Detective Mitch Preston Quotes in Showtime (2002)

[Mitch is speaking into the "confessional" camera]

Detective Mitch Preston: Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do ya? I'm too old for this shit. Go on, I dare ya.

William Shatner: [advising Trey on how TV cops taste drugs] You spear the knife into the bag... then pick some of the drugs up with the knife... then lightly press it on your tongue. And that is how TV cops taste drugs!

Detective Mitch Preston: What if it's cyanide? There's a reason real cops don't taste drugs.

Detective Mitch Preston: I've gotta go wash this shit out of my hair and get a change of clothes

Detective Mitch Preston: What are you gonna do, wrap me up in caution tape Top Cop ?

Detective Mitch Preston: I have no interest in you, your stupid questions, or your silly show

Detective Mitch Preston: Get that camera out of here!

Trey Sellars: Keep that camera right where it is!

[Why Mitch started doing pottery]

Detective Mitch Preston: My ex and I were on the rocks, and my marriage counselor said I needed to take up a hobby.

Trey Sellars: How come you never got good at it?

Detective Mitch Preston: Well, it's kind of like you and police work. I never took it that seriously.

Detective Mitch Preston: Why did you want to be a cop, anyway?

Trey Sellars: Because I was a shitty waiter.

Chase Renzi: [unimpressed] This is your house?

Detective Mitch Preston: No, this is my batcave. There's a tunnel in the garage that leads to my mansion in Beverly Hills.

Trey Sellars: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Detective Mitch Preston: I doubt it.

Detective Mitch Preston: [after his home has been remodeled] It looks like a gay porn star lives here!