Darius Quotes in The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982)

[Darius. and the soldiers plan to rescue Talon from Cromwell's dungeon]

Elizabeth: Let me go with you.

[Darius shakes his head]

Elizabeth: I know the way into the castle.

Darius: Tell me the way.

Elizabeth: I beg you, let me take you to him.

[Darius agrees]

Darius: Take a sword.

[Next scene: The soldiers have all been captured]

Eric: We should never have followed that wench in here.

Darius: At... t... t... tack!

[last lines]

Kenneth: To go it alone, or to go with a partner. When you choose a partner, you have to have compromises and sacrifices, but it's the price you pay. Do I want to follow my every whim and desire as I make my way through time and space? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, do I need someone when I'm doubting myself and I'm insecure, and *my* heart's failing me? Do I need someone who, when the heat gets hot, has my back?

Darius: So, do you?

Kenneth: I do.

[Darius approaches Kenneth, where he is stocking soup cans in the Grocery Outlet Bargain Market. She acts cool and nonchalant]

Darius: Do you sell guns here?

Kenneth: [surprised] What kind of guns?

Darius: I don't know. Something sexy and affordable, with killing power?

Kenneth: You should try C and R Guns in Wilkins. The state of Washington does not allow the sale of firearms in the business premises of a grocer.

Darius: Hm. What about those... thingies? With the spiky ball on the end of a chain things, you know, and the...

[She pantomimes whirling a flail around above her head]

Darius: You have those?

Kenneth: What exactly is the intended use? Is there a pest problem, or hunting?

Darius: [sternly] Well, if your ad had been written properly, I may have a better idea of what I need.

Kenneth: My ad?

Darius: Yeah. It's pretty sloppy.

Kenneth: Excuse me?

Darius: You heard me. I hope you worked harder on your calibrations.

Kenneth: [looking around cautiously, but sounding stung] My calibrations are flippin' pinpoint, okay?

Darius: Hm.

Kenneth: [still looking around and behind him] There are people after me. How do I know you don't work for them?

Darius: Because I've never worked for anybody in my life.

Kenneth: You ever face certain death?

Darius: If it was so certain, I wouldn't be here, would I?

[She takes a soup can from his hand and places it, without looking, unerringly in its spot on the shelf]

Darius: What makes you think he won't slam the door in my face, too?

Jeff: Because you gotta be sincere and charming. Okay? He's used to assholes like me coming and making fun.

Arnau: Uh, also, probably none of the other people were beautiful girls.

Jeff: [with a sideways look] Easy, Arnau.

Arnau: What?

Jeff: He's right. Use that too. There's something off about this guy, okay? So you gotta go slow, like you're trapping a skittish animal. Now, lure him. Play coy. Girls know how to do that shit.

Darius: You're dangling my vagina out there like bait. What if this guy's a murderer? What if he cuts me up into little pieces and eats me?

Jeff: Then the story's even better.

[Arnau and Darius are scoping out the Post Office, waiting for the person who wrote the time-travel classified ad]

Arnau: Wait. How about this one?

Darius: Yeah, she wants to stop the person who gave her that haircut from being born.

Jeff: You never done coke or anything, when you're studying for an exam?

Arnau: Cocaine? Are you crazy?

Jeff: What is it you study?

Arnau: Biological and life sciences.

Jeff: Makes sense. So what are you doing, interning at a magazine?

Arnau: Diversity looks good on an application for grad school.

Jeff: You know what, we gotta get you laid on this vacation. That's what's gotta happen.

Darius: Vacation?

Jeff: I mean, work trip. Whatever.

Darius: [over-answering a job interview question] In high school I felt like that mouse that gets dropped in the snake cage and just sits there, frozen, trying to blend in. I guess I remember being happy when I was a kid. Back when you just naturally expect good things to happen. Before my mom died.

Jeff: Can I get a couple of interns? Help me with some research?

Darius: I'll do it.

Arnau: Me, too, please. Me.

Jeff: All right, give me the lesbian and the Indian and I got a story!

Darius: [referring to Kenneth] What makes you think there's something wrong with him?

Jeff: Because he thinks he can go back in time.

Darius: Was there something wrong with Einstein or David Bowie?

Jeff: [after Kenneth steals some lasers] Fuckin' lasers?

Arnau: What kind of lasers?

Darius: I don't know, I'm not a freakin' storm trooper.

Kenneth: I really like your intensity. You're, like, no nonsense.

Darius: Well, there's no sense in nonsense. Especially when the heat's on.

Jeff: [tailing the bad guys] This is fucking intense!

Darius: We're going 15 miles per hour.

Mr. Britt: You're sad. I don't know how to describe it. It's like there's a cloud following you. You're antisocial, and you're a virgin.

Darius: What?

Mr. Britt: I don't ever see you with any guys. I don't remember the last time you brought a guy home.

Darius: Yeah, well, how do you know I'm not on Craigslist, having casual encounters? Or when I was away at the dorms? You weren't there.

Mr. Britt: I've talked to Amy.

Darius: Why are you talking to my college roommate?

Mr. Britt: We're Facebook friends.

Darius: Oh, my God. How do I eject?

[Darius joins Jeff and Arnau in the motel lounge bar, where Jeff has shown Arnau how to Facebook friend an old girlfriend of Jeff's]

Jeff: Here she is. Look at you, you went all rogue. What did you get?

Darius: Got his name, where he works.

Jeff: Great.

Darius: What did you guys get?

[Jeff points to the Facebook page]

Jeff: She accepted, but, uh, no photos, so I'm not really sure.

Darius: What?

Arnau: He came here to hook up with an old high school girlfriend.

Darius: [scornful] Seriously? That's what you've been doing?

Jeff: Well, I've been doing other stuff, too, but.

[Jeff takes a sheet of photos out of his pocket, with bravado]

Jeff: Maybe this will change your attitude a little bit. That's her. When she was 18, and I used to see her naked.

Darius: So?

Jeff: So I'm coming back to try to see her naked again.

Darius: I'd be weirded out if some guy tried to track me down after 20 years.

Jeff: I'd be weirded out, too, if some guy tried to track you down.

Darius: Why?

Jeff: Who would do that?

[Still at the grocery store:]

Kenneth: This is a bad place to talk. I get off in, like, fifteen. Rendezvous?

Darius: [confident but still cool] See you in eight.

[She turns to walk away, but whirls suddenly to toss him a soup can he had not realized she had taken. Kenneth looks at it; she has written her phone number in strong black ink across a white space on the label. Kenneth's face is hard, but he is clearly impressed; he thinks he has found his partner]

Darius: What time would you go back to? If you could.

Arnau: I don't know. I'm fine here.

Darius: I would definitely go back. Everything cool is gone. The Aztecs. People killing themselves for each other. You wouldn't want to see the dragons and the elves, fighting each other in the magical forests? Come on!

Arnau: No.

[He puts his hand on her shoulder kindly]

Arnau: That wasn't a time.

Darius: [Rolls her eyes] Yeah. Right.

[Jeff joins Darius and Arnau in the car after a badly-managed interview with Kenneth]

Jeff: Huhh!

Darius: So what'd he say?

Jeff: Well, he's the real deal. That ad is no prank. He's not, like, retarded, but there's something wrong with this guy. Definitely didn't like my ass, I'll tell you that.

Arnau: So, so what; that's it?

Jeff: Oh, no. This just got good.

Darius: [Asks Jeff and Arnau to get out of the car with a bunch of POC around. Jeff doesn't agree] Are you guys racist?

Jeff: It's complicated.

Darius: I have no funk. I'm totally funkless.

Darius: Why do you have flames on your laptop?

Arnau: It's a gaming laptop. It's really fast.

Jeff: So here's what I'm thinking. We're budgeted for two rooms, but if we share a room, we could use that extra money for some other shit.

Darius: For what? Drugs?

[first lines]

Darius: How far back do you want me to go?

Jeff: [about old flame] I don't know, she's was big and, like...

Darius: Hmm, like your age? Yeah, gross.

Darius: Just think of AIDS as the guest that won't leave, the one we all hate. But you have to remember: Hey! It's still our party.

Darius: Who's Martha Stewart?

Sterling: She writes picture books about gracious living. Martha says that nothing else matters if you can do a nice dried floral arrangement. I worship her.

Darius: And, um, who's Ann Miller?

Sterling: Leave this house.

Darius: Yes, I am in CATS. Now and forever. The way I see it, I was too young for Chorus Line, and too "happy" for Les Mis. I never did get that show. It's about a guy, who steals a loaf of bread, and then suffers for the rest of his life. For toast! Get over it.

Darius: I love the Nutcracker. You know when I was a kid I was always afraid of the dancing mice. Now I'm a cat.

Sterling: His therapist is ecstatic.

Darius: Well it's like Adam and Eve. He was fine grooving in paradise, but Eve wanted something scary. She wanted the fucking edge. She wanted to jump off cliffs just so she could see what it was like to fall.

Darius: I try, Dear!

Darius: Now and then I have to vent on those who play at death. It makes me hard to see them cry.

Darius: What do you say, you take off the silly costume and go home, and we forget all this ever happened.