Debbie Jellinsky Quotes in Addams Family Values (1993)
Debbie Jellinsky Quotes:
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Morticia: [confronting Debbie in her house] You have gone too far. You have married Fester, you have destroyed his spirit, you have taken him from us. All that I could forgive. But Debbie...
Debbie Jellinsky: What?
Morticia: ...pastels?
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Debbie Jellinsky: I don't wanna hurt anybody. I don't enjoy hurting anybody. I don't like guns, or bombs, or electric chairs. But sometimes people just won't listen. And so, I have to use persuasion. And slides.
[Showing slide pictures]
Debbie Jellinsky: My parents, Sharon and Dave. Generous, doting, or *were they*? All I ever wanted was a Ballerina Barbie. In her pretty pink tutu. My birthday.
[the slide shows her as a child, smiling and opening a gift]
Debbie Jellinsky: I was 10, and do you know what they got me? *Malibu* Barbie.
Morticia: Malibu Barbie.
Gomez: The nightmare.
Morticia: The nerve.
Debbie Jellinsky: [flicks to the next slide of her throwing a bared-teeth temper tantrum] That's not what I wanted! That's not who I was. I was a *ballerina*, graceful, delicate! They had to go.
[the next slide shot shows a burning house]
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Debbie Jellinsky: So I-I killed. So I maimed. So I destroyed one innocent life after another. Aren't I a human being? Don't I yearn, and ache, and shop? Don't I deserve love... and jewelry?
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Debbie Jellinsky: Would you die for me?
Uncle Fester: Yes.
Debbie Jellinsky: Promise?
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[Grandma waves a skull at Debbie]
Grandma: Luxor, nexor, burst and BURN!
Debbie Jellinsky: What is she doing?
Grandma: Just a curse. Have a nice day.
[air kiss]
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Debbie Jellinsky: FREEZE!
Uncle Fester: Pookie?
Debbie Jellinsky: I tried to make it look like an accident. I tried to give you some dignity. But oh no, not you.
Uncle Fester: What are you saying?
Debbie Jellinsky: I'm saying I want you dead and I want your money.
Uncle Fester: But... but... don't you love me?
Debbie Jellinsky: AH HA HA HA!
Uncle Fester: Is that a no?
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Uncle Fester: I'm her husband.
Debbie Jellinsky: Fester!
Uncle Fester: Gimme a kiss.
Debbie Jellinsky: Gimme a twenty.
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Debbie Jellinsky: And I dreamed that when I met him that we would wait until our wedding night to give ourselves to one another, to make the ultimate sacrifice.
Uncle Fester: A goat?
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Debbie Jellinsky: My first husband, the heart surgeon. All day long, coronaries, transplants.
Grandma: What about your needs?
Debbie Jellinsky: "Sorry about dinner, Deb. The Pope has a cold."
[the next slide shows a shadow of an axe on the wall heading towards the Surgeon]
Grandma: An axe! That takes me back.
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Debbie Jellinsky: My latest husband, my late husband, Fester.
Uncle Fester: The fool.
Debbie Jellinsky: The corpse. And his adorable family. You took me in, you accepted me, but did any of you love me? Really love me?
Gomez: Hands!
[the Addams family, all strapped into their electric chairs, are unable to raise their hands]
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Debbie Jellinsky: These Addams men, where do you find them?
Morticia: It has to be damp.
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Debbie Jellinsky: I just can't tell, does he like me at all?
Morticia: Of course he does. He vomited.
Debbie Jellinsky: That's true. Does he always do that with women he likes?
Morticia: Oh, no. Just you.
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Debbie Jellinsky: You know, when I first saw him, I thought he was from Europe.
Uncle Fester: You did?
Debbie Jellinsky: It's true.
Uncle Fester: But, I took a bath.
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Debbie Jellinsky: Husband number two. The senator. He loved his state, he loved his country!
Grandma: What about Debbie?
Debbie Jellinsky: "Sorry Debbie, no Mercedes this year. We have to set an example." Oh yeah? Set this!
[the next slide shows car headlights heading towards the Senator in panic]
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Debbie Jellinsky: [meeting Gomez] Isn't he a lady killer!
Gomez: Acquitted.
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Debbie Jellinsky: Yes, I need to renew my passport. I'll be leaving the country very shortly.
Passport Clerk: Will you be traveling alone?
Debbie Jellinsky: Yes, I'll be a widow.
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Margaret Addams: What.
Debbie Jellinsky: Oh, I didn't say anything.
Margaret Addams: No, that's the baby's nickname, "What." From the obstetrician.
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Uncle Fester: [as they are getting married, Fester tearfully recites his vows] I, Fester Addams, do hereby declare my un-ending love.
[sobbing]
Uncle Fester: I will worship you forever. I will devote my every waking moment to your happiness alone.
[openly sobbing]
Uncle Fester: Henceforth, I am your eternal and helpless slave.
Debbie Jellinsky: [near indifferent] Nice.
[to Cousin Itt, who acts as minister]
Debbie Jellinsky: Ditto.
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Morticia: [Thing hops on Debbie's shoulder] Thing, stop that.
Gomez: He likes you.
Debbie Jellinsky: [Debbie sucks on Thing's index finger; he shudders and falls off] I'm good with my hands.
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Morticia: Good night, Debbie.
Debbie Jellinsky: Good night.
Morticia: Scream if you need anything.
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Debbie Jellinsky: [to Pubert] Hold still, you little brat!
Wednesday: He's not a brat.
Debbie Jellinsky: [whirls around, caught] Of course not. He's an adorable little baby.
Wednesday: Fine. Rub it in!
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Debbie Jellinsky: [to Fester and Thing] I'll get you - and your little hand, too!
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Debbie Jellinsky: But with your looks, your charm... women must follow you everywhere!
Uncle Fester: Store detectives.
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Debbie Jellinsky: Good-bye everybody! Wish me luck!
The Addams Family: Good luck!
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[after Fester walks off the plane, with leis around his neck, he approaches Debbie]
Debbie Jellinsky: Fester?
Uncle Fester: Uh-huh?
Debbie Jellinsky: We may be together for a while.
Uncle Fester: All our lives, cara mia!
Debbie Jellinsky: What?
Uncle Fester: Mon cher.
Debbie Jellinsky: Speak English!
Uncle Fester: Pumpkin?
Debbie Jellinsky: And if I have to be seen with you, we need to make some changes.
Uncle Fester: Changes?
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Debbie Jellinsky: Hi, I'm Debbie Jellinsky from the agency.
Morticia: The agency? But they claimed no one else was available. They suggested a Doberman.
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Morticia: [in a philosophical sighing tone] Our whole family... together at last... three generations... above ground.
Debbie Jellinsky: [shouting from offstage, then suddenly appearing on the scene holding a ridiculous-looking fat-bodied old-fashioned sawed-off shotgun, which she pumps dramatically to chamber a shell] IN-LAWS!
[Shluck-shlick!]
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Debbie Jellinsky: [shouts at moving-men] These are beautiful things! They're from catalogs!
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