Crystal Quotes in Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)


Crystal Quotes:

  • Crystal: That plane of yours, do you think it could still fly?

    Alice: It can fly, but it only seats two.

    Crystal: So you take us to Arcadia one at a time.

    Luther West: Look, I think she was lucky to land here once. Five or six times would be suicide. No offense.

    Alice: None taken.

  • Yoyo Charlie: So how's business?

    Crystal: Kinda like you Yoyo. Up and down. Get it?

  • Mae: It's lean out there tonight.

    Molly Stewart/Angel: It's the murders Mae. It's got the Johns scared.

    Crystal: Why should the Johns be scared? It's the hookers that are getting killed.

    Mae: Ever see a man try to run away with his pants wrapped around his ankles?

  • Crystal: Michael, I want to be worshipped, serenaded like a goddess.

    Harlan: Oh come on, bullshit.

    Crystal: That is exactly what my Cosmo Romantiscope told me you'd say Michael.

    [she walks away leaving him with the magazine]

    Harlan: [puzzled] Ro- Romantiscope?

  • Crystal: Some type of security camera?

    Donny: Yeah, that makes sense, it's a jail.

    Crystal: It doesn't make any sense. It's not a working jail.

    Chase: Who cares. Maybe it has Facebook.

    Crystal: Right. We can update our status to "help".

    Chase: Right!

  • Crystal: Stop freaking out.

    Chase: I am NOT freaking out.

    Crystal: You are TOTALLY freaking out. This is just like your fourth grade birthday party when your parents hired that guy in the mouse suit.


    Donny: Guys! Focus.

  • Crystal: What?

    Chase: Check your phone.

    Crystal: I didn't bring a phone.

    Chase: You didn't bring a phone?

    Crystal: I didn't think I would need one.

    Donny: You seriously didn't bring a phone?

    Crystal: Oh, come on! I didn't know we were going to be eaten tonight!

  • Crystal: We're not hookers, we're escorts!

    Windows: The difference being...?

    Crystal: I don't know.

  • RonetteChiffonCrystal: Oh, here it comes, baby. Tell your mom, baby. Oh oh no! Oh, hit the dirt, baby! Red alert baby! Oh oh no, oh oh no!

  • Mr. Mushnik: Hey, urchins!

    [bangs on window]

    Mr. Mushnik: Shoo, get outta here!/ No loitering!

    Ronette: Maan, I wasn't loitering/ Were you Crystal?

    Crystal: Not me Ronette, were you Chiffon?

    Mr. Mushnik: You kids should be in school!

    Chiffon: Yeah, but were on a split shift.

    Ronette: Yeah! We went to school till the tenth grade, then we split!

    Mr. Mushnik: So! How do you intend to better yourselves?

    Crystal: Better ourselves? You heard what he said? Better ourselves! Mister, when you're from Skid Row/ Ain't no such thing!

  • Mr. Mushnik: Move, move! Move! Stay away!

    [gestures them away from inside his window]

    Mr. Mushnik: No loitering!

    Ronette: Man, I wasn't loitering! Were you, Crystal?

    Crystal: Not me, Ronette! Were you, Chiffon?

    Mr. Mushnik: You oughta be in school!

    Chiffon: Yeah, well, we're on a split shift.

    Ronette: Yeah! We went to school till fifth grade, then we split!

    Mr. Mushnik: So! How do you intend to better yourselves?

    Crystal: Better ourselves? You heard what he said? Better ourselves! Mister, when you're from Skid Row, ain't no such thing!

  • Orin: [singing] When I was younger, just a bad little kid/My mama noticed funny things I did/Like shooting puppies with a BB gun/I'd poison guppies, and when I was done/I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head/That's when my mama said...

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: What did she say?

    Orin: She said, "My boy, I think someday/You'll find a way/To make your natural tendencies pay/You'll be a dentist!/You have a talent for causing things pain/Son, be a dentist/People will pay you to be inhumane/Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood/And teaching would suit you sill less/Son, be a dentist/You'll be a success!"

  • Crystal: [singing] Subsequent to the events you have just witnessed/Similar events in cities across America/Events which bore a striking resemblance/To the ones you have just seen/Began occurring./Ooh, ooo-ooh.

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: [singing] Subsequent to the events you have just witnessed/Unsuspecting jerks from Maine to California/Made the acquaintance of a new breed of flytrap/And got sweet-talked into feeding it blood./Thus the plants worked their terrible will/Finding jerks who would feed them their fill/And the plants proceeded to grow, and grow/And began what they came here to do/Which was essentially to/Eat Cleveland/And Des Moines/And Peoria/And New York/And where you live!

  • 'Downtown' Old Woman: [singing] Alarm goes off at seven/And you start uptown/You put in your eight hours/For the powers/That have always been.

    Ronette: Sing it, child.

    'Downtown' Old Woman: 'Til it's 5 PM...

    'Downtown' Bum #1: Then you go...

    'Downtown' Old WomanCrystalRonetteChiffon: [singing] Downtown/Where the folks are broke/You go downtown/Where your life's a joke/You go downtown/Where the hop-heads flop in the snow.

    'Downtown' Old Woman: Home to Skid Row.

  • [Seymour recounts how he found Audrey II]

    Seymour: You remember that total eclipse of the sun about a week ago?

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: [singing] Da-doo!

    Seymour: I was walkin' in the wholesale flower district that day...

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Shoop da-doo.

    Seymour: And I passed by this place, where this old Chinese man...

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Chang, da-doo.

    Seymour: He sometimes sells me weird and exotic cuttings...

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Snip, da-doo.

    Seymour: 'Cause he knows, you see, that strange plants are my hobby.

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Da da da da da da-doo.

    Seymour: He didn't have anything unusual there that day.

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Nope, da-doo.

    Seymour: So, I was just about to, you know, walk on by...

    Doo-Wop Street Singer: Good for you.

    Doo-Wop Street SingerDoo-Wop Street SingerDoo-Wop Street SingerDoo-Wop Street Singer: [scatting]

    Seymour: When suddenly, and without warning, there was this...

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: eclipse of the sun!

    Seymour: It got very dark, and there was this strange humming sound, like something from another world.

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Da-doo!

    Seymour: And when the light came back, this weird plant was just sitting there...

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Whoop, see-doo.

    Seymour: Just, you know, stuck in, among the zinnias.

    CrystalRonetteChiffon: Audrey II!

    Seymour: I coulda sworn it hadn't been there before, but the old Chinese man sold it to me anyways, for a dollar ninety-five.

  • Crystal: I'm ready to quit this dump, I really am. Ray won't let me wear my glasses on stage, then Ian gets pissed because I can't do any of the tricks, I mean I'm only legally blind. I could understand if I wanted to wear my glasses on my tits, but nobody in this dump is looking at my face anyway.

  • Hannah Stubbs: Your honor, are we to believe that this man is in danger? That some cartoon character men in black suits with white on white ties armed with guns are going to walk through that door as we...

    Crystal: [two men enter the court, in black suits with white on white ties pulling out guns] DUCK!

  • Tommy: If I win, I get to take you home. If you win, you can go home with me.

    Crystal: What kind of deal is that, huh? I don't know it doesn't make sense to me.

    Tommy: It's a good deal. It's a good deal for me!

  • Russ: What about the puffer?

    Crystal: Yeah, well at first I couldn't find it, and when we found it... it was all out of you know... shit... the... um

    Russ: Mist?

    Crystal: Yeah that's it. Do you know what his last words were?

    Russ: Come on, don't do this.

    Crystal: Krystal, my sweet angel. Go into my wallet and get the ticket because you and Russ deserve to have that money.

    Russ: Oh, come on... don't do this to me...

    Crystal: Fuck me, no fried clams?

    Crystal: All right... key lime pie!

  • Russ: You know, you better start taking notes, because when me and Gig start hashing it out there's going to be a lot of gold flying around and I don't want to miss any of it.

    Crystal: [after Russ's lame bomb scare idea] Right, then the firemen will come and the policemen will come, so kind of a lame idea, you know.

    Russ: Alright, jeez, it's just an idea, it's a work in progress for God's sake. Even a painter's got to take the brushes and clean them.

    Crystal: Whatever that means.

    Russ: Okay! Do you have any better ideas, Ms. Smarty-Pants?

    Crystal: Why can't I just distract Bobby somehow, the security guy? And you switch the balls.

    Russ: No, no, lame. That's lame.

    Gig: No, that's brilliant. No really, it's so simple, it's brilliant. In its simplicity Russ.

    Russ: [after discussing finding a beard] Oh, og God, okay, I got it. I buy the ticket in disguise! Okay? And this eliminates all the outsiders. That's it, okay. Yeah, yeah, now we're cooking with gas!

    Crystal: I mean, how would you disguise yourself?

    Gig: What, as Charlie Chaplin? As The Tramp or something?

    Crystal: Yeah, or no, like, from the Wizard of Oz. That guy. The Straw Guy.

    Gig: The Straw Man.

    Crystal: Yeah, the Straw Man, he could put some hay in his clothes and wear a hat.


    Crystal: No one would know it's him! Ooh, it's clever.

    Gig: Nobody would ever know! No! Russ.

    Russ: It's the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. If you're going to make fun of me, get your facts straight.

    Crystal: Well, my apologies sir. I am not the cartoon aficionada _sic_ that you are.

    Russ: It's not a cartoon Crystal, it's a movie.

    Crystal: Who gives a shit!

  • Crystal: There is a limit to my classiness!

    Gig: Tch. Quite Obviously.

  • Russ: Well, now that Walter's dead we need to find ourself a new beard.

    Crystal: Oh... I know one! We could have Scatter... he's this really sweet guy from high school that installed my carpet.

    [after going through several choices]

    Russ: Want to have sex?

    Crystal: Oh, yeah sure!

  • Crystal: [after having sex with Russ] Boy, that is always such a treat. Oh, with Dick it's like having sex with a sloth.

    Russ: Ugh, don't put that image in my head!

  • Crystal: Do not fuck with me you sick, masturbating retard!

    Walter: Go ahead and rape me, that's what you want!

  • Russ: Oh Crystal, we are under surveillance. Last night I stopped by a convenience store. A cop pulled in behind me, he got out, he followed me in... and then he pretended to get a cup of coffee!

    Crystal: Did he pretend to get a doughnut?

  • Crystal: What is this? Schnapps? What am I, in third grade? Can I have a drink please?

  • Billy Cole: [at the door of the strippers' dressing room] Opportunity knocking!

    [when he has their attention:]

    Billy Cole: Hi, it's Billy Cole!

    Olga: [broken English] Me thought it was Tom Hunks.

    Billy Cole: No, it's not Tom Hunks. It's me. Oh, got you a little something. Ta-dah!

    [offers a potted bonsai tree]

    Crystal: [cocking her blond head] Oh, it's so small.

    Billy Cole: That's what they all say.

    Crystal: [giggles] What is it?

    Billy Cole: It's a bonsai tree. They're very rare. And very expensive.

    Olga: So are we.

  • Julie: Look, Billy, we work hard here. We don't have time for your schemes.

    Billy Cole: This ain't no schemes. It's... volleyball!

    Olga: [she's Russian, she mispronounces] Wally ball?

    Crystal: So we're gonna get... rich, playing around in the sand?

    Champagne: And trust me, the sand, it gets in everything!

    [dismissive gesture, grunts]

    Billy Cole: No, no, you don't understand. Beach volleyball is an Olympic sport, and we can make it sexy!

    Crystal: Well then, how come no-one's thought about your great idea until now?

    Billy Cole: Lots of guys have ideas, but they don't know how to sell 'em. I know how to sell 'em.

    Julie: I'm out of here. Ladies, Billy...


    Billy Cole: So what do you say, girls? I meet you tomorrow morning at Zuma Beach?

    Olga: [heavy accent] Okay, I do.

    [waving a finger:]

    Olga: If we make extra money.

    Champagne: Me too, cos I don't wanna be shaking my booty forever.

    Billy Cole: Okay, I see you tomorrow.

    Crystal: Hey, Billy! What do we wear?

    Billy Cole: [smiles] Dress for sport.

  • Crystal: [gloomily] We got beat.

    Olga: I no like competition wally ball. And they broke four of my nails.

    Crystal: We were a joke. People were making fun of us.

    Champagne: Yeah, and they were treating us like we were... sex objects.

    Crystal: Champagne's right. I mean, in here it's every girl for herself. Out there, it felt like we were part of something.

    Corazon: Yeah, and we were as good as those white West Side bitches who pay my cousin minimal wage to clean their toilets.

  • Billy Cole: [the girls visiting him in his new trailer] Just passing by?

    Crystal: We've been thinking. We... we love playing volleyball, but we just wanna be the best.

    Billy Cole: [nods as he puffs on cigar] Good! That's what I want. I want you to be the best.

    Olga: [strong accent] Ve don't vant to do anymore bachelor parties and company picnics.

    Champagne: We just wanna play volleyball.

    Crystal: But legitimately, for like AVP or AAU.

    Olga: And what about the Olympics? Even Russia has a team!

    Billy Cole: I do understand. But first I want you to do this bachelor party coming up.

    [coughs on cigar]

    Billy Cole: Get a lot of money for that.

    [still doing everything his way]

  • Julien: It's a little more complicated than that, mother.

    Crystal: Meaning what, exactly?

    Julien: Billy raped and killed a sixteen year old girl.

    Crystal: I'm sure he had his reasons.

  • Crystal: [to Julian] When I was pregnant with you... it was strange. You were different. They wanted me to terminate... but I wouldn't. And you're right. I don't understand you.


    Crystal: And I never will.

  • Crystal: So, tell me, Mai. What line of work are you in?

    Mai: I'm an entertainer.

    Crystal: An entertainer? And how many cocks can you entertain with that cute little cum-dumpster of yours?

  • [last lines]

    Crystal: Billy was my first son. We had a very special relationship. Julian was so jealous. It was like he was cracked or something. He had paranoid delusions about us. And it pains me to say this to you, as it would pain any mother, but he killed his own father with his bare hands. That's why he had to get out of America. He's a very dangerous boy.

  • Crystal: And what with Billy being the older brother and having a bigger cock... Julian's was never small, but Billy's was... oh, it was enormous!

  • [opening lines; all in voiceover]

    Yasmine: [as she dances] Dark phrases of womanhood, of never having been a girl. Half-note scattered without rhythm.

    Juanita: [as she waters her plants] ... without rhythm. No tune distraught. Laughter falling over a black girl's shoulders. It's funny...

    Gilda: [as she cleans dust away with her broom] ... funny. It's hysterical. The melodylessness of her dance. Don't tell nobody, don't tell a soul. She's dancing on beer cans and shingles.

    Jo: [as she readies herself for bed] She's dancing on beer cans and shingles. This must be the spook house. Another song with no singers, lyrics no voices and uninterrupted solos, unseen performances. Are we ghouls? Children of horror?

    Alice: [as she prays in her closet] Children of horror? The joke? Don't tell nobody, don't tell a soul. Are we animals? Have we gone crazy?

    Kelly: [as she looks at a pregnancy test] ... gone crazy? I can't hear anything but maddening screams and the soft strains of death. And you promised me. You promised somebody. Anybody. Sing a black girl's song.

    Nyla: [as she walks to the stage for her diploma] ... a black girl's song. Bring her out to know herself. To know you, but sing her rhythms caring...

    Tangie: [as she reads over unseen documents] ... caring, struggle. Hard times, sing her song of life. She's been dead so long, closed in silence so long.

    Crystal: [as she has sex with Beau Willie] ... so long.She doesn't know the sound of her own voice, her infinite beauty. She's half-note scattered without rhythm, no tune. Sing her sighs... Sing the song of her possibilities. Sing a righteous gospel. Let her be born.

    YasmineJuanitaGildaJoAliceKellyNylaTangieCrystal: [simultaneously] Let her be born and handled warmly. And this is for colored girls who have considered suicide but moved to the ends of their own rainbows.

  • Beau Willie: You love me?

    Crystal: Man, I've loved you since I was 14.

  • Juanita: [enters the office] Hi! I'm Juanita Sims, and I'm so glad

    [shakes hands with Jo]

    Juanita: you took this meeting. Now I'll be quick, because I know you're very busy.

    [sits on the chair]

    Juanita: I read in your magazine about your upbringing. I just knew that this would be a program that you would respond to. First of all, I'm a nurse, and I have just opened a free health and wellness clinic in a community center in one of the poorest neighborhoods in this city. Oh, forgive me. I'm just a little nervous. As you know...

    Jo: Where do I come in?

    Juanita: Well... It's a little non-profit, and everything I do I do out of my own pocket and...

    Jo: Let me stop you right now. I give to cancer, I give to Africa, I give to education. Those are my charities of choice.

    Juanita: Well, those are all very good charities, but there is so much need in our own community.

    Jo: 'Our?' We are all afforded the same opportunities in 'our' community. What they do with theirs, it is not my issue. Your answer is no. End of conversation.

    Juanita: End of conversation?

    Juanita: Crystal, show Miss Simmons out.

    [Crystal comes in]

    Jo: It's Sims. Miss Juanita Sims.

    [leaves Jo's table]

    Crystal: [to Juanita] Right this way.

    Juanita: [stops and turns back to Jo] No. I've been waiting out there in that damn lobby of yours for over an hour for you. Now, it's cool, you don't want to give any money, I get that. But this attitude, this blatant disrespect for other people's time and feelings, well, honey, that's just ridiculous. Does it take all of this for you to be that? Then, honey, if it does, then you may be paying just a little too much. And I can see myself out of this tacky-ass place. Ain't got no color up in here, all this white. No color up in this place, including you.

    [walks out of the office]

    Juanita: Tacky-ass heifer. Wait till I tell everybody how tacky you are. I can show my own self out, thank you very much.

    [tries to open the door]

    Juanita: How do I open this damn door?

  • Crystal: There's a part of me that knows it happened, but most of me feels like I'm dreaming. Am I awake? This must be what death feels like.

  • Crystal: Terry, when you wanted to enlist I didn't say a word, did I?

    Terry: Why, you've always been a swell sport.

    Crystal: It was a bit of a shock, I admit, coming right on top of your asking me to marry you. But, I understood, Terry. There were, oh, lots of wild things in you that, that had to come out before we could be - tame and happy. They're almost all out, aren't they, Terry?

    Terry: You know, you're the most wonderful girl that heaven ever made. As soon as I get out of the service, I'm gonna show you just how I appreciate it.

  • Crystal: [Final lines] We'll have a grand time together. Won't we, Terry?

    TerryTerry Jr.: Sure thing!

Browse more character quotes from Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)


Characters on Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)