Detective Greenly Quotes in The Boondock Saints (1999)

Detective Greenly: These guys are miles away by now, but if you wanna beat your head against a wall, then here's what you're looking for: they're scared, like two little bunny rabbits. Anything in a uniform or flashing blue lights is gonna spook 'em, okay? So the only thing we can do is put a potato on a string and drag it through South Boston, "Thanks for coming out!"

[Murphy and Connor walk into the station and Smecker sees them]

Murphy: You'd probably have better luck with a beer.

Connor: Aye, you would.

Detective Greenly: Aw, fuck.

Paul Smecker: Hey, Greenly. Onion bagel, cream cheese.

Paul Smecker: These burns indicate that they used silencers. Look at these entry and exit wounds. They're almost identical. The two bullets went in here, through the top of the skull, criss-crossed, and exited through the eyeballs. This one clue tells us three distinct facts. Number one, Duffy?

Detective Duffy: They shot him at a downward angle... They put him on his knees?

Paul Smecker: Excellent! Number two, Greenly?

Detective Greenly: They... shot him at a downward angle?

Paul Smecker: It tells us he was the last to die. And number three, Dolly?

Detective Dolly: Uh... there was two shooters.

Paul Smecker: Fan-frigging-tastic.

[the other detectives start to object]

Paul Smecker: Stay with me, boys! What did they do to make two such identical wounds. Two men, of similar height, drop this guy down, each puts some iron to his head, and boom, that's all she freakin' wrote.

Detective Duffy: What about one guy, two guns?

Paul Smecker: Eh, possible, but unlikely. The angles are too extreme. A guy holding two guns to the back of your noodle is gonna shoot straight ahead. He wouldn't cock out his elbows, it makes no sense. Besides, are you telling me *one guy* came in here and killed eight men with eight extremely well-aimed shots in just a few seconds? No way. Had to be at least two.

Paul Smecker: [Agent Smecker walks up to the first crime scene, where Chekov and his partner lay dead] Brilliant. So now we got a huge guy theory, and a serial crusher theory. Top notch. What's your name?

Detective Greenly: Detective Greenly. Who the fuck are you?

Paul Smecker: [opens his coat and shows his FBI credentials] That's who the fuck I am.

Detective Greenly: [giving his theory about the two dead Russians in the alley] This guy takes a blunt object, fuckin', waah! Hits the guy with the bandages around his head, right? Why? 'Cause he's smart. He knows the guy with the bandages around his ass, he ain't goin' nowhere. He's goin' fuckin' nowhere.

[to dead body]

Detective Greenly: Where you goin'? Nowhere!

Detective Greenly: What if it was just one guy with six guns?

Paul Smecker: Why don't you let me do the thinking, huh, genius?

Paul Smecker: Why don't you get me a cup of coffee?

Detective Greenly: Who the hell is this...?

Paul Smecker: Cafe latte.

Detective Greenly: What the fuck...?

Paul Smecker: Twist of lemon.

Detective Greenly: Chief, what the fuck is this?

Paul Smecker: Sweet'N Low.

Detective Greenly: Tooralooraloora!

Paul Smecker: [walking through the hotel room] How many bodies, Greenly?

Detective Greenly: Eight.

[Smecker gives him a look]

Detective Greenly: Ah, shit! I forgot about that one! Nine! Nine?

Paul Smecker: While Greenly's out gettin' coffee, anybody else want anything?

Detective Greenly: Shit.

Detective Greenly: I ain't getting him no fucking bagel.

Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus: Sláinte

Murphy MacManus: You know, he was sort of a badass though, wasn't he?

Connor MacManus: Shades of Eastwood. Charlie Bronson.

Rocco: Duke Fucking Wayne!

Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus: Duke Fucking WAYNE!

Rocco: Men build things, then we die. It's in our fucking DNA! THAT'S WHAT WE DO!

Murphy MacManus: And when it all falls down?

Rocco: We build it right back up again.

Connor MacManus: But this time bigger. BETTER!

Rocco: Look! Look what we can do. Look how fuckin' beautiful we are. You think the men that built all this had it easy?

Murphy MacManus: Hard men!

Connor MacManus: Doing hard shit!

Rocco: and that gives me a hard on... But not in a gay way or anything like that.

Murphy MacManus: No, 'course not

Connor MacManus: Yeah it goes without sayin'

Rocco: I am so sick of all of this self help, twelve step, leftover hippie generation bullshit!

Connor MacManus: Now they don't want you to do anything, right? Just sit there. Don't drink.

Murphy MacManus: Don't smoke. Don't drive fast.

Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus, Rocco: Kiss my ass!

Rocco: Fuck it! Do it all I say! Do you think Duke Wayne spent all of his time talking about his feelings with a fuckin' therapist?

Connor MacManus: There's no fucking way he did!

Rocco: John Wayne died with five pounds of undigested red meat in his ass. Now that's a man! Real men hide their feelings. Why?

Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus, Rocco: Because it's none of your fuckin' business!

Rocco: Men do not cry. Men do not pout. Men jack you in the fuckin' jaw and say...

Detective Greenly: Thanks for comin' out.

Detective Greenly: We are totally fucked! Not just fucked, like elephant dick, pound in the ass, no reach-around, jungle fucked!

Detective Duffy: Now's not the time to panic, Green Beans!

Detective Greenly: I disagree! Now's the perfect time to panic! We are all accessories!

Dolly: Don't you fucking say it.

Detective Greenly: Oh, I'm gonna say it alright.

Detective Duffy: You've got to calm down. Just calm down, alright? Just calm...

Dolly: You've got a mouth, you know that?

Detective Duffy: Shut the fuck up!

Detective Greenly: [Greenly has just been fatally wounded] Proudest day of my life, boys.

Detective Greenly: Get a hostage negotiator down here, you fucking wad!

Kuntsler: Get off me! What is your fucking problem?

Detective Greenly: He could be in there all... touching her and shit!

Detective Duffy: Look! We need to figure out what we're gonna do when the boys show and start doing what they do best. 'Cause that's when the shit's really gonna hit the fan.

Dolly: But everyone is assuming that the boys are gonna turn up.We got no way of knowing that for sure

Detective Greenly: Yeah,that could totally happen.They could not come back.

Detective Duffy: What dream world did you two just slip into? We know the boys,Is there any part of you that thinks that they're just gonna let this slide? Believe this,they're either on their way or they're already here.

Detective Greenly: Thanks for comin' out!

Detective Duffy: This is not good. She's gunnin' for the boys hard.

Dolly: This broad, trying to put a feather in her cap, is going to get us all locked up. I mean, this couldn't be going any worse.

Detective Duffy: Let's calm down.

Detective Greenly: Calm down? Calm down? You know they're going to throw us in the Hoag. We put half of those deranged sex freaks in there. I hope you guys like cock sandwiches, 'cause we'll be eating them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Eunice: A .22? Oh you've gotta be kidding me. That's like bringing a knife to a gunfight.

Detective Greenly: Yeah, or bringing a really small gun... to a gunfight.