Dean Martin Quotes in Back to School (1986)

[Thornton has his feet on a chair in Dean's Office]

Dean Martin: [trying to drop a hint] Are you comfortable?

Thornton Melon: Oh, I'm fine, yeah... Oh, the chair! Oh, I'm sorry.

[proceeds to put his feet on the Dean's desk]

Dean Martin: [begins questioning] Mr. Melon, I'm only going to ask you once:

[beat]

Dean Martin: ...Is this your work?

Thornton Melon: I can't lie to you, Dean Martin

[beat]

Thornton Melon: ...Yes, it is.

Dean Martin: [Barbay has arrived at the groundbreaking of the new Melon School of Business] Ah, Phillip... so glad you could make it. Mr. Melon, this is Dr. Phillip Barbay. He's the dean of our new Melon School of Business.

Dr. Phillip Barbay: [Thornton extends his hand, Barbay refuses it and takes Martin aside] David, I just want to get it on record that I am totally against this. I don't think that selling admission to an obviously unqualified student is either ethical or honorable.

Dean Martin: Uh, right... Phil. In Mr. Melon's defense, it was a really big check.

Dr. Phillip Barbay: [glaring at Martin in dismay] It's a simple matter of undermining the efforts of our best students, who are here as the result of hard work!

Thornton Melon: [chiming in] Hard work? Listen, Sherlock! While you were tucked away up here working on your ethics, I was out there busting my hump in the REAL world. And the reason guys like you got a place to teach is 'cause guys like me donate buildings.

Dr. Phillip Barbay: I wasn't speaking to you, Mr. Melon.

[turns on heel and heads to his car]

Dean Martin: [after Thornton denies cheating when questioned by the Dean] I'm satisfied.

Dr. Phillip Barbay: I'm outraged.