David Ghantt Quotes in Masterminds (2016)

David Ghantt: You farted right into my butt hole. It's like a fart transplant.

David Ghantt: I'm starting to feel like a corn dog at a hot dog party, and it ain't flattering, I'll tell you that.

David Ghantt: [after David's gun discharges in the back of his waistband] It feels like it just grazed my biscuits, right there in betwixt 'em.

David Ghantt: [voice-over] Steve was a petty thief, mostly known for stealing tiny wheelchairs from pediatric hospitals.

David Ghantt: [puzzled by the blood on Kelly's breast] Why isn't it milk?

David Ghantt: I look like if Jesus and a cat had a baby.

David Ghantt: I'm starting to feel like a corndog at a hotdog party.

Runny: Please, don't shoot. I've got kids.

David Ghantt: Yeah? Do your kids know you're a lying, cheating sack of filth?

Runny: Well... I just haven't found the right moment to tell 'em.

Mike McKinney: I got another job.

David Ghantt: No kiddin', what are you doin'?

Mike McKinney: Tax preparation.

David Ghantt: Oh, are ya? That's nice.

Mike McKinney: Naw, I'm just foolin'. It's gonna be more murder.

David Ghantt: I'm right here, sugar bush. Don't worry about a thing.

David Ghantt: Brace your boobies.

David Ghantt: I'd rob a funeral home for you.

David Ghantt: [coughing on a bite of churro] No, that's alright, I'm just choking on my cholo.

Jandice: A couple years back, I was at a youth praise concert at church, and I saw the most handsome man that I had ever seen in the world. He was looking right at me. We went on a date, and then we fell very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very deeply in love. And then he died. Snake bite. At his funeral, I was very, very distraught. I couldn't keep myself together. And I saw this... other man. A distant cousin of the deceased. He was a pallbearer, and he was kinda strugglin' to hold up his end of the casket.

David Ghantt: I had a hard time liftin' it up.

Jandice: In any case, we got to talkin' afterwards, and I thought, well, that one's dead, this one's alive. I'll take the live one. Now, here we are, two years later.

Steve: What should I call you, sir?

Steve: Nothing. You don't ever need to see me or know my name. You can refer to me as Geppetto.

David Ghantt: Geppetto?

Steve: Yeah, Geppetto. As in Pinnochio. As in, I pull the strings.

David Ghantt: I think he means Stromboli.

Steve: What did you call me?

David Ghantt: Nothin'. I just think you mean Stromboli. Geppetto was just a woodcarver. Stromboli was the puppeteer.

Kelly: We could hop on over to Brazil. You ever been to Rio?

David Ghantt: I've never even been to the airport but about twice in my life.

Kelly: Oh, it's a real magical place.

David Ghantt: Yeah. All those planes landin' and takin' off and such.

Kelly: No, Rio.

David Ghantt: Oh, Rio, yeah, yeah.

David Ghantt: One-four-three, Kelly Campbell.

David Ghantt: Sometimes the only way out... is through.