Data Quotes in Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)

Data: [as B-4] Move, puny human animal!

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [lowly] A bit less florid, Data...

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Duty. A starship captain's life is filled with solemn duty. I have commanded men in battle. I have negotiated peace treaties between implacable enemies. I have represented the Federation in first contact with twenty-seven alien species. But none of this compares with my solemn duty today... as best man. Now, I know, on an occasion such as this, it is expected that I be gracious and fulsome in my praise on the wonders of this blessed union, but have the two of you considered what you were doing to me? Of course you're happy, but what about *my* needs? This is all a damned inconvenience. While you're happily settling in on the Titan, I will be training my new first officer. You all know him. He's a tyrannical martinet who will never, *ever*, allow me to go on away missions.

Data: That is the regulation, sir. Starfleet code section 12, paragraph 4...

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Mr. Data...

Data: Sir?

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Shut up.

Data: Yes, sir.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: [turning to the wedding guests] 15 years I've been waiting to say that.

Data: I will always be puzzled by the human predilection for piloting vehicles at unsafe velocities.

Commander Deanna Troi: That was a lovely toast.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: It's from the heart.

Commander Deanna Troi: And you needn't worry. I'm going to brief your new counselor on everthing she needs to know.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Oh, like hell you are. You already know too much about me. But I take it that there will be no speeches during the ceremony on Betazed?

Commander William T. Riker: No, no speeches and... no clothes.

Data: [toasting Riker and Troi] Ladies and gentlemen, and invited transgendered species. In my study of Terran and Betazoid conjugal rites, I have discovered it is traditional to present the happy couple with a gift. Given Commander Riker's affection for archaic musical forms, I have elected to present the following in honor of their conjugation.

Data: Do you have a name, sir?

B-4: I am... B-4.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: B-4? Dr. Soong's penchant for whimsical names seems to have no end.

Data: [his last words] Goodbye.

Data: [watching as Picard tries to figure out the controls of the Scorpion attack fighter] Would you like me to drive, sir?

Dr. Beverly Crusher: [examining B-4] You know, all things considered, Data, I think you have nicer eyes.

Data: Our eyes are identical, Doctor.

[Worf picks up B-4's arm]

Data: It appears to be a robotic arm.

Worf: [sarcastically] Very astute.

[In the attempt to find an alternative exit, Picard intends to blast with a shuttle through the inner shuttle bay doors and fly through the Scimitar]

Data: Do you think this is a wise course of action, sir?

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: We're about to find out, Data.

Data: I must deactivate you.

B-4: For how long?

Data: Indefinitely.

B-4: How long is tha...

Data: A long time, brother.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: If I had lived his life, is it possible that I would have rejected my humanity?

Data: The B-4 is physically identical to me, although his neural pathways are not as advanced. But even if they were, he would not be me.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard: How can you be sure?

Data: I aspire, sir, to be better than I am. B-4 does not. Nor does Shinzon.

Worf: [to Data, when discovering B-4's head] It's you!

Data: The resemblance is... striking.

Data: B-4, do you know where you are?

B-4: I am in a room... with lights.

Data: Captain Picard agrees that the B-4 was probably designed with the same self-actualization parameters as myself. If my memory engrams are successfully integrated into his positronic matrix, he should have all my abilities.

Geordi La Forge: Yeah, but he would also have all of your memories as well. You feel comfortable with that?

Data: I feel nothing, Geordi.

[Data, with his new emotion chip installed, is told to scan for lifeforms]

Data: I would be happy to, sir. I just *love* scanning for lifeforms!

[sings]

Data: Lifeforms! You tiny little lifeforms! You precious little lifeforms! Where are you?

[Data finds a drink unpleasant - for the first time ever]

Data: I hate this! It is revolting!

Guinan: More?

Data: Please!

Data: [using profanity for the first time] Oh, shit.

Data: [laughs] I get it! I get it! When you said "The clown can stay, but the Ferengi in the gorilla suit has to go!"

Geordi: Data, what are you talking about?

Data: During the Farpoint mission; we were on the bridge, you told a joke, that was the punchline!

Geordi: The Farpoint mission? Data, that was seven years ago.

Data: I know! I just got it! Very funny!

Data: [uses a device in his arm to open a door] Open sesame! You could say I have a magnetic personality.

[laughs at his joke]

Data: Humor! I love it!

[Data has found his cat Spot safe and alive in the Enterprise wreckage]

Data: [happily] Spot!

[Data cradles Spot, and begins crying]

Troi: Data? Are you all right?

Data: [tears streaming] I am happy to see Spot, yet I am crying! Perhaps the chip is malfunctioning.

Troi: [smiling] I think it's working perfectly.

Geordi: I've never seen a solar probe with this kind of configuration, have you, Data?

Data: [uses tricorder as a hand puppet]

Data: No, Geordi, I have not. Have you?

Data: [to his tricorder]

Data: No, I have not. It is most unusual.

[laughs at his joke]

Data: Mister Tricorder!

Counselor Deanna Troi: Have you noticed how your boobs have firmed up?

Cmdr. Beverly Crusher: Not that we care about that in this day and age.

Counselor Deanna Troi: Uh huh.

Cmdr. Beverly Crusher: [notices Data] Thank you, Data.

Data: [walks over to Worf]

Lieutenant Commander Worf: I've an odd craving for the blood of a live Kolar beast.

Data: And have you noticed how your boobs have firmed up? Not that we care about tha...

Data: I feel obliged to point out that the environmental anomalies may have stimulated certain rebellious instincts common to youth, which could affect everyone's judgment... Except mine of course.

Cmdr. Beverly Crusher: Okay Data. What do *you* think we should do?

Data: Saddle up, lock and load!

Data: In the event of a water landing, I have been designed to act as a flotation device.

Data: I seem to be missing several memory engrams.

[Geordi shows him several microchips he is holding in his hand]

Data: There they are.

Captain Picard: Data, what's the last thing you remember?

Data: [singing] His nose should pant, and his lip should curl...

Captain Picard: From the mission.

[there is a blemish on Worf's face]

Captain Picard: Have you been in a fight, Mr Worf?

Lieutenant Commander Worf: [sighs] No sir... it is a "gorch".

Captain Picard: Gorch?

Data: [whispers] Pimple, sir.

Captain Picard: Oh... it's hardly noticeable.

Commander Riker: [referring to his shaven face] Smooth as an android's bottom, eh, Data?

Data: I beg your pardon, Sir?

Data: [later] Commander! May I?

[feels his face, shakes his head]

Data: [Artim is getting over his distrust of Data, and beginning to bond with him] My operation depends on specifications that do not change. I will never know the experience of growing up or tripping over my own feet.

Artim: But you've never had adults telling you what to do all the time, or bedtimes, or having to eat food you don't like.

Data: I would gladly accept the requirement of a bedtime in exchange for knowing what it is like to be a child.

Artim: Do machines ever play?

Data: Yes. I play the violin, and my chess routines are quite advanced.

Artim: No, I mean, haven't you ever just played? For fun?

Data: [tentative, unsure what the boy is getting at] Androids do not have fun.

Artim: Look, if you want to understand what it's like to be a child, you need to learn to play.

Andy: Watch this.

[Data's father takes a camera out of his jacket and proceeds to take a picture but the film falls out. Andy starts laughing]

Andy: He's just like his father.

Data: [in Chinese] That's okay daddy. You can't hug a photograph.

Mr. Wang: [in Chinese] You are my greatest invention.

Stef: Data where are you going?

Data: I'm setting booty traps.

Stef: You mean booby traps?

Data: THATS WHAT I SAID! BOOBY TRAPS! God. These Guys!

[Brand and Andy are about to kiss after falling down]

Chunk: Shame, shame!

Data: I know your name!

Mouth: Come on, Brand! Slip her the tongue!

Stef: Oh, that's disgusting. Now I can't even look.

[the Goonies are collecting coins from a wishing well]

Stef: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop, stop! You can't do this.

Data: Why?

Mikey: Why?

Stef: Because these are somebody else's wishes. They're somebody else's dreams.

Mouth: Yeah, but you know what? This one, this one right here. This was my dream, my wish. And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back. I'm taking them all back.

Data: Hey any of you guys ever hear of Detroit?

Mikey: No.

Mouth: Sointenly! Where Motown started. It's also got the highest murder rate in the country.

Data: Well, let me tell you what. That's where we're going when we lose the house tomorrow.

Mikey: You shut up about that stuff, it'll never happen. My dad will fix it.

Brandon Walsh: Yeah sure he will. If he gets his next 400 paychecks by tommorrow afternoon.

Mikey: That's wrong Brand! It won't happen.

Data: Holy S-H-I-T!

Data: Pinchers of Peril... saved by my Pinchers of Peril!

Irene Walsh: Brandon I want you to keep your brother inside I don't want him to catch a cold.

Brandon Walsh: He should be put in a plastic bubble.

Irene Walsh: I'm serious Brandon! That's not funny. If he takes one step outside and you'll be in the deepest, absolutely the deepest, shi, shi, shi...

Brandon Walsh: Shit ma!

Irene Walsh: I don't like that language but that's exactly what you're going to be in, and you Data.

Data: Data

Irene Walsh: Data use the front door from now on okay? What is that?

Data: I am wondering... what is in the bag?

Data: Hey McFly, you bojo, those boards don't work on water!

Whitey: Unless you've got POWER!

[laughs]