David Van Patten Quotes in American Psycho (2000)

Patrick Bateman: Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?

David Van Patten: Ed Gein? The maitre 'd at Canal Bar?

Patrick Bateman: No, serial killer, Wisconsin, the '50s.

Craig McDermott: So what did he say?

Patrick Bateman: "When I see a pretty girl walking down the street, I think two things. One part wants me to take her out, talk to her, be real nice and sweet and treat her right."

David Van Patten: And what did the other part think?

Patrick Bateman: "What her head would look like on a stick... "

[laughs]

Patrick Bateman: New card. What do you think?

Craig McDermott: Whoa-ho. Very nice. Look at that.

Patrick Bateman: Picked them up from the printer's yesterday.

David Van Patten: Good coloring.

Patrick Bateman: That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail.

David Van Patten: It's very cool, Bateman, but that's nothing. Look at this.

Timothy Bryce: That is really nice.

David Van Patten: Eggshell with Romalian type. What do you think?

Patrick Bateman: Nice.

Timothy Bryce: Jesus. That is really super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful?

Patrick Bateman: [Thinking] I can't believe that Bryce prefers Van Patten's card to mine.

Timothy Bryce: But wait. You ain't seen nothin' yet. Raised lettering, pale nimbus. White.

Patrick Bateman: Impressive. Very nice.

David Van Patten: Hmm.

Patrick Bateman: Let's see Paul Allen's card.

Patrick Bateman: [Thinking] Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh, my God. It even has a watermark.

Luis Carruthers: Is something wrong, Patrick? You're sweating.

David Van Patten: They don't have a good bathroom to do coke in.

Craig McDermott: Are you sure that's Paul Allen over there?

Timothy Bryce: Yes. McDufus, I am.

Craig McDermott: He's handling the Fisher account.

Timothy Bryce: Lucky bastard.

Craig McDermott: Lucky Jew bastard.

Patrick Bateman: Jesus, McDermott, what does that have to do with anything?

Craig McDermott: I've seen that bastard sitting in his office, talking on the phone to the CEOs, spinning a fucking menorah.

Patrick Bateman: Not a menorah. You spin a dreidel.

Craig McDermott: Oh, my God. Bateman, do you want me to fry you up some fucking potato pancakes? Some latkes?

Patrick Bateman: No. Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.

Craig McDermott: Oh, I forgot. Bateman's dating someone from the ACLU.

Timothy Bryce: The voice of reason... the boy next door.

[looks at restaurant bill]

Timothy Bryce: Speaking of reasonable, only $570...

David Van Patten: What are you so fucking zany about?

Patrick Bateman: I'm just a happy camper! Rockin' and a-rollin'!

Craig McDermott: If they have a great personality and they're not great looking... then who fucking cares?

Patrick Bateman: Well, let's just say hypotetically ok? What if they have a great personality?

[pause, all laugh]

Patrick Bateman: I know, I know.

[all in unison]

Patrick Bateman, Craig McDermott, David Van Patten: There are no girls with good personalities.

David Van Patten: A good personality consists of a chick with a little hard body, who will satisfy all sexual demands without being too slutty about things, and who essentially will keep her dumb fucking mouth shut.

Craig McDermott: The only girls with good personalities who are smart or maybe funny or halfway intelligent or talented, though god knows what the fuck that means, are ugly chicks.

David Van Patten: Absolutely.

Craig McDermott: And this is because they have to make up for how fucking unnattractive they are.