Danny Noonan Quotes in Caddyshack (1980)

Ty Webb: You take drugs, Danny?

Danny Noonan: Everyday.

Ty Webb: Good.

Bishop: I really enjoy working with young people such as yourself down at our new Lutheran Center... Why don't you drop by sometime, eh?

Danny Noonan: I've often thought of entering the Priesthood.

Bishop: Oh, are you a Roman Catholic?

[Danny nods]

Bishop: Oh, then I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you can't come.

Danny Noonan: I planned to go to law school after I graduated, but it looks like my folks won't have enough money to put me through college.

Judge Smails: Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.

Lacey Underall: [to Danny] Nice try.

Ty Webb: You've got to win this hole.

Danny Noonan: I kinda thought winning wasn't important

Ty Webb: Me winning isn't. You do.

Danny Noonan: Great grammar.

Danny Noonan: [trying to make small talk with Chuck after Smails has introduced them] Well, I'm going to college too.

Chuck Schick: [haughtily] Really... are you going to Harvard?

Danny Noonan: No, St. Copius of northern...

Chuck Schick: Where?

Lacey Underall: [walking up with Terry, at Danny] Hey Cary Grant... you wanna get high?

Terry the Hippie: Wait a minute! I only got a little!

Lacey Underall: Then split, OK Terry?

Terry the Hippie: [leaving] Sure.

Lacey Underall: [to Chuck] Bye, Chuck!

[she and Danny grimace towards him, he leaves]

Danny Noonan: Guess I'm a little overdressed?

Lacey Underall: Depends on what's underneath... come on.

Ty Webb: Sure thing. Shoot, Timmy.

Danny Noonan: Danny.

Ty Webb: Danny.

Danny Noonan: I haven't even told my father about the scholarship I didn't get. I'm gonna end up working in a lumberyard the rest of my life.

Ty Webb: What's wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.

Danny Noonan: I notice you don't spend too much time there.

Ty Webb: I'm not quite sure where they are.

Pat Noonan: I saw that! That's about 4 dollars in change!

Danny Noonan: I had a couple of burgers and some Cokes for lunch.

Pat Noonan: How many Cokes?

Danny Noonan: Four or five.

Pat Noonan: What are you, a diabetic?

Danny Noonan: I don't know!

Danny Noonan: I gotta go to college. I gotta.

Ty Webb: Oh, Danny, this isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia, is it? I didn't think so.

Ty Webb: Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You're not being the ball Danny.

Danny Noonan: It's hard when you're talking like that.

[Tony gives his ticket to Danny who has taken over for Lou]

Danny Noonan: I can't pay you. Lou has to.

Tony D'Annunzio: Where is he?

Danny Noonan: He's out.

Tony D'Annunzio: I can see that he's out, numbnuts.

[Gives Danny a dollar]

Tony D'Annunzio: Give me a coke.

Danny Noonan: One coke.

[gives Tony a bottle of Coke and 50 cents]

Tony D'Annunzio: Hey wait a minute. That's only 50 cents.

Danny Noonan: Yeah well Lou raised the price of coke he's been losing at the track.

Tony D'Annunzio: Well I ain't paying no 50 cents for no coke.

Danny Noonan: Oh then you ain't getting no coke. Know what I'm talking about?

Ty Webb: Let me tell you a little story? I once knew a guy who could have been a great golfer, could have gone pro, all he needed was a little time and practice. Decided to go to college instead. Went for four years, did pretty well. At the end of his four years, his last semester he was kicked out... You know what for? He was night putting, just putting at night with the fifteen-year-old daughter of the Dean... You know who that guy was Danny?

Danny Noonan: No.

Ty Webb: Take one good guess.

Danny Noonan: Bob Hope?

Ty Webb: Ha ha... No, that guy was Mitch Comstein, my roommate. He was a good guy.

Maggie O'Hooligan: I'm late.

Danny Noonan: Late for what?

Maggie O'Hooligan: For not being pregnant!

[Danny walks inside Judge Smails' office, where Smails is seated around, and has a seat, awaiting his disciplinary action for his involvement with Lacey]

Danny Noonan: Judge Smails, sir?

Judge Smails: [not realizing Danny's already seated] Sit down, Danny.

[turns around in his chair, slightly hitting his desk; Both Danny and Smails tries to see their faces]

Judge Smails: Danny, I think you know why you are here, so I'll... do us both the courtesy of not reviewing what happened yesterday...

[angrily shoves the lamp to the side, but calms down]

Judge Smails: Sorry. My niece is the kind of girl who has a certain... zest of living. The last thing any of us need right now is a lot of loose talk about her behavior.

Danny Noonan: I swear, I didn't tell anybody anything, sir.

Judge Smails: [relief sigh] Good. Good, good.

[stands up]

Judge Smails: You know, despite what happened, I-I'm still convinced you have many fine qualities and I... I think you can still become a gentleman some day if you understand and abide by the rules of decent society.

[pats Danny on his shoulder]

Judge Smails: Danny, Danny, there's a lot of, uh, well, badness in the world today. I see it in court today. I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't wanna do it, but felt I owed it to them. The most important decision you can make right now is what do you stand for, Danny? Goodness... or badness?

Danny Noonan: I know I make some bad mistakes in the past. I'm willing to make up for that. I wanna be good.

Judge Smails: Good. Good, very good. You know, I... I know how hard it is for young people today and I wanna help. Well, just ask my grandson, Spaulding. He and I are regular pals. Are you my pal, Mr. scholarship winner?

Danny Noonan: [shakes Smails' hand] Yes, sir. I'm your pal.

Judge Smails: [chuckles] How 'bout a Fresca?

Danny Noonan: Guess I'm a little overdressed.

Lacey Underall: Depends on what's underneath.

Danny Noonan: Ooh.

Lacey Underall: Come on.

Danny Noonan: [to Lacey, while they're laying in bed after having sex] I want you to know that just because of this you don't have to stop seeing other people.

[Lacey starts giggling]

Ty Webb: I like you, Betty.

Danny Noonan: Danny, sir.

Ty Webb: Danny.