Dan Quotes in Armageddon (1998)

Karl: Sir, I'm retired navy, I know all about classified. But one more thing. The person that finds her gets to name her right?

Dan: Yes-yes that's right, that's right.

Karl: I wanna name her Dottie after my wife. She's a vicious life-sucking bitch from which there is no escape.

Dr. Banks: [going through the roughnecks' medical reports] Fail. Fail. Depressively fail! One toxicology analysis revealed ketamin, that is a very powerful sedative!

Harry: Sedatives are used all the time, doctor.

Dr. Banks: Well this one's used on horses.

Harry: Some of these guys are pretty big.

Dr. Banks: [to Truman] You know, it would normally take 18 months to psychologically prepare pre-screened, viable subjects for space travel. We have seen evidence of a wide fariety of territorial aggression.

Dan: Can they *physically* survive the trip? That's all I need to know here, okay?

Dr. Banks: Personally, I don't know how they survived the tests.

Dan: [the President asks about the size of the asteroid] lt's the size of Texas, Mr President.

President: Dan, we didn't see this thing coming?

Dan: Well, our object collison budget's a million dollars, that allows us to track about 3% of the sky, and beg'n your pardon sir, but it's a big-ass sky.

President: And the ones this morning?

Dan: Uh, those are nothing. Uh, they're the size of basketballs... and, uh, Volkswagens, things like that.

President: Is this going to hit us?

Dan: We're obtaining that as we speak, sir.

President: What kind of damage are we...

Dan: Damage? Total, sir. It's what we call a global killer. The end of mankind. Doesn't matter where it hits. Nothing would survive, not even bacteria.

President: My God. What do we do?

NASA Techs: [a NASA tech comes running into the room] We have 18 days before it hits Earth.

Dan: With the proximity of the asteroid, and no prep time, none of our primary plans can work.

General Kimsey: Why don't we just send up a hundred and fifty nuclear warheads and blast that rock apart?

Ronald Quincy: Terrible idea.

General Kimsey: Was I talkin' to you?

Dan: This is Dr. Ronald Quincy from Research. Pretty much the smartest man on the planet You might wanna listen to him.

Dan: Tell me you never let anybody down.

Harry Stamper: I never quit yet...

Grace Stamper: You have not told them yet. That is my father up there!

Dan: [to General Kimsey] This is one order you shouldn't follow and you fucking know it!

General Kimsey: And the ones this morning?

Dan: Uh, those were nothing. Uh, they're the size of basketballs and, uh, Volkswagens, things like that.

Dan: I'd be sick to not want to sleep with you.

Dan: Free, Free.

Dan: Look, if you cut my head off it'll start to putrify!

Yellowbeard: Do what?

Dan: Putrify, go rotten!

Yellowbeard: Yeah, it would ooze a lot, heads do. But I could live with that.

Yellowbeard: Betrayin's all part of piratin'. If you don't know that you're not even close to being a pirate, "Prawn of my loins", my foot!

Dan: What?

Yellowbeard: You're either born a pirate or not! It's in the blood Dan, and it's not in your blood or you'd have betrayed me long ago!

Dan: Everyone will be following you and if they catch you they'll have the map.

Yellowbeard: Bugger them! I'll eat it first. Won't be the first head I've eaten.

Yellowbeard: Oh, been out raping, lad?

[sees Troila]

Yellowbeard: Nice work lad.

Dan: No, I haven't raped her!

Yellowbeard: [disappointed] No, you wouldn't have you poncy little git! You're not the prawn of my loins, your mother's a bloody liar!

[grins]

Yellowbeard: That's what I liked about her!

Troila: What's happened to Daddy?

Yellowbeard: I killed him!

Dan: He's gone to heaven.

Troila: Aw, that's nice! He sent all his friends there.

Betty: It's about your father.

Dan: What about him?

Betty: When I said he was dead, I was only trying to cushion the blow.

Dan: A pirate? Like Yellowbeard?

Betty: Very much like Yellowbeard, yes. In fact, he is Yellowbeard.

Yellowbeard: Alright, Dan, if you're my son, prove it. Kill this stupid old bugger!

Lord Lambourn: Hold your horses...

Dan: I can't kill him! He brought me up! Just like a father.

Yellowbeard: Oh, you mean he's beat ya and kicked ya and smashed ya in the teeth?

Lord Lambourn: Yes...

Dan: No!

Lord Lambourn: No.

Dan: He's been kind and gentle.

Yellowbeard: What kind of a father is that? Kill him!

Dan: No!

Yellowbeard: Alright, I'll do it!

Betty: You're all going after the treasure!

Dan, Lord Lambourn, Yellowbeard, Dr. Gilpin: No!

Lord Lambourn: Uh, botanical...

Yellowbeard: Killing plants!

Dan: Father! We thought you were dead.

Yellowbeard: Us Yellowbeards are never more dangerous than when we're dead. How are you gettin' on pirating?

Dan: Um, well...

Yellowbeard: How many men have you killed so far?

Dan: One. Two, I think.

Yellowbeard: You think? You'll never kill anyone if you go around thinkin'.

Yellowbeard: You are a Yellowbeard!

Dan: What?

Yellowbeard: Killin' your father as I killed my father before me.

Dan: Dad, the blood...

Yellowbeard: That's what I like to hear! You are my son!

Flower Girl: [to Dan] Will you give me two farthings for a lump of shit?

Dan: [kneels down so he's at her level] What?

Flower Girl: Will you give me two farthings for a lump of shit?

Dan: No.

[she smacks him in the face with the ordure and walks away]

Dr. Gilpin: [coming up] Society is to blame.

Dan: You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world!

Dan: Now I know it looked like I fell... but it was all part of my plan.

Dan: Look, Bendix made a stew. I had no idea there was a foot in it.

Dan: I'd eaten everything else! I ate the seat cushions like they told us to in training!

Dan: Quick, how many decisions have I made today?

Dan: Raise the flags of all nations!

[from trailer]

Dan: Suppose it'd be inappropriate to ask for leave on the grounds of compassion at this late juncture?

Sam: What grounds would they be then?

Dan: On the grounds that I don't wanna get me head blown off.

Dan: Good news boys!

Blue: You dying?

Dan: Ha! Better, it's mail.

Dan: Look, we've got four million dollars. We could put Donald Duck in the White House.

Dan: We won't stay in this house, we'll stay in my house.

Jambhal: [Drunk] Eh, where's his house?

Dan: Where were you going yesterday with so much hurry?

Aditya: Listen to me, Sir.

Dan: [Slaps him] Shut up.

Aditya: Will you listen?

Dan: [Slaps him again] Shut up.

Aditya: Why won't you listen?

Dan: [Slaps him 3rd time] Your face says you are going to lie!

Shashank Dheer: Why are you beating him? Tell us what you want to know, and we will.

Dan: Okay. Where were you running yesterday, breaking all kinds of traffic laws!

[Slaps them both]

Dan: She left me, she won't come back now!

Aditya: [shouts, Extremely frustrated] Who the hell is he talking about!

Shashank Dheer: [In a stand-off] Put it down, officer. The kind of mission we are in, we aren't stingy about spending bullets.

Dan: But, when we use bullets, enemy doesn't get up.

Shashank Dheer: We never miss a shot.

Dan: But, we always shoot first.

Neha: [Seeing that this was going nowhere] We can talk.

Dan: Of course, but with guns down. Because, whoever shoots, and whoever loses his life, you are the ones who will die.

Dan: My name? Who gives a shit. You'll end up knowing who I am. I'm that guy at your parties nobody knows but everybody wants to invite. Welcome to Cocoland!

[first lines]

Amy: [off-screen] Still recording?

Dan: [off-screen] Yeah.

Amy: [off-screen] Alright.

Dan: [off-screen] Alright, 'kay, can we clear this area please! See that. I talk, people listen.

Dan: [video footage / Dan is behind the camera] Hi babe.

Amy: Hi babe.

Dan: How are you.

Amy: I'm good. How are you?

Dan: I'm good. You having fun?

Amy: Yeah. You having fun?

Dan: [as Zach burps off-screen] You look mighty tanned.

Zach: Hey!

Amy: [laughs] Oh my God!

Amy: [cut to] Do it again! Do it again! Do it again! Ready.

Zach: Hold on.

[burps]

Cath: Is it okay?

Dan: You know what's good? Modern mines have metal props. Miners prefer these old wooden ones.

Cath: Why's that?

Dan: The metal ones don't give you any warning when they're about to go.

Dan: Fuck! Fucking trigger-happy Americans.

Ellen Rios: Dan.

Dan: Fucking only answer they've got to anything is a fucking gun!

Ellen Rios: Dan, don't let her hear you this way.

Dan: There's a fucking ton of rubble between us. She couldn't hear a fucking rock concert.

[last lines]

Tony: [arguing at the grill] These are looking good.

Dan: You don't need to push...

Tony: Nah, you're supposed to get the... the juice out of them.

Dan: No, no, no, you *want* the juice in the burger.

Tony: Gotta squash 'em down.

Dan: You wanna flip...?

Tony: No, these are... I'm telling you, these are gonna be perfect.

Dan: If I was your father, this is where i might give you a lecture or something, you know, about what you're doing to yourself.

Sutter: You know what Dan, if you were my Dad, you wouldn't have to.

Dan: We need to seize the day. Be enthusiastic.

Floyd: [enthusiastically] Yeah! Carpe deez nuts! God I can't wait to quit this job!

Dan: Ma'am, I don't doubt the steak was over-cooked, but did you have to eat it all before you complained about it?

[to employees]

Dan: Oh, uh, push the fish, it's about to turn.

Dan: This is an exploding offer!

Dan: The difference between ordinary and extraordinary, is that little extra.

Redneck: I should get a hat...

Dan: Yes, sir.

Redneck: And a key chain...

Dan: Yes, sir.

Redneck: And how about a couple of free sundaes?

Dan: Yes, sir. I'll have Natasha take down your information and we'll have corporate headquarters send that right out.

Redneck: What, are you gonna' to mail me a sundae? I want it now goddamnit!

Dan: [catching the bus boys slacking] Okay, Nicholas, Theodore. Boys. It doesn't take ten minutes to take out the trash. Now, if you don't get your asses out front and start doing some work, I'm going to fire you faster than you can say, 'Yo, MTV Raps.'

Dan: Now I'm not gonna lie to you. The job comes with more responsibility, but it offers a lot more rewards.

Dan: You get full medical, dental,two-weeks' paid vacation, and I might add a hefty pay increase. I do pretty well.

Dean: Cool.

Dan: It is cool. And let's not forget the power.

Dean: Right.

Dan: Control. You tell people to do things, and they have to do it, or they get in trouble.

Dan: I mean, you're in the driver's seat here. Your finger's on the button. - Think about it.

Martin: Caesar has got to show some human intelligence at that board meeeting or...

Dan: Caesar's probably smarter than half of those board members.

Martin: Dan...

Dan: I know what you're going to say, if he's so smart, why is he in the cage?

Martin: You're in the cage.

Jody Campbell: Hey! We don't lick our balls in this house!

Dan: Sorry, won't happen again.

Martin: Look, they still throw their shit.

Dan: But now they can keep score.

Dan: Isn't that one of Jody's bathing suits?

Evie: [Interrupting Dan watching TV, after shutting it off] I love you.

Dan: How is that important? Give me the remote.

Zach: I think "scat" is poop.

Dan: Really, son?

Zach: Yeah.

Charlie: You wiped poop on my face?

Dan: Yeah. Scat happens, man.

[from trailer]

Yancy Devlin: You ladies ready to play a little Ultimate Frisbee?

Dan: I think so, Mr. Testosterone!

Dan: Whoa. Does this drink come with a diving board? It's insane!

Charlie: The kids have never seen Friday the 13th, part 1 or 2!

Vicki: Oh, my God!

Dan: He's kidding. He's a kidder. He was scared of The Wizard of Oz. He's kidding. The monkeys got him nuts.

[from trailer]

Dan: If I'm gonna be an old dad, you're gonna be Uncle Charlie. We can do this.

Charlie: We?

Dan: When I suck my dick, I lie on my back, I throw my legs over my head.

Box: You suck your own dick?

Dan: Yeah.

Box: You cut your own hair and you suck your own dick. You're like a Swiss army knife.

Dan: Now what is the story, though, with you guys? Are you doing it, like, monogamous or what's the deal?

Garrett: Yeah. I don't know. Uh... Maybe, yeah.

Box: "Maybe"? Wow, okay. You know what "maybe" gets you? It gets her sucking every dude's dick out there at Stanford. It really does. And then you go out there and you visit her. And then you have to kiss that blowjob factory she calls a mouth.

Garrett: Thank you for that visual. Thanks, pal.

Dan: That was, like, way graphic. That was, like, extremely graphic.

Box: Now, look, I have done the long distance thing. And it is hard. As hell. And it doesn't matter how good the relationship is, it literally can just rip it apart. Look, it is just very hard to be away from the person you love for months at a time.

Garrett: I know. I know it's not gonna be easy.

Box: That's all I'm sayin'.

Dan: But maybe YOU never found the right girl.

Garrett: That's not a bad point.

Box: You get in a relationship but you don't *ever* fully commit.

Dan: Right.

Box: You never have, not since I've known you. And then the girl figures that out and then she splits. And then we have to sit here and listen to you be *surprised* about that. Over and over again.

Dan: All the time.

Box: This happens a lot.

Garrett: Not true. It happens occasionally.

Carrie: Danger!

Dan: What?

Robin: What?

Carrie: Whit has a twin brother called Sly, he's the one that's been here the last two days.

Dan: What?

Robin: What "what"?

Carrie: Sly and Whit got switched at the mall, and Dr. Kinder kept Whit in her secret lab to experiment on.

Dan: Oh my God!

Robin: What?

Dan: She says Elana's got a secret lab, I don't believe this, Whit and Sly got switched at the mall!

Robin: What? Who's Sly?

Carrie: She's getting rid of the lab, and moving the babies to Liechtenstein.

Dan: Liechtenstein? Oh my God!

Sly: They've got Whit.

Dan: Who's got Whit? Wait, you're Whit.

Lenny: Diaper Rodeo! Diaper Rodeo! Diaper Rodeo!

Margo: Okay! On your mark! Get Ready! Get Set! Go!

Robin: [Robin and Dan are competing to see who can change a diaper faster. Robin is talking to Carrie] Hold still sweetie, just hold still!

Sly: [laughing] Oh no! There goes old faithful!

Dan: Ahhh, sprang a leak!

Robin: [finishes] TIME!

Dan: Oh no! i had a leak here, i also had an injury, a rotator cup injury-rotator cup!

Margaret Miller: I wouldn't make a break. I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't.

[Margaret Miller then holds her hands together, for mercy]

Dan: Okay. But I've got friends. I've got ten little lead-nosed friends in here, and they all run faster than you do, Moms.

Dan: [to Margaret Miller] Well, don't just stand there flappin' your ears, Mom. Make with the cooking.

[after Iggy turns fan on to clear away the smoke, the numerous dollar bills of money start flying out of the suitcase]

Dan: [irately, after turning fan off] What goes on in that pea brain of yours?

Iggy: [weak smile] I forgot about the loot! Forgot. Forgot.

Dan: 40,000 pads in this town and you gotta to pick one over a human radar set! Not only that, shes got a sister visiting who don't sleep good 'cause she's the head roach at the state birdhouse!

[raises voice]

Dan: Nice?

Iggy: [to Margaret Miller] Make mine well. I can't stand the sight of blood.

Dan: [to Margaret Miller] Some desperate character I got for a partner, huh Mom?

Margaret Miller: [looking out a window]

Dan: [Dan pulled Margaret Miller, away from window] Back away from that window!

Margaret Miller: [Margaret Miller retreats back]

Dan: [to Iggy who's oblivious reading a newspaper] Why don't you just let her stick her head out the window and yell for help, you meathead?

Iggy: [still oblivious] What'd I do?

[after seeing DC again]

Iggy: [happily] Hey, fella, where did you come from, huh? I got a little business to do, then I'll give you some milk.

Dan: [by DC's collar, after DC went in the apartment building, Zeke Kelso located Margaret Miller's kidnappers, hearing Dan's remark] Get rid of that cat, go in and finish her off.

Iggy: Think it's better to do the job here, or in the truck?

Dan: Here. So we don't have to fight her down the stairs.

Zeke Kelso: This is it Control, 1-3-2 Eighth Street.

[Zeke Kelso spoke out the house number, 132 almost like spelling, saying the numerals slowly as one-three-two: 132 Eighth Street]

Supervisor, Mr. Newton: Kelso, you hold off 'til we get there.

Zeke Kelso: [upon hearing Margaret Miller's voice] I can't wait sir. I've got a situation, that's breaking wide open.

Dan: Would you like a stroll?

Roxana Hartley: I'd love to.

Dan: Who's the man?

Roxana Hartley: Oh, that's not a man. It's a gigolo.

Dan: [reading from the pamphlet Dr. Paige handed him] Mas--mastering masturbation?

Dr. Emily Paige: Oh, it's a wonderful guide. Techniques, fantasy games, lubricants, all in historical context. Did you know that Edison was an avid masturbator? It's where he got his best ideas.

Dan: No, Edison stole his best ideas.

Dr. Emily Paige: Whatever. Maybe it was Einstein.

Lilly: Oh, well at least I was faithful!

Dan: Yeah, you were faithful like a Kennedy was faithful!

Rowena: [Dan has just returned from what Rowena assumes was a fight with Lillian] Are you all right? You don't even have to talk about it. It must have been awful, trapped out there with that wicked tongue. Well, I hope you gave it right back to her as good as she gave it.

Dan: [pauses and smiles to himself] Oh, I know I did!

Dan: Maybe she's like Catherine Tremell in "Basic Instinct", you know? One day she's just going to plunge an ice pick into his nose.

Mark: He'd probably enjoy that. Killed by a naked blonde who doesn't wear underwear to the strains of a Jerry Goldsmith score. Come to think of it, I'd sort of dig that myself.

Dan: [trying to pick up a waitress] I was going to write my phone number on the check.

Mark: That's romantic. Why not just leave an engagement ring with the valet while you're at it?

Dan: These trousers are SLIGHTLY FLARED!

Dan: No one has ever given me 1/28th of their birthday present before.

Dan: [after receiving a curious stare at his disguise] It's okay, I'm an artist.

[first lines]

Dan: [voiceover] When I was 8 years old, I woke up in the middle of the night and found my brother pissing on my typewriter. I decided then and there that there was something wonderful about alcohol.

Dan: [voiceover] I sat and thought of lovely Margaret, of her hair and her eyes and her laugh and the way she kissed me and her skin that smelled of mandarin oranges. She had died in my arms. What would she think of me now? Would she still want me now that I had pushed her mother down the stairs and broken her neck?

Dan: [voiceover] I don't know what I'll write about. Maybe love and betrayal. War and Peace. Maybe about Parker and learning how to fly. Or about Margaret and how a single stolen moment can change the fate of... Anyway, I hope it'll be better than the other shite.

Dan: They weren't after you.

Charles Parker: You quit your cryptic bullshit!

Dan: They were Protestant Paramilitaries.

Charles Parker: How could you tell?

Dan: One: They fucked up. Two: The gunman had F.T.P. written on his forehead.

Charles Parker: F.T.P?

Dan: Fuck The Pope. Actually they're getting better, usually they can't spell F.T.P.

Cow Pat Keegan: Funny what attracts people, innit?

Dan: Sorry?

Cow Pat Keegan: Me & Margaret. You & Margaret. You & your wife. Me & your wife. I suppose really to complete the circle, you should sleep with my wife. But I wouldn't recommend it.

Dan: Crap is she?

[Lynch is firing Dan]

Dan: We go way back, Harry. You know, I-I've put a lot of money into this firm over the years, and I've brought in a lot of businesses.

Lynch: You've taken enough out, too. You know that. You should have something put aside, for chrissake.

Dan: Well, I don't. With the divorces and everything, I haven't had a chance. And the kids...

Lynch: The bridges are burned.

[Bud walks by Lynch's office]

Dan: When you fire me, I'm finished, Harry, finished on the street.

Lynch: How do think I feel about this?

Dan: How do you think I feel? I've got a lot of responsibilities.

Bud Fox: [to Marv] What's goin' on?

Marv: Lynch is giving him the boot. He's not pulling his quota. We're all just one trade away from humility, Bud.

Dan: I just wanted to come here.

Herb: To Winkie's?

Dan: This Winkie's.

Herb: Okay, why this Winkie's?

Dan: It's kind of embarrassing.

Herb: Go ahead.

Dan: I had a dream about this place.

Herb: [sighs] Oh, boy.

Dan: See what I mean?

Herb: Okay, so you had a dream about this place. Tell me.

Dan: Well, it's the second one I've had, but they're both the same. They start out that I'm in here, but it's not day or night. It's kind of half-night, you know? But it looks just like this... except for the light. And...

[shaking his head]

Dan: I'm scared like I can't tell you. Of all people, you're standing right over there... by that counter. You're in both dreams and you're scared too. I get even more frightened when I see how afraid you are and then I realize what it is. There's a man... in back of this place. He's the one who's doing it. I can see him through the wall. I can see his face. I hope that I never see that face, ever, outside of a dream.

[Dan looks down and shakes his head again, clearly terrified of the memory, and sniffs, as though close to tears. Herb cocks his head, waiting for more. The background music becomes increasingly ominous]

Dan: That's it.

Herb: So... you came here to see if he's really out there.

Dan: [leans in] To get rid of this god-awful feeling.

Herb: [nodding] Right, then.

[Herb rises and goes to pay the bill at the counter. Dan turns and looks, and his terror increases as he sees Herb standing in the same location as in his nightmare. Dan turns back to his uneaten breakfast, then turns again to see Herb say silently, "C'mon." They exit to investigate the back of the Winkie's restaurant]

Dan: It's cool, that you're strong and I respect it, I do. But in the end, everybody breaks, bro. It's biology.

Dan: Can I be honest with you? I am bad fucking news. I'm not your friend. I'm not gonna help you. I'm gonna break you. Any questions?

Dan: When you lie to me, I hurt you.

Dan: You know, I can always go eat with some other dude, hang you back up to the ceiling...

Dan: Did you really think that when we got you, I would be a nice fucking guy?

Ammar: You're a mid-level guy. You're a garbage man in the corporation! Why should I respect you, huh? Why?

Dan: And you're a money man. Paperboy. A disgrace to humanity. You and your uncle murdered 3,000 innocent people. Yeah. I have your name on a $5,000 transfer via Western Union to a 9/11 hijacker. And you got popped with 150 kilograms of high explosives in your house! And you dare question me?

[laughs]

Dan: Come on, man, I'm fucking with you.

Dan: I need a favor.

Kuwaiti Businessman: Why I should help you?

Dan: Because we're friends.

Kuwaiti Businessman: You saying we are friends? How come you only call me when you need help? But when I need something you are too busy to pick up the phone. I don't think we are friends.

Dan: All right, fair enough. How about a new V10 Lamborghini? How's that for friendship?

Dan: This is what defeat looks like, bro. Your jihad is over.

Dan: Partial information will be treated as a lie!

Dan: He's being a dick.

Joseph Bradley: He's trying to outsmart you. Why don't you tell him about your Ph.D?

Dan: State your request.

Maya: Move Heaven and Earth and bring me this fuckng Sayeed's family phone number.

Dan: Okay, I'll go and talk to "The Wolf."

Dan: [to Ammar in reference to Maya] You don't mind if my female colleague checks out your junk?

Dan: [to detainee] Hey, what do you like? You like a bit of... You guys like a bit of Bob Marley? Bit of reggae? Kick back, take it easy after you've blown some shit up?

Dan: They killed my monkeys.

Dan: [to detainee, angrily] Where's the last time you saw bin Laden?

[first lines]

Dan: I own you, Ammar.

Dan: You can tell a lot about a person by what's on their playlist.

Greta: I know you can. That's what's worrying me.

Dan: That's what I love about music.

Greta: What?

Dan: One of the most banal scenes is suddenly invested with so much meaning! All these banalities - They're suddenly turned into these... these beautiful, effervescent pearls. From Music.

Gretta: I told you, I write songs from time to time.

Dan: What do you write them for?

Gretta: What do you mean what for? For my pleasure. And for my cat.

Dan: Oh really? Does he like them?

Gretta: She. Yes, she seems to.

Dan: How do you know?

Gretta: Because she purrs.

Dan: Maybe she's booing.

Gretta: No, she purrs at Leonard Cohen, too, and she has very good taste.

Dan: Maybe she's fucking with you.

Dan: She's English; she's a little uptight.

Dan: Don't you know anything about your father?

Violet: Yeah.

Dan: What?

Violet: I do. I know what mom says.

Dan: What does mom say?

Violet: She says you're a pathetic loser.

Dan: She says that affectionately.

Dan: That's some song you got there. I promise you it could be a big hit. Plus you're beautiful.

Gretta: I'm sorry, what's beauty got to do with anything?

Dan: Jesus, you're tricky, aren't you?

Dan: Musicians for the most part are monosyllabic teenagers who really don't have a whole lot to say.

Dan: I love you.

Violet: I know you do.

Miriam Hart: No girls like her, she is distant, and basically the only people that want to hang out with her are older boys who want to fuck her.

Dan: Oh really? And you find that a big surprise? You let her walk out of the house looking like, fuck, Jodie Foster from Taxi Driver.

Miriam Hart: She dresses the way she wants to. And besides, any daughter who dresses like that only wants one thing.

Dan: A pimp?

Dan: I'm a producer because I don't play bass, baby.

Greta: You can't sign me and I don't want to be signed.

Dan: That's right! What's not to like?

Dan: I want Anna back.

Larry: She's made her choice.

Dan: I owe you an apology. I fell in love with her. My intention was not to make you suffer.

Larry: So where's the apology? Ya cunt.

Dan: I apologize. If you love her you'll let her go so she can be happy.

Larry: She doesn't want to be happy.

Dan: Everybody wants to be happy.

Larry: Depressives don't. They want to be unhappy to confirm they're depressed. If they were happy they couldn't be depressed anymore. They'd have to go out into the world and live. Which can be depressing.

Dan: I fell in love with her, Alice.

Alice: Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, "I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it", and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet you there was one.

Dan: Didn't fancy my sandwiches?

Alice: Don't eat fish.

Dan: Why not?

Alice: Fish piss in the sea.

Dan: So do children.

Alice: Don't eat children either.

Alice: Is it because she's successful?

Dan: No. It's because... she doesn't need me.

Dan: I'll always love you. I hate hurting you.

Alice: Then why are you?

Dan: You think love is simple. You think the heart is like a diagram.

Larry: Have you ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist, wrapped in blood! Go fuck yourself! You writer! You liar!

Alice: You still fancy me?

Dan: ...Of course.

Alice: You're lying. I've been you.

Dan: What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change, it's the currency of the world.

Anna: Love bores you.

Dan: No, it disappoints me.

Alice: How can one man be so endlessly disappointing?

Dan: That's my charm.

Dan: And you left him, just like that?

Alice: It's the only way to leave. "I don't love you anymore. Goodbye."

Dan: Supposing you do still love them?

Alice: You don't leave.

Dan: You've never left someone you still love?

Alice: Nope.

Dan: It's not safe out there.

Alice: Oh, and it's safe in here?

Alice: [in the emergency room] Are we in for a long wait?

Dan: [indicating an old woman] She was 21 when she came in.

Dan: I saw this face, this vision; the moment you stepped into the road. It was the moment of my life.

Alice: This is the moment of your life.

Dan: You were perfect.

Alice: I still am.

Dan: What were you doing in New York?

Alice: You know...

Dan: Well no, I don't. What, were you studying?

Alice: Stripping.

Alice: [Dan looks shocked] Look at your little eyes...

Dan: I can't see my little eyes

Dan: When I get back, please tell me the truth.

Alice: Why?

Dan: Because I'm addicted to it. Because without it, we're animals. Trust me.

Dan: Deception is brutal, I'm not pretending otherwise.

Alice: How? How does it work? How do you do this to someone?

[Dan is silent]

Alice: Not good enough!

Alice: So this man comes into the café today, and he says, "Hey waitress, what are you waiting for?"

Dan: Funny guy.

Alice: So I go, "I'm waiting for a man to come in here and fuck me sideways with a beautiful line like that."

Dan: So what did he ask for?

Alice: He asked for a cup of tea with two sugars.

Alice: Can I still see you?

[Dan stands silent]

Alice: Dan can I still see you? Answer me.

Dan: I can't see you. If I see you I'll never leave you.

Alice: What will you do if I find someone else?

Dan: Be jealous.

Dan: You love her like a dog loves its owner.

Larry: And the owner loves the dog for so doing.

Dan: You'll hurt her. You'll never forgive her.

Larry: Of course I'll forgive her. I *have* forgiven her. Without forgiveness we're savages. You're drowning.

Larry: Dan...

Dan: Yes?

Larry: I lied to you, I did fuck Alice.

Dan: You came to, you focused on me, you said, Hello, stranger.

Alice: What a FLOOZY!

Dan: Why did you fuck him?

Alice: I wanted to.

Dan: Why?

Alice: I desired him.

Dan: Why?

Alice: You weren't there!

Dan: Why him?

Alice: He asked me nicely.

Dan: You're a liar.

Alice: So?

Dan: Who are you?

Alice: I'm no one!

[Alice spits in Dan's face. Dan raises his hand to slap her]

Alice: Go on, hit me. It's what you want. come on, hit me, fucker!

[Dan slaps Alice]

Alice: What's your work?

Dan: I'm sort of... journalist.

Alice: What sort?

Dan: I write obituaries.

Dan: This will hurt.

Larry: You still pissing about on the Net?

Dan: Not recently.

Larry: I wanted to kill you.

Dan: I thought you wanted to fuck me.

Larry: Don't get lippy. I liked your book, by the way.

Dan: Thanks.

[Sniffs]

Dan: You stand alone.

Dan: Do you have any children?

Anna: No.

Dan: Would you like some?

Anna: Yes, but not today.

Anna: I don't want trouble.

Dan: I'm not trouble.

Anna: You're taken.

Dan: I've got to see you.

Anna: Tough.

Dan: You... KISSED me!

Anna: What are you - TWELVE?

Dan: I'm your stranger. Jump!

Dan: Look me in the eyes. Tell me you're not in love with me.

Anna: I'm not in love with you.

Dan: You just lied.

Dan: I love you, and I need a piss.

Anna: I don't kiss strange men.

Dan: Neither do I.

Dan: So, he's a dermatologist. Can you get more boring than that?

Anna: Obituarist?

Dan: Failed novelist, please.

Dan: You've ruined my life.

Anna: You'll get over it.

Alice: You all done?

Dan: Mmm.

Alice: How's the photographer?

Dan: Good. Professional. Rigorous. Thievy. One of your lot.

Alice: What, female?

Dan: Americano.

[They start up the stairs]

Dan: Come on.

[They walk into a room]

Dan: Anna, Alice.

Anna: Hi.

Alice: Sorry to interrupt.

Anna: No, we've just finished. Would you like some tea?

Alice: No, thanks. I've been serving it all day. Can I use your loo?

Anna: Sure. Just through there.

[Alice walks off]

Anna: She is beautiful.

Dan: I've got to see you.

Anna: No.

Dan: What is this, patriotism?

Dan: At six, we stand round the computer and look at the next day's page, make final changes, add a few euphemisms for our own amusement.

Alice: Such as?

Dan: "He was a convivial fellow" - meaning he was an alcoholic. "He valued his privacy" - gay. "He enjoyed his privacy" - raging queen.

Alice: What would my euphemism be?

Dan: She was... disarming.

Alice: That's not a euphemism.

Dan: Yes, it is.

Dan: [Answering his phone] Hello?

Ben Thomas: [Ben on the other line] It's time.

Dan: Time... you can't see it, you can hear it, you can't weigh it, you can't... measure it in a laboratory. It is a subjective sense of... becoming, what we... are, in stead of what we were a nanosecond ago, becoming what we will be in another nanosecond. The whole piece of time's a landscape existing, we form behind us and we move, we move through it... slice by slice.

Linda Murphy: Clocks measure time.

Dan: No, they measure themselves, the objective referee of a clock is another clock.

Edith: All very interesting, but what has it got to do with John?

Dan: He, he might be man who... lives... outside of time as we know it.

Dan: There's absolutely no way in the whole world for John to prove his story. Just like there's no way for us to disprove it. No matter how outrageous we think it is, no matter how highly trained some of us think we are, there's absolutely no way to disprove it! My friend is either a caveman, a liar, or a nut. So while we're thinking about that, why don't we just go with it.

Edith: My God, what is this? It looks like a genuine Van Gogh, but I've never seen it before...

Dan: Is that an original, John?

John Oldman: No, it's just a gift someone gave me.

Edith: Still, it's a superb copy. Contemporaneous I think, may I take a closer look?

John Oldman: Please, yeah.

Edith: Yes, it's the same stretcher Van Gogh used.

Dan: Hey, there's writing on the back. It's in French.

Edith: To my friend Jacques Bon. Wonder who that was?

John Oldman: Someone he knew, I guess.

Dan: I'm going home and watch Star Trek for a dose of sanity.

Dan: The objective measure of a clock, is another clock.

Dan: A medical test might be a way of proving of what you're saying

John Oldman: I don't wanna prove it.

Art: So, you're telling us this the yarn

[?]

Art: of the century and you don't care if we believe it or not?

John Oldman: I guess I should've expected you to... You're not as crazy as you think I am.

Edith: Amen!

Sandy: I've always liked you.

Edith: Well, thank you dear.

Sandy: Well, that's changing.

John Oldman: I suspect I saw the British Isles from what is now the French coast. Huge mountains on the other side of an enormous deep valley that was shadowed by the setting sun. This was before they were separated from the continent by the rising seas as the glacier was melting.

Harry: That happened?

Dan: Yes, the end of the Plasticine Period. So far what he says fits.

Art: [incredulous] Oh get... from any textbook...

John Oldman: And that's where I found it. How can I have knowledgeable recall if I didn't have knowledge? It's all retrospective. All I can do is integrate my recollections with modern findings.

Dan: Wouldn't you have some relic, an artifact, to remind you of your earlier life? Like this maybe.

[holding up bone tool]

John Oldman: Thrift shop. Really.

John Oldman: [lecturing now] If you lived a hundred, a thousand years, would you still have this?

[holds up ballpoint pen]

John Oldman: What would cause you to keep it? As a memento to your beginnings, even if you didn't have a concept of beginnings? It would be gone. Lost. No. I don't have artifacts. Keep that.

[tosses the ballpoint pen to Harry]

Dan: Interesting. You could have lied about that.

John Oldman: [totally serious] Don't talk about me while I'm gone.

[first lines]

Dan: Hey buddy, you don't waste time, do you?

Dan: There's no going back. If you're given a reprieve, I think it's good to remember just how thin it is.

Dan: I wasn't trying to wreck Candy's life. I was trying to make mine better.

Dan: [reading of 'I Carry Your Heart With Me' by E. E. Cummings] Here is the deepest secret nobody knows. Here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide. And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart... I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart.

Dan: We had a lot going for us. We'd found the secret glue that held all things together. In a perfect place, where the noise did not intrude, our world was so very complete.

Dan: [HELL] Everything we ever did we did with the best of intentions, but events tumbled and the years pile up, the world is very bewildering to a junkie... and still you cling to the concept of change.

Dan: The future was a thing that gleamed, the present was so very very good...

Dan: The world is very bewildering to a junkie.

Dan: What if that was it?

Candy: That was what?

Dan: The last shot.

Candy: I wouldn't care...

Dan: They say for every ten years you've been a junkie, you'll have spent seven of them waiting. On the one hand it was nice having all that time to think. On the other, anxiety was a full time job.

Dan: When I first met Candy, those were like the days of "juice" when everything was bountiful.

Dan: Casper was like the dad you always wanted - the one who lets you have lollies and fizzy drink, who lets you stay up and watch the late night movies.

Dan: Oh right, like I held a gun to your head, did I? Held you down and hit you up did I?

Candy: Fuck you

Dan: Fuck you too Candy.

Candy: Fuck you ten times.

Dan: Change moves in spirals, not circles. For example, the sun goes up and then it goes down. But everytime that happens, what do you get? You get a new day. You get a new one. When you breathe, you inhale and you exhale, but every single time that you do that you're a little bit different then the one before. We're always changing. And its important to know that there are some changes you can't control and that there are others you can.

Isabel: Are you a communist?

Dan: What?

Isabel: I was looking through your books. Che in Africa?

Dan: So?

Isabel: The Communist Manifesto?

Dan: If I had a copy of Mein Kampf, would that make me a Nazi?

Isabel: [Eating leftover dinner] You know, this is really good. Very tasty.

Dan: You should try it warm.

Isabel: Well, you don't have a copy of Mein Kampf, but if you did, then yes, I'd ask if you were a Nazi.

Dan: Maybe I'm hiding it.

Isabel: Why would you hide it?

Dan: 'Cause it's just not cool to be a Nazi anymore, baby.

Dan: The only constant is change.

Dan: [after watching Mario Savio's speech about The Machine] What is this machine that he's walking about? It's keeping us down, what is it?

Jamal: Like, robots and stuff, right?

Dan: Umm... it could be robots. It could be robots, but let's say it's a metaphor. He's saying this machine is keeping you down. Now, what is that? What keeps us from being free? Ms. Drey?

Drey: Prisons.

Dan: Absolutely. Absolutely, prisons. OK? Prisons are definitely a part of it. What else?

Terrence: White!

Dan: White is definitely a part of it. The Man.

Student: The school.

Dan: The school, exactly. The whole-the whole education system is part of the machine. What else?

Student: Aren't you the machine then?

Dan: Oh, no, you didn't. What'd you say?

Student: Aren't you the machine?

Dan: You're saying I'm the machine?

Student: Yeah, you're white. You're part of the school.

Dan: Oh, yeah, I guess you've got a point. All right, so I'm part of the machine. But if I'm part of it, then so are you. You are, too. We all are. And this is the thing, remember? Everything is made with opposing force. We may be opposed to the machine, but we're still very much a part of it, right? I work for the government, the school, but I'm also very much opposed to a lot of its policies. You guys hate coming to school, right? Holler back if you heard me! You hate it, but you come anyway. Sometimes. Exactly.

[from trailer]

Dan: The sun goes up and then it comes down, but everytime that happens what do you get? You get a new day.

Dan: Look, you don't really see other kids coming up to my car, Drey, to talk to me it's uh- I'm your teacher, not your friend. Why don't you go play with other kids your own age? I'm just trying to be alone.

Drey: Then be alone, then, asshole.

Dan: [rolls up his car window] Bitch.

Dan: [asked by Drey about the old things in his house] Yes, Miss MP3, I got records!

[last lines]

Dan: Knock, knock.

Drey: Who's there?

Dan: The Interrupting Cow.

Drey: The Interrupting Cow, who?

Dan: [realizing he's blown the joke] ... Moooooo.

Drey: [laughing] That was horrible!

Dan: Who might say that Aristotle's wrong, right? But that doesn't make any sense; these things need each other. The idea that... that all God's creations are perfect, perfect - so just to suggest that - that a tree it's - it's crooked and it's straight... it's strong and it's weak... is to suggest that - that God created something imperfect. They do however acknowledge it in people; we are sinners but we can strive to be good just not in nature itself I guess.

Dan: I used to be so fucked. I used to be so fucked up. I was just out there. You know? But I fucking cleaned up. I cleaned up,

[snorts a line of cocaine]

Dan: For the most part. I do it now to get by, but I can handle it. You know what I mean? I tried the rehab thing. I tried it. But it didn't work, Didn't work. It works for some people. My ex girlfriend is getting married. That's how it works for some people. Right? Didn't work for me. The kids keep me focused. And I...

Dan: Second chances are rare, man. You ought to take better advantage of them.

Dan: One thing doesn't make a man.

Drey: [softly laughing]

Dan: What?

Drey: One thing doesn't make a man?

Dan: Man... I'm sweating like George Bush on Judgment Day.

Cindy: Knock, knock.

Dan: [rolling his eyes but gamely playing along] Who's there?

Cindy: The Interrupting Cow.

Dan: The Interru...

Cindy: Moooooo!

Drey: What do you call cheese that's not yours?

Dan: What?

Drey: Nacho cheese.

Dan: What're you doing here?

Rachel: Came to check out some basketball. Heard this was the place.

Dan: We need a little work, but we're having fun, so... yeah.

Rachel: How are you?

Dan: Same old, same old.

Rachel: I'm happy to see you.

Dan: It's good to see you, too. You look good.

Rachel: Come on, I got fat.

Dan: Oh, I know, but it looks great. You look healthy.

Rachel: Do you wanna go get some...

Dan: I can't. I got to...

Rachel: Just like a quick coffee. I just want to...

Dan: Get some coffee?

Rachel: Yeah.

Dan: I can't tonight. Do you wanna do it another night?

Rachel: OK.

Dan: OK. Hey. How's your mom?

Rachel: Did you get my messages?

[Walks away]

Dan: [after seeing one of the students cheating on the test] Unbelievable! What you're doing?

Dan: One man alone means nothing!

Dan: Right. You're paupers, just like me. Take a look up and down this country and see the amount of volunteers that are involved in land seizures and cattle drives. Now do you want to know why that is happening?

Teddy: That's enough of that now.

Dan: It's not enough of it! The IRA are backing the landlords and crushing people like you and me.

Teddy: You sat down with the IRA last night.

Dan: I'm talking here!

Dan: If we ratify this treaty, all we're changing is the accents of the powerful and the colour of the flag.

Sinead: It's Teddy in the freestate uniform. Teddy's wearing the bloody freestate uniform.

Dan: Kick out the Black and Tans, bring in the Green and Tans.

Milo: I heard this story once when I was a kid, or read it. It was about a storyteller who was so good at telling stories that everything he made up became real. So the storyteller creates a world for himself where he's the king of the castle, has a beautiful princess on his arm. And then, one day, he wakes up. He looks around. He kisses her on the cheek and... legs it.

Dan: Why?

Milo: I don't know. Even though his life was perfect, absolutely perfect, he had the feeling he should be somewhere else. With someone else. Anyway, the princess wakes up and he's gone. And that's it. I guess. Does that make any sense?

Dan: No. I'm going to open another bottle.

Dan: What you are, Barry, is a fuckin' suit salesman with a big mouth. Let's call a spade a spade.

Dan: Barry you should ask me before you put another guest on the show.

Barry: Why?

Dan: Because I'm your boss, that's why.

Dan: See you tomorrow.

[Turns to leave]

Barry: Dan... What if I don't come in tomorrow?

Dan: [Smiles] You'll come in, Barry. You always do.

[Leaves]

Ellen: He's all alone out there.

Dan: [Smirks] So what?

Ellen: He's going down in flames.

Dan: [Shrugs] It's Barry's show.

Dan: That's what pot does. Makes thing look different.

Judy: I'm cold.

Dan: Why don't we crawl in the sack?

Judy: Why don't you fix the fire?

Dan: There's no wood.

Judy: We're in a forest!

The Laugh: It's a metal scope Victrola.

Dan: Oh.

The Laugh: It's very old... and priceless.

Dan: What's it do?

The Laugh: What does it do? Well, it plays a song, and at the end, you get a surprise. Well, go on. Try it.

Dan: Oh no, that's okay.

The Laugh: Try it.

Dan: Okay.

Dan: In England this is called "breaking and entering".

Cassie Grant: I'm not going to break anything.

Dan: We work, alone

[after killing himself]

Dan: Sorry about the mess.

Dan: My sin is quite literally on my sleeve for eternity

Elaine: I thought you Northerners were supposed to be virile and well-mannered?

Dan: I'm a Midlander and anyway it's a myth. We're all wimps with little willies who can't take our beer!

Dan: This is one crazy fucking jigsaw!

Dan: Don't I know you from somewhere?

Lexa: No.

Dan: I think I do.

Lexa: We all look alike in the dark don't we.

[first lines]

Hong Kong Bartender: [mixing a very complex drink] I haven't made one of these since the fourth of July. I was making one when the quake hit Frisco. Believe me friend, I wouldn't go to all this trouble for any of these foreigners. Uh, uh, gotta wait a minute to let the oil sink in. There you are partner, you can tell your grandchildren about that one.

Dan: [before Dan can take a sip, the contents of the glass are knocked out of his hand by Joan backing into him] Say what in the name of...

Joan: Why... I'm so sorry.

Dan: I'm so glad.

Joan: Such a beautiful drink too.

Dan: Yes, paradise cocktail. Seem to be a few drops left.

Joan: [prophetically] Always the most precious, the last few drops. That's luck.

Dan: Yes, my name is Dan.

Joan: Mine's Joan.

Dan: Hello Joan.

Joan: Hello Dan.

Dan: May we, errr, drink to our meeting?

Joan: We should. Here's... here's hail and farewell.

Dan: Well that seems a bit ruthless?

Dan: Let's say

[hears toast from the German bar]

Dan: auf wiedersehen

Joan: Auf wiedersehen

[Dan smashes his glass on the bar; Joan does likewise]

Joan: Remember our first?

Dan: We thought it was our last. You never can tell.

Dan: Here at East Mobile we specialize in customer service and trying to deal with any kinds of problems our customers might be having with mobile phones, iPhones, Androids, Crackberries, or Pagers if they're over the age of fifty.

Dan: Putting people in fucking boxes - you're straight or you're gay - it's nonsense. Human beings are too complex. Being with a man or wanting to be with a man doesn't make you gay. It's totally messed up. If a girl goes to her boyfriend and says she wants to fuck around with another girl, you think he's going to be weirded out by that? Fuck no. He's gonna want to watch, maybe even join in. But if a guy asks his girlfriend the same question, she's fucking flip her lid. It's totally messed up for guys who prefer women and have a slight curiosity about men. They're forced into repressing it. And even if they do act on those urges, they're made to feel like there's something wrong with them - when it isn't the act that's wrong. In fact, that's what's natural. What's wrong is how society makes you feel about it because nobody can admit that people aren't completely gay or completely straight. It's nonsense.

Tom: You know you are a perfect example of what is wrong with this world. No one will take a stand and say that it's me. I'm guilty, I did it. You fucked up. You lived by your own rules and not you have to pay for that.

Dan: Because I met you at a bar and came back with you, I deserve this?

Tom: You came home with me twice.

Dan: And that makes me some kind of monster? And by the way if you remember correctly you invited me back here. God damn it, you set me up.

Tom: You always have to play like you're the innocent one.

Tom: You see this lie? You had sex last Tuesday but you wanted to appear pure but you're not are you? You're not pure. I watched you for a short time and I caught you in a lie. I didn't come looking to do this but after watching you seeing the way you are it only made sense what I had to do. I can only imagine the other 5 years, how many blondies have there been.

Dan: I never forced anyone to be with me.

Tom: This isn't only about us how many others have you got sick? They don't count?

Dan: I'm not sick!

Tom: You played god with that kid, why would you want to do that? You do whatever you want and when people get hurt, to bad for them.

Dan: What and now I'm responsible for everyone?

Tom: Why not?

Dan: Fuck you man. People make choices, you made a choice. I owe you nothing.

Tom: Then why so many tests? If you felt no responsibility to protect other people then why so many tests?

Dan: For me, for me. If I was sick I would want to know so I could take care of myself.

Tom: But how is it possible for someone who is always safe to get sick?

Dan: A lot of safe people get tested.

Tom: And a lot unsafe people don't. Why is that?

Dan: I didn't trick anyone, you cheated on your wife, no one but you.

Dan: Dan before you go I need to know something. Where you ever really tested before?

Tom: What does it matter now?

Dan: It doesn't.

Tom: No, I wasn't.

Dan: Why?

Tom: I guess I was, I guess I was afraid.

Dan: You guess?

Tom: I was afraid.

Dan: You didn't want to know?

Tom: No I didn't. I just knew. I just knew I didn't have it. I really am sorry about your wife.

Tom: Today is day 26 and it seems different. Isabella would have had every reason to do what I did to you. I promised things to her. I loved her. I was supposed to protect her. And in the end I'm the only one responsible for what happened to her. But with you, I put my life in your hands. Someone I didn't even know. And I got what I deserved, and you're probably getting what you deserve. Now you don't deserve this, no one deserves this.

Dan: Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? Why are you fucking with me? I'm healthy. Look at me. You look at me. Look at me!

[last lines]

Dan: Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this! Why are you fucking with me? I'm healthy. Look at me... You look at me.

[Yells]

Dan: Look at me!

Dan: Do you have a girlfriend?

Tom: No. I have beer.

Mitch: You know, I read something a long time ago: Follow the rainbow... but don't wait for the gold to be in it.

Dan: Look for the silver in between. Yeah, I know - I went to school once, too. Say, what are you? Are you some kind of do-gooder or something? You want to save my soul, Mister?

Mitch: No, I want a few men with anger and guts enough to follow that rainbow and grab a pot full of gold - not petty silver in-between.

Dan: My folks worked their lives tryin' to make somethin' out of a lot of worn-out dirt that nobody else would spit on.

Dan: If you got enough whiskey, you don't need to dream about things not worth dreamin'.

Dan: You know somethin'? The way you plan things, sorta slow and careful - you must want that money real bad.

Mitch: Not as much as I once wanted a dollar and eighty-seven cents.

Mitch: Well, everything's set on his end. Now we tie up the other end.

Dan: Where's that?

Mitch: The border - Royce City.

Dan: That hellhole? There's nothing there but lice!

Mitch: That's what we're looking for, isn't it - human lice?

Dan: Present company not excepted?

Stu Christian: Looks like a real rough trip for you, don't it, gray belly? No whiskey, no women.

Dan: I bet when you were a kid you were tops in your town - you know, with a crayon - drawing dirty things on nice, clean walls.

Harry Ivers: Felicitations, gentlemen. An outstanding piece of repartee.

Dan: Do you have to come bargin' in here like that?

Julia Reynolds: What do you want, me to whistle six bars of "Dixie"?

Dan: I'm sorry. I guess that all waitin' and no whiskey makes Dan a dull boy.

Dan: How are you going to live now? How are you going to live without anybody to hate?

Mitch: I got a hundred thousand dollars. I don't need anybody.

[last lines]

Julia Reynolds: Tell me about Virginia again, Dan. What will it be like?

Dan: That's goin' to take time, Julie, a lot of time. Not even Doc Seltzer can walk that slow.

Dan: Speakin' of chasers, I saw you two goin' after Shoshone a while back. How'd your new tactics work?

Griff: Same as the old ones... he got away.

Tee Jay: Instead of offerin' a five hundred dollar reward for catchin' that mustang, the cattleman's association oughta make if five thousand. Nobody'd ever collect.

[Dan's horse is trapped in a mudhole]

Nika: I wish we brought a shovel along. It'd be easier to dig her out.

Dan: While you're wishin', why don't you wish she didn't stuck in the first place.

[last lines]

Nika: I wish I could stay with you at the ranch.

Dan: What are you talkin' about? Where else would you stay?

Nika: I mean for keeps.

Dan: Yeah, I been thinkin' about that. It's gonna be a tough nut to crack.

Nika: I know. I guess there isn't any way. Is there?

Dan: Of course, there's a way! We'll keep lookin' until we find it.