Davey Stone Quotes in Eight Crazy Nights (2002)

Davey Stone: Smell ya later, Poopsicle!

[laughs]

Davey Stone: Hey, Jelly Jugs, next time you're on my court, you better wear a bra, okay?

Whitey: He was just kidding son, you got very nice boobs.

Davey Stone: Whippin' out my big, white, scary moon and blowin' a beef your way

Davey Stone: Ugh! Jeezum crow! Did I just see two Persian cats on your ass? I think I'm gonna

[burping]

Davey Stone: barf.

Davey Stone: So, what's good about this place?

Whitey: What's good about it? Everything. You want a pair of socks? My buddy, Mr. Foot Locker will warm your feet. You need a fancy doodad? Hello, Sharper Image. Thanks for the combination pogo stick/clock radio. I mean, The Body Shop, the Tie Rack, GNC, Radio Shack, Petland for a cat or two, Spencer's Gifts for some fake dog doo, Sbarro's, Dunkin' Donuts, they're simply the best. And don't forget the orange chicken at Panda Express. But if you're short of cash like little old me, the window shopping's always free.

Davey Stone: [while Whitey is having a seizure] Okay, that's it no one wants to see an old man die! Fatty's team loses cuz I wanna see him cry again.

Davey Stone: Easy seizure boy!

Whitey: Wow Benjamin, an etch-a-sketch, not too shabby!

Davey Stone: That's a Gameboy you idiot.

Whitey: Oh sorry I'm not up on modern technology.

Davey Stone: I wonder if that guy ever wiped his ass with the wrong hand?

Tom Baltezor: Yes.

Davey Stone: How did you get so good on the ice, anyway?

Whitey: In the '50s I refed youth hockey for a couple of seasons.

Eleanor Duvall: Until a hockey puck struck him in the back of the head.

Whitey: Nothin' a metal plate couldn't fix.

Eleanor Duvall: You were in a coma for three months.

Whitey: I needed the rest, anyway!

Davey Stone: [Drops fries on try which spells Bite Me] .

Whitey: Jokes on you tough guy! I can't read!

[Smiles]

Whitey: .

Davey Stone: Over there's my family home...

Jennifer: And the woods we used to roam...

Whitey: The only time I had sex was on the phone...

Phone Sex Lady: [Cut to room full of BDSM stuff and a subtitle that says 1-888-BOOBIES] But that was long ago.

Davey Stone: I carved our name upon that tree...

Jennifer: I loved him and he loved me...

Mayor: My darling wife was once a he...

Old Lady, Bus Driver & Mayor's Wife: [Guy with a stuble, dress, and blond wig] But that was long ago.

Davey Stone: Your honor, I can still do a pretty good jump shot.

[unscrews a hip flash, drinks a shot, and does a little jump]

Whitey: Now I assume you've done you're pre-game warm-ups.

Davey Stone: No, let me do them right now.

[Hold up his fists, raises and lowers his middle fingers]

Davey Stone: One, two, three, four...

Whitey: [Oblivious] That's good, but don't forget your hammies.

Whitey: [Looking at Davey's trailing going up in flames] Maybe it's a sign. After all, Channuka is the festival of lights.

Davey Stone: I should stick you on a twig and roast you.

Davey Stone: Well right now, I'm going to another restaurant record: longest burp.

[makes his very long burp to everybody in the restaurant]

Eleanor Duvall: You're an animal.

Davey Stone: And you're bald!

[rips her wig off]

Eleanor Duvall: Not again.

[faints]

Whitey: You're not welcome in my house.

Davey Stone: Good, your house SUCKS!

Jennifer: Do you have to be mean to everybody who tries to help you?

Davey Stone: That's my problem!

[tosses wig which hands on the Waiter's head]

Chinese Waiter: He just a no-goodnik, and *I* am the real Kristi Yamaguchi

Narrator: Wow. Just when you started to really like Davey, he goes and has a butthole relapse.

Whitey: I'm lettin' this one go, Stone. But next screw-up, it's slammer time. Hmph.

[tries to drive away; his car is stuck in the snow; rolls down the window and calls to Davey]

Whitey: Got any sand or rock salt in there? I need to get some traction!

Davey Stone: "Got any sand or rock salt in there, 'cause I need to get some..." oh SHUT UP!

Narrator: Well, while Whitey and Eleanor are getting ready for the banquet, the moron was having a party of his own. And when people get in a state that Davey is in, they do really stupid things. Like go to a mall that's obviously closed to yell at a woman who is obviously not there.

Davey Stone: Jennifer! Jennifer! What's the matter with the way I live my life, huh, Jennifer? Where are you? Home reading your baby boy a bedtime story? While he sucks his thumb and goes pee-pee on his blanket? Ugh, horse shit!

Eleanor Duvall: You know, I read recently in Reader's Digest that people who let themselves cry when they're hurting are often stronger than the people who try to hold all their pain inside.

Davey Stone: Did you read anything about a deformed referee who spends 35 years trying to win some stupid patch, so he can pretend people actually like him?

Eleanor Duvall: Which month was that in?

Davey Stone: Fuck you!