Danny Butterman Quotes in Hot Fuzz (2007)

Danny Butterman: Where's the trolley boy?

Nicholas Angel: In the freezer.

Danny Butterman: Did you say "cool off?"

Nicholas Angel: No I didn't say anything...

Danny Butterman: Shame.

Nicholas Angel: Well, there was the bit that you missed where I distracted him with the cuddly monkey then I said "play time's over" and I hit him in the head with the peace lily.

Danny Butterman: You're off the fuckin' chain!

Danny Butterman: So what made you want to become a policeman?

Nicholas Angel: Officer.

Danny Butterman: What made you want to become a policeman-officer?

Nicholas Angel: I don't remember a time when I didn't want to be a police officer... apart from the summer of 1979 when I wanted to be Kermit the Frog. It all started with my Uncle Derek. He was a Sergeant in the Met. He bought me a police pedal car when I was five. I rode around in it every second I was awake - arresting kids twice my size for littering and spitting. I got beaten up a lot when I was young, but it didn't stop me. I wanted to be like Uncle Derek.

Danny Butterman: He sounds like a good bloke.

Nicholas Angel: Actually, he was arrested for selling drugs to students.

Danny Butterman: What a cunt...

Nicholas Angel: Probably bought the pedal car with the proceeds. Needless to say, I never went near it again. I just let it rust. But I never lost the profound sense of right and wrong I felt at the wheel of that pedal car. I had to prove to myself that the Law could be proper and righteous and for the good of humankind. It was from that moment that I was destined to be a police officer.

Danny Butterman: Shame...

Nicholas Angel: How so?

Danny Butterman: I think you would have made a great Muppet...

Danny Butterman: Point Break or Bad Boys II?

Nicholas Angel: Which one do you think I'll prefer?

Danny Butterman: No, I mean which one do you wanna watch first?

[after supposedly stabbing Sgt. Angel, Danny is waving a sachet of tomato ketchup]

Danny Butterman: Ta-daaa!

Nicholas Angel: Danny, this is murder.

Danny Butterman: It's not murder, it's ketchup.

Nicholas Angel: It's Frank! He's appointed himself Judge, Jury and Executioner.

Danny Butterman: [agitated and defensive] He is not Judge Judy and Executioner.

Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired two guns whilst jumping through the air?

Nicholas Angel: No.

Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired one gun whilst jumping through the air?

Nicholas Angel: No.

Danny Butterman: Ever been in a high-speed pursuit?

Nicholas Angel: Yes, I have.

Danny Butterman: Have you ever fired a gun whilst in a high speed pursuit?

Nicholas Angel: No!

Danny Butterman: What about... 'Lethal Weapon'?

Nicholas Angel: No.

Danny Butterman: You've seen 'Die Hard', though?

Nicholas Angel: No.

Danny Butterman: 'Bad Boys II'?

Nicholas Angel: No.

Danny Butterman: You ain't seen 'Bad Boys II'?

[looking at a suspicious-looking passerby]

Nicholas Angel: All right, what about this guy? Ask yourself, why has he got his hat pulled down like that?

Danny Butterman: He's fuck-ugly.

Nicholas Angel: Or, he doesn't want you to see his face.

Danny Butterman: 'Cause he's fuck-ugly.

[Danny and Nicholas have just watched 'Point Break']

Danny Butterman: What do you think?

Nicholas Angel: Well, I wouldn't argue that it wasn't a no-holds-barred, adrenaline-fueled thrill ride. But there is no way you can perpetrate that amount of carnage and mayhem and not incur a considerable amount of paperwork.

Danny Butterman: That is nothing man, this is about to go off!

Nicholas Angel: You're a doctor, deal with it!

Danny Butterman: Yeah, motherfucker!

Danny Butterman: What's it like being stabbed?

Nicholas Angel: It was the single most painful experience of my life

Danny Butterman: [nodding] What's the second most painful?

Inspector Frank Butterman: I suppose you're wondering why we call them the "Andies"?

Nicholas Angel: They're both called Andrew?

Inspector Frank Butterman: [delighted] They said you were good!

Danny Butterman: Also because talking to them is an uphill struggle, isn't it, Dad?

[Danny gets hit on the head with a wastepaper basket]

Danny Butterman: Fuck off!

Inspector Frank Butterman: Thank you, Danny.

Nicholas Angel: Why are you wearing a police officer's uniform?

Danny Butterman: 'Cause I am one?

[Nicholas is giving a talk to a group of school children]

Nicholas Angel: Are there any questions?

[Danny is sitting at the back of a group]

Danny Butterman: Is it true that there's a point on a man's head where if you shoot it, it will blow up?

Danny Butterman: By the power of Greyskull!

Danny Butterman: Ever fired your gun in the air and yelled, 'Aaaaaaah?'

Nicholas Angel: In the meantime, why don't you check out a few of Martin Blower's clients?

DS Andy Wainwright: Martin Blower represents damn near most of the village. Do you want us to go through the whole phone book?

DS Andy Cartwright: Yeah, we'll put a call in to Aaron A. Aaronson, shall we?

Nicholas Angel: Please, don't be childish. At least consider interviewing the widow. Martin Blower was clearly having an affair with Eve Draper.

DS Andy Wainwright: Ohh, and how did you establish that?

Danny Butterman: [pounds table] 'Cause we sat through three hours of so-called acting last night, and the kiss was the only convincing moment in it.

DS Andy Wainwright: All right, pipe down, biggun'.

DS Andy Cartwright: Here, what else you got, Crockett and Tubby?

Nicholas Angel: Skid marks.

DS Andy Wainwright: Now who's being childish?

Nicholas Angel: There were no skid marks at the scene! Doesn't it seem a little strange that Martin Blower would lose control of his car and not think to apply the brakes?

Danny Butterman: Forget it, Nicholas... it's Sandford.

Nicholas Angel: I didn't mean to upset the apple cart.

DS Andy Cartwright: Oh yeah, cause we all sell apples 'round here, don't we?

Danny Butterman: Your dad sells apples, Andy.

DS Andy Cartwright: And raspberries.

DS Andy Wainwright: What are you thinking? Foul play? Maybe...

[to Danny and Nicholas]

DS Andy Wainwright: We're just hoping to talk to the last people to see Mr Merchant alive. Namely a Sergeant Knickerless Ass-wipe and Cuntstable Fanny Batterbum.

Danny Butterman: [smiling] Hey, that's us!

[Sergeant Angel has told Danny Butterman that Official Vocabulary no longer refers to car crashes as accidents: They are now called collisions]

Danny Butterman: Hey, why can't we say "accident," again?

Nicholas Angel: Because "accident" implies there's nobody to blame.

Danny Butterman: [about PC Doris Thatcher] She's our only policewoman.

Nicholas Angel: She's not a policewoman.

Danny Butterman: [whispers] Yes, she is, I've seen her bra.

Danny Butterman: [reading a DVD cover] Meet Supercop... the cop, that can't be stopped.

[last lines]

PC Doris Thatcher: [over radio] Any officers near the church?

Nicholas Angel: Go ahead, Doris.

PC Doris Thatcher: Chief, we've just gotten reports of some hippie types messing with the recycling bins at the supermarket.

Nicholas Angel: Leave it with us.

PC Doris Thatcher: Right-o.

Nicholas Angel: Sergeant Butterman? The little hand says it's time to rock and roll.

Danny Butterman: [puts on his sunglasses] Bring the noise!

[Nicholas wheels the car around, hits the siren, and floors the gas pedal]

Danny Butterman: Do you want anything from the shop?

Nicholas Angel: Cornetto.

Danny Butterman: [running to police car] I'll drive!

Nicholas Angel: SHOTGUN!

Nicholas Angel: Punch!... That!... Shit!

[repeated line]

Danny Butterman: Pub?

Danny Butterman: Well, I couldn't see his face, could I? I'm not made of eyes!

Nicholas Angel: Yes, sir. Why is everyone eating chocolate cake?

Inspector Frank Butterman: The Black Forest gateau is on Danny, as punishment for his little indiscretion.

Nicholas Angel: His...? Sir, I don't think driving under the influence can be called a "little indiscretion."

Inspector Frank Butterman: No, the gateau is for misplacing his helmet the other week. Last night's incident will require something a rather more serious. Do you like ice cream?

Nicholas Angel: I'm sorry, sir. I don't follow.

Inspector Frank Butterman: Let's just say that we won't be short of Chunky Monkey for the next month.

Danny Butterman: [annoyed] Daaaaaad!

Nicholas Angel: If you had paid attention to me in school, you'd understand it's not all about car chases and excitement.

[someone speeds by, triggering Angel's radar speed gun]

Nicholas Angel: Fire up the roof.

[they chase and catch the speeding car]

Danny Butterman: Now that was *brilliant*.

[Frank Butterman is fleeing in a police car but crashes into a tree when he is distracted by the swan that Nicholas and Danny captured earlier]

Nicholas Angel: I feel as if I should say something smart.

Danny Butterman: You don't have to say anything at all.

Danny Butterman: Dad just said it was his special club.

Nicholas Angel: [about his notebook] This is the most important piece of equipment you will ever own. This notebook has saved my skin more times than I care to remember. Do you use yours?

Danny Butterman: Yeah I use it.

[shows him a flip animation]

Nicholas Angel: [stunned] That's just extraordinary.

Danny Butterman: You should see the one on the other side.

Nicholas Angel: I just want to be... good at what I do.

Danny Butterman: You are good at what you do, you just need to switch off that big ol' melon of yours.

Nicholas Angel: That's just it Danny, I don't think I know how.

Danny Butterman: I can show you.

[opens doors to a closet, reveals his rather large and extensive DVD collection]

Nicholas Angel: [stunned] By the power of Greyskull!

Danny Butterman: Point Break or Bad Boys II?

Nicholas Angel: Which do you think I'd prefer?

Danny Butterman: No I mean which do you want to watch first?

Nicholas Angel: You are pulling my leg right?

[Angel and Butterman are driving to interview Arthur Webley, with PC Walker and his dog riding in the back]

Nicholas Angel: What do we need the dog for?

Danny Butterman: [chuckles] It's not the dog we need.

[cut to the interview with Webley]

Arthur Webley: [mumbles unintelligibly]

Nicholas Angel: Right...

[turns to Butterman and Walker]

Nicholas Angel: What did he say?

PC Bob Walker: He said...

[mumbles only slightly more intelligibly]

Nicholas Angel: [turns to Butterman] What did he say?

Danny Butterman: He said, "an hedge is an hedge, he only chopped it down because it spoilt his view, and what's Reaper moaning about?"

Nicholas Angel: And are they as big as he is?

Danny Butterman: Who?

Nicholas Angel: The mum and the sister?

Danny Butterman: Same person.

Danny Butterman: [searching for the swan] Honk!

[seeing Webley's barn full of guns]

Nicholas Angel: Where on earth did you get these?

Arthur Webley: Found 'em.

Danny Butterman: He found them.

Nicholas Angel: And what is this?

Danny Butterman: Sea mine.

Arthur Webley: Sea mine.

Nicholas Angel: Well, Mr. Webley this is an extremely dangerous collection, it's a wonder nobody's been hurt before.

Arthur Webley: Nah, just a lot of junk.

[He hits the mine with the butt of his shotgun. With a creak, it slowly tips onto its side and starts ticking softly. The three men exchange a look]

Nicholas Angel: MOVE, MOVE, MOVE!

Danny Butterman: Yeah, Roy-ee!

[repeated line]

Danny Butterman: Want anything from the shop?

[Nick Angel and Danny are returning from the pub]

Danny Butterman: Fancy a coffee?

Nicholas Angel: No thanks, don't drink it.

Danny Butterman: Cup of tea?

Nicholas Angel: I don't drink caffeine after midday.

Danny Butterman: A beer?

Nicholas Angel: [pauses] Umm...?