steve Freeling: [sarcastically] That's a hell of a plan! That's a lot of crap!

Diane: I suppose you have a plan of your own?

Steve Freeling: THAT'S A LOT OF CRAP!

Taylor: Listen, don't come apart now. This spirit is very clever. He knows your strength is your love, and he hates you for that. He's been trying to pull this family apart, and he will continue to try. If he succeeds, he will possess Carol-Anne... and destroy your spirit.

Steve Freeling: Taylor said we go back together as a family, that's all of us.

Robbie Freeling: Do you believe him, Dad?

Diane: Honey, it was real smart of you to hide in the car like that.

Carol Anne Freeling: It wasn't my idea. Taylor said it was the only safe place.

Robbie Freeling: Dad, do you believe him?

Steve Freeling: I... I do... I do believe him son... I do.

Diane: [seeing the dead bodies buried beneath the remains of the Freeling house] Oh no, oh God, they're all... they're all dying here, oh God. They're all reaching out for him, that will never come, and all because they worshipped him.

Gramma-Jess: Diane, you've got to go on unafraid in this life. You don't want to instil fear into that child who's truly gifted, and filled with knowledge.

Diane: I don't want her to be gifted!

Diane: [seeing a vision of Kane and his followers] It is him, he's the preacher. They follow him in death as they did in life. They seal themselves into a cavern because Kane says the end of the world is coming.

Kane: Come with me!

Diane: The day for the end comes and goes, but Kane won't let them leave. No, no.

Tangina Barrons: Oh, Diane. Yes, it all makes sense now. When you brought Carol-Anne back to this world, his followers became restless because they had tasted the light of her being, her lifeforce.

Diane: And now he wants her back.

Tangina Barrons: This person is no longer human. He is the Beast.

Diane: [Steve, possessed by Kane, starts groping Diane] Honey, don't. Not now.

Steve Freeling: [getting angry] Why? When?

Diane: What do you mean?

Steve Freeling: Diane, I have needs too.

Diane: Well it seems to me your needs have been fulfilled by the bottle tonight.

[Steve comes up behind Diane and grabs her]

Diane: Oh, Steven don't!

Steve Freeling: Diane, are you accusing me of being drunk?

Diane: I'm not accusing you of anything.

Steve Freeling: Yes you are, but that's what you're thinking.

Diane: No, I'm not.

Steve Freeling: Yes, but that's what you're thinking. I know you and that's what you're thinking.

Diane: Spare me, Steven.

Steve Freeling: Diane! Do you remember just the other day, when you were seven and you were helping your Mommy, plant flowers in the garden? You saw it clearly.

Diane: How the hell do you know that?

Steve Freeling: Because I am smart.

[getting angrier]

Steve Freeling: You think that all of our troubles are because of Carol-Anne! You wish Carol-Anne had never been given BIRTH TO! You never wanted

[shouting]

Steve Freeling: CAROL-ANNE!

[Diane tries to shush Steve]

Steve Freeling: But you thought it! You thought it! You thought it! You thought it!

Diane: No!

Steve Freeling: You thought it, baby! Shush! You thought about it! You thought that! You thought it, shush! You thought it! Diane has secrets!

Diane: Slater is a dying breed. When she goes the whole species will be extinct.

Vicki: My water bed got slashed to shreds and all you can do is joke about it. I swear she was trying to kill me.

Diane: Oh come on Vicki you deserved it, can't you fuck anywhere else.

Diane: Here's to law school, may it be the three shortest years of my life.

Jeanie: Here's to reaching my full capacity.

Diane: A whole quarter of it.

Stevie: Here's to my new employers at Pan Am, may they never find out I'm afraid of flying.

Liz: Here's to my mother who never let me forget that I was born with a silver spoon up my ass. But mother you were wrong, it's up my nose!

Katherine: Here's to my sisters...

Diane: Oh come on!

Katherine: No seriously, here's to my sisters without whom I wouldn't be what I am today... wasted!

Diane: Alright Morgan, now we understand this takes a lot of thinking Morgan...

Morgan: Here's to...

[begins to throw up within mouth]

[first lines]

Harry: It's a great machine, isn't it?

Diane: Yeah.

Harry: When I cut into the super-charger I can get up to 140.

Diane: Wow.

Harry: You can't keep it like that 'cause the fiction will melt the engine like a marshmellow. I never met a woman who was interested in cars more then you are.

Diane: I lived with a guy who was a former driver. For a while. It didn't work out, but he taught me a lot about cars. And I loved it. I really loved it.

[last lines]

Lep: You bitch!

Diane: Get out of my way!

[Lep only smirks, and Diane runs him down]

Diane: I'm so helpless here you culd do anything you wanted to me.

Diane: Look deep into my eyes. What do you see?

Pizza Boy: Too much mascara?

Chico: Don't you want to marry me?

Diane: But you never said... you love me. Couldn't you say it - just once?

Chico: I can't say it! It's too silly.

[walks around the room]

Chico: Well, this way then... Chico - Diane - Heaven!

Diane: Say it again! Say it again!

Diane: I'm not used to being happy... it's funny... it hurts!

Tony: They fired me.

Diane: Well, you can't give up.

Tony: Yes, I can.

Diane: Tony, your system works. You just haven't found anybody yet it works on.

Guard: I understand you're having a hard time making a decision.

Patty: How would you know that?

Wenda: You know, the medic at the hospital seemed to know an awful lot about us, also.

Guard: Some of your friends are kind of concerned about your future. I think maybe you should hear what they have to say.

[Sandy, Jerry and Diane approach them. They notice that Sandy has a mark on her right hand]

Guard: .

Patty: Sandy!

Wenda: Oh, Sandy!

Patty: You're a Christian!

Sandy: Oh, Patty. Anyone can say they're a Christian.

Patty: But I thought that Jonathon...

Diane: Jonathon was one of us, but he had nothing to do with the trap that Sandy set for you.

Wenda: Sandy, why didn't you stay with us all day?

Jerry: She was trying to keep those fanatics from encouraging you into making a foolish decision.

Diane: Yeah. Actually, it's simple. You can lose your head

[glances at the guillotine]

Diane: , or you can go free. To work, to buy, to eat. To live a normal life, just like before.