Cousin Eddie Quotes in National Lampoon's Vacation (1983)

Cousin Eddie: I don't know why they call this stuff hamburger helper. It does just fine by itself, huh? I like it better than tuna helper myself, don't you, Clark?

Clark: You're the gourmet around here, Eddie.

Clark: Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?

Cousin Eddie: Oh, nothing but the best.

Aunt Edna: Why don't you just ask him for the money, Eddie? He sure as Hell can't take a hint.

Cousin Eddie: Well, I didn't want to ask you, Clark, you know, but could you maybe spare a little extra cash?

Clark: Sure, Eddie, how much do you need?

Cousin Eddie: About $52,000.

Clark Griswald: So, this is the old homestead, eh?

Cousin Eddie: Yeah. I don't know for how much longer, though. The bank's been after me like flies on a rib roast.

Cousin Eddie: Yeah, I bet you could use a cool one, eh?

Clark: Now you're talking!

[Eddie hands Clark his opened beer he'd been drinking and opens the last fresh one for himself]

Cousin Eddie: How do you like yours, Clark?

Clark: Oh, medium rare, a little pink inside.

Cousin Eddie: No, I mean your bun.

Cousin Eddie: [at the cookout] Aunt Edna! Supper's gettin' cold!

Clark Griswald: [to Ellen] Is that *your* Aunt Edna?

[Ellen slinks away from the table]

Hoover Dam Guide: Welcome everyone. I am your dam guide, Arnie. Now I'm about to take you through a fully funtional power plant, so please, no one wander off the dam tour and please take all the dam pictures you want. Now are there any dam questions?

Cousin Eddie: Yeah, where can I get some damn bait?

Clark Griswold: Eddie, has anyone ever told you you're bad luck?

Cousin Eddie: Those were my mother's dying words. But I guess if your body's covered in third degree burns, and your foot's caught in a bear trap, you tend to start talkin' crazy.

Cousin Eddie: That's it Clark... show him who's boss. It's people like you who come here and blow the family nest egg that built this town... not this pretty boy!

Cousin Eddie: Oh yeah, Yuban Coffee. You know you can sprinkle that stuff on anything? Ice cream, mashed potatoes, or just eat it right out of the can for a quick pick me up.

Cousin Eddie: I haven't seen a beatin' like that since somebody stuck a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose.

Clark Griswold: Thanks for the pick me up Eddie.

Clark Griswold: Eddie, I gambled away more money than you'll ever understand.

Cousin Eddie: Try me.

Clark Griswold: [whispering] Twenty-two thousand eight hundred dollars.

Cousin Eddie: [shouting] Oh God! Oh God! Oh my shhhhooddd! Oh God! Oh my God!

Cousin Eddie: OH MY GOD... it's Wayne Newton! Can I be your bodyguard? I'd die for ya.

[stares at Wayne and pats his head]

Clark Griswold: [inside the sleezy casino] I need to go somewhere a man can think.

Cousin Eddie: Oh, oh I wouldn't do that here Clark, the stalls are awefully dirty and they're backed up all the time.

Clark Griswold: No, Eddie, I need to be alone.

Cousin Eddie: Oh, oh I see, ya want me to go with ya?

Clark Griswold: Allright,come on.

Cousin Eddie: It is a blazer out there. You're lucky you got air conditioning in here like mother nature intended.

Cousin Eddie: Come on, Clark, the night is young... they're giving away free hot sandwiches at the blood bank.

Cousin Eddie: Every time I belch, the plate shifts and my legs give out. But man, what a view.