Dewey Oxburger Quotes in Stripes (1981)
Dewey Oxburger Quotes:
Captain Stillman: Well, explain yourselves.
Dewey Oxburger: Well sir, we were going to this bingo parlor at the YMCA, well one thing led to another, and the instructions got all fouled up...
Captain Stillman: Shut up.
Dewey Oxburger: Okay, Sir.
Captain Stillman: You men are a *disgrace*. Maybe a few days in the stockade will help you change your rotten attitudes.
Cruiser: But, um, we're supposed to graduate tomorrow, sir.
Captain Stillman: That's even better. Tomorrow, you'll be on parade in front of General Barnicke. And when he sees what total fuck-ups you are, I will recommend that your whole platoon repeat the entire course of basic training.
Dewey Oxburger: [as he gets off the bus at camp, to Capt. Stillman] How's it going, Eisenhower?
[Sergeant Hulka is on the ground after getting blown off of a tower]
Dewey Oxburger: Sergeant, does this mean we're through for the day?
Dewey Oxburger: My name's Dewey Oxburger. My friends call me Ox. You might have noticed that, uh, I've got a slight weight problem.
Soldiers: Nooo! Noooo!
Dewey Oxburger: Yeah, yeah I do. Yeah, I do. I went to this doctor. Well, he told me I swallow a lot of aggression... along with a lot of pizzas! Ha Ha Ha! Pizzas! I'm basically a shy person, I'm a shy guy. Uh, he suggested taking one these uh, aggression training courses. You know these aggression training courses like EST, those type of things. Anyway, it cost 400 bucks! 400 bucks to join this thing? Well I didn't have the money and I thought to myself, "Join the army"! It's free. So I figured while I'm here I'll lose a few pounds. And you got what, a 6 to 8 week training program here? A real tough one. Which is perfect for me.
[Looks around at all the soldiers and gestures emphatically]
Dewey Oxburger: I'm going to walk out of here a Lean, Mean, Fightin' Machine! Ha ha ha ha!
Cruiser: My hobbies are fast cars and fast women because uh... that's why my... the guys in my car club call me the 'cruiser'.
Dewey Oxburger: Should have called him the dork!
Dewey Oxburger: It doesn't seem fair.
John Winger: FAIR? Who cares about fair? The world isn't fair. Truth is fair. Is it fair that you were born like this? NO! They're not expecting somebody like you in there, Ox. They're expected one of these slugs. You're different. You're weird. You're a mutant. You're a killer. You're a trained killer. You're a LEAN... MEAN... FIGHTING... MACHINE!
Dewey Oxburger: [after joining Murray for "FIGHTING... MACHINE!"] I'LL DO IT!
John Winger: [knocking on the door of the room the soldiers are being held prisoner in] Hello? Hello?
Dewey Oxburger: Hello?
John Winger: [in a falsetto voice] Hello.
Dewey Oxburger: Who is it?
John Winger: It's Idi Amin.
Elmo: It's Winger!
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