Dennis Quotes in The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

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Dennis Quotes:

  • Simon: [their final lines in the movie] Gentlemen,

    [toasting]

    Simon: To England!

    Terry Rapson: To mankind!

    Dennis: To Manchester United!

  • Simon: I just wish I could have seen him grow up, you know.

    Terry Rapson: The important thing is he will grow up.

    Dennis: Amen!

  • [the boys, running from an alien, have followed Sam into her apartment. She runs into her bedroom, shuts the door, looks for the phone - it isn't there in its cradle - so she lifts a guitar and charges back out]

    Sam: Get out of my fucking flat!

    [a couple of them glance at her, make derogatory noises because they're too busy worrying about the situation, and turn away]

    Sam: I said, get out!

    Moses: Yo, snitch. Calm yourself. This ain't about you no more.

    Sam: Come anywhere near me, and I swear I will scream this fucking block down!

    Jerome: There's worse things out there to be scared of than us, tonight! Trust it!

    Dennis: Hey, bruv. I saw her ID card thing. She's a nurse, innit?

    Pest: Help me, then! I need this leg. I need it to be able to run away from them things!

    Sam: You think I'm going to help you? After you attacked me and robbed me, and then set those dogs on the police?

    Dennis: Yes to the first two, no to the last one.

    Pest: Dogs? What kind of dogs those? Dogs with no eyes? Dogs the size of gorillas? You think them things are dogs? Go out there and try feeding them some Pedigree Chum! They're ALIENS, luv!

    Sam: Whatever the fuck they are, they're not fucking aliens!

    Dennis: You swear too much, man.

    Pest: Yeah, you got a potty mouth, man.

    Jerome: Look, whatever they are, they're inside the Block now. They're after everyone.

    Dennis: Yeah. We're on the same side, man. Get it?

  • Dimples: What kind of alien, out of all the places in the whole wide world, would invade some shitty council estate in south London?

    Dennis: One that's lookin' for a fight!

  • Dennis: You were suppose to count to three.

    Stanley: Is that right?

    Dennis: Yeah, it's one, two, three. Not one, three, boom.

  • [Cobras are leaving Daniel/Jessica stranded on ropes]

    Daniel Larusso: Hey!

    Snake: Yes, sweetheart?

    Daniel Larusso: Pull us up, man!

    Mike Barnes: The stakes just went up. Give us the tree.

    Jessica Andrews: No, Daniel, don't!

    Daniel Larusso: [does anyway] All right, but just be careful.

    Dennis: [laughing evilly] What are you going to do with it?

    Snake: Replant it.

    [raises it and acts like he's gonna thrust it in the canyon]

    Snake: Down there!

    Daniel Larusso: NO!

    Jessica Andrews: NO!

    Mike Barnes: [disgusted] Enough talk. Give me the tree!

    [takes it]

    Mike Barnes: Okay. Now you want it, right?

    Daniel Larusso: Yes!

    Jessica Andrews: Yes!

    Mike Barnes: And you don't want me to replant down there?

    Daniel Larusso: Yes.

    Jessica Andrews: Yes.

    Mike Barnes: Hey, Daniel.

    [breaks the trunk of the tree]

    Mike Barnes: Make a wish.

    [goes off laughing very hard with Dennis and Snake]

    Daniel Larusso: [looks at the injured tree very heart broken]

  • Snake: [entering shop] What's that smell?

    Mike Barnes: I don't know.

    [sniffs air]

    Mike Barnes: It smells like yellow streak.

    Daniel Larusso: Hey! Okay! This isn't funny anymore.

    Snake: [real cocky] Oh, I know.

    Mike Barnes: Sign the application yet?

    Daniel Larusso: No.

    Snake: [calls across the room] Hey Dennis! He didn't sign it yet.

    Dennis: [puts something down he was looking at and shakes his head back and forth making tsking sounds. Then he karate chops some shoji windows]

  • Daniel Larusso: Why don't you just take off.

    Dennis: [shoves Daniel hard] You take off!

  • King Arthur: I am your king.

    Woman: Well, I didn't vote for you.

    King Arthur: You don't vote for kings.

    Woman: Well how'd you become king then?

    [Angelic music plays... ]

    King Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by divine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. THAT is why I am your king.

    Dennis: [interrupting] Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.

  • Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.

  • Dennis: Come and see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!

    King Arthur: Bloody peasant!

    Dennis: Oh, what a giveaway! Did you hear that? Did you hear that, eh? That's what I'm on about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw him, didn't you?

  • Woman: Oh. How do you do?

    King Arthur: How do you do, good lady? I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Whose castle is that?

    Woman: King of the who?

    King Arthur: King of the Britons.

    Woman: Who are the Britons?

    King Arthur: Well, we all are. We are all Britons. And I am your king.

    Woman: I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective.

    Dennis: You're foolin' yourself! We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class...

    Woman: Oh, there you go bringing class into it again.

    Dennis: Well, that's what it's all about! If only people would...

    King Arthur: Please, please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that castle?

    Woman: No one lives there.

    King Arthur: Then who is your lord?

    Woman: We don't have a lord.

    Dennis: I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to be a sort of executive officer for the week...

    King Arthur: Yes...

    Dennis: ...but all the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting...

    King Arthur: Yes I see...

    Dennis: ...by a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs...

    King Arthur: Be quiet!

    Dennis: ...but by a two thirds majority in the case of...

    King Arthur: Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!

    Woman: Order, eh? Who does he think he is?

  • King Arthur: Old woman!

    Dennis: Man.

    King Arthur: Man, sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?

    Dennis: I'm 37.

    King Arthur: What?

    Dennis: I'm 37. I'm not old.

    King Arthur: Well I can't just call you "man".

    Dennis: Well you could say "Dennis".

    King Arthur: I didn't know you were called Dennis.

    Dennis: Well you didn't bother to find out, did you?

    King Arthur: I did say sorry about the "old woman", but from behind you looked...

    Dennis: What I object to is you automatically treat me like an inferior.

    King Arthur: Well, I am king.

    Dennis: Oh, king eh? Very nice. And how'd you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers. By hanging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our society.

  • Sir Galahad: Zoot!

    Dingo: No, I am Zoot's identical twin sister, Dingo.

    [He tried to get past her]

    Dingo: Where are you going?

    Sir Galahad: I seek the Grail! I have seen it, here in this castle!

    Dingo: Oh, no! Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot!

    Sir Galahad: What is it?

    Dingo: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty Zoot! She has been setting a light to our beacon, which, I've just remembered, is Grail shaped. It's not the first time we've had this problem.

    Sir Galahad: It's not the real Grail?

    Dingo: Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a bad person, and she must pay the penalty!

    [Turns to camera]

    Dingo: Do you think this scene should have been cut? We were so worried when the boys were writing it, but now we're glad! It's better than some of the previous scenes I think.

    Left Head: At least ours was better visually.

    Dennis: At least ours was committed, it wasn't just a string of pussy jokes.

    Bridgekeeper: Get on with it.

    Tim: Yes! Get on with it!

    Army: Yeah! Get on with it!

    Dingo: Oh, I am enjoying this scene!

    God: Get on with it!

  • Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.

  • Dennis: Finally.

    [cracks knuckles]

    Dennis: I got you right where I want you.

    SpongeBob SquarePants: Can I help you with something, sir?

    Dennis: Name's Dennis. I've been hired to exterminate you.

    SpongeBob SquarePants: You're gonna exterminate us?

    [SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other, then burst out in laughter before wiping their tears]

    SpongeBob SquarePants: Listen, Junior. You caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches.

    Dennis: You mean these?

    [grabs the seaweed mustaches off SpongeBob and Patrick's faces]

    Dennis: I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime.

    [Throws mustaches as SpongeBob and Patrick's eyes bulge at the sight of them]

    SpongeBob SquarePants: They were fake?

    Dennis: Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like.

    [Pulls face mask off, grunts to sprout mustach from his upper lip]

    Patrick Star: Is he a mermaid?

    Dennis: All right. Enough gab.

    [approaches SpongeBob and Patrick, who are trembling in fear]

    SpongeBob SquarePants: What are you gonna do to us?

    Dennis: Plankton was very specific.

    SpongeBob SquarePants: Plankton?

    Dennis: For some reason, he wanted me to step on you.

    Patrick Star: Step on us?

    Dennis: Yeah! That way, you'll never find out that he stole the crown!

    [SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other]

    Dennis: Uhh, perhaps I've said too much.

    [extends spikes from the soles of his boots. SpongeBob and Patrick tremble in fear as Dennis positions his boot above them]

    Patrick Star: That's a big boot.

    Dennis: Don't worry. This'll only hurt a lot!

    [laughs]

    Dennis: I love this job!

    [Continues to laugh, only to be crushed by a bigger boot]

    Patrick Star: Bigger boot!

    [tries to run away]

    SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait, Pat! This bigger boot saved our lives.

    Patrick Star: Yay!

    SpongeBob SquarePantsPatrick Star: Thank you, stranger!

  • Dennis: [about to step on Spongebob and Patrick] That's IT! I'm through with messing around! See ya later fools!

    Patrick Star: [Dennis suddenly collides with a floating sailboat and falls into the ocean] See ya.

  • SpongeBob SquarePants: [to Dennis on Hasselhoff's leg] I don't know what Plankton's paying you... But maybe these can make it worth your while.

    Dennis: You think I can be bought with five... what are these?

    SpongeBob SquarePants: That, sir, is five Goober dollars, legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober.

  • SpongeBob SquarePants: [having jumped from leg to leg on David Hasselhoff's body] Yeah! I did it!

    Dennis: [Dennis jumps and makes it] You've got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip em out of you!

    [makes a gesture like pulling guts out of one's body]

  • SpongeBob SquarePants: We should be there in one more verse.

    SpongeBob SquarePantsPatrick Star: [singing] Now that we're men...

    Dennis: [interrupting the singing] Finally!

  • SpongeBob SquarePants: [the diver's boot floats onto Hasselhoff's leg. From the bottom, Dennis emerges] Ah! Dennis!

    Dennis: Did you miss me?

  • [after finding the guys while singing "Do you Really Want to Hurt Me"]

    DennisElwood: [singing] Yes we really want to hurt you. Yes we really want to make you cry. Yes we really want to shoot you. Yes we really want to make you DIE.

  • Dennis: [hearing "Do You Really Want To Hurt Me" being sung from beneath] The hills have gone gay.

  • Dennis: Where the hell did they get all this poop?

  • Elwood: Those assholes are dead! D-E-A-D, dead! Assholes! A-S-S-H-O...

    Dennis: Stop spelling!

  • Dennis: They're gettin' away with the wheeler!

  • Dennis: I keep your potato.

  • Dennis: Dennis is hiding in a shadowy alcove removing his nun disguise. As he is illuminated by torchlight he looks back over his shoulder...

    Religious Fanatic #1: Look! It's a nun in the guise of the Devil!

    Religious Fanatic #2: No! It's the Devil in the guise of a nun!

    Religious Fanatic #3: Get her!

    Religious Fanatic #4: Get him!

    Religious Fanatic #5: GET THEM BOTH!

  • Dennis: [from trailer]

    [Mavis holds her son at eye level in front of his Grandpa]

    Dennis: Blah... BlahBlah

    Dracula: [His face falls as his smile drops to a frown] I don't say Blah... BlahBlah

  • [from a TV Spot]

    Winnie: Dennis I love you

    [knocks him to the floor]

    Winnie: ZING

    Dennis: [gets to his feet] Hi Winnie

    Winnie: [climbs onto his head] I just love your yummy strawberry locks

    [lifts him over her head and throws him onto the floor]

    Winnie: ZING... ZING!

    Dennis: Woahh

    [laughs as she licks him]

  • Stanley: I bet cowboys on Dude Ranches didn't have to go to bed at 8:00

    Dennis: Little ones do.

    Stanley: Hey Dennis. I'm confused.

    Harry: Join the club Dude!

    Elsie: What are you confused about Harry?

    Harry: [clueless] Uh! You name it!

    Elsie: [groans] Awww!

  • Dennis: Take a look. We'll have a two page layout with her suicide note here in the right hand corner. It's more tasteful than it sounds.

    Veronica Sawyer: I don't know. This kind of thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

    Courtney: Like last night, Veronica?

  • Dennis: I'm not belittleing the foodless fund, Peter, but we're talking teen suicide, here. I mean ask Alison; the number one song in America today is Teenage Suicide, Don't Do It by Big Fun. Jesus, man, Westerburg finally got one of these things and I'm not gonna blow it.

    Peter: Great, so Heather gets the front page and I get crammed in by the Taco Bell coupon.

  • Dennis: [the drug dealers are stopped for speeding] I'm afraid you'll have to blow.

    Dealer #1: Blow *you* to get out of a ticket? Come on!

    [chuckles]

    Dennis: That's not funny, I meant you'll have to use a Breathalyzer.

    Dealer #1's Girlfriend: I'll blow 'im!

    Dennis: Maybe later. Next century. Let's go.

  • Dennis: [abou tthe criminals] Would you watch things around here for a minute? I'm gonna go for a smoke.

    Miss Purdah: Go for a smoke? But, Dennis, they've got guns, drugs! One of 'em tried to kill ya! I'm stayin' to watch!

  • Dennis: [about Chris and company] I recommend fine, bond, and release.

    J.P.: Ah, tut tut tut tut! What else you wanna do for them, bake 'em a pie?

  • Diane Lightson: [about the judge] Does he treat all traffic violators this graciously?

    Dennis: Only ones he takes a special interest in, like bankers.

  • Fausto: Wait, I'm entitled to one phone call.

    Dennis: Surely, and you're more than welcome to make one, *if* we had a phone.

  • [Dennis barks]

    Neil Clarke: What are you talking about, Dennis?... Dennis, shut up, I can handle this!... Dennis, what are you talking about? Actually, that is a really good point, what are you talking about? Dennis, be able to speak!

    Dennis: Biscuits!

    Neil Clarke: What?

    Dennis: Biscuits! For crying out loud, they're in the cupboard!

  • Neil Clarke: [feeds Dennis] God, it must be terrible being a dog! I never knew you had so many cravings!

    Dennis: It's no worse than you and that bitch!

    Neil Clarke: What bitch?

    Dennis: The bitch you were shagging last night!

    Neil Clarke: Oh my god, she's not a bitch, she's a lovely human female! And we weren't shagging!

    Dennis: Yes, you were!

    Neil Clarke: No we weren't, we were talking!

    Dennis: Talking about shagging!

    Neil Clarke: No!

    Dennis: What else is there to talk about?

  • Neil Clarke: I'm not going to give you a biscuit until you answer my question!

    Dennis: Biscuits! Bread biscuits, black biscuits!

    Neil Clarke: Is that all you think about?

    Dennis: Nothing else matters! Biscuits, please!

    Neil Clarke: Dennis, become a rational thinking creature!

    Dennis: Look, I just can't concentrate on anything till I've had one of those biscuits! I know it's crazy, but that's how it is. I guess I'm kinda hooked on them. So please, give me just one biscuit, and I'll be able to think about something else!

    Neil Clarke: That makes sense.

    [goes to the cupboard]

    Dennis: Oh, he's getting the biscuits! He's getting the biscuits!

  • [on hearing the bell, Dennis gets excited]

    Neil Clarke: Dennis, listen! Listen, listen, listen! Be quiet! That is an order!

    Dennis: Right! Right! I like obeying orders, especially your orders!

    Neil Clarke: Good. Then shut the fuck up!... Good boy.

    Dennis: Okay... okay... shut the fuck up...

  • Dennis: I wouldn't mind shagging your leg right now...

    Neil Clarke: I thought I turned you into a rational thinking creature!

    Dennis: Rational thinking creature still have desires!

    Neil Clarke: We'll soon deal with that...

    Dennis: NO! Don't take my desires away from me!

    Neil Clarke: Why not?

    Dennis: They wouldn't make my life worth living! Biscuits, shagging!

  • Neil Clarke: I don't think I like your conversation!

    Dennis: But I worship you, master! I love you so much! I can't bear displeasing you! My whole world collapses when you're cross with me!

  • Neil Clarke: I could solve every problem in the world!

    Dennis: Have you thought this thing through?

  • Switchblade Sam: Put a cork in it, you're giving me a headache.

    Dennis: I don't have a cork.

    Switchblade Sam: Shut your mouth.

    Dennis: I can't because my nose is stuffy, because of my allergies. If I shut my mouth, I can't breathe good.

    Switchblade Sam: Then keep your mouth open, but don't talk.

    Dennis: Where do you put the cork when you put a cork in it?

    Switchblade Sam: [Pants irritably a couple times] Didn't I ask you to shut your yap?

    Dennis: What's a yap?

    Switchblade Sam: It's your mouth!

    Dennis: I can't shut my mouth because my nose is stuffy -...

    Switchblade Sam: SHUT UP!

    [echoes]

  • Dennis: How old is this bed?

    Mrs. Martha Wilson: It belonged to my mother.

    Dennis: Where's she sleeping now?

    Mrs. Martha Wilson: She's been gone many years, Dennis.

    Dennis: On business?

    Mrs. Martha Wilson: No, she's in Heaven.

    Dennis: Oh, there's an awful lot of people in Heaven, especially old people.

  • Margaret: [about her doll being stolen by Switchblade Sam] You guys don't understand! Baby Louise is a very expensive antique!

    Dennis: Nobody robbed your doll, Margaret. Maybe a bear ate it.

    Margaret: What?

    Joey: Yeah, there's no robbers in our town.

  • Margaret: You know why men are so lousey when it comes to taking care of babies?

    Dennis: They have better things to do.

    Margaret: Like what? Play golf and drink beer?

    Dennis: No, like hunting, having wars, driving cars, shaving, cleaning fish. Do you know how to do that?

    Joey: Me?

    Dennis: Margaret.

    Joey: Oh, okay.

    Margaret: If you didn't have women, you wouldn't have babies, which means you wouldn't have people.

    Joey: And if you didn't have men, who'd drive the ladies to the hospital?

  • Dennis: Hi, Mrs. Wilson. Is Mr. Wilson up yet?

    Mrs. Martha Wilson: Not yet, dear.

    Dennis: How long do you think he's gonna sleep for?

    Mrs. Martha Wilson: Not too much longer. He's having his picture taken this morning.

    Dennis: For what?

    Mrs. Martha Wilson: He's being honored for his garden.

    Dennis: [pauses and looks back at the yard, then looks at Mrs. Wilson again] Do you think he'll get mad if I went up the stairs.

    Mrs. Martha Wilson: What do you want to go upstairs for?

    Dennis: I made him a "I'm Sorry, I Shot Paint On Your Chicken" card!

    Mrs. Martha Wilson: Well, that's very nice, Dennis.

  • Dennis: I brought my own pillow so I won't get my spit all over yours.

    Mrs. Martha Wilson: Thank you, Dennis.

    [Mr. Wilson goes disgusted]

  • Andrea: [sees Dennis in the printing room] Aren't you supposed to be in the daycare area with the other... children?

    Dennis: That's where I was, but I had to leave, because the lady that watches all the kids said if she had to look at me for five more seconds...

    [Dennis's mother looks in and smiles knowing Andrea will get what she deserves]

    Dennis: ...she'd jump out the window.

    Andrea: [chuckles] Humph.

    Dennis: She's a pretty nice lady, so I wouldn't want her to do that.

  • Margaret: This things been here our whole life and we never knew it.

    Joey: Do you think anybody lived in it?

    Dennis: Just squirrels and birds.

    Joey: It looks kind of junky.

    Dennis: We'll fix it up.

    Margaret: Oh, good, I'll be the decorator. We'll put on a special room for the babies and a powder room for when we have company.

    Dennis: Forts don't have powder rooms.

    Margaret: Oh, really? Where do the soldiers' wives go to freshen up?

    Joey: Soldiers don't have wives, stupid.

    Margaret: Don't call me stupid, baby rump kisser!

  • Dennis: The most important thing is they marry the women, then the women can go down and get the baby.

    Margaret: The baby is in her stomach.

    Dennis: She has to get it installed. Her stomach isn't just filled up with babies.

    Margaret: Who installed some?

    Dennis: A minister and a doctor.

    Margaret: How?

    Dennis: 'How'?

    Joey: [laughs] She wants to know how?

    [Joey continues laughing but stops as Margaret furiosuly glares at him]

    Margaret: Tell me, Dennis. How?

    Dennis: The bellybutton-it opens up.

    Margaret: How come men have them?

    Dennis: So they don't look weird in bathing suits.

    [Margaret goes disapproved]

  • Henry Mitchell: You go sit in the corner and think about what you've done.

    Dennis: For how long?

    Henry Mitchell: Until you're sorry.

    Dennis: Oh good, I'm sorry now.

    Mrs. Alice Mitchell: He can't sit in the corner, I have to take him to Margaret Wade's house.

    Dennis: [screams in horror scaring his parents] Margaret's house? I didn't do anything bad enough to deserve to go to her house. She's a lunatic, I'll go crazy, she tortures me, she's mean, she's ugly, she doesn't share!

    Mrs. Alice Mitchell: Honey, I made arrangements with Mrs. Wade for you to go to their house while I work.

    Dennis: Are you serious?

    Mrs. Alice Mitchell: Well, you can't spend the summer unsupervised. You're out of school.

    Dennis: [loses it] *I'll go back*!

    Henry Mitchell: You're mother made arrangements. That's it! I don't want any arguments!

    Dennis: [lightly bows his head on the table] My life is falling apart.

  • Mickey: [reading Dennis a story] How can a train grow?

    Dennis: He eats all his coal and gets plenty of sleep.

    Mickey: No, like, what's the point of reading lies?

    Dennis: It teaches kids to eat all their food, and go to bed when they're supposed to, and not cry when mean cabooses and box cars make fun of him.

  • Dennis: [looking at Mr. Wilson's gold] Is that Pirate's Gold?

    George Wilson: No.

    Dennis: Is it real valuable?

    George Wilson: Yes.

    Dennis: Is that why you keep it in your safe?

    George Wilson: Uh-huh.

    Dennis: [looks at Mr. Wilson's safe with a door of fake books] How come that safe looks like books?

    George Wilson: How come you ask so many questions?

    Dennis: I've only been around for 5 years. There's a lot of stuff I don't know.

  • Dennis: I have one more question.

    Switchblade Sam: What?

    Dennis: What does a hostage have to do?

    Switchblade Sam: Nothing.

    Dennis: Then how come you need one?

    Switchblade Sam: In case the cops show up!

    Dennis: Do I get to use a gun?

    Switchblade Sam: No, you get to stand in front of me in case the cops use a gun.

  • George Wilson: [smiles at party] Well, Dennis, you're mother did not arrive.

    Dennis: Nope.

    George Wilson: This is an important event for me, Dennis.

    Dennis: I know.

    George Wilson: I, uh, don't want any nonsense. You mind whatever manners you have and don't make a pest of yourself.

    Dennis: Okay.

    George Wilson: [ruffles his hair real hard and leaves] Don't embarrass me.

    Dennis: Okay.

    [Dennis hears and sees elderly ladies near him]

    Dennis: [under his breath] Cheek pinchers!

  • Margaret: You guys are the boring ones. There's lots to do.

    Dennis: Oh, really? Like what?

    Margaret: We could practice singing songs or put on a play or a puppet show.

    Joey: We could bury you alive.

    Margaret: I could pound your face.

  • Dennis: You've got everything figured out, haven't you, Mr. Wilson?

    George Wilson: I haven't figured out yet how I'm gonna get my work done with you in the house.

    Dennis: That's a tough one.

  • [Dennis is looking into a voyeur of women magazine]

    Dennis: Holy smokes, you gotta be pretty brave to ride on a tiger in your underpants.

    George Wilson: Put that away, that's not for kids.

  • George Wilson: [the others see the mess Dennis has made. Some people start taking pictures of it]

    Mrs. Martha Wilson: [sensing George getting mad] Now, George, take it easy.

    George Wilson: [glares at Dennis]

    Dennis: [looks back guiltily] I made a mistake?

    George Wilson: [just glares back]

  • Dennis: [brushing his teeth spots Mr. Wilson's nasal spray. He opens it up and squirts it] Cool! Old faithful!

    [suddenly it runs out]

    Dennis: [uses the mouthwash to fill it back up. But now the mouthwash is empty]

    Dennis: [uses toilet cleanser to fill the mouthwash up]

  • Dennis: [singing and splashing around in bathtub] She'll be coming around the mountain when she comes! She'll be coming -

    [soapy water splashes onto floor]

  • Dennis: I'm sorry I'm not having a very fun camping trip.

    Switchblade Sam: Nobody shoots a marble at my head and sets my pants on fire!

    Dennis: That was an accident.

    Switchblade Sam: [picks him up and stands him up] There ain't gonna be no more accidents! Turn around!

    [Dennis shrugs and does so, Sam ties up Dennis's legs with rope]

    Dennis: You're doing it wrong.

    Switchblade Sam: Get lost. I tied up lots of guys in my life.

    Dennis: Okay, but I bet you never tied up a five-year-old. I'll just get out.

    Switchblade Sam: I'll make this rope so tight, you won't be able to move.

    Dennis: The rope's too big and my legs are too small to make it tight enough. There's only one way to do it, and I know because lots of people have tried to tie me up, but it doesn't work. But you try it your way. I'll just get out and you'll just have to keep doing it.

  • Dennis: [innocently] Hi.

    Mrs. Alice Mitchell: Did you shoot an aspirin into Mr.Wilson's mouth?

    Henry Mitchell: Oh god!

    Dennis: I didn't want him to bite off my fingers with his big, fake teeth. Those things are sharp!

    Mrs. Alice Mitchell: [to Henry] George said Dennis shot an aspirin into his mouth with a slingshot.

    Henry Mitchell: What slingshot?

    Mrs. Alice Mitchell: Do you have a slingshot?

    Dennis: I'm not sure.

    Henry Mitchell: Give it to me.

    [Dennis sighs and hands over the slingshot]

  • Dennis: [in an attempt to give Mr. Wilson his 'I'm Sorry' card] I'm kind of busy today, so I won't have a chance to give it to him. I have to go to Margaret's house, because we're getting poor and my mom's got a job now. So could I just leave it up by his whisker-cutter? That's where I leave all my dad's 'Sorry' cards, and it's a good time to say you're sorry. 'Cause grownup guys are happy in the morning when they wake up. My dad's so happy, he whistles when he goes to the bathroom. The only time he isn't happy is on Sunday morning when he and my mom wrestle. They kind of like to be alone when they do that. I think it's 'cause they take off their shirts and then they start to make funny noises.

    Mrs. Martha Wilson: [uncomfortable about what Dennis is saying] Uh, you can go up, as long as you promise not to disturb Mr. Wilson.

    Dennis: I promise.

  • [first lines]

    Dennis: Hey, Mr. Wilson!

  • Dennis: [upon discovering that Switchblade Sam had stolen Mr. Wilson's gold] This is Mr. Wilson's gold. How come you got it?

    Switchblade Sam: I stole it.

    Dennis: You're a robber?

    Switchblade Sam: I'm a thief.

    Dennis: Uh-oh.

    Switchblade Sam: Say your prayers, little rat!

    Dennis: I can't, I didn't take my bath yet.

    Switchblade Sam: Have it your own way!

    [as Sam readies his knife on Dennis, the train arrives and the rope tied on him sticks him to the ceiling, he then lands back into the water and is stabbed in the butt by his own blade]

  • George Wilson: You're a pest. A menace. A selfish, spoiled little boy and I've no use for you. You took something from me that I can never get back, something that means more to me than you ever will. You understand? I don't want to see you, I don't want to know you. Get out of my way.

    [George walks away]

    Dennis: [in tears] I'm sorry, Mr. Wilson.

  • Dennis: Pancakes. Pancakes!

    Bert: No pancakes.

    Dennis: PANCAKES!

    Bert: No pancakes!

  • Dennis: Excuse me, can I just stop you there.

    Whit: Yes...?

    Dennis: Oh, I don't have anything to say... I just wanted to stop you there.

  • Dennis: You know, I mean, I didn't do you any favours on that day, ok? I did a stupid, stupid thing. But it was only because I thought spoiling your day was better than ruining your life. Does that make any sense?

  • Dennis: As you get older, you're gonna realize there are a lot of things that you don't like. Things much worse than this. And when those things happen, you can't just run away.

    Jake: why not?

    Dennis: Because it doesn't solve the problem. The problem's still there. You've got to stick at it, and then figure out a way to solve the problem, even if it's really really hard.

    Jake: Is that what you do, Dad?

    Dennis: [just looking helpless and speechless... ]

    Jake: Dad?

  • Gordon: Hey I've got you those tickets you wanted...

    Dennis: They were for yesterday!

    Gordon: Oh so NOW you don't want them?

    Dennis: Why would I want them?

    Gordon: You could... sell them on e-bay.

    Dennis: Who would buy tickets for an event which happened yesterday?

    Gordon: ...Time Travellers.

  • Gordon: Go on then, run!

    Dennis: Isn't there some kind of like... special technique?

    Gordon: Well... yeah... you put one leg in front of the other over and over again really really fast.

  • Dennis: We should set the alarm for about 7 o'clock.

    Gordon: I don't have an alarm clock.

    Dennis: Why not?

    Gordon: I never need to be anywhere.

  • Maya: I saw your friend Gordon this morning

    Dennis: I'll replace anything he stole.

  • Dennis: [surprised] What are you doing here?

    Mr. Ghoshdashtidar: I'm the assistant coach.

    Dennis: How'd you get to be assistant coach?

    Mr. Ghoshdashtidar: Because I have the spatula!

    [whacks Dennis with it]

  • Dennis: I thought it would be a good chance for me to get to know Whit a little better, so...

    Libby: Well, maybe we should all go out to dinner then?

    Dennis: Really?

    Libby: Yeah, and then we could go dancing...

    Dennis: You're joking...?

    Libby: No, not at all. And afterwards we could come back here and have a threesome.

    Dennis: [thinks it over] You *are* joking.

    Libby: Of course, I am!

  • Mr. Ghoshdashtidar: I've got a surprise for you!

    Dennis: Oh!... it's not a spatula is it?

  • Reporter: Mr Doyle, how do you feel?

    Dennis: [exasperated] How the fuck do you think I feel?

  • Man in Bakery: I would settle for something shaped like a fish.

    Dennis: Go to a fishmonger!

    Man in Bakery: I'm a vegetarian.

  • [during the race]

    Dennis: Isn't it enough?

    Whit: What?

    Dennis: You got the girl, all right? Isn't it enough?

    Whit: I just think it's high time you realized that it's over, sir! Otherwise, it's gonna be very tough for you when we move to Chicago!

    Dennis: What?

    Whit: [off their pace, trying to discourage Dennis] You'd better slow down there, chief! You've got a long way to go!

    Dennis: Yeah, well - so have you!

    [Dennis accelerates past Whit]

    Whit: Oh, yeah! Yes, I like it! Run, fatboy, run!

    [Whit takes his lead back, but as Dennis passes him one more time... ]

    Dennis: I can lose weight... but you'll always be an arsehole!

  • Dennis: Peter Perfect's perfect palace.

    Gordon: Try saying that when you're smashed.

    Dennis: I will.

  • Dennis: I know doing this thing isn't going to change anything or make anything better but um. I would just settle for your respect. I'd settle for you smiling about the time we had together and not think it was a waste of time.

  • Whit: I mean, you can see my point can't you?

    Dennis: Yes, yes I can.

  • Gordon: Hey, maybe there's a little man in there who looks just like you but he's really good at running.

    Dennis: What are you talking about?

    Gordon: Just a thought.

  • Undercover Officer: You want your son to love you? Don't break the law!

    Dennis: Hey! That's entrapment!

    [gets pushed to the ground]

    Dennis: And that's brutality!

  • Whit: I actually ran the London Marathon

    Dennis: Oh that's a coincidence.

    Whit: Why's that?

    Dennis: Oh, I watched it on the tele... well... the last hour... I sleep in on Sundays.

  • Libby: You can't even finish your sentence!

    Dennis: Oh... don't... don't... don't be... what's the word?

    Old Lady: Prick.

    [in the English version: "Cock."]

  • Dennis: I went for a bit of a run this morning and I think I've got a bit of a... rash...

    [indicates downwards]

    Claire: Yes...

    Dennis: Y'know... Down in the...

    Claire: [agitated] Yes, yes, I understand.

    Dennis: Scrotal Zone.

  • Dennis: I can feel my sperm dying inside of me, one at a time.

  • Charlie: [Charlie, obviously drunk, is entertaining his friends with stories from acting camp] He started squirting everybody with this turkey baster and screaming "Un-sex me! Un-sex me!"

    Dennis: Wasn't Willem Dafoe in that group?

    Charlie: Yeah, and he went on to talk about how a lot of secrets are hidden in people's basements...

    Leopold: Like the Louvre?

    [everybody pauses and looks at Leo]

    Leopold: I'm sorry, Charles, you were saying?

    Patrice: What about the Louvre?

    Monica: Yeah, tell us what you were going to say.

    Leopold: Well, not all of the artwork in the Louvre is on the walls. Some is in the basement.

    Patrice: You've been in the basement of the Louvre?

    Leopold: Why, yes!

    Patrice: I was a art history major at Vassar!

    Leopold: Ahhhh...

  • Dennis: Kylie, it is the drugs you have not taken that concern me the most.

    Kylie Bucknell: What are you talking about?

    Dennis: A year ago you were diagnosed as bipolar.

    Kylie Bucknell: Yeah, to get in the sickness benefit. Everyone does it.

    Dennis: Going off your medication can be very dangerous.

    Kylie Bucknell: Dennis, I think you will find my mental state is pretty sound compared to the maniac that is living in our fucking walls!

  • Dennis: But anyone who says there's no such thing as a bad egg obviously hasn't worked in social services.

  • Dennis: I realise how difficult this is for you. But if you can just imagine for a moment that the danger you think you are in may not be as real as it seems. Are you familiar with the term dissociative identity disorder?

    Kylie Bucknell: Oh, get fucked.

    Dennis: Do you ever lose track of time?

    Kylie Bucknell: No, I do not.

    Dennis: Do you sometimes hear voices?

    Kylie Bucknell: This is ridiculous.

    Dennis: What about your menstruating pattern?

    Kylie Bucknell: I beg your pardon?

    Dennis: A hallmark of the disorder in women is that each personality has its own menstrual cycle. This would mean that your periods are more frequent than usual.

    Miriam Bucknell: Well, that explains a lot.

  • Clifford: [exasperated] How can all the toilets break down at once?

    Dennis: It's not my fault. Hey, it's hard enough to get a plumber to come to your house, and that stays in one place. But you try getting a plumber to come to a bus that's driving all over the countryside. It's impossible.

    Clifford: [frustrated] Well, can't you do something about it?

    Dennis: [confused] Like what?

    Clifford: [he means fix the toilets, not "fix" the girls so they can't pee] Fix them!

    Dennis: Hey man, I love these girls, and I'd do anything for them. But I won't do that.

  • Clifford: Dennis pull over.

    Dennis: [rolls his eyes and pulls over]

    Clifford: The girls need to go to the bathroom again.

  • Graydon: [Describes what's going on throughout the entire scene] He crashes to the ground. And now the girls come face-to-face with their tabloid tormentor. The evil reporter has been unmaksed and in that moment, Damien's whole worthless life flashes before his eyes because, the girls have made him realize that he's been living a meaningless lie.

    Damien: [Lying on the ground, in pain] Oh, d'you know what, girls... you've made me realize... I've been... living a meaningless lie.

    Graydon: It's his character's one defining moment, and there isn't a dry seat in the house.

    Martin Barnfield: I'm wet already.

    Clifford: So, then what? Is that the end?

    Graydon: No! Damien goes after the really big evil boss, McMaxford.

    Clifford: Well, what about the girls?

    Graydon: Well, the girls, they've gotta get to Albert Hall, right? I mean, they've been at the hospital for twelve hours.

    Baby: Dennis!

    Posh: Out of the ways girls?

    Scary Spice: What are you doing?

    Posh: Fasten your seatbelts.

    [Gets in the driver's seat of the Spice Bus, puts her seatbelt on, presses down on the gas pedal, and starts driving like a lunatic]

    Dennis: [Getting up off the ground] Hey! That's my bus!

    Posh: Come on! What are you doing? What's the matter, are you blind? Come on, what are you doing? Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Sunday drivers! It's only Saturday!

    Graydon: And now the Spice Bus is racing across London, through Trafalger's Square. Pigeons are flying up. Guys are diving into fountains. And as it zooms through them all, past Bukingham Palace, Prince William is there. He's looin' at the window through a curtain. He turns to the Queen! The Queen, man! And he says "Oi, granny, look. It's the Spice Girls. They're on telly in a minute". And the Queen looks out and says "Oh, you're right. Isn't that the Posh one drivin'?"

    Baby: Look, there's the Queen! Hi, William!

    Ginger Spice: Hi, Charlie.

    Scary Spice: Hello, Harry.

    Graydon: And then, suddenly, they're on top of the bus.

    Clifford: Why?

    Martin Barnfield: The rules!

    Graydon: Right, right, the rules. Anyhow, there they are, standing in gale-force winds. Holding on for dear life. Emma slips, but Geri grabs her. But then Geri slips, so Mel B grabs her. But then, she slips, so Mel C grabs her. Four? Wait, that's four. Oh, there's one driving, right. Anyway, they're standing on top of a bus, whiplashing back and forth, about to be turned into Spice Jam!

    Martin Barnfield: Oh, my god!

    Clifford: And...?

    Graydon: Two old nuns in a mini-metro pull up right in front of them. The braking tumbles the girls back into the bus.

  • Dennis: My bad, my blunder.

  • Dennis: I ain't going to lie to you Ronnie, there is nothing good about this at all.

  • Dennis: Whatsup mo Freckle? How's your dick hanging? Low I hope. I just wanted to write you and say that, you know I really am sorry for the way shit like went down and stuff, my bad, my blunder. I just wanted you to know that you really are my best man, problem is I'm a criminal man who doesn't care and your crime is... you care too much. Regardless of our differences, I hope you know that I always respected you, it's not every day you that you meet someone who stands for something in this world, anyway, no hard feelings okay, but if you ever want to party, get your ass to mexico, the beers are cool and the girls are wet. Sincerely, your right hand man, Dennis.

  • Dennis: Y'all hurt Ronnie, and nobody hurt's Ronnie.

  • [Before sex]

    Dennis: Look, even if you did get pregnant, I'd marry you.

    Odette: Do you believe in centralized government or states' rights?

    Dennis: What?

    Odette: I just want to know the kind of guy I'm marrying.

    Dennis: I'm starting to get the distinct impression you don't want to do this anymore.

  • Frank: What's the matter with you? Are you retarded?

    Dennis: Not according to the tests.

  • Dennis: Despite your obvious racial handicap, you are an American citizen now, OK, so act like one! We shit all over our families! And then we have kids who grow up to be as big of fuck-ups as we are.

  • Dennis: Preservation through destruction.

  • [from trailer]

    David: Why did they send you here? You know, the Martians?

    Dennis: To join a family and to learn human beingness.

  • [from trailer]

    Dennis: Was I bad?

    David: I don't care about any of that stuff. Look, this is just stuff.

    [Drops a bowl]

    Dennis: [Drops a bowl softly]

    David: Come on! Break it like you mean it!

    [Throws another bowl]

    David: [Dennis throws some plates] Now that! Come on!

  • Dennis: But then I started doing science and realized the Earth was spinning around the sun at 67,000 miles per hour. held in place by gravity and I thought "What the heck do I need to be from Mars for?"

  • Dennis: [after doing the Martian dance] Nice talk.

  • Dennis: [sharply points at a photo of David] Beware! I almost disney-graded you.

    David: Disintegrate me? Why would you do that?

  • Liz: Hey. Hey, Dennis. Do you wanna have some turkey with us?

    Dennis: I can't eat anything grown on Saturn's moons.

    Liz: Well then, I think you're safe here.

  • Dennis: Superstars don't exist. Only supernovas and white dwarfs.

  • Dennis: Benji, there isn't a straight man in America who doesn't refer to anyone but his girlfriend as 'girlfriend'.

    Benji: I know, but I was so butch when I said it.

  • Dennis: I can't decide if my friends are the best or worst thing that ever happened to me.

  • Cole: Thank God you're home.

    Dennis: Thanks to Mufasa here, it's now a Tunisian hut.

    Taylor: Why do I even try?

  • Kevin: So, what - you're not attracted to me?

    Dennis: Of course I'm attracted to you. I've been crazy about you ever since you lit the candles. Kevin, you were the wish.

  • Howie: Look! Benji's talking to Idaho Guy!

    Dennis: Who?

    Howie: Idaho Guy. He's Benji's newest crush. Benji's been working out near him for weeks in hopes that Idaho Guy would notice.

    Dennis: Why do you call him Idaho Guy?

    Patrick: I don't know. He just kind of... looks like he's from Idaho. It's not one of our better ones.

  • Dennis: Oh, everyone gets dumped first time around. It's the rule of all newbie relationships.

    Kevin: What happens next? Do I become like you and your friends?

    Dennis: You don't even know my friends.

    Kevin: Yeah, I know them well enough to know that you're just a bunch of bitter, jaded...

    Dennis: Fags? Go ahead and say it.

    Kevin: [overtalking Dennis] I wasn't gonna say it. I wasn't gonna say that.

    Dennis: You should. Maybe then you'd be less afraid of what it means.

    Kevin: Why can't everything just slow down?

    Dennis: I promise, it will. But you can't go back now. At least go have a cup of coffee with me?

    Kevin: One condition.

    Dennis: What?

    Kevin: West Hollywood's that way.

    [points]

    Kevin: Show me one thing you find interesting that way.

    [points in other direction]

  • Dennis: Thanks Betty, you always know just what to say.

    Betty: [not having spoken] It's a gift.

  • Dennis: [Cole and Kevin are making out behind the bleachers] Cole...

    Cole: [holds finger up as they continue making out]

    Dennis: You're up in 2.

    Cole: Oh. Thanks Den.

    [leaves]

    Dennis: [approaches Kevin] Hey.

    Kevin: Hey.

    Dennis: So, still deciding if you're gay?

  • Kevin: You scared me.

    Dennis: It's my house, I'm allowed to do that.

  • Kevin: I don't get you guys. Is that all you do, you just sit around and talk about guys?

    Dennis: Either that, or we talk about guys.

  • Dennis: Where is my living room?

    Taylor: Oh it's still here, I just shifted it around a little.

    Dennis: No, this is YOUR living room. You didn't shift my living room around, you shifted my living room out and your living room in. So, where is my living room?

    Taylor: Distributed evenly around the house.

    Dennis: Distribute it back.

    Taylor: It took me all day!

    Dennis: So now you'll be done in time to set your curlers for bed.

    Taylor: Okay Dennis, look at it this way: a new furniture arrangement is like a new hairstyle, you have to live with it for a few days before you can tell whether you really like it or not.

    Dennis: That is not true. I haven't had a shag, but I wouldn't have to live with one for a few days to know that I don't want one.

  • Taylor: I hear Kip Rodgers is a big fag.

    Dennis: Kip Rodgers is not gay, he's married.

    Taylor: Oh please, that's right up there with "He's not gay, he's in a fraternity."

  • Dennis: Is that the girl from 'Young and the Restless'?

    Howie: I'm so over Y&R.

  • Dennis: I thought my mom would be cooler, she was a 60's love child. When she caught me smoking pot with my friends all she said was 'I hope you didn't pay market for that'. But when I told her I was gay she didn't speak to me for a month.

    Kevin: How is she now?

    Dennis: Better. She still refers to the homosexual community as 'The Gays', like they live on her block.

    [in a feminine voice]

    Dennis: 'Dennis, I heard The Gays had a parade... did you go'?

  • Dennis: You told them!

    Kevin: It just kind of slipped out. My mom said she made some key lime pie, and I said 'great, I love key lime pie... and I'm gay'.

    Dennis: I bet she wishes she made apple pie instead.

  • Dennis: You like The Carpenters.

    Kevin: Oh, insanely.

    Dennis: Well, here's to your first OGT. Obviously Gay Trait. Mine are: love of The Carpenters, culinary interests, and intense fear of blood sports.

  • Dennis: You're right, it looked lonely.

  • Dennis: If Larry Kramer knew this is how gay men in America spent their time, he'd defect.

    Howie: He probably would.

    Patrick: Larry Kramer can blow me.

    Howie: He probably would.

  • Dennis: Ice.

    Dennis: Yes, there is... ice *and*... I will go get it.

  • Dennis: [to Howie after Purple Guy gives a beautiful eulogy for Jack] I know why Jack was with him.

  • [first lines]

    McCreedy: [Dennis is listening to his radio] Dennis. Dennis!

    [takes off his headphones]

    Dennis: Hey! What gives?

    McCreedy: You're being paid to work around here, not just sit around and blast your eardrums!

    Dennis: Hey, take it easy. I can do both.

    [smiles]

    McCreedy: [a phone rings, McCreedy answers] Hello? Hello?

    [hangs up]

    McCreedy: [to Dennis] Didn't you hear the phone ringing?

    Dennis: No, I didn't.

    McCreedy: They've already hung up!

    Dennis: Then, it couldn't have been too important.

    McCreedy: Don't you have any sense of responsibility? That could have been a very important call!

    Dennis: At this hour?

    McCreedy: Look, in the future, would you just answer the phone no matter what hour it is and not to make decisions about what is important and what isn't?

    Dennis: Yeah, yeah, right, right.

    McCreedy: It's time for our rounds.

  • McCreedy: [McCreedy and Dennis are roaming around inside the lot] Did I ever tell you about what this studio lot was like?

    Dennis: More than once.

    McCreedy: [smiles] Oh, this used to be one of the biggest lots in town!

    Dennis: Must have been a wild ride to Metropolis.

    [both chuckle]

    Dennis: [They approach a room] Hey, wait a minute. What's this down there?

    McCreedy: Oh, it's just an old film vault. There's nothing down there.

    Dennis: Well, why don't we check it out anyways?

    McCreedy: I'm telling you there's nothing down there and I'm not going to waste my time checking it out!

    Comstock: [Through the walkie-talkie] McCreedy!

    McCreedy: [to Comstock] What is it now?

    Comstock: I need to talk to you now.

    McCreedy: But I can't right now!

    Comstock: NOW! I mean it!

    McCreedy: I'll be right back. Oh, and remember what I said about the vault.

    Dennis: [putting on headphones] Whatever you say, pops.

  • Olga: You have heart like Putin.

    Dennis: Uh you're the one who told me what to charge!

    Olga: What to charge the haves! Like dentist.

    Dennis: Habs?

    Olga: *Haves*. I have this, I have that. I have - tickets to the Knicks game. I have everything. I have DOLCE GABBANA underwears.

    [pause]

    Olga: Yah?

    Dennis: Yah!

    Olga: [quietly] Yah.

  • Olga: Do you think I am your friend?

    Dennis: Yah.

    Olga: My friend - you smell.

  • Dennis: Seriously, you guys should move out to L.A.

    Eliot: Sure, why not? Vinny can act, Ray can paint, and I can find some other fucking job I hate.

  • Al: [petting a small tabby kitten] Hey, Den, can you smell me from over there?

    Dennis: We can always smell you, Al.

    Al: Fuckin' fish. No wonder this cat wants to blow me.

  • Sarah: Father of Boris...? Do you want to get together again some time?

    Dennis: Best if we don't.

    Sarah: I remember we had a really good time.

    Dennis: I remember I was married...

  • Dennis: [pointing out that Lado's logic is flawed] C'mon, don't be a knucklehead, think for a minute.

    Lado: [petulantly] Fuck you, you think!

  • Ray Brown: What you been doing? Fucking Shirley?

    Dennis: Yes.

  • Dennis: What our generation lacks is a common goal that hold us together.

    Hängengebliebener: That's what it is like today. Look around you. You know what the most goggled thing is? Paris fucking Hilton!

    Dennis: [laughing] Oh, shit

    Hängengebliebener: It is true!

  • Dennis: The cord was still wrapped around your little neck. The doctor worked on you. And as you took your first breath...

    Emanuel: She took her last.

  • Dennis: [Thomas and Dennis meet in Trafalgar Square] ... I did everything for the Common Cause. I had a blind loyalty to the struggle.

    Thomas: To understand loyalty you need to experience betrayal.

    Dennis: When were you betrayed ?

    Thomas: I don't remember - it was too long ago!

    Dennis: '62', it's important to remember who you are - not what you are!

  • Thomas: [Thomas and Dennis have their final meeting] Before I left for England I was briefed about a man called Steiner?

    Dennis: Albert Steiner. Steiner wasn't a conspirator or a revolutionary - just a lonely defector; the lowest form of currency in this war. I don't know whether he's alive or dead, but as long as his fate remains unknown -the concept of 'Steinerism' is a threat! The enemy within which both sides crave!

    [shrugs]

    Dennis: Maybe that makes me an 'agent of Steiner'.

  • Leon & Martin's Father: You have to get out of this mess alone by letting your pants down.

    Dennis: Hey, now, slow down.

    Leon & Martin's Father: No, Dennis. You lied to Vanessa, and you did it miserably. Look at yourselves. And if we wanna make her believe you, you have no choice. You have to let your pants down.

  • Dennis: Markus, out of all of us, you're the coolest.

    Markus: I'm gonna throw up.

  • The Beast: We are what we believe we are.

    Hedwig: Holy shit, this is so cool! They are gonna believe we exist now, right?

    Dennis: They are gonna have to.

    Hedwig: So, what do we do now?

    Patricia: [referring to The Beast] We trust in him. He'll protect us. Look at what he can do. Let him show the world how powerful we can be.

  • Dennis: You like to make fun of us, but we are more powerful than you think.

  • Dennis: Let us show them what we can do. Let us show them how powerful we can be.

  • Dennis: The Beast is a sentient creature who represents the highest form of humans' evolution. He believes the time of ordinary humanity is over. I hope this makes you feel calm. You will be in the presence of something greater. I was gonna ask for your last shirt, but I won't. Because tonight is a sacred night. It's almost over.

  • Peter Friedkin: Want to ask him who's next?

    Dennis: Who's what?

    Dennis: [wrench is flung at Dennis head by the sander, killing him]

    Sam: DENNIS! It was Dennis!

    Nathan: No shit!

  • Dennis: [talking about what the title to Back to the Future should've been called] It should either be called Back to the Past...

    Randy Rosen: No, no.

    Dennis: End of story.

    Randy Rosen: That doesn't make any sense. It makes total sense.

    Dennis: Let's Get Back to the Present, maybe. But, Back to the Past...

    Randy Rosen: Back to the Present.

  • Dennis: [talking to Kristi in the bedroom] I watched some of the tapes on the camera and I saw you talking to somebody late last night.

    Kristi: If you saw me talking to somebody, it would be Toby.

    Dennis: [chuckling] Toby's your friend?

    Kristi: Yes. He's my friend.

    Dennis: Yeah, what do you guys talk about?

    Kristi: Mmm, secrets.

    Dennis: He's big?

    Kristi: Mmm-hmm.

    Dennis: So, is he old, like Grandma, or is he young, like you?

    Kristi: He's old, like Grandma.

    Dennis: And what does he look like? Is he tall? Is he fat?

    Kristi: He's tall. He's tall. Don't call him fat.

    Dennis: Kristi, when you say that if you tell one of your secrets that you'll be in trouble with Toby, what does that mean?

    Kristi: Well, I won't be safe. He's gonna...

    Dennis: Did he say he's gonna hurt you?

    Kristi: No. But I won't be safe. That means, I will be, like... Be in very, very big trouble. Big trouble.

  • Dennis: [from trailer] There's something in the house... Kristi's like connected; it's a real life poltergeist. Kristi's like Carol-Anne!

    Dennis: I just gotta film this stuff, I could set my cameras around the house right? I could maybe capture something...

    Randy Rosen: Yeah?

  • Dennis: [Julie and Dennis are about to make a sex tape of themselves; Julie is smoking marijuana] Julie, do the voice.

    [in a funny voice]

    Dennis: Dennis.

    Julie: [takes another puff of her joint, then does her funny accented voice] What voice?

    Dennis: [Dennis starts laughing]

    Julie: This voice? Dennis, I can't believe you're filming me smoke mari-juana.

  • Dennis: [about to shoot a sex tape with Julie] All right. It's time.

    Julie: Don't film this.

    Dennis: Why not?

    Julie: It's illegal.

    Dennis: [Dennis starts laughing]

    Julie: Don't laugh.

    Dennis: We haven't even started smoking it, and you're already paranoid.

    Julie: It's illegal. What if my kids find me? I'm a mother.

    Dennis: Now relax.

    Julie: [simultaneously] Seriously, Dennis.

    Dennis: [starts mocking] Seriously, Julie. Let's get really serious. Seriously.

    Julie: Shut up.

    Dennis: Let's be serious.

    Julie: Alright.

  • Julie: [re-watching the sex tape over a mysterious presence from the video] Dennis. Oh, my God, I look so fat.

    Dennis: You don't look fat.

    Julie: Look at the size of me on top of you.

    Dennis: You look beautiful. You look like you can't breathe 'cause I'm sitting on top of you. I want another shot at doing one of these.

  • Dennis: [static crackling, the timeline is September 1988 in Santa Rosa, California] All right and there she is. The mother of the birthday girl, my girlfriend...

    Julie: [shot of Katie's birthday cake] Chocolate, chocolate, rainbow stuff.

    Dennis: That is a good-looking cake.

    Julie: Which is exactly what she wanted.

    Dennis: Beautiful. Just beautiful. And you're beautiful. I don't know how you do it.

  • Randy Rosen: [the guys are looking over the footage from last night] How many hours of footage do you have?

    Dennis: This is the job, man. I got two cameras, six hours each. Twelve hours.

    Randy Rosen: Twelve hours of footage?

    Dennis: Yeah. Got to do it, man. I'm seriously gonna review it...

    Randy Rosen: ...of footage every day?

    Dennis: Yes. Now, please, I'm trying to concentrate.

    Randy Rosen: That's so stupid. There's only 24 hours in a day, Dennis.

    Randy Rosen: [Julie watches the boys] Hey, Julie.

    Julie: ...going?

    Dennis: Um... Good. You want to step into my office and do some work with me or...

    Julie: No. You find anything?

    Randy Rosen: Yes, actually. We did find something. We found that your family sleeps all night. Oh!

    Julie: Very funny, Randy.

  • Dennis: There's one good thing about being terminal. The credit card companies can't come after you when you're gone.

  • Dennis: I've been choking on my own blood my whole life, to the point where I can't stand the taste. But I wonder how it tastes to someone else, someone as sick as me.

  • Minerva: Dennis, will you stop drinking for my sake?

    Dennis: Who said I was drinking for your sake?

  • Dennis: Ah, my dear, I've been drinking for over forty years and I've never acquired the habit yet.

  • Dennis: Jordan, I didn't hear you come in last night. Did he knock or just creep up the back steps?

    Morgan: I let him in dad.

    Dennis: What time was that?

    Jordan: I thought you were retired from being a detective.

  • [Morgan announces that she wants to marry Jordan the next day]

    Jordan: Hey... dad

    [awkwardly]

    Jordan: , do you think I could borrow...

    Dennis: [interrupts] Already! Seriously?

Browse more character quotes from The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

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