David Collins Quotes in Dark Shadows (2012)

David Collins: Carolyn touches herself. She makes noises like a kitten.

Carolyn Stoddard: [to David] You little shit!

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: Children, get away from that man!

David Collins: He said his name was Barnabas Collins.

Carolyn Stoddard: And I'm pretty sure he called me a hooker.

David Collins: [opening the coffin in which Barnabas has been chained] Uncle Barnabas, why do you have ladies' underwear on your head?

Barnabas Collins: Never mind that...

David Collins: That's enough. Leave us alone.

Angelique Bouchard: I think I'll start by killing you, orphan!

[advances on David]

Elizabeth Collins Stoddard: David, run!

Barnabas Collins: [to Angelique] Your quarrel is with me!

Angelique Bouchard: My quarrel is with ALL of you!

Carolyn Stoddard: [about Barnabas] He's not staying with us forever, is he?

David Collins: I like him.

[Someone enters the mausoleum where Barnabas is imprisoned]

Barnabas Collins: Who's there? Oh, please, I swear on Heaven you will come to no harm! Please! Please! How many decades has it been?

David Collins: It's been twenty minutes.

Barnabas Collins: Oh, Master David! However did you find me?

David Collins: My mommy told me. You must think I'm crazy...

Barnabas Collins: Master David, I think nothing of the sort!

David Collins: Carolyn, look...

[points at Barnabas's portrait]

Barnabas Collins: Ah, yes! Uncanny, is it not? Worth every hour I spent posing.

Angelique Bouchard: So, what are you going to do to me?

David Collins: Not me. My mommy.

[Laura Collins appears]

[Barnabas searches for Victoria]

David Collins: She's headed for Widow's Hill!

Jonesy: You're still not telling us everything.

David Collins: Of course not, you're my friends.

David Collins: You're the only people I've ever told.

Mike Hanson: Yeah, can you keep it that way? It makes you seem kind of creepy.

[the waitress is missing her right forearm]

David Collins: [nervous] How's the chili here?

Mexican Restaurant Waitress: [Surly and blasé] I'd give my right arm for a bowl.

David Collins: There is no such thing as the one. It's more of a mind boggling whole hell of a lot of potential ones. That should be comforting, it's actually pretty terrifying. We would all like to kick back and wait for some magical force to show us who we should spend the rest of our lives with. But the truth is, there isn't a lightning bolt that slaps you on the ass and tells you to pick this person over all others. It's like the rain, rain falls all the time. Sometimes we are prepared for it, sometimes we're not. And depending where you are when it hits, you either get caught in it, or you don't. In fact, most of us try like hell to avoid it.

Jonesy: You're hunting Sasquatch. See? There she is

[pointing to DeBeers commercial]

David Collins: Shadow lady? She is the Sasquatch?

Jonesy: She's the myth. The perfect woman. A figment of our dumbass male imagination. Slap a face on the shadow bitch and she ceases to be perfect. Because she becomes real.