Crystal Allen Quotes in The Women (2008)

Crystal Allen: [while on the phone with Steven] What if I cook us a romantic dinner tonight?

Pat: The big white square thing with the fire coming out of it is the stove.

Crystal Allen: There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society... outside of a kennel. So long, ladies!

Sylvia Fowler: [Holding up a bottle of Summer Rain perfume] A friend of ours, Mrs. Stephen Haines, simply dotes on this.

Crystal Allen: Really!

Sylvia Fowler: Her husband picked it out for her. Perhaps you sold it to him. Stephen Haines, the engineer?

Crystal Allen: Oh, I'm afraid I don't remember. You see, we have so many men come in here.

Sylvia Fowler: Awfully good-looking. Tall, fair, distinguished. I'm sure you wouldn't overlook him.

Crystal Allen: I'm sorry, but when one's mind is on one's own business...

Sylvia Fowler: Of course. And, as you say, you have so many men.

Mary Haines: May I suggest, if you're dressing to please Stephen, not that one. He doesn't like such obvious effects.

Crystal Allen: Thanks for the tip. But when anything I wear doesn't please Stephen, I take it off.

Crystal Allen: I'm having him dine at my place. It's about time he found out I was a home girl.

Pat: A home girl? Get her! Why don't you borrow the quintuplets for the evening?

Crystal Allen: Because I'm all the baby he wants, pet.

Crystal Allen: It will be out tomorrow, Mrs. Prowler.

Sylvia Fowler: [Turns around and gives her the evils] FOWLER!

Crystal Allen: [Smiling sarcastically] Oh I'm so sorry...

[corrects herself]

Crystal Allen: Mrs. Fowler.

Crystal Allen: If you throw a lambchop into a hot oven, what's gonna keep it from gettin' done?

Sylvia Fowler: Is that anyway to talk to me, after all I've done for you?

Crystal Allen: Aw, done what?

Sylvia Fowler: You didn't know a soul when you married Steven. After all, it wasn't easy to put you over.

Crystal Allen: And who said you put me over?

Sylvia Fowler: I've gotten you into some of our very best homes.

Crystal Allen: [in a Ritzy tone] Yes, for some of their very best insults!

Crystal Allen: [In tub] Holy mackerel!

[Sarcastically]

Crystal Allen: What a cheerful evening! Oh, I'm so bored!

[Throws sponge and almost hits maid]

Helen,: [Surprised] Monsieur says that it doesn't improve madame's nerves to stay so long in ze water.

Crystal Allen: What'd he mean by that? A crack?

Helen,: Oh... No he did not say is zat way madame.

Crystal Allen: [Smirks] I thought not... I've been Mrs. Stephen Haines for 18 months now without a single squawk.

[laughs softly]

Crystal Allen: That's some sort of a record for Park Avenue!

[phone rings - says to maid]

Crystal Allen: Get out.

[Loudly and impatiently]

Crystal Allen: Get OUT! Go on! Go on!

Crystal Allen: [answering phone] Hello? Oh, hello, Stephen.

[surprised]

Crystal Allen: What? Well uh... Don't worry, my sweet, I... Of course, I don't mind your breaking our engagement! Well, that is, I mind, of course, but it's such good discipline for my selfishness about you.

Pat: Holy mackerel, what a line!

Crystal Allen: [to Pat] Shut up, will ya?

Crystal Allen: [to Stephen] Well, I, uh... I was going to surprise you tonight, darling, and... and cook dinner myself in my little apartment.

[laughs]

Crystal Allen: Why, of course I can cook!

Pat: She thinks because Lulu's dark, he wont be able to see her!

Crystal Allen: [to Pat] Shhh!

Crystal Allen: [to Stephen] Oh, well, you don't know half my accomplishments...

Pat: I'll say he doesn't!

Crystal Allen: [to Pat] Will you get out of here?

Crystal Allen: [to Stephen] Oh... Oh, well, that's all right, Stephen; I'll save you a piece of the cake... with a candle on it. Ah, well, I didn't want to tell you before, Stephen, because I was afraid you might do something extravagant! Oh, it is dear of you to want to be with me on my birthday, but... I won't be lonely. No, honestly, I won't. And uh... if this weather lets up, my neuralgia will be better...

[shaky voiced]

Crystal Allen: then maybe I can... Oh no! It's nothing. It's just nerves. I had a rather gloomy letter from home today. My little sister, she's not very well...

Pat: What's wrong with her? She got a hangover?

Crystal Allen: [ignoring Pat] But she'll be all right. Yes, I... I'm holding the thought. Oh, no, Stephen! I couldn't think of your disarranging your evening! I'll have another birthday next year!

Pat: You'll have another one next week!

Crystal Allen: [to Pat] Look, so help me, I'm gonna slug you!

Crystal Allen: [to Stephen] Oh, Stephen, if you could drop by for just a few moments and have a glass of sherry to my health. Oh, Stephen... Oh, I do need you so... Yes, dear... Yes, darling, I'll meet you on our corner in five minutes!

[sends kisses into the phone]

Crystal Allen: Goodbye!

[hangs up]

Crystal Allen: [to Pat] Say, can you beat him? He almost stood me up for his wife!

Crystal Allen: Say, listen, I've worked too hard to land this meal ticket to make any false moves now.

Crystal Allen: You noble wives and mothers bore the brains out of me. And I bet you bore your husbands, too.

Mary Haines: You are a hard one.

Crystal Allen: I can be soft on the right occasion.

Crystal Allen: When Steven doesn't like what I wear, I take it off!

[Kay slaps Crystal. Crystal smiles]

Crystal Allen: There's no business like show business, honey. when you're out there in those $880 seats, with a sable wrap over your shoulder and your car and driver waiting at the curb.

Crystal Allen: One of these days I'm gonna have a bathroom the size of Radio City Music Hall!

Pat: Whoever gets that dirty?

Pat: Believe me, I think you're playing this thing all wrong. Smart girls take what they can get.

Crystal Allen: Smart girls get what they can take.

Crystal Allen: Okay, honey, now blow, will ya?

Pat: Come on, Crystal, let me rest a minute.

Crystal Allen: Oh, Pat, please!

Crystal Allen: [On the phone, in a bubble bath, smoking a cigarette] Hello, darling. - - I'm in the tub, shriveled to a peanut, waiting for you to call. But, it's worth it.

Sylvia Fowler: If I hadn't divorced Howard, I never would have met Buck. Isn't he divine, darling? Now, you're a good judge of horse flesh. Isn't he something?

Crystal Allen: Not bad.