Custodian Quotes in Die Hard 2 (1990)

[a van pulls up in front of the church. Baker and Thompson climb out, wearing maintenance workers' uniforms]

Baker: Grab the tools, will ya?

Thompson: Got it.

[Inside the church, the custodian is eating some soup and watching a TV broadcast on Esperanza's extradition]

Newcaster on TV: This is Aimee Nicole reporting live from Escalon Airport, where deposed general Ramon Esperanza has just arrived under heavy guard. Strangely, the deposed dictator's mood seems jubilant.

[Baker knocks on the door]

Newcaster on TV: He is smiling and waving to the crowd like a man running for political office.

[Baker knocks on the door more urgently; the custodian gets up to answer the door]

Newcaster on TV: ...thousands of political prisoners in the past decade, including the new president, and there's no doubt that he still has some ardent supporters, both here and abroad. Rumors abound on Capitol Hill that there were others...

[the custodian opens the door]

Custodian: Yes?

Baker: Sorry to bother you, sir. We're checking our equipment. Got problems with conduit lines in your backyard.

Custodian: Gee, I don't know anything about that.

Thompson: Would you mind if we take a look?

Custodian: Help yourself.

[He shows them into the church as an MD-82 takes off from Dulles on the adjacent runway; the three men walk down the aisle as the broadcast continues in the background]

Custodian: Don't seem right, somehow, closing down this church! Oh I know the parish is gonna keep on using it, but it won't be the same. Been here a lot of years and I've been right here with it. Yeah, I kinda feel like a piece of me is dying along with this church.

Baker: Uh, you're right about that.

[Baker promptly pulls out a suppressed Glock 17 from his jacket and empties three rounds into the custodian, knocking his body backwards into a row of pews that overturn. Baker reholsters his weapon while Thompson watches as the custodian dies]

Newcaster on TV: ...cocaine smuggling, racketeering and bribery of government officials, which he considerably doesn't show. But no matter how high his spirits, they can't hide the fact that America's war on drugs has finally taken its first prisoner.

[Annoyed, Thompson turns off the television and punches the three-digit descrambler code into his walkie-talkie]

Thompson: This is Buckwheat. The clubhouse is open.

[Cuts to Baker and Thompson shifting the pews aside]

Custodian: This is worse than that time the raccoon got in the copier!

[On his first day as Target janitor (night cleanup boy) Jim Dodge meets the Custodian, who points a rifle at him]

Custodian: Are you a slacker?

Jim Dodge: No... Presbyterian actually.

Custodian: What did you say? What did you say? Now I'm asking you a simple question: Are you lazy?

Dr. Hoenneger: [Pounding on the door, with the Wolfman coming behind him] Open... open this door!

Custodian: It appears to be locked sir.

Custodian: What if you don't show up?

Jill: It means I'm dead.

Custodian: Wow, I always figured if I met a girl as pretty as you, money would change hands. I just thought it would be in the other direction.

Jimmy: Because he's dead, right?

Custodian: Because he's in hell.