David Basner Quotes in Nothing in Common (1986)

Charlie Gargas: At the end, I had my father in a nursing home. I gave him the best doctors in Illinois. He was a little senile... not much. I never spent much time with him. I was too busy. Finally, when I got around to seeing him, he didn't recognize me. Till the day he died, he didn't know who the hell I was.

David Basner: Here I thought you were the perfect son, Charlie.

Charlie Gargas: No. They told me there was only one of those guys. Listen, you take care of what you've got to take care of. I'll take care of Woolridge.

Donna Mildred Martin: The only advice my Mom ever gave me was, "Don't live in the same city as your parents."

David Basner: What crappy advice. I can't get my parents to move.

Max Basner: Your best friend is your dick.

David Basner: Now where did I learn that? Your best friend is *your* dick.

Max Basner: Great, maybe the four of us can get together and have lunch.

Andrew Woolridge: My daughter speaks very highly of you. Says you're a great lay.

David Basner: [David's gun accidentally goes off] She told you that?

Andrew Woolridge: My baby girl tells me everything.

David Basner: That's some conversation for a father to be having with his daughter.

Andrew Woolridge: I raised her to be a corporate executive. I raised her to be a man.

David Basner: So did my father, but I never tell him anything.

Max Basner: That was something we all had in common... your grandfather, me, you. We always knew had to talk a girl into bed.

David Basner: I'm glad you still can.

Max Basner: I can't. I can't do it anymore.

David Basner: I could've been a great doctor.

Max Basner: You could've been a great anything, son.

David Basner: [to Andrew Woolridge] Sir, I was just wondering. By eating your entire meal with the salad fork, does that include the soup?

Max Basner: I lost my lines. They fired me.

David Basner: [David gets out of his Jeep and walks around angrily for a few moments, then gets back in the car] What are you gonna do?

Max Basner: I know you hate me. But you have to help me.

David Basner: I'm just protecting my balls, just as, I'm sure, at one time or another, you have protected your own

David Basner: Mom, why don't you put on your shoes and come out of the cage? How many guys have said that to their mothers?