Deke Quotes in S.W.A.T. (2003)

Deke: We need to sell that shit on eBay.

Street: I only have one.

Deke: We'll split the profits fifty-fifty, corner the market. Break 'em down like a shotgun - The Polish Penetrator!

Hondo: The reason we're gathered here on our God-given, much-needed day of rest is that we have a Polish hostage.

Deke: So what if he's Polish?

Hondo: No, no. Means he's one of those: "Anyone comes in, I'll blow my head off" type of guys.

Hondo: [Deke shoots a card] 10 of Spades. Spade flush.

Street: Hondo, isn't that a straight flush?

Hondo: Hold the phone. Six, seven, eight, nine, ten of Spades. Deke!

Deke: Beats four Aces in Compton any day!

Neighbor in Alley: Y'all ain't got nothing better to do than to be haulin' off black people off to jail? Just perpetuatin' a cycle you know!

Deke: [putting the criminal in the police car] Let's see how liberal you are when he breaks into your place!

Neighbor in Alley: MMmm hm!

Deke: Mmm hm my ass!

Deke: Tell daddy how you want it.

[the team's progress is halted by a firmly locked gate]

Deke: Ain't this a bitch?

Street: A cold hard one.

[after hearing Street over radio yell officer down]

Hondo: Flip a bitch!

Deke: Flippin' a bitch!

Deke: [Deleted Scene: Locker Room] So my wife's all worried about me workin' SWAT.

Boxer: They always are at first.

Deke: [Imitates his wife] "How am I gonna take care of the kids if something happens to you?" So I called to get a little extra insurance. When I tell the chick down there I'm workin SWAT, guess what she does?

McCabe: Laughs?

Boxer: Hangs up?

Deke: She laughs her ass off, AND hangs up.

McCabe: [as Boxer and TJ laugh] Bitch. Alright guys, take care.

Hondo: You know what? I think he might be Polish.

Deke: Unbelievable.

Deke: [hears order board and walks up to it slowly, raising the machine gun and sliding the bolt] This is for my dad, you loudmouth son of a bitch.

Deke: [after shooting the board, unstraps the gun and hands it to Brett] I don't want this anymore.

Deke: Bill, where's my dad?

Hendershot: [casual tone] Oh, your dad got scrubbed by one of 'em big boys out there earlier today. Tough break, kid.

Brett: You unbelievable shithead!

Hendershot: [oblivious] What? What'd I do?

Tim: Well I'd rather be partnered up with a foreigner, than with a butt-pirate.

[Kerry flips Tim off]

Deke: Well at least you know a butt-pirate's gonna watch your ass.

[They all laugh]

Deke: What's wrong with you.

Gina Walker: Boobs. Five-point deduction. Breast cancer.

Ira Kane: Allow me to share something with the entire class. Last night as I was grading papers, I came across two gems both entitled "Cells are Bad" and both with just one paragraph which I unfortunately committed to memory: "Cells are bad. My uncle lives in a cell. It's ten foot by twelve and he has to read the same boring, old magazine everyday. The end." Although my standards are nowhere near where they used to be I could not bring myself to put As atop those beauties.

Deke: [points to his brother and himself as he slowly realizes] You're... talking... about our papers!

Deke: Ooooh, mucho ecological, Poncho! Mucho ecological!

Randy: It looked like it was goin' after the girls.

Deke: Aw, come on Pancho! You said you sobered up, man!

Randy: It looked like it was goin' after the girls!

Deke: I feel the need, the need for WEED!

Jesse: Kind of like us?

Deke: What do you mean?

Jesse: We're the rocks, Time is the the water, and we end up being sand

Deke: Broken Down?

Jesse: Broken Down

Deke: Does this mean were still broken up?

Deke: When we started this band 20 years ago did you ever think we would be doing it this long?

Cal: Nooooo

Deke: What do you think we will be doing in 20 years?

Cal: I dunno