David Carlton Quotes in Ali G Indahouse (2002)

David Carlton: [to Ali] Have you ever considered becoming a member of parliament?

Ali G: What me wanna do that for? It's full of pricks.

David Carlton: That's a little harsh. I'm an MP, am I a prick?

Ali G: Yes.

David Carlton: Tell me, Ali, do you have a job?

Ali G: Unfortunately, I iz recently gone on the dole...

David Carlton: Really? When?

Ali G: Eight years and three months ago.

David Carlton: Says here you claim disability benefit, are you...?

Ali G: Yes, I iz actually spasticated. I iz got a terrible DJ'ing injury - I still ain't got full mobility in me main mixing finger...

[starts to air-mix, winces, feigns pain, and stops. Notices Carlton's fit secretary looking at him, so he points to his crotch]

Ali G: Everything down there's still working, though! Oh, yes...

David Carlton: As from 12 o'clock all rizla's will be free. To discourage their use, there will be a 25p-per-pound levy on panties. This will exclude thongs. Marijuana will be available on the NHS to treat chronic diseases such as ichy scrot. Furthermore I am a bell end...

Ali G: HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!

David Carlton: Prime minister, I really can't be expected to...

Prime Minister: Go on now, David!

David Carlton: [Looking annoyed] I like to take it up the batty. It is me favourite. I used to be a girl and wear knicks, honest. Ask me mum!

David Carlton: Swan, is there any reason why there should be an absurdly dressed, half-naked man chained to a fence, being tossed off by an old blind council worker?