Devon Quotes in Quest for Camelot (1998)

[Trying to start a fire with two sticks]

Cornwall: Come on, baby, light my fire...

Devon: You know, there's nothing more pathetic than a flame-retarded dragon.

Devon: Anyway, cheer up. When we get to Camelot, we'll be kissed by the world's most beautiful women.

Cornwall: Yeah, we're a giant talking lizard with two heads. We're gonna have to beat them off with a stick.

Devon: Enchanté, mademoiselle. I'm Devon, and this growth on my neck is Cornwall.

Cornwall: But you can call me Corny for short.

Cornwall: Eh, you're better off without him. He walks funny. He even looks funny. People'd throw darts at him.

Devon: How can you be so cold-blooded?

Cornwall: I'm a reptile.

Garrett: What are you?

Devon: Frankly, we're the reason cousins shouldn't marry.

Jack: Dude, forget Stainer. All right? I think you could get her back.

Stainer: OK, then why don't you look Kirk in the eyes and tell him that you believe he's gonna end up with Molly. Just tell him that.

Jack: Fine. Kirky, I truly believe that... I mean, I think anything is possible.

Kirk: "Anything is possible"?

Devon: Come on! Like there's a million examples of guys like Kirky ending up with a beautiful woman.

Stainer: Such as?

Devon: Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts.

Jack: Right. Richie Sambora and Heather Locklear. Then he went on to Denise Richards.

Stainer: All recording artists. Normal rules don't apply to those guys. Kirk, as soon as you record an album and it goes platinum, you can push your meat into any human being you want.

Jack: OK, OK, OK. King Kong and Naomi Watts.

Stainer: They never consummated. Totally platonic relationship.

Jack: Stephen Hawking and his lady nurse.

Stainer: He's the master of space and time. He knows about black holes and shit.

Devon: What about the President of France and that girl that went out with Mick Jagger.

Stainer: He knows about wine. And he has a french accent. He could probably French kiss like a motherfucker.

Devon: Wait a second... The Beast.

Stainer: Who?

Devon: The Beast from Beauty and the Beast. Beast won Beauty's love and he wasn't rich or a recording artist. Though, he did have an amazing voice.

Stainer: OK, Devon, that's a cartoon. But yes, that's one. One out of a million.

Devon: You know what, Stainer? All it takes is one. Man, you... You guys sit here and talk about relationships but the truth is, I'm the only one here that's married. Yeah, and I'm tired of you guys busting my nuggets cause I've only been with one girl. It's cause she was the right girl! That's why I married her! So, Kirky, let me tell you something, if Molly is the right girl, that's all that matters. You just, you stand up. You stand up. You get in front of her. You get right in her grill and you say, "Hey, I am Kirk Kettner, and I am right here, standing in front of you... right here. Here I am." Something like that.

Stainer: Power of love.

Jack: Very... perfect.

Kirk: Beautiful.

Devon: Thank you. I was in debate, junior/senior year. I don't know if you guys remember that.

Kirk: Devon, why would you tell her that I broke up with Molly?

Devon: Cause I thought you had.

Kirk: No. We're just in a sticky wicket.

Stainer: A "sticky wicket"?

Kirk: Yeah. A rough patch. Rough pumpkins.

Stainer: And how many times have you called her?

Kirk: Five.

Stainer: And how many times have you really called her?

Kirk: Seventeen.

Stainer: It's done. Tao of Love.

Kirk: What?

Stainer: That's what I call it. The Tao of Love. You being with Molly defies, like, forces of nature. It's over man.

Kirk: No. It's not over. Frankly, I'm sick of all you guys pretending like you know where I'm coming from. None of you know what I'm going through right now.

Stainer: Tina Jordan does.

Kirk: Who the hell is Tina Jordan?

Stainer: She was my Molly.

Kirk: You never mentioned her.

Stainer: I didn't want to jinx it. But she was perfect. Yeah, perfect. Freckled shoulders. Anyway, two months into it, bam, she dumps me. I shoulda seen it coming too, cause she was a ten. Like a hard ten. I was a six, possibly a seven. Either way, I couldn't cover the spread. The universe spoke and I was depressed for months.

Kirk: That's what that was? You said you had mono.

Stainer: Yeah. Mono of the heart.

Jack: OK, my God, how's your vagina?

Stainer: Shut up, Jack!

Stainer: Okay, anyway... I love Kirky, but let's face it, the guy's a five.

Devon: Stainer, that's just a dirty pool. He's at least a six.

Stainer: A six? Alright you go ahead and pump rainbows into his asshole. I'm just being honest.

Jack: Come on, cut him some slack. Look. Half a point cause he's a nice guy. Right? And he's funny, so that's half a point each. That brings him to six. Devon's right.

Stainer: But he drives a shitbox, deduct a point. Take a point off.

Kirk: Wait, what's wrong with my Neon?

Stainer: Oh, I don't know, except the people who make that car don't even like it. So, we're back to a five.

Jack: Five.

Stainer: Meanwhile, this Molly, is a hard ten. And that five point disparity, that's a chasm. Chasm? Chasm. You can't jump more than two points.

Kirk: Where do you get this shit?

Stainer: Trust me, Kirk. I can't even get a ten.

Jack: [chuckles] Oh. Not even you, huh?

Stainer: I'm a six! OK?

Jack: Bullshit, you're a six. Then what am I?

Stainer: You're an eight.

Jack: OK, you're a six then.

Stainer: But I get a one point bump cause I'm in a band.

Kirk: Stainer, you're in a Hall and Oats cover band. I'm pretty sure that's a deduction.

Stainer: Adult Education is a tribute band. So that puts me back at seven. On a good day, the best I can bag is a nine.

Kirk: What about your crappy car?

Stainer: Artist's exemption. I'm expected to have a shitty car.

Jack: Is there an artist exemption for talking out your ass?

Stainer: Yeah, it's called being a rock star, Jack! Look it up in the dictionary. It's right next to "fuck you!"

Devon: I think this system's ridiculous. All right? If someone really loves you, then you are a ten.

Jack: My God. What are you... Are you Hannah Montanna? Because nothing you are saying right now is of any help to Kirk.

Stainer: Okay now I know you've gone crazy. You are telling me the hottest chick I've ever met in my life wants you, and the hamburglar wasn't into me? Listen to yourself... FUCK YOU.

Devon: It is a pretty impressive catch Kirkey.

Stainer: Yeah the day that happens is the day Jack sleeps with your wife.

Stainer: What? Did that already happen?

Devon: We weren't technically dating yet.

Stainer: My bad.

Devon: Hey did she say anything about Wendy thinking I'm hot?

Kirk: No.

Devon: Shoot, I wonder if she is on Facebook?

Kirk: Devin you're on Facebook?

Devon: Yeah... I got like 37 friends.

Kirk: How is this not gay?

Devon: I think there is nothing gay about it. The fact you are letting a straight married man shave your testicles. I think that makes you one of my most macho guys alive.

Kirk: Marnie, I know that we agreed to take some time off and I think that was a great idea. My God. Gave us both a chance to experiment, if you will, and meet all sorts of new and interesting, different people. You did quite a bit more experimenting than I did. A lot more experimenting. You are like a scientist. Beakers... But obviously I'm cool with that, cause the thing is, I think, we're stronger as a result. But here's the thing, Marnie... it's been two years. That's a lot of time off. And I'm ready for some time on. I miss you. I miss us. I got something for you.

[pulls out earring box]

Kirk: What do you think?

Stainer: Aww, man, it's depressing. I mean, it's really depressing. It's horrible to watch you like this.

Devon: I think it's really pretty. How's it work?

[opens box]

Devon: Oh...

Jack: What the hell is that?

Kirk: I got it for Valentine's Day, right before she broke up with me. Stainer, I know you don't like her very much.

Stainer: No, no, I hate her. In fact, the day that you broke up with her, I marked that down in my calendar as a day of rejoicement. I'm gonna celebrate it with a cake with her face on it, but instead of eating it, I'm gonna smash it. OK? You can do a lot better. You deserve a lot better, Kirky.

Kirk: I thank you. But, I've seen what's out there and I don't think it gets any better.

Jack: When have you been out there? When have you left the apartment?

Kirk: I went out on four different dates, with three girls and that guy. I don't know what his intentions were, but it's fine. We had a great conversation. I think he was just looking for a friend.

Jack: Do you know what your problem is, Kirk?

Kirk: What?

Jack: You're a moodle.

Kirk: A moodle?

Jack: A man poodle. Girls, they wanna take you out on a walk. They wanna feed you, they wanna cuddle you, but make no mistake, no girl wants to do the moodle.

Stainer: No one would ever fuck a moodle.

Jack: No, he's right. I'm telling you, if you wanna get Marney back, she has got to believe that from the second she broke up with you, your life has been a non-stop snatch parade.

Devon: Or... you could just be who you are. Why can't that be good enough?

Stainer: [holding earring box] Why don't you just put your fucking balls in here?

Kirk: She is coming to lunch with my parents on Sunday.

Stainer: That takes care of that, 20 minutes with your family and she will file a restraining order. We're safe.

Devon: Hey did she say anything about Wendy? You know... like about me?

Stainer: I love Kirkey but let's face it, the guy's a 5. Meanwhile, this Molly is a hard 10.

Devon: He's at least a 6...

Stainer: 6? Alright, you go ahead and pop rainbows into his asshole, but I'm just being honest.

Museum Director: Can I see your invitation?

Kirk: Can I see your invitation?

Devon: Probably not the best thing to say to the Museum Director.

Stainer: I love Kirkey but let's face it, the guy's a 5. Meanwhile, this Molly is a hard 10.

Devon: Stainer, that's just dirty pool. He's at least a 6...

Stainer: 6? Alright, you go ahead and pop rainbows into his asshole, but I'm just being honest.

Burt Vickerman: [Haley does a skill and tumbles on her landing] Shall we share out philosophy with Haley, ladies? Speak my mind. What are we about?

Joanne, Mina Hoyt, Wei Wei Yong, Devon, Lacey, Brooke: Clean, safe routines, guaranteed to stick.

Haley Graham: [Gags] Is he keeping your brains in jars? Or should I be concerned about the water?

Mina Hoyt: We're warming up Yourchenkos.

Haley Graham: Super. I'm going for a 'Butt-ahara'.

Devon: You mean a Tsukahara?

Haley Graham: No, I mean a 'Butt-ahara'.

Dr. Lee: What was that? Why do we rehearse? Why... do we rehearse? You're out there showboating for five minutes. If I wasn't able to signal a drum major to back you up, you'd still be out there beating your damn drum!

Sean: Dr. Lee, sir, maybe there's an explanation. Devon...

Dr. Lee: Do I look like I need you to explain anything right now?

Sean: No, sir.

Dr. Lee: I don't know what the beef is, but you better grill it up and eat it. Because it is my a** that is on the line.

President Wagner: Now that is a new beginning. That's exactly what I'm talking about.

[shakes Devon's hand]

President Wagner: Great job, son. You are something. You are something special.

Devon: Thank you, sir.

President Wagner: Great job, all of you. Now let's see Morris Brown top that!

[band cheers]

President Wagner: Some alumni wanna speak with you. There they are. Don't keep them waiting. New beginning! NEW BEGINNING!

Dr. Lee: Sean, I want you to polish the drums tonight. And I'd better be able to see myself in the surface.

Sean: Yes sir.

Devon: I left the polisher on the bottom shelf.

Dr. Lee: Good morning.

The Band: Good morning.

Dr. Lee: Good morning to music. Good morning and welcome to Atlanta A&T University marching band training. The next two weeks will be your introduction and possibly induction into a great marching band legacy. If you are here, it's because you believe in musicianship. If you are here it's because you believe in Coltrane, Miles Davis, Stevie Wonder, and the elements known as Earth, Wind, and Fire. If you are here, it's because you have a fervent, unequivocal belief in teamwork.

[Several students just arrive at the A&T field]

Dr. Lee: And if you wish to remain here, you better start believing in being on time.

[looks at Ernest]

Dr. Lee: You...

[points to him]

Dr. Lee: who's your roommate?

Ernest: Uh, Devon... Miles, sir.

Dr. Lee: [looks at Devon, walks off the platform, and approaches him] Eyes front!

Devon: Hey, what's up, Dr. Lee?

Dr. Lee: It's all good, Mr. Miles, glad to have you here.

Devon: Thank you, sir.

Dr. Lee: Why was he late?

Devon: I, um... guess he overslept.

Dr. Lee: Well, why didn't you wake him?

Devon: I'm not his mother, sir.

Dr. Lee: I asked Mr. Miles why his roommate was late, he says he guesses he overslept. I asked, "Why didn't you wake him?" and he says he is not his mother. Section leaders, what is our concept?

Sean, Tuba Section Leader, Sax Section Leader, Trumpet Section Leader: One band, one sound!

Dr. Lee: One band, one sound. When one of us is late, we are all late. When one of us looks or sounds bad, we all look and sound bad. So what's the concept?

The Band: One band, one sound.

Dr. Lee: Now I want ten laps from those who are not their roommates' mama.

Jason: I'm trying to get my spot back!

Devon: How? By river-dancing with your drum?

Sean: I've had it with your no talent, wannabe gangster ass! You wanna prove once and for all that I'm better than you? Strap up!

Devon: Bring it on, big brother tin man!

Dr. Lee: Mr. Miles, I guess you didn't like the required piece as written.

Devon: Naw, I just thought I'd add a little somethin' somethin' on the end.

[leaves]

Sean: He can play. We all know that, but his attitude is messed up. Now I put three years into building this line. In chemistry's grading, I don't wanna jeopardize that.

Dr. Lee: [a car horn makes one long blast to indicate that Devon is a P1] Your line seems to think otherwise.

Devon: I might as well tell you this up front.

Mr. Wade: What's that?

Devon: I can't really read music.

Mr. Wade: Oh, that's all right, son. Some people can't read the sign that says "toilet". Doesn't mean they don't know how to use it.

Dr. Lee: You lied in your application, you lied at the audition where you play the required piece, and you lied to me.

Devon: I didn't think it was that big a deal.

Dr. Lee: [hands some sheet music to Devon] Play that.

[sits down]

Dr. Lee: That's the music for next week's game and you can't read it. And as far as I'm concerned, that's a very big deal.

[compiles some paper and puts it back in his drawer]

Dr. Lee: I'm enrolling you in an applied percussion course.

Devon: But that gives me five classes!

Dr. Lee: Damn right it gives you five classes, it oughta be ten. Especially if you plan on getting back on the line anytime soon.

Devon: What do you mean, "get back on the line"?

Dr. Lee: I mean now, you're a P4. If you cannot read music, you cannot be on my field.

Devon: But you can't take me off the line, I'm the best drummer you've got! And can't no class teach me how to do me?

Dr. Lee: Excuse me?

Devon: Doing me is what got me down here in the first place.

Dr. Lee: No, lying... is what got you down here. And if you don't have the honor and discipline to learn your craft, then quite frankly Devon, you don't deserve to be here.

Devon: Oh snap! Now you can see me?

Devon: They don't tell you about all this when they recruit you.

Buck Wild: If you're up for marching band training, gather 'round. Take a good look at this man. This black Adonis is known as God's gift, A.K.A. Double G. You will know him and call him such from this day forward. I'm Buck Wild. We are your drum majors. Starting tomorrow, white T-shirts at all times. It'll help us identify you as a crab who knows absolutely nothing. Maybe you'll one day have the honor and privilege to wear the school colors. But for now, you're as blank as the white T-shirts you'll be wearing. Understand?

The Band: Yes sir.

Buck Wild: UNDERSTAND?

The Band: YES SIR!

Buck Wild: Get up to your dorms. Get well-acquainted with the rule book. Dinner is at 6 o' clock in the cafeteria. And after that is night-night. You're dismissed!

Devon: Man, I ain't trying to have no curfew. But I know this spot where the girls are supposed to be banging. Y'all dance?

Ernest: Yeah!

Sean: Mini-Me, I need a volunteer to polish the drums for tomorrow.

Devon: Aw, that's a P4's job.

Sean: Now, I'm making it your job. You don't like it? Quit.

[puts a towel on Devon's drum]

Dr. Lee: Mr. Taylor, finished with those halftime cadences?

Sean: Just finished 'em.

Dr. Lee: Good, let's hear it.

Sean: [looks at Devon] Actually, Dr. Lee, why don't we let Devon run it?

Devon: [after being pointed at by Dr. Lee] Oh no, you the big dog, you do your thing.

Sean: No, I think it would help if somebody else played it.

Devon: It would do me no justice.

Dr. Lee: What are you two, Beavis and Blackhead? It doesn't have to be perfect, Devon. I just wanna hear it.

Charles: Man, it won't be the same without you.

Devon: It's all about the tubas now.

Charles: What do you mean? It's *always* been about the tubas, shorty.

Jason: Well, you know how Dr. Lee is about time.

Devon: Yeah.

[in Dr. Lee's voice]

Devon: "You're on time if you're five minutes early; you're late if you're on time."

Charles: Look, Friday night, in my living room, be there, alright?

Sean: Dr. Lee, got a sec?

Dr. Lee: Sure.

Devon: Hey, what's up, Dr. Lee?

Dr. Lee: Mr. Miles.

Devon: Well, I was wondering - actually *we* were wondering - if you needed any entrance cadences for the Classic. Not that I'm trying to get back on the line or anything, I just want you to check 'em out.

Dr. Lee: Oh... let me see.

Sean: Alright... the concept was all Devon's.

Devon: Yeah, but my man Sean here had the structure on lock.

Sean: But the snare part, all the sticking... that's the kid.

Dr. Lee: What, you two a couple now?

Devon: You got an old-school feel to it, but sometimes you're gonna have to take it back.

Dr. Lee: It's not a bad idea... not a bad idea at all.

Devon: How about we start over?

Laila: I'd like that.

[extends hand to Devon]

Devon: I'm Devon.

Laila: Laila.

[shakes hands with Devon]

Devon: So what's your major?

Laila: Dance.

Devon: Give me a hug.

Trumpet Section Leader: Trumpets are the voice of the band. We are the melody. We are the clarity.

Tuba Section Leader: Tubas are the most important section of this band, boy! Tubas are the boom!

Sax Section Leader: Saxophones are the truth, the funk, and the hook. See, once they see us, they recognize...

[percussion section claps to a beat]

Sean: We are the heart... and the soul. Without the percussion section, the band doesn't move, doesn't come alive.

[places a hand on Devon's shoulder as he and his co-percussionists clap faster]

Sean: We are the pulse. Without a pulse, you're dead.

[signals a stop to the clapping]

Sean: That's why we're the most important section in this band.

[percussion section splits up at the call for a ten-minute break]

Sean: Whoa... where the hell are you going?

Devon: He said, "take a break."

Sean: Did I say, "take a break"?

Devon: No.

Sean: No.

Devon: No, big dog, I mean, sir.

Sean: We do not rest with the band at performance, and we do not rest with the band at practice. Give me 30 push-ups.

Devon: [gets down on the ground with the rest of his section] Oh.

Sean: You got a problem?

Devon: No man, you want 30 push-ups, you got 30 push-ups.

Sean: Make it 32.

Dr. Lee: Devon.

Devon: Yes sir.

Dr. Lee: You wanna give 'em a little taste of what they're gonna get on next season?

[Devon gets excited]

Dr. Lee: That is if it's okay with your section leader.

[Devon looks at Sean]

Sean: Mini-Me, I knew you couldn't stay away!

[shakes hands with Devon]

[last lines]

Frannie: I can hear... I know what you're really thinking. You're saying, "Frannie, you don't learn..."

[interrupted by Devon]

Devon: You don't look both ways when you cross the street.

Frannie: I did look on that day. I swear to god.

Devon: I was *so* terrible to you.

[pause]

Devon: I don't know, I was so... I was so angry and I was so scared and I just... I didn't doubt for one minute that you wouldn't be there for me. And I just I... I can't explain.

[pause]

Devon: How do you even begin to thank someone for doing that for you? Ugh... hgh...

[pause]

Devon: I'm really sorry.

[pause]

Devon: I was because I didn't love you.

[pause]

Devon: I just didn't want anything to remind me.

[pause]

Devon: And I'm sorry.

Devon: I'm your worst nightmare: an eight-year-old with a badge!

Mrs. Boyle: Your grandmother should be reported to Social Services!

Devon: And you should be reported to the Orkin Man!

Rio: [Surprising Devon] How's it goin, fart head?

McNally: Mister big shot with the Cops, huh?

Devon: Don't You morons have anything else better to do?

Devon: [Rio throws jacket on the ground] What'd You that for?

Rio: Cause You called Me a moron!

Devon: So throwing your jacket on the ground makes You smarter?

Rio: This Kid's driving Me nuts!

Devon: [Looking at Vinnies Car, then giving the two Bullies a serious look] You know guys, I can't kid around anymore, I gotta watch over My Grandmas Car...

McNally: Ohhh, so you're Here with Grandma?

Rio: Ah, so this is Grandmammys Car?

Devon: Guys, please, bust Me up, but not the Car, please!

Rio: You mean... don't do this?

[Smashes a pair of headlights]

Devon: [Backing up a step] That's exactly what I mean!

Rio: ...or this?

[Smashes the other pair of headlights, and denting the side]

Rio: [Devon starts backing up more and hides behind a Telephone Pole across the Street]

McNally: [Takes the Bat] My turn... this is your kiss...

[kisses the windshield]

McNally: ... goodbye!

[smashes the windshield, and and adds more dents to the side]

Chu: [Seeing the two Boys smashing up their Car] Hey, whoa, what do You think you're doin?

Rudy: Yeah, what do You think you're doin, huh?

[Chu kicks one of the two bullies who run off in fear]

Rudy: ...and if we ever find out where ya live we'll break your stupid necks!

Chu: [Looking at the broken windshield] Look at this... LOOK at this, oh, these punks got no respect nowadays, c'mon, get in the car!

[trying to persuade his grandmother to play hooky from work]

Devon: But you're a nurse! You can make up some great disease!

Devon: So what you got under the hood?

Nick: I got an engine, and in a minute, you.

Devon: Give me a milk STEVE

[looks at all the bikers]

Devon: In a dirty glass.

Mr. Herman Fleming: Now, tell me. What have you learned today? Sit up straight.

Devon: That I can hold my breath a lot longer than I thought I could.

Mr. Herman Fleming: Do I sense... uh... a little insolence?

Devon: No.

Mr. Herman Fleming: Devon, Devon, Devon, Devon. Lies are not explanations.

Devon: I'm not lying... Everyday these big jumbos... come and take my money... they put me in the toilet... and they hold me upside down.

Mr. Herman Fleming: Always blaming it on someone else. You leave me no choice, Devon. I have to call your grandmother.

Devon: Mr. Fleming, please. You don't have to call her. She can't take personal calls. It makes her sick. And she's on a very hard shift now.

Mr. Herman Fleming: Sit down, Devon.

[Devon sits back down]

Mr. Herman Fleming: Devon, if I don't make this call, you will never learn... and I would have done you a great injustice.

[He calls his grandmother]

Mr. Herman Fleming: 283, isn't it?

Devon: Yeah.

[bows his head]

Mr. Herman Fleming: What?

Devon: Yes, Mr. Fleming.

[bows his head again]

Mr. Herman Fleming: Thank you.

Devon: Bring the criminial back when you arrest them... Don't go... don't go let them eat... just bring them to jail! BRING THEM TO JAIL!

Nick: [chasing some bad guys with his car] I told you, I'm not getting out of this car. I hate to run!

Chu: Whoa!

[slips and falls down, McKenna comes right after him with his car]

Chu: What are you a nut? Oh! Oh!

Chu: I warned you!

[smacks him with car door]

Raymond Sanchez: [seeing this] Do all cops do that?

Devon: [grinning] Only the best.

Nick: [now going after Quintero] Quintero! Who do you think is going to run out of gas first?

Chu: Ooh.

[a black car arrives to him]

Rudy: Chu, get in!

[He gets in the car]

[Chu and Rudy are carrying Devon]

Devon: Put me down, you oink-oink!

[kicking Rudy]

Chu: Rudy, what are you doing? Over here.

[He sees Mr. Fountain in the drug area]

Chu: The drug lab is over there.

Devon: I knew it was drugs.

Vinnie Fountain: I'm sure... Did I say to keep him in the office?

Chu: He was a bad boy, boss.

Rudy: He called me piggy.

Vinnie Fountain: I like that.

Passing Cop: [about Nick] You take care of McKenna, he's fading fast.

Devon: I'm an 8-year-old, not a miracle worker.

Devon: [about the biker bar] Don't you need a tattoo to get into this place?

Nick: Alright, now I want You to stay in the car, You go inside that Bar, and you get hurt...

[See's a couple of Bikers harassing another Biker, and picking up His Motorcycle like they're going to trash it]

Nick: Um... Better come inside, You stay out in the parking lot, and you'll get hurt!

Devon: No wonder dinosaurs are extinct: big heads, small brains.

Nick: [Devon tried to surprise Nick with a box of donuts, while being aware Vinnie's Men were determined to kill Him] People are trying to kill You, are You some kind of bonehead, or what?

Devon: I'm not, and You don't have to yell!

Nick: I can't handle this anymore, I can't handle it... look, pick a City, Cincinnati, Cleveland, You take You and your grandmother, You go there, I'll pay for it!

Devon: You call this being a Father?

Nick: [Softly] I'm not your Father...

[Loudly]

Nick: ... and I ain't your Partner, either!

Devon: Fine! I don't want You to be My Father, I don't want You to be My Partner, I don't want You to be anything!

[Slams box of Donuts on sidewalk, walks across the corner to catch a Bus at the Bus stop]

Devon: I'll just handle things, Myself!

Nick: [talking to the Person dressed in a blue costume] Is your name Bobo?

Bobo #1 Artist: ...in blue!

Nick: C'mon, I don't think this is the Guy...

Devon: I didn't know Art can be so dangerous!

Devon: Haven't you ever heard about secondary smoke?

Nick: Haven't you ever heard about minding your own business?

Devon: At this very moment, the pink delicate tissues of my still-forming lungs may be shriveling into green chunks of mucus struggling for their last gasp of poison brown air.

Nick: [throws his cigar out the window] Happy?

Devon: Now you're littering.

Devon: [bored just sitting in the car] What are we here for?

Nick: Stakeout. It's your shift.

Devon: Do I look like a five-year-old to you?

Nick: I can't tell. The light's not too good in here.

Devon: Deal's off. This is dullsville.

Nick: Well, lesson number one: Police work is dullsville. What'd you have in mind?

Devon: Cop stuff. Shakedowns, shootouts, busting scumbags.

Devon: [to Nick] I nabbed the purse snatcher.

[Devon is holding onto a man's leg]

Purse Thief: My wife forgot her purse. I was trying to catch her before she got on the bus!

Devon: You're not a purse snatcher?

Purse Thief: NO. I'm calling the cops.

Nick: I am a police officer.

Purse Thief: Great. What are you gonna do about this?

Nick: [looking at Devon] This? I'm gonna kill this.

Nick: Why do you think I spend HOURS and HOURS at the range... shooting at silhouettes, shooting the hearts right out of 'em? Every single day. I've been doin' that for years. Why do you think I do that? I do that because I don't wanna chase anybody. I DON'T LIKE TO RUN. So I want you to give me the plate number.

Devon: Hey, this is more like it. Partners are supposed to fight. Partner love/hate relationship.

Nick: We don't have a love/hate relationship! We have a HATE/HATE relationship.

Devon: At least you have each other, even though you don't have more plates.

Rio: Hey, how you doing, farthead?

McNally: Mr. big shot with the cops, huh?

Devon: Don't you morons have anything else to do?

[Rio throws his jacket on the ground]

Devon: What'd you do that for?

Rio: Because, you called me a moron.

Devon: So, throwing your jacket on the ground makes you smarter?

McNally: This kid's making me nuts.

Devon: [Looking at Vinnie's car, then giving the two bullies a serious look] Hey, guys. I can't kid around anymore, I'm watching my grandma's car.

McNally: Oh, so you're here with grandma?

Devon: [nods] Mm-hmm.

Rio: Oh. So this is grandmommy's car, huh?

Devon: Guys, please. Bust me up. But, not the car, please.

Rio: You mean, don't do this?

[smashes a left pair of headlights]

Devon: [backing up a step] That's exactly what I mean.

Rio: Or this?

[smashes a right pair of headlights]

Rio: Aww, too bad.

[Devon starts backing up more and hides behind a Telephone Pole across the Street]

McNally: [chuckles, takes the bat] My turn... This is your kiss... Goodbye!

[kisses a windshield and smashes the windshield and adds more dents to the side, laughs. Suddenly, Chu and Rudy gets out of the store and seeing the two bullies smashing up their car]

Chu: WHOA! Hey, wha... What are you doing?

Rudy: Get out of here, boys!

Chu: [kicks one of the two bullies who run off in fear] I'll break your face!

Rudy: I'm gonna get my hands on you!

Chu: That's what you are! If we find out where you at!

Rudy: We will get you, stupid little brats!

Chu: [to Rudy] Let's get back in the car. Come on, let's go.

[seeing a broken windshield]

Chu: Awww, look at this! Oh, man. These punks got no respect nowadays. Get in the car.

[Devon shoots his pants with water gun, shocked]

Mr. Perm: What are you doing?

Devon: Oh, no! I thought you were on fire.

[runs in the halls]

Mr. Perm: We're not finished, Mr. Butler. You're lucky, I got a class.

Devon: Damn civilians.

Devon: A thousand - two thousand seat halls, all those people. Doesn't matter. You don't even see 'em.

Devon: Home is in my hands.

Devon: I don't like children. They smell like TV.

Devon: People say you're trash. Trash is something you put a lid on because it stinks. You don't smell so bad!

Trent: That made my day!

Trent: The way I see it, you have people who own lawns and people who mow them. And they're never the same.

[Devon is unbuttoning her blouse to show Trent her scar]

Trent Burns: You're not old enough

Devon: It's not my tits I want to show you, stupid !

Devon: I'm not a princess.

Trent Burns: Yeah, well I'm still piss poor.

[last lines]

Devon: Once upon a time, in the middle of a big dark forest, there lived a boy in a house all alone. He took care of the trees and fed a stray girl and was kind to her. And she loved him for it. But one day Baba Yaga entered the forest to eat the boy. The boy wanted to run, but he knew he could never outrun Baba Yaga's bony legs. The girl said to the boy, take this magic comb and embroidered towel, and run. When Baba Yaga chases you, throw down the towel, and a great river will rise up behind you and cover your tracks. If Baba Yaga is still chasing you, throw down the magic comb, and a forest will spring up behind you. And the boy drove on and on, never coming back. Safe at last.

[first lines]

Devon: Once upon a time, in a far off land, lived a girl and her mother and father. Their village was surrounded by a high wall. Outside the wall was the forest, home of Baba Yaga, the witch. Baba Yaga had iron teeth like three trees. His legs were like chicken legs, and he ate little girls for dinner. But inside the wall we were safe.

Devon: [making conversation] Is that a '65 Ford? The '65 F100 is the best motor Ford ever made. Is it three-on-a-tree?

Trent Burns: Yeah.

Devon: My uncle had a truck like that. He was Russian. From Indiana. Born on the wrong side of the train.

Trent Burns: Wrong side of the "tracks".

Devon: Right. He said the mounts were going bad on the truck, so one night, he drove it into Spoon river... never drove back out.

Trent Burns: What a shame.

Devon: That's what my aunt said.

Trent Burns: You can rebuild the mounts. I did it.

Devon: [playing with a gun] Go ahead, make my day.

Trent Burns: Okay, it's about time for you to head on home.

Devon: I told my mom I'd spend the night at Tracey Kellar's. Do you know Tracey Kellar?

Trent Burns: [no]

Devon: Neither do I.

Kenny: There's a way to do it man and I'm not asking you to talk to the crowd. I'm asking you to, like, be at one with 'em. Show 'em your feminine side.

Devon: Hold on, wait a minute. Feminine side? Hold on, whoa!

Kenny: Yeah, your feminine side.

Devon: Hold on, now if you expect me to walk around on a stage like RuPaul or something like that, then you got another thing (interrupted by Kenny)

Kenny: Ti-ti-time out. Boy slow down. I'm talking about the side of you man that gives birth!

Devon: What?

Kenny: Follow me. The part of you that gives birth to creativity...